Sex/Love Making

[ifeelkozi]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a month now, and when we have sex, it's good, I'm physically satisfied and everything, but something in me can't help but feel something missing. I've tried to convince myself that to "make love" with someone, it does not matter what position you're in, where you do it, or how fast or slow you do it, as long as it is with the person you love, and I do love this person, but somewhere in me there is also something that says that making love should be slow and face to face. I'd also like it if he told me he loves me more while doing it, but I feel dumb asking him to do that, and besides, shouldn't he already want to do that without me needing to tell him? He's already an extremely romantic, giving person, but it seems like when we have sex it feels more like a porno than a love-making session. Any help or suggestions would be appriciated.

[Scotcha]

I know exactly what you mean! I waited almost two years for my fiance to say he loved me when we were having sex! It has still just been the one time too... It used to bother me a lot but honestly I forgot all about it until I read your post. I remember feeling the same way and I too never once talked to him about it either.

 

But there are so many other ways to say, "I love you." Hearing the words is important.. And hearing them when you are making love is wonderful.. But does he make you feel loved in other ways? That's what is really important.

 

Making love can make you feel so vulnerable.. Perhaps that is why? I know that is why my partner has a difficult time.. But I can tell by his eyes anyway.

 

Also.. Maybe he doesn't love you yet.. I'm not trying to be mean here! He might be very fond of you and care about you a lot but it has only been one month.. Could that why?

 

And.. Making love every time you have sex can be down right boring! Give it time and maybe give him a few pointers along the way.. There is nothing wrong with asking him to change positions or to slow down a little.

[HarleyHunny]

Talk to him! Men and women are so different when it comes to sex. He doesn't know what he doesn't know.

[Bethany]

I think your expecting way too much too soon. Making love is a deepening of the love feelings that you already feel for the person.

 

At one month, it SHOULD be fun and games, becoming more open with each other, experimenting etc, not worrying about them telling you that they love you, because after one month they probably don't. Not yet anyway. That's something that time fixes, not positions or words..

 

And if you want to ask them to have slow sex in the missionary position, then tell them. It's all part of getting to know each other.

[caro33]

You absolutely need to tell them what you want. If you want them to say they love you, then say it first. However, one month is too soon to say that in many people's books. I would also be nervous about saying it during sex - do you really want the first time he says that (has he said it before) to be during sex? Sex and love are quite different things to many people.

 

And we're all wired differently; I never say "I love you" when we're in bed and it's got nothing to do with my feelings for him. I just don't think like that.

 

So don't assume everyone is like you - the only way to know what he is comfortable doing is to lead the way and show him what you want. He's probably doing what he thinks will turn you on. I'm not saying to hit him with everything you want at once, but don't be afraid of communicating about sex. Sometimes you can leave things too long, and then when you finally mention it all the other person thinks is "oh no, they hated sex with me until now and I never knew". Lead him in small steps.

[Parsley]

Be careful what you wish for. My ex told me he loved me while we were having sex (I can't say it was making love - not now) and that memory stings more than any other. There's one time that I can hear clearly in my head and it makes me wince and feel so desperately sad. I also feel stupid for it...I'm pretty sure he wasn't so much saying "I love you so much" as "I love what you're doing so much".

 

Don't ask him to say it - say it if you feel it, and he'll say it if he feels it. As others have said, it has only been one month. Surely you'd rather wait until you were certain he felt it before he said it to you?

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. I think what may be missing here is the actual emotional connection. You have only dated him for 1 month, not really long enough to know each other, much less be in love. lust, yes, but not the kind of love where you've been together for a while, know what each other look like when you are sick and still like each other. Do you think maybe you guys rushed into sex (something very physically close) before allowing the emotional connection to get there too?

[Batya33]

welcome to enotalone. I think what may be missing here is the actual emotional connection. You have only dated him for 1 month, not really long enough to know each other, much less be in love. lust, yes, but not the kind of love where you've been together for a while, know what each other look like when you are sick and still like each other. Do you think maybe you guys rushed into sex (something very physically close) before allowing the emotional connection to get there too?

 

Completely agree.

[petey1343608]

depends on hold old and mature your partner is?

[zerohalo]

Meh, time to fall in love is irrelevant. My parents got married 3 months after they met and have been together for 33 years (and are still very much in love).

 

If you want to hear him say I Love You while you're making love, then tell him you would love to hear it. In any relationship there are times where you make love, times where you have sex, and times where you do the eff word. It could just be that you two aren't making love yet.

[annie24]

should he say, "I love you" just to make her happy, or should he say it when he means it? if he just says "i love you" to turn her on during sex, doesn't that kind of cheapen the phrase?

[TheRedQueen]

Talk to him! Men and women are so different when it comes to sex. He doesn't know what he doesn't know.

 

=D> Precisely!!! =D>

[EvaGina]

I dont think that "making love" (that phrase makes me cringe) has anything to do with how hard you may be going at it.

 

My boyfriend and I have very intense sex... its pretty dirty, but we still bond during it, its still emotionally thrilling... then sometimes we have slow, sweet sex, but that intimacy isnt there...

 

I think the whole thing is a bit unrealistic.... idealistic

[chocolady]

'Making love' is not unrealistic or idealistic, it comes from maturity, depth of feeling and really is in a class of it's own and at 43, being together with my husband for 25 years I should know.

 

When you experience it for yourself, you will realise that it's not just intense or great sex, or a form of bonding and that no others words can or do explain it.

 

It really is Making Love and it's the most fantasitc thing in the world to share with your lover. Wait and see.

 

But I have to say that it really IS unrealistic to expect to make love within a few weeks.

[Batya33]

I agree with EvaGina and also believe that if "making love" is important to the OP she should stop having "sex" and get to know him for a few months more or more and then resume. Hard to unring the bell of course but that's what I would suggest.

[EvaGina]

'Making love' is not unrealistic or idealistic, it comes from maturity, depth of feeling and really is in a class of it's own and at 43, being together with my husband for 25 years I should know.

 

When you experience it for yourself, you will realise that it's not just intense or great sex, or a form of bonding and that no others words can or do explain it.

 

It really is Making Love and it's the most fantasitc thing in the world to share with your lover. Wait and see.

 

But I have to say that it really IS unrealistic to expect to make love within a few weeks.

 

Im not saying that "making love" doesnt happen, I am saying that it isnt like the movies.

Sex is amazingly powerfull, I agree, it can reduce you to tears when its that intense... Im just saying that peoples ideals are unrealistic