methuselah

As a policy, I NEVER pay for the woman on the first date. Sometimes second, sometimes third I will start buying drinks. Splitting the bill is fine. If things start to get more cozy, that's when I feel comfortable with paying for it all. Don't let women use you for a money machine.

My man... Get into another frame of mind... They are auditioning for YOU. You are just kind enough and man enough to allow the woman you choose (at the bar, church, coffee shop, wherever) to try to impress YOU. If they are not receptive or impressing you to the degree that you desire, MOVE ON immediately. You must have a willingness to walk away before you introduce yourself. There are many, many, many more women to meet. Do not waste any time or energy on a woman that is hopelessly clueless about your extraordinary traits. Keep these thoughts in mind, you won't fail. Happy trails!

Thanks, friscodj. Good answer. I've learned not to wait on people...but it will be interesting to see what happens!

So... I met this girl 4 months ago randomly, and we went out on a couple of dates before I had to move for a job until the middle of December. We hit it off well and we kept in constant touch (email/phone) while I was away. Since I've returned, we've had a couple dates, and it's gotten hot and heavy, and it's obvious we are very attracted to each other. She's very busy for the holidays and so am I but we found time for each other. I talked to her last week and she said because of her experiences in the last year (divorce, break up) she didn't want anything "serious" but there was no one else romantic in her life. I told her that I could live with that. So...another date after that, we just stay in and I sing/play guitar for her and give her a ridiculously good massage, great date...Then I go home. She posted on her personal webspace that she is making a New Year resolution to "give up on boys", Havent heard any response to my email or call (she's normally good about responding). Well, I would like to keep it non-serious but the problem is that I'm a born romantic and I do and say things naturally, so she may misinterpret. Should I just tell her we should just shelve it until she is ready for me to be in her life (at whatever capacity) or keep on pushing the dating scene? (or just say "let's be friends"...bleh)? Or just NC? What to do with a woman that gives great vibes when we're together but obviously not too sure about it when alone with her thoughts?](*,)

Thanks melrich and DN "super moderators"! BTW, Any women who have divorced in the past have any advice for me?

That's tough. Do you get a feeling she is still grappling with issues from her marriage? I guess I do get that feeling, somewhat. She seems to be into me and what's happening, but on the other hand, holding back to a certain distance on some things. How long was she married? Was the divorce acrimonious or mutual? Haven't really pried on these questions. Should I ask her straight out or let her be the one to offer info (or maybe "steer" the conversation toward the subject)?

Hello all, though I'm a terrible advice-giver in these matters, there are angels on this site, so I post here. Thanks in advance? Met this girl quite by fate on the street late one night two months ago...and floated all the way home. Never been a big believer in "love at first sight" but we had a conversation that brought me as close as I've come to such things. I saw her a couple times after...I've had to move out of town recently until Xmas, but we've kept in solid contact since, and I feel our friendship/relationship has grown through our email. She recently disclosed that she was divorced last April. Now I'm not sure if I should be chasing or should I let it be as it is for awhile. I don't want to scare her away if she's not ready, but I also don't want her to lose interest because I'm not moving! I would really like her to visit me in the cool place I'm at, but maybe that's too forward right now. How long should I wait? She's really cool, and I think about her alot...so it's tough...but I want to make her comfortable with us. Advice?

You ask tough questions, annie. (but so do I...you replied to my post). What I know is that there is a good possibility that the human genome is flawed. It can produce the proteins to construct the universe's most amazing machine: the self-aware brain. However culture and reasoning results in the brain attacking itself: depression, low self-esteem, worries not based in reality (at the extreme ends...schizophrenia, self-mutilation, suicide). What all that crap means is that even decent, lovable, beautiful, caring people that would rescue your drowning kitten in a heartbeat...might ask for your phone number and never call it. Even if it is their best interest. Even if you are the most wonderful thing they have ever laid eyes on. The sad and ironic thing is, is that the bar is an escape, a different world (I have spent countless hours in them) and these very decent people suddenly turn into their alter-ego (Party-dude, John Travolta). My previous post commented on the "ashamed" sort. This goes back to that. My advice to anyone is to keep expectations low at an establishment whose primary purpose is to serve alcohol. Call backs happen more often at other places, more based in reality. Strangely enough, I am that "decent" guy that calls the numbers I receive (probably more desperate than decent!) and several times the girl I called is not even interested or will not even return my message! Well that probably didn't answer your question at all, but it sure got a lot off my chest.

