Listen2Morrissey

Just don't expect him not to notice if you decide to drop the sex level unilaterally.

This has always been one of my biggest fears about marriage... that the person with the lowest sex drive is in the driver seat way more so than in a relationship which could be broken at any point. And honestly, I have never been with a woman who could match my desire for sex. Seems like there has to be a way to balance it out... I figure if a marriage is truly equal, your partner should only be able to turn you down half of the time. Probably the best bet is just to marry someone with a similar sex drive and hope that it stays that way.

Were together: 3 yrs Broke Up: 10 months ago NC: I went NC immediately, ex has never initiated contact with me. We ran into each other randomly twice, it was awkward.

Hi guys, Haven't been here for a bit but just thought I'd share something that happened to me last night. You can read about my breakup here: /forum/showthread.php?t=142995 We broke up in March, I went NC immediately with a few exceptions: I did run into her once and said an awkward hello and I did leave her a voicemail on her b-day this August which she responded with a short text. She has made no attempts to contact me other than to reclaim one piece of furniture this summer. The break-up was somewhat mutual (I was moving away, but not overly far) but she definitely pulled the trigger on it and generally wanted it to be over more than I did. She was maddeningly quiet and hard to get ahold of before we had our arranged 'talk' about ending the relationship. The talk itself was over in a matter of minutes, emotionless on her part, and she wouldn't look me in the eyes. I moved away for 8 months, tried a job that I hated, found a great job back in my small little mountain town and moved back three weeks ago. Reconnected with all of my friends, some of which we mutually had in common (one being her roommate). I never asked about her but assumed that they had told her I was back in town. So, I went alone to an outdoor adventure presentation last night, it's near where I work so I was 1/2 hour early. The place is empty, I walk up to the bar to order a drink and the two people at the bar turn out to be my ex and her new beau. I say Hi, ask her how's it going. Things are really awkward, she says "Are you just up here for the holidays?" and I told her that I had moved back three weeks ago. The bartender is joining into the conversation for some reason and I find it hard to look at her so I focus on ordering my drink. She says an awkward goodbye and heads off. The next two-hours felt really long and I definitely was feeling a little sick, but I did stick it out and watch the presentation while she leaned her head on her new man's shoulder accross the room. And of course, even though I had been doing well and didn't really think of her that much lately, seeing her with someone new made for a restless night last night. It's amazing how after 8 months of NC you still can have such strong feelings and thoughts toward someone. This town is small enough where we will probably run into each other once a month if not sooner. Any advice for how to make these encounters less and less awkward? I don't want to be her friend but I don't want to run for the exits everytime I see her just because it's weird. And of couse, the other thing that runs through my mind is... Was she with him before she broke up with me? The worst part about that is that I know people that know the answer to that question.. I just have never asked it and can't be sure they'd feel comfortable telling me. But they would know. Long post, just wanted to write. Thanks for reading.

I don't understand, you broke it off but you actually wanted him to work harder to keep you? If he needed to do something to improve the relationship you should have let him know while you were together instead of hoping that he would stage some dramatic plan to win you back.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I definitely have had luck cutting back when I'm on vacation or busy with things that are personally worthwhile. When I'm busy with stressful things (like work) it tends to get more frequent. Like I said, I absolutely don't feel guilty and I have gone through phases of doing it less and doing it more. BUT, I know I have a great edge to me and generally feel better if I stop for a while. Dreams (both erotic and normal) start coming back to me or at least I can remember them. So, no real advice for forcefully installing content software that I could give someone else the password for or something along those lines? I never really was a shower fan, I'm sure I could cut down a lot if I didn't have access to the internet. I know... such a lack of self control.

Hi all, I'm 31 and I masturbate about 2 times a day. I may be a bit of an anomally because I never touched myself to completion until I was 21. I don't feel guilty but I would like to stop because not masturbating for about three weeks feels fantastic. There's much more of a sexual edge to me if I abstain for a while and it's kinda nice to have a half-a-chub going on all the time. It's hard for me to resist for that long if I have access to the internet. Does anybody have any mental and/or computer advice about how to stop masturbating? Are there any good free content blockers out there? What about ways to protect your 'hosts' file from modification so I could redirect myself somewhere else whenever I hit one of the usual sites? I know this seems like a total lack of self-control to install software on my own computer to prevent myself from going at it, but I really think it would help. Thanks for your advice!

