smilelikeyoumeanit Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Recentley I informed my friends that I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to have sex. They assumed this ment until marriage, but I said no, even after then. When they asked for clarification I told them I did not feel the need to ever have sex...even with my husband. My friends told me that it would be virtually impossible to find a husband like that unless he had some sort of medical condition. They are quite aware of the fact that I want to have kids after i'm married, so when they brought this up I said i'd just rely on invitro fertilization. In smaller groups they have been brining this topic up a couple of times every weekened and i'm not quite sure why. Basically my question is, is it insaine for me to think like this? I'm not asexual and I am sexually mature, that isn't the problem... I just don't feel a need now, nor do I feel I ever will, to engagae in this activity...I have a few friends that are currently sexually active, but most are not, though they plan to when they are in a commited relationship. I am the black sheep in this flock. I just don't think it would be that impossible a thing to do, go your whole life without sex.... I was just looking for perspectives on this outside of my circle of friends. Thanks very much. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 What makes you not want to have sex? In a committed relationship, it is one of the most personal forms of showing that you love and care for someone. Link to comment
regoms Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 i dont know what to say other than sex is human nature. could you clarify why you are opposed to it? have you been taught that theres something wrong with it? are you a germophobe of some sort? im not trying to be rude,.. im just trying to grasp why you would attempt to go against tens of thousands of years of human nature. Link to comment
addictedblue Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 i'm going to be totally honest with you and just say that's weird. maybe its because you're only 17. but honestly why don't you want to have sex....ever? you never said why. i don't get it. if you aren't asexual than i see no reason why not. sex is the physically closest you can get to another person, and when you fall in love with someone my guess is that you will most likely want to have sex with them. if not, well, you're an outlier. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Stick with what you believe. If you change your mind, so be it ! It sure would filter out the jerks who just want to use you. I applaud you for thinking out of the box and perhaps evoking some thought in other people.... Link to comment
Kevin T Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I would like to know why you don't ever want to have sex. What exactly makes you feel this way? Have you always felt this way? Link to comment
smilelikeyoumeanit Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 I'm not a germaphobe or anything like that... I was never taught sex was wrong. On the contrary, my parents talked to me about it and basically told me when I need contraception to come to them. I just don't feel like I could ever be that close or open with someone. I still have...desires? i guess, feelings of sexual attraction more like, to guys *blushes* but I just don't want to act on them.... Link to comment
smilelikeyoumeanit Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 I would like to know why you don't ever want to have sex. What exactly makes you feel this way? Have you always felt this way? I used to think that i'd have sex im my first serious relationship, then i decided i'd wait until marriage, then i decided i didn't want to even then. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Are you afraid of sex because you see what happens to your friends, like they fall in love, have sex with a guy and then the guy dumps your friend and they are hurt badly? Are you afraid to be emotionally and physically vulnerable to someone? Link to comment
Kevin T Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I think if you were to get married and actually have sex, your opinion would drastically change. Call me crazy. Link to comment
smilelikeyoumeanit Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 No, my friends who have had sex it either ended it a mutual way that they were happy with or they are still with their partner. I understand that having sex can bring people closer together and they can share a great feeling, but the way I see it, letting someone invade me just for a feeling that doesn't last can't be worth it, especially when the main point of sex is procreation. I'm a romantic and want to fall in love and get married....I just don't want to go father then kissing and my friends think that theres something wrong with that. Link to comment
smilelikeyoumeanit Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 Are you afraid to be emotionally and physically vulnerable to someone? I guess that could be part of the reason, i've never really been in that situation before... Link to comment
Dako Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 There must be a place to met other asexuals. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Here's an article about like-minded folks. link removed Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 your not legally married until you have sex. "consummate the marriage" Link to comment
Kevin T Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 your not legally married until you have sex. "consummate the marriage" That's true! Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 your not legally married until you have sex. "consummate the marriage" seriously? I thought it was just a reason you can get the marriage annulled. where does it say that you must have sex to be legally married/ Link to comment
caro33 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I can imagine thinking you never want to have sex if you have never experienced arousal. Fair enough if that's the case. But that does put you pretty much in the asexual camp, which you said you are not in. I don't mean to sound patronising, but you're young, and you are still young enough to have not had enough experience yet to know exactly what you want. I'm not sure I had experienced much by 17 by the way, including anything sexual. I was still a virgin and I think I would have found the concept of sex like you seem to - as an invasion of my body, something silly people do that jeopardises them in some way for very little payoff. But once you get to a certain stage in your life, and certain opportunities present themselves, the notion of never wanting sex might start to look silly. You just want to, like eating when you are hungry. If you think that perhaps you are sexual on some level but are afraid of what that means, just relax a while. Try not to make grand statements about the rest of your life at this stage. I promise you that no matter how afraid, uncomfortable or vulnerable you feel right now, that won't stick around. Your perspective will change, you will meet people who fit you and where you are in life, It doesn't have to be for ages though, take your time. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 i've read a story about a married couple who has never had sex in their marriage link removed Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 there are many reasons why a married couple may not have sex, not all of it is choice. about 1% of the population is thought to be "asexual." ie, no interest in sex. some married couples desperately want to consummate their marriage but can't because of physical problems in the man (impotence) or in the woman (vaginismus, an unbreakable hymen, or dysplasia). sex therapists and doctors can really help out if the cause is properly diagnosed. unconsummated marriages are more common that people think. I think that a couple who is having physical problems with not being able to have sex would not appreciate being told that they are "not married." Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 seriously? I thought it was just a reason you can get the marriage annulled. where does it say that you must have sex to be legally married/ If you don't consummate the marriage you aren't legally married and that's why it''s an automatic annulment, you never bonded w/ your partner, do not stop at divorce court, you're legally out of it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 If you don't consummate the marriage you aren't legally married and that's why it''s an automatic annulment, you never bonded w/ your partner, do not stop at divorce court, you're legally out of it. do you proof of this somewhere? I am curious as to what your source is. you can declare an annulment for many different reasons. for example, if I want to have kids, and he tells me he wants kids too, but I find out later that he had a vasectomy. or I find out he is a different religion than what he initially told me. there are many reasons you can get an annulment. I've never seen a law saying that a couple MUST have sex in order to be legally married. especially if they have a physical barrier or illness that prevents them from having sex. Link to comment
caro33 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 If you don't consummate the marriage you aren't legally married and that's why it''s an automatic annulment, you never bonded w/ your partner, do not stop at divorce court, you're legally out of it. Really? What about the marriage certificate etc, does that have no legal standing? Are we talking religious or secular jurisdictions here? If that's true I'm surprised, but I've no idea. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Really? What about the marriage certificate etc, does that have no legal standing? Are we talking religious or secular jurisdictions here? If that's true I'm surprised, but I've no idea. yeah, that is why I am asking for the source. can you point us to a law on the books? Link to comment
Dako Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I don't recall filling out any forms announcing coitus to the state on my wedding night. Actually, I didn't have sex on my wedding night. Maybe I'm asexual! Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I don't recall filling out any forms announcing coitus to the state on my wedding night. Actually, I didn't have sex on my wedding night. Maybe I'm asexual! it was on line 137 in your 1040! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now