iceman85
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Well the thing is I am much much better suited to handle this than when I was talking with her before. We had complete no contact which was initated by me since October, save for that time around Thanksgiving she contacted me. Shes not a phone person so this is all via AIM. I dont think she has me by the balls. I do not initiate conversation with her, when she initiates it I will talk to her, mainly about whats going on with her, I really dont mention too much about myself. Actually I usually end the conversation and I think that may have ticked her off last time because I told her I was going to go watch a movie and she gave the response that she used to when she didnt like something "fine, bye". So its not like im hanging on her every word like I was before. I can walk away now, it doesnt get me all emotional like before. However, like I did say, deep down inside I feel for her still, but I am not letting that control my actions. You are all right, I couldnt be friends with her, I dont know if I ever can.
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I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I guess it is most appropriate for this question. I cut off contact with my ex back in October, held strong and didnt talk to her until she contacted me in late November, we had a good talk, then a fight a few days later. Again I went NC, she contacted me on Valentines Day and then I believe 2 other times recently. Now its not like we talk about anything involving us. I just found it a bit strange the timing of her contact. I just want to know what I should do from here. I've been doing alot better, but part of me still cares about her and I dont want to fall back into what I was doing when this all first started. My thought so far was to just allow her to contact me if she feels like it. Thanks for all your help once again.
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I can't move on even after 9 months of no contact
iceman85 replied to Aerozeppelin's topic in Getting Back Together
Aero. First off I love your user name, two of the best bands ever. About your breakup. I think that he was really hurt by the breakup. I can tell you that he doesnt forget about you. 3.5 years with someone, you cant just erase that, i feel that you think he can just push you out of his mind. He cant do that. I didnt read all the posts so i'm not sure how old you are. Depending on where you both are in life, he may want to focus on something besides a relationship, he probably is worried about getting hurt again. I am 9 months past my relationship too. I still care about my ex, but she dumped me. I went into NC around October like you. She contacted me about 2 months later and we fought. I thought I would never hear from her again. She contacted me on valentines day. I can tell you that they wont ever forget about you. Its not easy to get over someone. Im not saying you have to do that. I think you should just be happy with everything else you have around you at the moment and see what happens. It may take him awhile to contact you again. He needs to make the first move to talk again to show that hes ready to talk to you. I feel like if you contacted him, it would lead where it did before.- 30 replies
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- healing after break up
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I hear you. I feel like I go through the motions with my classes right now. Its not a good feeling at all because I see it as a waste of time. I want to go to class and be interested and pulled in by things. I am certaintly not right now and I find my attention wavering. It can be frustrating but I just think its a speed bump, hopefully it gets better.
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my room mates are slobs, and i am trapped! (a vent)
iceman85 replied to deejay74's topic in Friendship and Friends
I have the same problem. They think they are too good to do simple house chores because they have never had to do them in the past. Now i'm younger than you. I'm 21. But I just let it all go until they do something about it. At first I would tackle it, but I am not their mom and I am not going to clean their mess. I would suggest just letting it go, hard as that may be for you to let it be messy. Eventually they will have to do something. -
Well just when I thought she for sure wasnt going to. She did. About 2 months to the day we last spoke. She contacted me with a useless question about if my sister had gotten into college. I didnt expect it, but deep down I had a feeling she would. I dont get why, I dont think I should try to understand why. Its just funny that I felt like it was going to happen today. It was a tough day for me because I remembered a year ago and how great it was. It was tough and I was pretty upset for a little while, her contacting me took me by surprise though.
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I have decided to post a journal like entry today, a day that is really hard for me. Do I still love you? I feel like I do. Then why must life be so hard, why did you have to go? I think you have someone new, do you even remember me? I certaintly do, and when I think of you sometimes still I can feel your touch When I think of you now, I think of you as gone forever But the love we shared will never die I look to the sky, like we used to do And find a star, and believe that is our love still burning bright but in the distance. So today, Valentines Day, when the chocolate you gave me is long ago melted And the flowers I gave you long ago faded And your heart has long since checked out I remember a girl, a boy and a love that seemed unbreakable And I cant wait until those days return again.