Yep, the first thing that came to mind when reading your story was drunk texting on his part.

It's funny, my last girlfriend would do nearly anything except talk dirty. She couldn't even express in language why she couldn't do it or how it made her feel. I think the important thing is that you don't necessarily need to talk porn-star dirty, I just wanted to hear some enthusiasm for the experience.

Despite my handle, the one I've been listening to lately is Ten Years Gone - Led Zeppelin

How long between you going NC and her contacting you? I'm on month 3, which may not seem like a lot but I still wonder if she will ever call.

I felt the same way when I was 25. For unrelated reasons, I quit my job and moved to a small town that I loved. It still took a while after that, but I found my first (and so far only) love at 28. Our relationship just ended a few months ago but I know it will not be the last. I think if I had not shook up my life and abandoned the staid life I had been living, a lot of things would have been closed off to me, including my first love.

I don't think I can ditch these friends. Most of them were my friends first and still have more planned contact with me than her. But they do still live in said small town and undoubtedly see her around. I think they are trying to do the right thing and be good friends by just not getting involved, I haven't asked about her and the information they volunteer about her is all pretty inocuous (but I read way more into it than I should). Both excited and dreading this weekend because it will be fun and I will get to see alot of my old friends. But, I expect to either run into her or hear about her from them and I don't know how I'll react. I'm both desperate for information about her, scared of what I'll learn, and want her to be happy. Has anyone not had solid closure with an ex but was able to find closure as time and NC went on? Or was there an eventual contact where things were sorted out once and forall?

Hello all, I have been reading this forum for a while and thought I'd share my recent experience. My girlfriend (23) and I (31) broke up in mid-April. We had been together for three years in an entirely long-distance relationship and that was the main cause for our separation as I just moved again (but not further away) in April. We were about 4 hours by car apart for most of the relationship. It was a bit of a planned break up, we talked about what would happen when I started my new job and it was clear that both of us were done with the long-distance thing. I was the one who told her that she shouldn't be introducing me as her boyfriend at the beginning of the year. I went up to visit her with the explicit purpose of having 'the talk' and we agreed in a super awkward dinner conversation to stop seeing each other. Even though it was mutual, I believe she checked out of the relationship about a month or so before the actual talk happened. I was not involved with it much either during that time because I was moving and starting a new job. She seemed relieved but still very quiet at the end of the evening. The conversation was awkward because there was hardly anything said and she kept darting her eyes past mine like she couldn't look me in the face. Super annoying. Part of my problem is that nothing was really talked out. None of it. Now I admittedly am a quiet type when going through emotional things like that, but the whole break up part of the conversation lasted no more than 10 minutes. It just feels like there should and could have been a lot more said after three pretty good years together. I think that is one of the things I'm very frustrated over. The ending was just so 'blahhh' do what was a very great and passionate relationship. I would have much preferred shouting and plate throwing to the quiet agreement I got from her that night. I went NC after that but could not avoid running into her in her small town a couple of weeks after the split. I visit there often because I used to live there, have many friends there and enjoy the outdoors. I said hello and small talked about two sentences but then sat with my friends and did not invite her to join. She called me the next day to tell me that I had made things weird the day before. I told her that I did not want to have any contact with her for a long while and she agreed, wished me luck with my job and that was it. No contact with her since then except for an email about dropping off a piece of furniture she borrowed a while ago. I still don't think we really should be together in a relationship together right now. BUT, the whole NC thing and the fact that things were not really finalized is killing me, more so now than the first month after the split. The fact that we have a lot of friends in common (one of whom is her roommate) is also frustrating because they have a complete view of what's going on with her life right now. I really want to ask them about her but have avoided doing that so far. I'm going to her town this weekend and it seems that we will probably be attending some of the same social events for the long weekend. I have no idea how to act or react to her. Even though it seems the break up was mutual I have to say that, in retrospect, I was not prepared at all not to have her in my life. Right now I just know that I hurt and I miss her but I don't know how things can be different. Because nothing was really talked about, I don't have a good sense of closure. The NC thing makes me feel a little better than being her friend BUT we both hear a little bit about how the other is doing from friends. So it's not entirely NC because she doesn't get to 'wonder' about how I'm doing. I noticed a lot of people here get contacted by their ex at the 4 month point, does that seem to be a trend? It's unavoidable that I will run into her again or get to hear about her from friends. How have others been able to handle that? Thanks for reading my diatribe. Just writing made me feel a little better.