When did they contact you?

[mease87]

Just thought i would start this topic ( maybe i started it IDK) To see when the dumper contacted the Dumpee after doing NC. Or if they still have not. maybe we can see some patterns and might help people with NC. Just a brieft descripition will do.

 

So i will start

 

 

Together : 11months

Broke up : 3 weeks ago

NC: about a week now ( Not looking at her away messages or myspace,Got new screen name so i am invisble to her right now)

 

She in college about an hour away, Trust issues and little fights/possibly distance and other people contirbuted to it

 

Last thing she said to me in a text please stop calling i need to move on and so do you, Please stop calling"

 

 

Still feel like crap, some days are easier then others

 

Whats in my head right now : If she hasnt contacted me in 2 months from now, i want to contact her with a brief , up beat, how are you, conversation and be happy for her. then after that its up to her to contact me, if she doesnt, then ill will leave it like that forever. these are just my thoughts right now. could change in a month

 

 

 

 

Still no contact from her

[blender]

eight months after "no contact" the ex contacted me... yep EIGHT months.. (I made a choice to NOT reply..because he didn't state a "clear intention" as to why he wanted to "get together and talk" and at that point I had hurt too much, had healed too much, and had actually grown so much )

 

No contact is to trust that if "authentic love" is there between you, then through the "opportunity" of no contact you can "disocover" this love... it might take time, or it might not happen at all, either way you are healing and growing... and will have joy, love and happiness in your life...out of the self respecting choice to let go with love and go "no contact".

[NSY991]

Hi Mease.

Not sure if I'll be of any help really.

I am going to attempt some NC whith the guy I've been dating.

 

Dating : Just over six months

We haven't really "broken up"...I am just feeling taken for granted

and need some distance from the situation for now.

I am starting today.

 

Last contact was from him Friday night saying he hoped I was doing better.

(my father passed away about 10 days ago) but he doesn;t want to talk right now because of a fight we had right before that.So I'm giving him "space".

 

Good luck with your situation.

[iceman85]

Together Months

Broke Up: 8 Months Ago

Started NC Months after breakup

 

Time after beginning of NC to when she contacted me 1/2 months

 

She contacted me after I went full NC and told her I couldnt deal with us talking and hanging out anymore. Contacted me and we had a good conversation. Next day had a huge blowup fight. Havent talked to her since and thats been almost 2 months now.

[mease87]

i know, but i dont want to lose her as a friend. she is a great person with alot to offer. i have nothing agianst her. if i knew we will eventaully be friends. i would be alot better. But only time will tell. after about 2 months or even 1 month and a half i want to contact her. and will be prepared for whatever results come. if she talks to me and stays in touch ... then great if she doesnt. then i know truley in my heart she doesnt feel the same way and we were not meant to be. but for right now, i think ( and like everyones been telling me) is to back off for a while about 2 months or so and then try to communicate when it will be easier. its just hard for me cause her sister, had a boyfriend and they broke up for a year! and now they are happily married and having a baby. that give me hopes that i know are not realistic... but anyway, thanks for the replys guys and gurls. keep them coming

[pacopaco]

I was in a relationship for 7 years. She cheated. didn't leave me alone all last year. I was weak, and did not go to full No Contact. the day befor new Year's eve, she said she wanted to be friends again like we used to be (we were friends about three years before we got together.) I asked her to respect my request of not calling me anymore. I have not heard anything from her since then. what is that about a month in a half? not a peep, and i feel oretty good. still have thoughts, but i know that anything that hurts me now is internal. she can't hurt me anymore. will we speak again? I don't know. all my friends and family say we will, as we were so a part of each other, and sometimes i feel the need to talk, and be like old times, and i think if she misses me too, but right now is not the time to talk, only to carry on with my life.

[mease87]

This is good, everyone keep posting. Yea you, just a brieft description like the first one. Girls and guys. thanks

[Parsley]

Together : 4.5 months

Broke up : Nearly 7 weeks

NC: Currently on NC.2. First time managed 33 days. Am now on Day 9.

Contacted me 5 weeks after dumping me, at 1am, saying he missed me, asking if I missed him, if I hated him, if I wanted to see him the next day. Said he would ring or email me the next day with a number I needed (I'm looking for a job) but he didn't. I knew we would have to talk at some point,

and wanted to do it during the day rather than middle of the night. I sent him a text asking if he meant things he had said. No reply. Sent another text (starting to crack a bit) "Is that my reply? I do want to speak to you...but you just caught me off guard. Hope you had a good night" . That was the last point of contact.