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Together Months Broke Up: 8 Months Ago Started NC Months after breakup Time after beginning of NC to when she contacted me 1/2 months She contacted me after I went full NC and told her I couldnt deal with us talking and hanging out anymore. Contacted me and we had a good conversation. Next day had a huge blowup fight. Havent talked to her since and thats been almost 2 months now.
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Valentines day is hard. Still remember my ex.
iceman85 replied to Silentlyfor's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Write her a letter expressing everything you have on your mind. Then post it here.- 8 replies
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I realized that even though I really miss my ex and I still really care about her. That it wouldnt be right to contact her. While I have improved and learned i'm not where I want to be in the end. I am not totally there yet. I have to continue and not give up. The book "No more mr. Nice guy" really hit home with me. I saw alot of me in that book and I have worked and am working on fixing alot of the issues I have. I also see my ex as having had her own issues. Issues she needs to take care of. It isnt easy for me to do things like set boundaries, stand up for myself, and not be worried about creating conflict. Its also not easy for me to treat myself and not want to help others to look like the good guy. That is just some of what I am working on and I am happy with my progress. I have to continue though. I am only in the beginning and I need to continue. I miss her still and I still care about her, but I have to keep working on me and letting her work on her. Maybe when I am completley satisfied with my progress I can think about contact again.
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I realized that even though I really miss my ex and I still really care about her. That it wouldnt be right to contact her. While I have improved and learned i'm not where I want to be in the end. I am not totally there yet. I have to continue and not give up. The book "No more mr. Nice guy" really hit home with me. I saw alot of me in that book and I have worked and am working on fixing alot of the issues I have. I also see my ex as having had her own issues. Issues she needs to take care of. It isnt easy for me to do things like set boundaries, stand up for myself, and not be worried about creating conflict. Its also not easy for me to treat myself and not want to help others to look like the good guy. That is just some of what I am working on and I am happy with my progress. I have to continue though. I am only in the beginning and I need to continue. I miss her still and I still care about her, but I have to keep working on me and letting her work on her. Maybe when I am completley satisfied with my progress I can think about contact again.
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Best advice i can give you is dont do anything. This girl hasnt expressed any interest romantically in you that I can see. I think she sees you as that classic "nice guy" who is a wonderful guy to be around but she does not want to be in a relationship with you at the moment. She does care about you. The magnitude to which we dont know. Just be yourself. No gifts, no poems, no songs, no flowers. Just be who you are and dont try to win her heart. If its meant to be, just being who you are will win her more than any gift you can give her.
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Thank you terk. It does give me some perspective on everything. I met my ex on total chance. I hadnt seen some of my friends since I graduated high school. I happened to hang out with them this one night. She was there and thats how we met. I really havent hung out with them since. Maybe a few times here and there, I just think about how fateful the whole thing was. I dont know about her, I see ourselves on two different paths. I am at a competitive college, looking for a good career while she sits at home after leaving school, not knowing anything. I think that strained us to some degree. I was on one path and she really didnt know her path and still doesnt. We talked about our philosophies and we both wavered back and forth about if she could be a stay at home mom or work. My opinions went back and forth. She expressed many times that she didnt want to grow old and never experience anything. I understood her fear, we all feel that. I think she had an urge inside of her that she needed to live the typical late teens early 20's life. Truthfully I guess 8 months after a breakup isnt alot, especially in a intense relationship. I did meet another girl right after our breakup, problem is she was 4 years younger than me, and at the age i'm at. 21. That creates alot of problems. I do believe I was supposed to meet her for some reason. I dont know what that reason was. We were together for awhile, we still talk, we've been through alot. Its hard because we cant be together. Its also hard because I dont know if we were able to I would feel like I did about my ex. I dont know if me and my ex will ever cross paths again. Like I said id welcome it because I still care for her alot. Thats probably why I get this urge to contact her. How did you get back into contact with yours?