Well...I think I would. But I know I do not speak for everyone. Some guys I know... are in an "altered state" at a bar (they do serve mind altering liquids) and in a sober state the next day are too shy/too busy/have another interest, etc. collect phone numbers like deer hunters collect antlers. They collect so many they could never hope to call even a small percentage. are low-self esteemers that want to feel sexy and wanted for a night. simply lose the paper or forget they even have it or who it was who gave it to them. are ashamed of the way they acted in public and would rather not rehash it by contacting the active participant in the debauchery. I'm sure there's plenty more where that came from. I believe the problem lies in the fact that bars do not discriminate on who they let in. Bars seem to attract a good percentage of drunk idiots (male and female). I've gone to bars looking for good times and found them...but they only seem to stay at the bar.

Well...yeah, we are meeting the day before I leave, and wondering what is the best way to approach it?

Geez, call already. I think that twice as many great relationships would happen to all these lonely people if women would get over their hang-ups about calling, not calling blah blah blah. Not that men don't have just as many hangups about stuff (because they do), but the fact that the whole "date initiation" game is left up to us dim-witted, awkward, self-absorbed males sabotages the whole thing and creates the need for lonliness forums on the internet.

I've posted question a couple times here and got the best advice. I've never given advice because I'm a dolt at this stuff (34 and still single). Thanks to the wise ones here at eNotalone. So...I met this great, beautiful, intelligent girl out of the blue on the street downtown just by calling her over (I never do that). We talked for a good half hour (much to the chagrin of my waiting friends) before she had to go. We REALLY connected, I had those tingles. I got her email address and she was greatly pleased and surprised to hear from me. We've exchanged several emails now and we are obviously attracted to one another (I am VERY attracted to her, she has some of those qualities I'm looking for in the ONE). The problem is that I'm leaving on a 3 month internship several hundred miles away shortly. Since we have been both very busy lately, and she lives 40 miles away, we haven't been able to meet face to face again. So I emailed her to ask if she wants to meet before I go, for dinner, and she says yes but says I don't want to disappoint your fantasy of me. I say (because I don't want to scare her away) there's no pressure here, just an opportunity to start a great friendship. She says yeah, I am also looking for a new friend. I want to keep her interested and keep in touch (truthfully I want the emails to get much more deeply involved about how excited I am about her, and her about me) while I'm away. I'm old enough to know that it's not love right off the bat and not to dwell on it. I just want it to grow if it may. What is the best way to let her know these things when I meet her for dinner? Did I mess up by bringing up the "friends" subject? Should I let fate work its course or take the Bull by the horns? Also, I am 34, she is 26. She doesn't know how old I am yet (I look very young for my age). What to do about that? Sorry so long...anyone with the patience to get this far and give advice, you are my angel!

Thanks kcil, kellbell (wow 15 min and two replies! lots of angels here, methinks Just as I was getting over her ... ugh .. life goes on! the Wisdom helps. --------------------------------------------------------------------

I wasn't sure who to ask about this....This seems like a great place to give/get objective advice. Anyone who can decipher this stuff for me would be my hero (especially a female who has insight into the female mind). So...She breaks up w/me after 8 months. She flies to Europe and leaves me with a solitary Email: "I'm a coward for doing it this way...but we shouldn't be bf/gf anymore. I'm sorry..." Hit me like a ton of bricks. Anyway, the only contact w/her is after she got back (2 wks) and she cried and said she was sorry but she wasn't happy,etc.,etc. She then refuses all contact with me for the next 3 months. I still thought about her alot during this time and in a way understood her unhappiness w/me (I was going through some stressful times and didn't take care of the relationship like I should have). So after running into her a brief moment and saying "hi", I get an email that nite. It says "Hello, I am blah,blah, etc, etc, (paraphrasing)...How have you been doing? You look good. I miss you." OK...threw me off a little, but mostly ignored it (but thought about her a little). And then a week later... a call. I will highlight the curious points: 1.Said she was looking all over for me in the lab at school and was disappointed she couldn't find me. 2. I talked about some mutual friend having trouble in their marriage. She says "Ever since we've been going out, they've had problems.." Ever since...? Freudian Slip? 3. Told her I was moving to a new apt. Said she wanted to come over to help me move. 4. Asked me if I was going out that nite to play open mic. )We used to go to the bar alot and I would play guitar.) Any idea if she is getting at something? Am I trying to read into these things? I may be too long winded here... but if you made it this far...what do you think? Thanks to all listeners...It helped me just to write this out...