How to approach women in bars?

[scotty77]

Any ideas on the best way to approach a woman at a bar.?Now I am a shy guy [over 30],so I realize the bar scene isn't the right place for me to be searching for a woman but I really don't seem to have that many alternatives.Most of my friends have moved away [due to work] so I really don't have much of a social network and pretty well all of the women that I work with are married.I am also not much of a dancer and have never felt comfortable dancing.I don't particularly like going to a bar on a Saturday night but where else can I go.I either have to change my behavior when I am at the bar[that is start risking rejection ] or give them up completely and look for other ways to meet women.

[Kevin T]

Have a few drinks to get a slight buzz, then just dive in!

 

When people are getting drunk (but not TOO drunk) they lose their inhibitions and can do things they normally fear.

 

No one will think ill of you either; you're in a bar. A place designed solely to get people drunk and hooked up. lol

 

Have fun with it!

[scotty77]

Mmm,I am not much of a drinker ,sometimes I wish I was but I am not sure it would help me that much.I am pretty reserved.

[galaxy71]

You asked a really general question there. Approaching women in bars is much harder than approaching a girl at a school or at a church. Women in bars are approached much more often than women who prefer to chill in a coffee shop. Not only do women have to deal with leachy drunk guys, but they also have to deal with players who are good at manipulating women. At first, women are flattered by the attention they receive from guys. But after ther ninth or tenth guy approaches them, many women start acting cold and unfriendly. Some of them want to dance and hang out with friends rather than conversing with some horny, drunk.

 

The approach "Hi" is usually a good way to start conversations in most places. However, I find that "Hi" is a terrible opener in bars because women are used to having nice guys trying to start conversations with them with a such opener. I prefer opinion openers for someone new starting out in a bar. Girls will not be so quick to blow you off if you asked them for a opinion opener. Here's an example: "I need an opinion. I just have a minute. Do you think it's o.k. for a guy to be friends with his ex?"

 

Attracting the girl Once you get the conversation started, you can attract a girl through many tools like stories, routines, banter, teasing, etc. When you are talking to a girl, it's important to have confident body language. You need to be smiling and having a good time. Once you notice that the girl is flirting back at you, than you ask her questions about herself, her family, and her school. Just remember this. If you spend too much time asking boring, mundane questions, girls will get bored with you. It's important that you learn how to flirt with women.

 

What if she is with her friends? Don't be intimidated if that cute girl is with her friends. You approach the group and ask for an opinion. After that, you win over the group by showing you are a fun, and interesting guy. Once you win over the group, you focus on the girl you like by asking her questions about herself.

 

The competition I also have to warn you that the competition is pretty fierce in bars. Many guys are not afraid of bullying you if they see you doing well with talking to a girl. One time, I was making this girl laugh. Out of no where, this large guy tried to intimidate me by grabbing me.

 

Resources If you are serious about meeting women in a bar, you can try websites like link removed and link removed. I hate the fact that these websites teach guys to be a player. But I have to respect the fact that these websites do a great job of teaching guys the social skills they need to interact with women.

[txblues]

i prefer bars on busier night. i couldn't walk into an empty bar approach a girl and start talking. i would make my way in front of the bar stop if there's a group of girls or a girl sitting by herself, pretend i'm waiting to order a drink or watching tv, if there's an empty chair next by sit down. its not so obvious that i'm making a move because the bar is so full, and i have no where else to stand or sit. so i'd like to think....

 

i've never been to many but check out lounges. these aren't as busy but the crowd is a little older

[Day_Walker]

walk up to them and talk to them

[caro33]

I would not get too drunk, and try not to do this in a group. Be mellow and approach in a casual sense. Ask if they're having a good night, and maybe even comment on their clothing "I was admiring you from accross the bar, I really like that jacket you're wearing".

 

Be comfortable and not too keen. Ask them questions and don't be afraid to crack jokes.

 

If you get the brushoff do not take it personally. Do not be afraid of being brushed off. If you are, it might be because the woman has a partner, of just wants some alone time, of you might look like the ex. It probably has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

 

If they brush you off keep it nice and just walk away. There will be another one to speak to, and another after that. if you remember to keep it cool and not worry you are more likely to give off vibes that women will find appealing.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Don't look them up and down if they can see you. I've had guys do that and try to come on to me then. Its so unsmooth and sad...

 

Just be friendly, don't say any stupid pick up lines, make eye contact, maybe buy her a drink. Ask questions and listen to the answer and ask more questions related to the answers.

[charley]

Honestly, a bar is a bad place to meet women. They all have their defenses on high and so do I.

 

However, if one is going to try anyway, then CarnelianButterfly's advice is excellent.

 

Interestingly, I don't think I've ever tried in a bar. In a bar, my defensives are on high with strangers, except the bartender. Interestingly, I was asked out by one bartender years ago who gave me her number, and another bartender last October who invited me to come back on her night off when she was going to be there socially. I wasn't trying in either case. I was just friendly and polite. In one case I was drinking coffee, in the other I'd had a drink, but was NOT drunk.

 

I've never got anywhere with any bar patrons, but I've never tried and I probably wasn't even friendly with them. When I go to a bar, I'm only friendly with the bartender and any friends I brought with me. I just don't trust strangers in a bar, including women.

[heloladies21]

A bar is just as good a place as any to get a girl. In a lot of ways, it's much better because of the high concentration of girls to choose from. You can basically talk to as many as catch your eye.