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Sorry...a long one...two years on
iceman85 replied to curry-monster's topic in Getting Back Together
I can see you really care for her. I question her intentions still. I think there may be some emotional issues she has. I wonder why she goes for such older men? Do you know anything about her family situation? It seems to me like she is seeking different things out of the different men. I think if you want to play your cards right here you need to i guess give this a shot, but dont invest too much energy or time to it. Dont hang out with her whenever she asks. Dont call her all the time. Let calls go unanswered. Take back that life of your own. When she sees this I almost bet she will get upset that she isnt the center of your world anymore and get mad at you. Your first go around with her, she was at an age where people are very immature. I'm guessing she still was and I hope she has overcome that at the moment. This is your choice, not hers. After what she put you through, she should be going to the end of the earth to get you back if she loves you. Don't let her do the same thing she did before. I would see where it goes, but also keep my eyes open on other fronts. Still be your own man, your not in a relationship with her. Do what you want to do. -
How do I Deal with her lingering feelings for her affair partner?
iceman85 replied to twopercenter's topic in Infidelity
You ask how you can get over the lingering feeling about her affair partner. As hard as this is the solution here is you have to forgive her, totally. I know how intensly hard that is. But if you dont do that you always will have lingering feelings about this. You dont have to forget about what happened and shouldnt. But do your best not to hold this against her, dont let it influence your behavior, and get in the middle of trying to fix everything. Politley ask your wife to not talk about this other man. Explain to her how much it hurts, and that you want to move past this. If you can forgive her, it will open up a new level of love. Total forgiveness here will show her that you really love her, hopefully she can then reciprocate to you. Think of it as letting the present be the present, and the past being the past. And not allowing them to cross paths. The present is you are with your wife who you love and you are working on making your relationship better. Dont let that past interfere, it already did once, dont let it continue to. I dont know if any of us have the strength needed to totally forgive someone after such an event. I hope it all works out. Continue to go to these sessions and just let everything out.- 14 replies
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Sorry...a long one...two years on
iceman85 replied to curry-monster's topic in Getting Back Together
Welcome to E-NotAlone Curry. I'm sorry for what you've been through that sounds positivley awful. The one key question here is can you ever trust her again? I need you to be honest here. Trust is so big in a relationship and I dont see how you can regain that here. She seems like she takes you for granted and trashes you and yet your still there to love her. She knows she has you and can do what she wants. I think if you are interested you need to sit down with her and talk to her and lay it out. Voice all your concerns, go over everything. Look her in the eye and if you can trust her and she wants it too then go for it. But if you look her in the eye and you cant trust her, you need to walk away. For your own good. This woman cheated on you with your boss, throws other relationships in your face. How respectful is that. Dont you deserve some respect? Look at everything you had together, it came crashing (literally) apart right when it all seemed so wonderful. I dont think she knows what love is. I think she is someone that is afraid to be alone. I fear that is why she may be so friendly again. The others may have figured out her games. I hate to give you negatives when you look for positives but I want to be real, I dont want to sugarcoat. You need what is best for you. I hope that it all works out, I really do. But dont allow her to do what she did before again. -
Yes I posted this to put out everything that I was feeling instead of letting it really get to me. It is cathartic to just let everything out. It wasnt easy to write. In fact my vision was blurry and I really felt everything when writing this. I have been doing fine except I just got hit with a sudden bout of all of the emotions again. I really do miss her and care for her still. I feel like I have gone back a step after going forward. Then again I understand that I'll never be able to completley detach from her. She was very special to me and that wont ever change. I tell myself to forgive her for what happened. It is all in the past, if I dont forgive her I cant move forward. I cant see things for what they are now. I'll continue to stay in the painful past. This time of the year is tough and I just hope that all of this is the beginning of something better.
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Dear L, This is everything I wish I could say to you. Everything inside of me that somehow came to the surface again today. I miss you so much. I know its been a while since we talked and that it didnt go well. I know we've been broken up for awhile now. When I said I loved you I meant it and I know you did too. There are days where I just get the feeling like I could walk the 30 miles between us just to see you again. There are days where I close my eyes and I can picture your smile. There are days when I pick up your scent in the air and am reminded of a better time. This time of the year is tough, but I hold strong, what gets me weak is my love for you and how hard it is to be apart. You showed me so much, you helped me grow and for that I am better now, I can't thank you enough. I am on my journey forward, on a better path than what I was on when I met you. I just wish you were still here with me, without you it doesnt seem right. I miss your smile, your laugh, your longing gaze, the feel of your touch. I miss spending time with you and enjoying life to a level I didn't know prior. I dont know if i'm crazy or what, but theres just something that I cant figure out that makes me sit here thinking about you, writing this. Theres so much more I could say, I remember our special times together and fear they will wash away with time. That is one of my biggest fears, that our love that we had will be forgotten over time. It is something I never want to forget. As the tears begin to drop again I am reminded of how difficult life can be. My wish is that this message touches you someway somehow. Wherever you are know that I miss you so much, that I loved you and my heart still does.
