The 26 Year Old Virgin

[p_fred]

Keep it to yourself until she asks.. which she probably will ask if she has been with other guys.. she will know, so no use in making up stuff when she asks. Just don't make the mistake I did and pretend it was no big deal because she could take it the wrong way. Don't pressure yourself either.. your not going to be an instant porn star.

[valiantv]

I disagree with most people on here... I wouldn't tell her you're a virgin, for most of the reasons you (Softiron) state. That is, I wouldn't volunteer the information. I think the chances of her thinking it's sweet to turn a boy into a man like you suggest are pretty low... It might be true if you were younger than her, or if you are constantly introducing her to new things and she wants to introduce you to something. It might still be possible, mind you, but you'd want to know that's how she would feel.

 

But here are my reasons:

 

1) You're not really a virgin... OK technically you are... But you've had sexual encounters before. It's a bit like Bill Clinton "not" having sex with Monica Lewinsky...

 

2) I don't think virginity has any relevance outside religion, in this day in age - The only reason you're concerned about it is because the word "virgin" exists. Try going through your original post without using the word "virgin".

BUT...

 

3) Other people *do* think it's a big deal. In the early stages of a relationship she might be put off by this...

 

4) I couldn't disagree with this view more:

"If a woman is turned off by your virginity, this woman isn't the right woman for you" and

"It's part of a package deal".

This is all very well in a faerie tale or a romantic comedy, where there are perfect couples who live happily ever after and we really don't care about the rest of the world, where there is "The One" for everyone - the perfect match for every human on the planet, and she isn't the right one.

 

You are one of the rest of the world if such romantic comedies really take place.

 

In real life, though, relationships go through different stages, and in the early - volatile - stages, you don't want her freaking out about things like that. Nobody's perfect as another poster said, and just like you're not perfect she's not perfect either!

 

The idea that her being turned off by a little thing means that she is not "The" right woman for you is short sighted because it assumes that somewhere out there there is "The" woman for you and the two of you are bound to cross paths. I don't believe this to be true.

 

It's not a "package deal" wherein she will get you and have to live for years with you cursing the fact you were a "virgin" when you met her. A relationship isn't the static thing you see on TV - It's a developing dynamic thing. Opinions change throughout its life. The fact you hadn't had sex (though you had sexual encounters) when you first met isn't the type of thing to grate on her mind for the rest of the relationship. Relationships developed, and if it is truly good between you two, this minor fact will become so minor that she will like you in spite of it. (I say "in spite of it" in the assumption she is the type to freak out, not to cast any aspersions on you)

 

The point I'm trying to make is that relationships are built from the moment of the meeting, people who are perfect for each other aren't matched up before, and there are certain incompatible things about each other that need a bit of lubrication. If the relationship works it will be because of all the great things about each other and they will be so good that the little things will be unimportant enough to be overlooked. She could be the most wonderful girlfriend you ever had, and you shouldn't give it up on the possibility that she isn't "The perfect intended woman" for you simply because she might have some misconception about people who have had sex.

 

So go ahead and tell her, but only if you think she won't mind. Don't give up the possibility of a great relationship because of this stiff principle that "she must accept someone who hasn't had intercourse yet", because it's not something that will matter later on in it.

[jsx730]

I didn't have time to read all of the replies, however I do want to say this:

 

If you don't tell her, then have sex with her, and end up staying with her for a long period of time, she will eventually ask about your first time. If she finds out that you didn't tell her she was yoru first, she's prolly going to be upset.

[Dako]

If you don't tell her, then have sex with her, and end up staying with her for a long period of time, she will eventually ask about your first time. If she finds out that you didn't tell her she was yoru first, she's prolly going to be upset.

 

I agree with this, although if not exactly upset, she may feel left out of the loop.

[andyg]

Be glad you're not in my situation. You'd be lucky to lose it to a girl you cared about. You should really be honest with her about it but if the time comes to lose it, just let it happen. If you want to know about some of the bad things that can happen if you don't just read my post.

[Softiron]

Well, I must say, reading your post does make me feel better about my situation. Thanks a bunch!

[Luke Skywalker]

I didn't have time to read all of the replies, however I do want to say this:

 

If you don't tell her, then have sex with her, and end up staying with her for a long period of time, she will eventually ask about your first time. If she finds out that you didn't tell her she was yoru first, she's prolly going to be upset.

 

But that's past the 'volatile' stage of a relationship - if he ends up staying with her for a long period of time and the relationship is stable, then that's not going to matter.

 

Whoever gave that advice about the 'volatile' stage of relationship in the beginning has it right on. As I said, the best time to tell her she was your first-time is likely just after you did it with her and has a stronger emotional attachment. No need to portray yourself as a needy and desperate guy by disclosing unnecessary information before she gives herself to you.

[Dako]

Since when does being a virgin automatically make you needy and desparate?

When I was still avirgin, it was because I wanted to meet someone I was happy with, and not end up as a daddy or worse.

[quietgrl]

Wow! I never thought men would be AFRAID to tell a woman that he is a virgin.

[Luke Skywalker]

Since when does being a virgin automatically make you needy and desparate?

When I was still avirgin, it was because I wanted to meet someone I was happy with, and not end up as a daddy or worse.

 

Because you are expressing a need to experience sex for the first time and make the other girl feel like she's doing you a favour. It sort of weakens the whole interaction.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Because you are expressing a need to experience sex for the first time and make the other girl feel like she's doing you a favour. It sort of weakens the whole interaction.

Saying you are a virgin does not immediately imply you need some one to deflower you.

[Dako]

Honest, my first time was no secret to anyone, and she was the one who wanted it. It was faaaaaaar from a weak moment.

 

LOL!!!!

