My Guy

[xblondyx]

This could be quite long, and I apologise, but a lot of things have happened these passed few weeks and I would like some points of view on my situation!

 

Well I met this guy online about 10 months ago, we talked, exchanged numbers, talked for a while but then lost touch. Then in Novemberish time, we started texting again, getting closer and decided to meet up.

 

I guess it was a big step to meet someone online who may or may not be who they say they are. But this guy was who he said he was We just clicked straight away, I felt so comfortable with him.

 

Then I found out that he still lived with his ex gf. Apparently she's moving out in March. I was a bit concerned about this. My first thought was "they're still together" but he explained the situation and I guess I had to be okay with it if I wanted to see him again. Also, if they were still together, would he really be spending this much time with me and this much money on me?! This problem sorta pushed us apart a bit. He said he couldn't be more than friends with me while his ex is still around, he needed to sort things. Fair enough, I see the logic in that.

 

One night before he came to pick me up, I received a text message from his number (unsure what it said now) but it was like he was texting his gf. I text back saying "Wrong person?" and he replied saying it was his friend who was annoyed that he was coming out with me and not going out with him. I was really annoyed at this point, I didn't know whether to believe him or not and we had a little argument, but he proved that it was his friend and apologised and we made up!

 

Since then we've had our ups and downs. We have some amazing dates and then sometimes he cancels on me and ignores my e-mails and texts. This annoyes me.

 

Then today, we had plans but he was unable to make it because he's away. I said I understood and he said we could do something another day this week. Okay, fair enough!! But he said something which got to me a bit, he said something along the lines of "i think you expect mor from me than I can give" and to be honest, I do. I want us to be together so much. Even though he needs to sort things before anything progresses, he has led me on....maybe I did make a big mistake sleeping with him, but it's not like he hasn't been in touch since. When he took me home the night we slept together, about 10 minutes later he text me saying "I don't regret making love to you tonight". Things like this really make me like him more and more. And it feels like nothing will ever progress. I'm scared that I'm wasting time on him and that I'm gonna get my heart broken. He says he doesn't want to leave it but right now we can't be more than friends. We both don't wanna lose what we have, but I'm scared that I'm gonna get hurt.

 

I truly like this guy, he is the sweetest, most caring, funny, gorgeous guy I've ever met I think about him 24/7. When I see him, get an e-mail/text/phonecall from him, my heart skips a beat. When he says sweet things and when I see him I get butterflies and when we kiss and get close, it feels like fireworks going off in my tummy!! The first time we kissed, he said he felt this as well things can be so amazing with us.

 

But then there's the ex gf problem, and the ignoring problem. I'm just so confused!

 

I guess I should back off a bit, give him some space and let him come to me, rather than me going to him.

 

We're meant to be meeting up on Wednesday, so what I propose to do, is make myself look drop dead gorgeous and make him see what he's missing.

 

I really don't wanna lose this guy, but should I be willing to be friends and wait around for him, when I have no reassurance that anything is ever going to progress?

 

Sorry for long and confusing post, my thoughts just kinda came running out and I needed to get it all off my chest!!

 

Opinions greatly needed, thanks in advance x

[chigal28]

Blondy, I would say at this point, guard your heart. It sounds like at the very least, he has unfinished business with his ex--I don't know if they're still living together for financial reasons, or whatever, but he does go home to her every night whether anything else is going on or not. This means he is probably confused, even though it does sound as if he likes you very much. I would say definitely give him space to get his head sorted out--but more than that, so you don't get too attached until he figures out what he wants.

 

You don't want to get into a serious relationship with him and have to wonder what he's doing when he's not with you, and the fact that red flags have popped up in your mind tells me that you're not quite ready to trust him fully yet. I would listen to those instincts, and move very slowly with this one. Look gorgeous on your next date, and don't settle for less than he can give you. When he says that he thinks you want more than he can give--listen to him. You deserve to have what you want.

[Meow18]

If you want him to see what he's missing, stop kissing him and stop sleeping with him. You act like boyfriend and girlfriend now, the only difference is that he doesn't want to be committed to you.

 

By sleeping with him and kissing him, you are giving him the things you would give him in a committed relationship, so what is he missing out on exactly?

 

You already know his thoughts. He doesn't want to be in a relationship until his ex moves out. Honestly, I don't see why his ex should have anything to do with anything. Something tells me that is not the only reason he doesn't want to commit to you.

 

The fact that he can ignore you at times, or cancels plans also makes me wonder about the guy. You just don't ignore someone you really like and want to be with.

 

In my opinion, you need to stop going after him. Afterall, you are wasting time on him now since you know he DOESN'T want a relationship with you at this point. If you can't be just friends with him, and not friends with benefits, then what's the point?

[xblondyx]

Honestly, I don't see why his ex should have anything to do with anything. If you can't be just friends with him, and not friends with benefits, then what's the point?

 

His ex only has something to do with it because he doesn't wanna lie to me and he also doesn't wanna rub her nose in it by bringing me home.

 

We've been friends for 10 months, and we decided to move our relationship on a bit.

 

But you're both right. Ahh I dunno what to do. I like him, I think he likes me, but I do think that when we aren't together, he's like...up to something. I do think him and his ex are still together. But now I've met him and been dating him, I don't wanna lose that!!!

 

This hurts. I'm gonna give up for a while and let him come to me.

[Massari]

wow this is a tough situation to be in. becareful though to not be a rebound here. DO you know the reason why are they ex(s)? like if she was the one who hurt him then dating you would pretty much put you in the rebound shoe. but if he decided not to be with her then I don't think that would be a problem. But why are they living together?

[xblondyx]

He finished with her. He wasn't happy, he didn't feel the spark anymore..apparently.

 

And they still live together because they had a joint mortgage, and he only just got it put into his name. So she's looking for somewhere to live and will move out in March. This is what he tells me, it could be the truth, it could be a pack of lies. Only he knows!

[Batya33]

You've been dating him less than 3 months, right? This is the honeymoon phase and already he is telling you that he doesn't want to get serious with you and is not available to be serious because he is still living with his ex - they are not just roommates because he can't bring another woman to his home, right? They may have no intimate contact but they are not over - not in the least.

 

As far as your heart skipping a beat, etc that is most likely from the drama and challenge.

 

As far as making yourself look beautiful - well, how many hoops do you want to jump through for this guy? Him falling all over himself because you're all dolled up does not a commitment make.

 

Tell him to call you only after his ex moves out and when he is ready to be serious with you or at least has the goal of a serious relationship since you've only been dating a very short time (I don't count the typing/talking you did before you met for this purpose).

[Jayar]

I say get out. Why bother? You don't need the drama.

[xblondyx]

Easier said than done. I know that if I ignore him like he does me, he'll just come round and make me like him even though I shouldn't. And reminders of him in my house: the lovely cd he made me of our songs, the roses he bought me, the photos. Im sad

[Batya33]

I am sorry you're sad. Your last post just says, simply, that you are choosing this type of treatment - you are not a passive victim here. If you choose that kind of treatment you have to accept the downside.