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I've been in NC since October, she broke it in early december when we had the good conversation and then a day after the fight. Other then that its been NC. I obviously still feel like I really care about her and I feel like I want her back.
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Hades i'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm gonna try and help you out here a bit. First off STOP CALLING. The more you call the worse things will be. Only call unless you have to about your bank account or something. But leave it at that. Do not talk about the relationship. She sounds to me like she is unsure of alot in life. Looking at the history of things, everything was all over the place. She has some issues that are potentially unresolved as well. A woman like that will want someone who they percieve as strong and together. I dont think she saw you as that. You had multiple jobs, you called yourself a hermit. To anybody that doesnt indicate a strong confident person. I would suggest wrapping up the business you have to get done with her and then doing your best to forget about everything. You wont obviously. But I mean dont contact her, just do things for yourself and work on things in your life. Getting away from the situation will be beneficial for both of you hopefully. Also the son isnt your son is it?
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Ok thank you everyone. Here's the story I apologize if it is long. We were together for a year and a half. When we first met I didnt think anything of it, eventually though we talked alot and decided to meet up. We had sparks on our first date (we went sledding) and we ended up kissing and things went from there. I'm 21 and she's 19 now. We were 19 and and 17 when we met. We weren't official for a month or two because I wanted to be sure about everything. She kind of took this as me not wanting her, but I assured her thta wasnt true and eventually I realized that I was being dumb so we made it official in April of 2005. Everything was wonderful, we saw each other as much as possible. I was at college and she was in high school at first but we saw each other every weekend. I would drive back to see her. When she started college we alternated going to each other's colleges when we could until she dropped out of school. We had a major fight around this time because I wanted her to stay in school, I didnt want her to give up. I said some pretty insensitive things like people without degrees wont amount to anything and nobody wil want to marry her. She was really upset with me that I handled the situation so badly. I apologized to her for it all and things got back better. We were in love with each other and she brought up engagment rings and getting married, I told her I thought we were too young for it. I loved her too but I didnt think that being engaged or married at this time was the best even though I didnt want anyone else. I didnt explicitly say that but I think she got the idea. We waited a few months after going out to have sex mainly because I wanted it to be special as it was to be both of our first times. We had done everything else beforehand but I wanted the sex to be special. We waited a few months and then after that we had a very active sex life. We celebrated our 6 month anniverseries, our 1 year and everything seemed wonderful. We never wanted to be away from each other. My ex gf contacted me a few months before our 1 year anniversery. I didnt tell my girlfriend because I didnt think it was a big deal. We talked to each other very infrequently about how our lives were going. We were nothing more than friends. One night I was with my gf and the phone rang and it was her, I didnt pick it up but my GF asked me who it was. I said nobody. She tried to grab the phone from me but I resisted. She got very upset with me and then finally got it away from me and asked me who this was. I told her it was my ex and that I didnt talk to her anymore. She said she wanted to call her and tell her to stop calling me. I told her not to. She didnt but was still upset about me not being upfront about it. A few weeks later my gf asked to see my IM logs. I had a program that logged my AIM convos. She saw one with my ex and broke down. She said she was disqusted with me. I told her that we only talked as friends very infrequently and I'm sorry for it. She was very upset and didnt really say much. I talked to her about it and tried assuring her she was the only one for me. She seemed to be fine after that but still upset. After this she lost alot of her desire to have sex. She would tell me she just didnt feel like it, or that it was all i ever wanted, or that she needed to feel up to doing it and she didnt. I was disapointed and tried to talk to her about it but she just said the same thing so I left it at that. About a month before our one year anniversery she said we shoould break up. I asked her why and she just said she thought it was best. I told her I didnt want that, I loved her and I was sorry for everything I had done. She said she loved me too but that sometimes we go through some very hard patches. I told her I would work on the relationship and that everything would be ok. We stayed together. We fought alot, over stupid things. Like if the bed sheets were out of place I would get upset. Or she would call me up constantly wondering what I was doing. I wanted to hang out with my roomates and do stuff but she would get mad at me and say that "i guess i'm not important then" and I would give in to it. So i would lie and say I had homework to do or had to study. And she would call me and eventually get it out of me that that wasnt what I was doing. School ended and I thought this would make our relationship better. We had time to work on things, we had