virginity: is it a big deal?

[punchdrunk225]

i was wondering... is it really a big deal to who you lose your virginity to?

[Locke2121]

Well....I would have to say yes. Would you rather give it up to some drunk you meet at a party, maybe not even remember anything except them puking on you at the end, or would you rather have a wonderful "first moment" with someone you care deeply for? Your choice, but I say hang on to it till you find someone that is worth it.

[Day_Walker]

I think it all depends on what your personal take on the situation is. I have known people who just wanted to get it out of the way and others who were saving it for the right person. I think that it is an event that you wont forget so if you want to share that with someone special then you should.

[colors]

Fully agree with Day walker....

Also wanted to add, I ended up pregnant when I lost my viginity. So my first time ended up being my sons father....so for me it became extermly important.

As well as my cousins first time she got herpes....so do be careful, because it can really matter.

[shes2smart]

I agree with Day Walker. It depends entirely on how each individual views their situation.

 

For me, it wasn't a big deal. In my own mind, there are two separate events that happened with two different guys several years apart:

1. the first time I had sex (not that big a deal)

2. the first time I had sex and it mattered (a huge deal)

 

If it's important TO YOU, then that's all that matters. It's your body, and your body is not a democracy. You're the only one who gets a vote in what you're going to do with your body, with whom, and when.

[valiantv]

I'd have to disagree (my own opinion) with the original responder. I think virginity is only important because the word virgin exists - and that's a hold-over from religion and the middle-ages where a virgin was considered "pure" and "chaste" and without sin, and that sex was considered bad.

 

I don't think you are giving anything up. Having sex with someone you care deeply for is wonderful and someone you don't care deeply for... maybe not as wonderful. But having had sex with someone you didn't care too much does not take anything away from the wonderfulness of the sex you're now having with someone you do care for - just because it's not the first time.

 

People should stop feeling shame just because they had sex. Even if it was with someone they didn't care deeply for. The point is, if religion had never invented the word "Virgin", we wouldn't care about it. No such thing is attached to the first kiss or the first time you touch a girl's boobs, etc...

 

Obviously everyone should have their own take on it (Day walker sitting on the fence a little... ), but I'd say punchdrunk is asking our opinion, and that's mine...

[jengh]

i definitely agree with day walker and shes2smart..

it completely varies upon the person. some HAVE to wait until they're married.. others, like me, just want it to be with someone who cares about them.. and others, well, just want it to be over.

[jengh]

oooh, yeah... that's so true...very well put

[Locke2121]

believe me, I couldn't give two cents for most religions! But I do think that a person's first time should be with someone special. Religion or not, thats a big step in someone's life.

[Kevin T]

To our society, no.

 

In my view, absolutely.

[flower99]

But I do think that a person's first time should be with someone special. Religion or not, thats a big step in someone's life.

Very much Agree!

[rocio]

I don't necessarily think it has to be a big deal. It depends entirely on what you want and how you've been raised. If sleeping with someone you're not in love with will make you feel cheap or dirty, then don't do it. If you're anxious to see what all the hype is about, and you don't see yourself getting a boyfriend anytime soon, that's fine too. It's completely a personal decision. Losing your virignity to someone you deeply care about can have its drawbacks too. You could end up hurt really badly, especially if he doesn't feel as strongly about you (remember, there are some guys who will tell you anything to get you in bed).

[punchdrunk225]

(remember, there are some guys who will tell you anything to get you in bed).

 

then i guess i screwed up

[rocio]

then i guess i screwed up

 

What happened?

[punchdrunk225]

well i guess i fell for my friend sweet talking to me to get into bed not sure

but then we agreed to do it but i really like him

[valiantv]

I'm not saying you should only hold virginity dear if you have religious beliefs, what I'm saying is that since people were once that way - and were considered "damaged goods" if they had sex - partly because of religion - that idea still has a hint of itself now in modern society and values and how people are brought up, hence the word "Virgin" is still used. Really there's no other activity which you are considered to lose something when you do it for the first time.

 

Don't get me wrong - I've nothing against people who only want to have sex with someone they deeply care about. I just mean you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself or feel bad otherwise.

 

Would such a person feel bad if their first passionate kiss was with someone they didn't deeply care about

[shes2smart]

Another thing you have to consider is the fact that reliable, affordable and easily obtainable birth control has only been around for a (historically speaking) short period of time...as has the technology to determine who fathered a child. Pregnancy and childbirth were also riskier in the past.

 

There were other considerations for a gal remaining a virgin in times past...many of which had to do with getting pregnant, determining who the father was (which would also determine how families' wealth would fare) and who would be responsible for the woman and child (since women's career options were very severely limited in the past).

 

From a feminist view, there's also the idea that placing such importance on virginity was a great way to control women's behavior, desires and appetites, and thereforeeee, control women.

 

Point is, religion is not the only factor in making viriginity (and primarily female viriginity) a big deal to various societies and cultures. There are financial concerns, attempts to control women and perhaps even a few well-meaning intentions about protecting women's health and well-being.

[rocio]

well i guess i fell for my friend sweet talking to me to get into bed not sure

but then we agreed to do it but i really like him

 

Congratulations on you first time! Enjoy it for what it's worth because you didn't do anything wrong. Don't just assume that he doesn't like you back.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Honestly, I couldn't give a darn about my first time, but my first time with the man I'm with now, meant everything.

[punchdrunk225]

thanks hehe yeah i just wanna make sure i made the right decision

[punchdrunk225]

Congratulations on you first time! Enjoy it for what it's worth because you didn't do anything wrong. Don't just assume that he doesn't like you back.

 

thanks hehe i just wanna make sure i made the right decision

[punchdrunk225]

[rocio]

thanks hehe i just wanna make sure i made the right decision

 

Did you use protection?

[punchdrunk225]

Did you use protection?

 

of course if he didnt have any or none of us we wouldnt have done it

im afraid to have any disease or get pregnant

[the yang to the worlds yin]

If you didn't use protection, remember that "pulling out" has a VERY high failure rate.