 

Kinda angry now...

 

Still feel like crap, some days are easier then others

 

Whats in my head right now : Why he decided to contact me then ignore me. I genuinely don't understand why he's acted the way he has since way before the break up. And sometimes it really gets to me that I'm such a bad judge of character that I fell for someone who would turn out to hurt me so much for what seems to be no reason.

[Mstyiyd]

Together Technically FWB's (friends w/benefits) for approx. one yr.

 

Broke Up Stopped having sex after she said she wanted to be free, party, explore, not be tied down, etc etc. Said it wasn't personal but that we shouldn't have gotten involved bec she was "vulnerable" after getting out of an eight yr LTR.

 

NC?: We had been friends for a few yrs b/f we got involved. She made the 1st move, however it was not long after her breakup. Despite warnings from my family/friends, I continued to be friends with her. We talked several times per day and saw each other all the time, just as before. It was extremely difficult, and six months after we stopped having sex, she did smthg to me and I went straight NC for 4 months. She wound up breaking NC on my b-day by calling to wish me a happy bday. We wind up resuming our friendship (sans sex) and other than the fact we weren't intimate, neither of us dated anyone. I know she was keeping her eyes open....I saw it, and heard @ it from friends. Don't know if she hooked up with anyone, but if she did it was not more than a momentary thing.

 

More NC? After the first NC, we resumed the friendship, which lasted six months. Then, we got into what I thought was a minor disagreement over smthg petty, and she hung up on me and never called again. This NC lasted for 5 months, when we happened to run into each other in a store and started talking. We resumed our "friendship" last fall. So far, NC hasn't happened again, but given our history I wouldn't rule it out.

 

Some ppl think I'm a glutton for punishment, keeping her in my life. We haven't had sex in 2 yrs now. She still isn't dating anyone and neither am I. She has made it clear to me that we will never be anything more than friends, yet we still talk 1-3x a day, on average, and see each other all the time. She depends on me for alot. Kinda like the way Anna Nicole Smith depended on Howard...........not a great example, but it sort of feels that way.

 

I think it's good to hear other ppl's stories....but remember, every situation is so different and it's hard to predict what your own signif. other will or won't do. GOOD LUCK to everyone!

[Firedancer03]

Together: 1.5 years

Broken up: about 5.5 months I think

NC: about 2.5 months

 

last thing said: well we had been doing the "friends" thing immediately after the breakup and after almost 3 months of that I had decided to do NC. 5 or 6 days after I made my decision, he contacted me to chat and hang out, but I told him it was too painful for me to be friends with him. I told him that I still had deep feelings for him and that I'd like to be in a relationship again in the future, but those feelings weren't being reciprocated at this time so I had to do what's right for me, and the only way for me to heal and move on is not being friends. He was quite upset about it said that he "told me 3 months ago that he didn't know what he was going to want in the future", to which I replied I was not willing to be someone's option for the future, and perhaps NC would help him figure out what he wanted. It was a very mature and respectful conversation, I didnt get angry, I didn't accuse him or yell at him, I simply told him where I stood. Luckily he has respected my wishes thus far, and I have had no desire to contact him for the past 2 months.

 

 

I'm feeling much much better about things now than I was 2 months ago at the beginning of NC. I have made tremendous progress in my healing, and I can now see a bright and successful future in front of me, with or without my ex. I know that I will be alright without him, I will love again, and I will be happy regardless of whether or not he ever comes back to me. I still have my setbacks, and tomorrow is going to be really hard because it would have been our 2-year anniversary. But I'll get through it, and I know that when all is said and done, I will be a much stronger person, and I will have learned and grown from this painful experience. Whenever I feel weak or like he has forgotten about me, I just remember what blender has said

 

No contact is to trust that if "authentic love" is there between you, then through the "opportunity" of no contact you can "disocover" this love... it might take time, or it might not happen at all, either way you are healing and growing...

 

Chins up, everyone! Keep up that NC! It really does work wonders (on you!!)

[Pisces_Princess]

Together 2 years and 1 month

Live Together 1 year 2 weeks

Broken up 4 months today

NC 11 days

 

Last thing said by telephone 12 days ago. Ex wants to be friends I said I don't know, need time to think. Said he would rather be a good friend than a bad boyfriend, I said I thought he was a good boyfriend. Said he would call me.

 

Have ignored his calls/text messages since.