the whole summer ahead of us. One of the first days after school ended she wanted to go out for breakfast. I told her there was this great place near me and I would take her there. We arranged it all, but she always woke up late. She woke up at around 1030 that day and I got her at 1100 and went to the place. It was of course time for lunch by now. I was really upset and she got mad at me saying we shouldnt have gone there anyway. We should have gone to the place she wanted to. I told her I had this whole thing hanging over my head, lets just go and get it over with. She was really upset about that and demanded I drive her home. I stopped and told her I snapped and was sorry. She was still upset with me but we hung out at my house and had sex for the last time. We then went to breakfast and it was pretty miserable. The next day everything seemed to have blown over. I went to her house and we had a fine night. She made me leave early cause she was going out. I didnt like that but she assured me nothing was wrong. On my way home she called me and told me she loved me and she was sorry I had to leave. The next day I went over and she told me we had to take a break. I was floored. I begged her to reconsider, she told me she would try. I professed my love for her, but we didnt do much other than cry and hug alot. We continued to talk and I kept trying to get back. She was with someone else right after me. She had begun hanging out with a new group of people and neglecting everyone else. There were two guys in this group that I thought were shady and I was uncomfortable with it when it began to happen, we were still together. She said I was being stupid. I let it go but it still upset me. She met the guy she was with directly after me through these two kids. They werent good people, into drugs and drinking all the time. I worried about her because that wasnt her at all. One day a close friend of both of ours told me that she had cheated on me. I lost it and called demanding to see her. She agreed. I found evidence of her doing things with the guy dangerously close to the end of our relationship and I showed it to her. She said it was an invasion of her privacy and I was disqusting. Again I told her I loved her and that I wanted to be with her. We cuddled for a bit and hugged and I told her i loved her, she said she loved me too and not to worry about all of this. I even felt her give me a peck on the neck. We broke up the end of may. We continued to talk and see each other here and there until October. During this time I found another girl, as soon as she found out about this girl she demanded I stopped seeing her. When I asked her why she said we should try to get back together. I said that I would do that if we would seriously give it a shot. She told me she didnt talk to the other guy anymore. That she had had sex with him on the day I flipped out on her about the cheating because she felt scared. But that sex with him wasnt like it was with me, it didnt mean anything. We both said that nothing felt right without each other. She never really tried, there was one week she saw me a few days in a row, but she really wasnt receptive, we just watched movies. I felt so uncomfortable cause I wanted to hold her but I couldnt. I was doing stuff I wanted to, One day I told her she could come see me, she said she'd think about it. I hadnt heard back from her so I went down to my grandparents house. I was there and she talked to me online and told me she would come over. I told her to wait a while and we could. I didnt tell her I was at my grandparents. She got upset with me. In a genius move I called her from my grandparents phone. she caller Ided it and flipped out on me for lying. She always hated my family, she never wanted to come to my house because she didnt like my family. One night I was over her house and my mom called her house telling me to come home. I was 20 and I was upset, but I knew if i didnt I'd really get in trouble. My gf threw a fit, was swearing and had to be held down because she was really upset that my mom was trying to control us. Then I went on vacation with my family. I told her that I wasnt sure if i was gonna go. But I figured I would since time away would be nice. I went and she tried calling me, but since I was in another country it was very expensive to talk. I did talk to her though, she eventually figured out I was on vacation and she got very upset at me for lying again. She came with me on my birthday to a baseball game. It was something we had planned very far in advance. She seemed to have a good time. I tried to hold her hand on the walk out but she rejected it and asked me why I did that. I told her because I still cared about her. She said that she should be the one doing that if anything was to ever happen. The last time I saw her at the end of September she came with me to a comedy show at my school. It was a disaster of a night, the show was delayed there was a long wait. The show sucked. I made one last effort. I told her that I loved her and wanted to be with her. She said we werent getting back together. I then gave her a journal of my summer, that had everything that I felt and thought during the painful time without her in it.I told her this had to be it, we couldnt talk or see each other anymore. She said if thats the way I wanted it fine. I gave her a short goodbye hug and she pulled me back and gave me a longer one. Thats the last I ever saw her. She contacted me like I said in early December and thats the last time we spoke. I've realized alot of things. I realized I had an issue with lying. I realized I was letting my parents control me. I realized that we both had become too into each other and neglected our outside interests. I have been working hard on getting myself back. Thats the whole story. I hope someone here can help me.