[Luke Skywalker]

Also, the last thing I want to do is give a drawn out explanation about the reasons for my virginity. By doing that, it becomes a HUGE DEAL once more. And if I try to downplay the whole thing? She may think I'm being insincere. I love communicating my feelings, and I expect the same in a relationship, but my gut tells me this is a case where talking is superfluous.

 

Of course, if I did bring it up, she may be totally cool with it and think it's sweet. It might turn her on, knowing that she'd be "making me a man." But she could get the same feelings if, say, I told her three months after the fact.

 

Always trust your gut. Your gut says talking is superfluous, maybe it is in this case. It may turn this into a HUGE DEAL one way or the other - do you want to make it into a HUGE DEAL?

 

I'd say, keep it as a surprise until after the fact, then you will make sure it's not a huge deal.

[quietgrl]

Always trust your gut. Your gut says talking is superfluous, maybe it is in this case. It may turn this into a HUGE DEAL one way or the other - do you want to make it into a HUGE DEAL?

 

I'd say, keep it as a surprise until after the fact, then you will make sure it's not a huge deal.

 

 

luke,

Are you going to lie about your virginity to women?

[Luke Skywalker]

luke,

Are you going to lie about your virginity to women?

 

Of course not. I would not VOLUNTEER information that I do not have to.

 

For example, nobody has to know what brand of soap I use, what brand of Toilet paper I buy, or what I like to eat for breakfast, 'virginity' is in the same classification of unnecessary information. If the woman enquires about it, then honesty and truthfulness is a must.

 

It's information that's not going to hurt a party by withholding it. If you have STDs, then that should be disclosed before having sex. Anything else is not necessary information as it's not serving any purpose.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It's information that's not going to hurt a party by withholding it.

Unless the virgin is inept enough not to know which hole it goes in....

[Luke Skywalker]

Unless the virgin is inept enough not to know which hole it goes in....

 

That's a joke right? Virgins today, with the advent of porn, have more sex knowledge in their heads than non-virgins did over a hundred years ago.

[quietgrl]

Of course not. I would not VOLUNTEER information that I do not have to.

 

For example, nobody has to know what brand of soap I use, what brand of Toilet paper I buy, or what I like to eat for breakfast, 'virginity' is in the same classification of unnecessary information. If the woman enquires about it, then honesty and truthfulness is a must.

 

It's information that's not going to hurt a party by withholding it. If you have STDs, then that should be disclosed before having sex. Anything else is not necessary information as it's not serving any purpose.

 

Luke,

 

booo(thumbs down).You're telling me you're going to lie about your virginity to some women that you date.

[annie24]

That's a joke right? Virgins today, with the advent of porn, have more sex knowledge in their heads than non-virgins did over a hundred years ago.

 

I have seen plenty of people without knowledge of their bodies. Even some posts on here, asking what goes in what hole. not everyone watches porn, and even if they did, I'm sure that would confuse them more.

[valiantv]

Well then my advice is to find out what goes in what hole before making any decisions! In any case SoftIron said he had had plenty of "sexual encounters" which implies to me that he has worked out that particular technicality.

 

But anyway, don't think of it as something to lose. I mean you're not losing anything by having sex (yes I know about the hymen, but you know what I'm talking about) - you are gaining an experience. There is no other activity whereby doing it for the first time is called "losing" something never to be regained. Except maybe crime

[Dako]

This thread has an interesting twist in Part 2.

I think Softiron's dilemma is solved.

 

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke,

 

booo(thumbs down).You're telling me you're going to lie about your virginity to some women that you date.

 

I think we disagree about what lying is.

 

I can say booo(thumbs down) to you for lying about what brand of tissue paper you use on your dates since you are not bringing it up.

[Luke Skywalker]

I have seen plenty of people without knowledge of their bodies. Even some posts on here, asking what goes in what hole. not everyone watches porn, and even if they did, I'm sure that would confuse them more.

 

I'm educated about the female anatomy, and I'm sure everyone on here is too. This is such an absurd suggestion that I find it hard to take this seriously. There are only two holes, one that is Y shaped and one that is O shaped - it's obvious that it's the Y shaped hole. That's too basic.

 

That's where they have cunnilingus defined as DATY (Dinner at the Y).

Duh. Any idiot can figure out what hole goes into what. The organs where urine comes out would compliment each other on both sexes - urine for urine - I think this suggestions is absurd to think people cant distinguish which hole something goes into.

[Luke Skywalker]

Well then my advice is to find out what goes in what hole before making any decisions! In any case SoftIron said he had had plenty of "sexual encounters" which implies to me that he has worked out that particular technicality.

 

But anyway, don't think of it as something to lose. I mean you're not losing anything by having sex (yes I know about the hymen, but you know what I'm talking about) - you are gaining an experience. There is no other activity whereby doing it for the first time is called "losing" something never to be regained. Except maybe crime

 

You are losing your good character of being a chaste virgin who is waiting until marriage. You are gaining illegal experience when it is with someone you are not married to.

Once you lose your state of innosense, then it can not come back, and you are in a further fallen state then you are. Plus, you also put yourself up to risk for STD's, and you wont be able to judge people who are non-virgins either.

 

It's not a healthy or holy thing to do, so of course there will be some loss unless it's your spouce.

[Momene]

I thought I was an ancient first-timer at 20 but have met some people who have never had sex at all and 2 who had sex for the first time in their 30s. I don't think sex before marriage is such a big deal (even though I am religious) but I don 't find sex outside relationships satisfactory. Some people might call me old and boring for saying that but I've done it twice and didn't think much of the situation. Whether you have had sex, with whom, and at what age isn;t a big deal, unless someone is getting hurt in the process.