 

As for those resources my learned friend above mentioned, they are absolutely great. Helped me turn my whole life around. Anyone can learn this stuff, this is a necessary skill every guy has to learn in order to live a full and productive life.

[charley]

Well, it has been a good place for me to meet female bartenders. I'll admit that. Made friends with a couple male bartenders too.

 

Then they start making my mixed drinks extra strong just to be nice. What they don't realize is that I'm a light weight drinker and making my drink 1.5 times as strong as usual just about puts me under the bar. Two of those and I'm so loopy...

[TheRedQueen]

walk up to them and talk to them

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Ok here's my take

 

The best way to meet girls at a bar is.....

 

"To be the Barman!"

 

Girls come to you, you see them regular and tney chat to you, if you play it right you can time your day off with the day you know the girl you like will come in, and then your already taking etc.

 

I had a mate who did this and was very good at getting gf's

 

the best thing I found was just smile and be yourself players as some men are in bars just don't get it that one nighters can lead to adict mentalaty, aways looking for a fix and messing up there long term realtionships, so feel pitty for players.

 

also look out for the "brake your hart bettys" bar girls who just love sweet guys to fall for them and then brake there harts, is a power thing and its bad news.

 

PS

IF your meet RedQueen in a bar, Run! Run for you life she eats nice boys like you for lunch

 

*Sorry SD but I know you o so well*

[mikeca]

a few drinks can loosen you up, more than that...your just the drunk guy hitting on them at the bar.

 

like its been said, relax set your goals low, like just starting a conversation.

 

walk up to someone that catches your are and just start off with some conversation, generic comments and see if you can pick up on anything, she a sports fan? a reader?

 

its all about listening to them at first, a recon if you will

[scotty77]

Thanks for the suggestions.Ironically, I have had more success meeting waitresses when I am out at the bars.Makes sense because they have to talk to you as it is part of there job.I know you have to be careful and not misinterprete there friendliness as meaning they are interested.Anyway,I have to try something as doing nothing[being a wallflower] isn't getting me anywhere.

[happywookie]

what do people think about going to a bar alone? would it seem strange? I moved to a new state and I've been considering doing that since I don't know anyone locally... but I don't want to look like a creep sitting in the corner of a bar 'trying' to get with someone....

 

oh well... I guess i could invite some of my college buddies up to my new apartment and maybe we could head out. (i'm not shy with my close friends.... just strangers).

[scotty77]

I go to the bars alone all the time.Not particularly because I want to but because most friends have moved away.I am mature though[over 30] so think it is more acceptable .

[txblues]

i'm in a new town and go to bars alone also. don't sit in the corner all night...move around, mix and mingle. the few girls i approached didn't hold it against me that i was alone or new. its a good approach being the new guy. ask them to show you around, things to do, etc...

[valiantv]

walk up to them and talk to them

 

Easy enough to say if you're the chatty type, or has confidence about what to say... But I'm sure if Scotty was, he wouldn't be asking the question

 

I myself wouldn't have a clue... have to do the "ground-work" earlier in the pub

[txblues]

Easy enough to say if you're the chatty type, or has confidence about what to say... But I'm sure if Scotty was, he wouldn't be asking the question

 

I myself wouldn't have a clue... have to do the "ground-work" earlier in the pub

 

anybody pay close attention to the scene from miami vice when colin farrell orders a mojito and he hits on the bartender? i was hoping i would learn something but i didn't.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Slap her butt and ask her if she's got a cute friend that would like to join you.

[charley]

My honest thought is - why bother approaching women in bars? Most have their defenses on yellow alert, and to be honest, so do I.

 

I've had a good time with women in bars, but they were women I brought with me as a friend or date (sometimes the distinction is blurred to me).

 

I have yet to meet a woman in a bar and hit it off with her. Well, not among patrons that is, but I did hit it off with two bartenders who gave me their number (and I'd not asked for it). One was years ago, the other was last early October 2006.

 

Now in all honesty, part of that is my doing. I'm so reserved with stangers in bars that there's no chance I'm going to hit it off with them, except for the bartenders who I'm very friendly with (in a polite way). To me, a bar is a place to either go by myself, with friend(s), or maybe with date. I don't go to bars to meet people and I admit I'm not even open to meeting people in bars, aside from the bartender, or waitresses.

[scotty77]

Where does one go to meet women then Charlie? Most of my friends have moved away[i live in an economically depressed area] so I don't really have much of a social network.Most if not all of the girls that I work with are married so it likely won't happen there.I don't particularly feel like joining any clubs.So where am I going to meet a woman,at the mall?

[Aurian]

- Sign up for a class at your community centre. These tend to be dominated by women, especially in the fitness, arts or cooking classes.

 

- Join some club like Toastmasters or a book group

 

- Ask the girls you work with if they know anyone you might like to meet

 

- Online dating (yes, I know some people hate the idea, but it worked for me. I dont really meet eligable guys in my area).

 

I hate bars too. So noisy, crowded and boring. Plus, I've only been hit on by drunk guys (ew).

[methuselah]

My man...

 

Get into another frame of mind...

 

They are auditioning for YOU. You are just kind enough and man enough to allow the woman you choose (at the bar, church, coffee shop, wherever) to try to impress YOU.

 

If they are not receptive or impressing you to the degree that you desire, MOVE ON immediately. You must have a willingness to walk away before you introduce yourself. There are many, many, many more women to meet. Do not waste any time or energy on a woman that is hopelessly clueless about your extraordinary traits.

 

Keep these thoughts in mind, you won't fail. Happy trails!