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I dont know if she is recpetive to talking to me. I initiated NC back in October because I told her it was what was best for me. We stayed that way until she contacted me in early December. We had one really good light convo and then the next day she found out about what I had done and snapped on me again. So I don't know if she is or not. Caterina I'll send you a PM with the whole deal, thank you for your help I really appreciate it. If anyone else wants the whole story I'll post it here.
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Hello everyone, lately I have been doing alot better. I haven't been checking my ex's webpages, I havent talked to her since she contacted me in early December. Of course we fought last time we talked in December because she saw that I went on her screen name found this new guy and tried to figure out who it was by adding them to my buddy list. I had done that awhile earlier and thats my bad. I realize how bad that looks and seems, but I realize now that I still didnt have any control when I did that. We haven't talked since that time, she called me crazy and insane which I think I partly deserve for that action. However, I have been getting better, I have been slowly getting back in touch with all the friends I neglected. Its not easy but I'm doing my best there. I am doing well in school. I have two jobs so I keep myself very busy. There are alot of days where my ex will just be a passing thought. I really do somehow think about her everyday but its not that intense emotional type of thinking. Today however, I woke up and for some reason was just whacked with intense memories of her and how much I miss her. I havent had one of these days for awhile, I dont understand why I get this now. Maybe its because of valentines day coming up and all the memories that brings. I do really miss her though, even after all this time. I have no idea how she has felt about me in all this time. I realized alot of things that were wrong both with the relationship and with me and I have been working on that. I am a much better person than I was when we broke up. But I still wish I had her with me. I've really thought about contacting her again latley, I know it goes against everything that I should be doing and thats why I hold off. But I really miss her, I feel like I'm in a better place. But I hold off because I know its not a good thing to do. I dont know if this is the part of me that still loves her coming out, or what but I just dont know what to do. I really want to contact her, but then again I know thats not good.
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Thanks, I have been doing a lot of reading, a lot of reflecting, a lot of working on things that aren't ideal within myself. It has been eye opening in some regards. I just hope that the happy days are closer than I feel.
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I do believe that I am mostly happy with myself. For one, I am at a good college, on my way to hopefully a good job in something I enjoy doing. I like my friends I wish I was closer with them, but thats a reprucussion of getting too into my ex. I like my family, I feel they are supportive of me and are there to help me. I feel a void, because I miss my ex who I loved. I also missing having a companion to share life with. I guess i'm also at a stage in life where I look at my friends, some are engaged, alot of them have someone and while I do realize that was me not all that long ago, I feel lonley. I also am at that stage where I am unsure where my life is going to turn next. I am gonna be done with college next year. Am I gonna get a good job? Will I be able to make enough money to pay off loans? Who am I really? Also I am shy so its not the easiest for me to befriend a whole lot of people. Here at my school I often feel like I am going through the motions. I feel disattached in a way. I dont like that at all. I had wonderful expectations of college, that it would be a new start, that I would have lots of fun and make all sorts of wonderful new friends. I have made a few, but for most of college I was with my ex and that took up alot of my time. Now I find myself where I am. I wouldnt trade anything for the time I spent with her, i'm just saying. I dont consider myself to have low self esteem, I wouldnt know if I did. There just alot of time where I feel bored or feel like I have no direction, nothing to really do. I do really enjoy when I am accepted and liked by people. Im a friendly person and I enjoy spending time with the right people. I dunno about a therapist I mean sure I could probably go to see one and talk out everything from my ex to maybe this, but I really dont feel like I need one for whatever reason. Plus then I think people would believe I was loony. Thanks for your advice everyone, I have really tried to work on it, i guess its hard work that I really dont know how to do.
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- happiness
- attraction
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