[resi71]

my girl break up with me 2 weeks before x-mas,did not say the reason.last time i saw her in x-mas evening,.after that we have no contact,makes me so mad sometimes how she have so big ego.

[hades]

Been together: almost 4 years

Broke up: twice this time 1 week ago

Called: first time 2 weeks, this time 1 week.

 

Today she contacted me through a text saying "U ok? havent talked 2 u in over a week, just wondering how things are"

 

I'm not going to call her till 9. Mine was a break up because i was a dry drunk. She doesn't know this yet, and i probly won't tell her today. Mostly it was because i didn't leave the house, have friends and lived off her and our relastionship. To me, this is a clear sign that she still loves me and cares about me, but also a clear sign that she is looking for proof that i'm doing what i need to be doing, so that whatever hope she has left is rewarded.

 

On a side note, i'm very happy. I nearly cried. Yesterday was the first day i didn't feel bad about all this. It shows that there is still a chance, and she ment that she wanted to keep in touch and see how things went. Either way I still HAVE to focus on me, and correct the things that i believe caused us to fail. The bad thing is, when i got honest, i did realize that most of it was my fault. Being together wasn't going to solve it, and she saw that.

 

So in short, my trust in her, and her reasons for breaking up with me, and my trust that the love i have with her is real, is paying off. Still, i have alot of work to do, and i can't do that with her. Today will either be a happy or sad day in the end.

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Been Together Almost 8 years

Broke up 8 months ago

Called Almost every month.

 

We "separateD" like 8 or 7 months ago. I didnt really do no contact, I just moved on with my life for about 6 months. Whenever she wanted to talk I was there for her but did not ever act like an idiot. So now for about a month and a half we are currently back together and communicating on a much deeper lvl. We still have some ups and downs but we talk about everything. We have fallen back in love with each other, the time apart mad me feel horrible but I cryed tears of joy this morning when I woke up and she was in my arms.

[Deserted1]

Were together: 3 1/2 yrs

Broke Up: 8 months ago

NC first time: 6 weeks

Current NC months

 

The last conversation we had, she told me I was still her best friend and not the guy she left me for. Lol! When our conversation was coming to an end, on the phone she asked if it would be another month before she would hear from me again. I told her "that's up to you". She said phone calls to her were welcome. Like Annie says: Blah! I haven't had contact with her since, although her dad has k.i.t. with me through E-mail and I have even gone to see him once, to help with something. Her name or what I am doing in my life doesn't come up. She has called my sister a few times, cause she misses my nieces. Her dad sent me an E-mail for X-mas. I responded back and said I would miss them this X-mas. She called my sister and spoke to my nieces the day after X-mas. She asked my sister if she could see the girls sometime. Weird!

[Listen2Morrissey]

Were together: 3 yrs

Broke Up: 10 months ago

NC: I went NC immediately, ex has never initiated contact with me. We ran into each other randomly twice, it was awkward.

[macgyver4ever]

We Were Together 3.75 years

We Broke up 5 months Ago

Got Back Together 1 Week Later

Broke Up again: 2 Months Ago

Tried NC It lasted 6 days before she was begging for me back.

She Changed Her Mind 1 Day Later

Broke Up and Started NC Again 3 days ago.

 

I got strung along pretty good. She's been seeing somone else for 5 months, but just started dating him 2 months ago. She'll probably consumate the relationship this weekend. That hurts, but that is what the meds are for!!!

[GQstatus]

Were together: 1 year

Got back together: 4 months later, LC for 3 months, 3 weeks of strict NC (she came back)

Got back Together: 3 months

Broke up: Feb 11, NC immediately

[rsxguy520]

Together: 3.5 years

Broke Up: i don't count anymore, but happened end of sept. 06.so 5 months roughly?

Started NC:1 Months after breakup

 

she contacted me 3 days ago..i guess me and her "MAN" are beef'n over nothing. insecure cause i express some feelings on myspace. retarded. then guy sent me threats. i told him i'd bring it up to her parents and my parents. she tried to call me, but you swear! like i'd answer. so as of now i just ignored it.

[ebsmith1]

Together: Over 3 years; engaged for a month

Broke Up: Not sure how long exactly, but about 5 or 6 months ago

Started NC about a month after breakup. Wasn't terribly good at it. Broke it once or twice around the first of the year. He contacted me for the first time this Monday. He would respond to my contact, but never initiated it. This was the first contact on his own. I responded even though he's living with someone.