regoms

glad to see this thread.. gives me hope. me and my ex are in light contact right now, and she seems to be making progress with her problems(we've been apart for a month). we even talked about some of "our" problems the other day, and she seems to understand that they can be worked on("our problems" were only a minor reason for our breakup). i really want to meet up with her, but not sure when i should ask her again. i asked her for V-Day but after considering it for a week she told me she wasnt ready to see me yet. ..but it didnt seem like she "didnt want to" see me, so much as it seemed like she was scared of falling back into the relationship too fast.. so i dont know. one thing i know is that even the light contact has helped in that ive been exercising more, actually lost 7 or 8 lbs, and gained back a lot of confidence in myself that i had lost in the process of "getting comfortable" in our relationship. ive also put more time into my hobbies, reconnected with old friends, and all that good stuff.

well im back. my ex decided no v-day for us. and again said she didnt want me to wait for her.. i wrote her back telling her that i respect her decision, and i kind of questioned her on the not wanting me to wait. i was starting to expect shed come back and just tell me that she went out and met somebody. anyway,.. i was anxious for an answer to i imed her to tell her i responded. she responded a minute later and asked if id like to talk about it. i told her she could just write back in email but she said she figured it would be a long conversation so IM would be easier, so i agreed. at this point i was expecting the worse.. i met someone, things are over, forget about me,.. whatever. but nope. she just told me shes having a lot of fun with her friends and feeling better about herself, which i think is great. she said honestly at the moment shes not even thinking about "us" too much. (which is fine by me,.. like you guys say, if shes thinking about me all the time she's not getting her space). but this next part really surprised me. she told me for the first time since we broke up, that she loves me, and always will. she explained that the reason she doesnt want to get together for v-day is because when she decided to break with me, she had a "huge battle between her head and her heart", and she doesnt want to put herself into the position to get into that again. i can't argue with that, i suppose. in fact i was ecstatic that she even took some time to consider it. she then went on to tell me about her therapy, and that the therapist said that "we're not right for each other". i asked her why she thought so and she named 3 issues, that im my opinion were largely misunderstandings, or just things she should have mentioned to me if it bothered her so much. we talked at length about the 3 issues and she seemed to understand my side of things, and i truly think she knows i wasnt just giving her the old "but i'll change!" routine. she even told me some stuff i never realized about her families views on me, and it made me so happy i was literally crying. of course on the other side of that, this information would have been useful before now, hehe. i was really surprised that we got into a conversation about "us". it was kind of relieving, actually. i miss being able to talk to her about ..everything. so we chatted some more, and before i left i returned her i love you. overall i think things went well. this is the 3rd decent AIM conversation we've had in this period of "not talking on aim". maybe things are getting better? maybe im just starting to get optimistic. i know nothing will happen anytime soon. but at least she's beginning to open up more. i appreciate that. well, no real questions. just wanted to update you guys.

hehe,.. i almost feel guilty in some way,.. in the same period of time i've worked off about 5 lbs(2 belt holes!), bought a beautiful Acura, booked a business trip to Texas in March(business with a LOT of time for pleasure!), and just have generally been having a carefree blast. i have a little side business i run from home(aside from my "real" job) in my free time, and ive allocated more time to that,.. everything is just great. but of course... what is success without someone to share it with? so im almost "there". but still a few pieces missing. but.. i know everything will be ok. even if i get sad at times. im healthy, im generally happy, and i know i can overcome anything that gets thrown at me. well,.. except maybe a blizzard.. in which case i might have to take a day off from EVERYTHING haha thanks again for checking in. things are getting easier but you know i'll be back.

hey all,.. its been a busy weekend, and things have been good. as i said my ex is coming to get her stuff this week, and she had let me borrow 3 metal folding chairs. they were kinda old/heavy so i IMed her last night just to ask if she wanted me to leave them in my garage(i live on the second floor, so i figured it'd save her having to lug them down the steps). she said no but thanks, and then we got into a conversation which actually lasted for maybe.. 30,40 min? she had a rough week with some car problems and a huge fight between her bosses at work, and she was venting to me about it. at one point during the conversation she actually apologized for talking to me and explained that I'm the person she's used to telling about this kind of stuff,.. i told her i don't mind and didnt want her to feel bad about it. overall it was a pretty good conversation. nothing terribly exciting except for the fact that she wasnt opposed to it. not that it's going to be a regular thing or anything oh, and she still hasnt shot me down about valentines day. we'll see. have a good one everyone!

wow,.. i dont know what to say but THANKS! i understand what you mean and im doing just that. keeping myself busy, getting in touch with old friends, making new ones, and even considering attempting a new hobby at this point its not even a matter of just being on the "backburner". im just not interested in a relationship with anyone right now(well, except her obviously), and im pretty sure thats normal after the amount of time we spent together. i dont see any need to run out and hunt down new relationships just because im out of this one. of course after some unknown amount of time that will change, but for now im just gonna have some fun and stay busy. thanks again ..you know ill be back.

ok, so before i expected to have one, here's an update she IMed me tonight, and while it was a mixed bag. i came out of it feeling ok. now, the uncanny thing is that the reason she imed me was to tell me she was going to come while im at work one day to get her stuff, and to leave my key and get hers back. i almost wonder if she is on this site and realizes who i am boy would i feel silly! but anyway,.. obviously this was somewhat crushing to me, because as i explained before,.. the holding on of stuff and keys was one of the things keeping my hopes up. so,.. i decided to return her im when i got back to my computer. i asked her why the change, and she said because she was under the impression that we weren't speaking anymore, and plus she needed the stuff anyway. so, i explained to her that im not avoiding her, and that im merely trying to give her the space she needs. she said she didnt expect to stop getting emails from me, but that if i thought it was better it was ok. i told her no, i like keeping in touch so email is fine. so,..all good then? well no. she still wants all her stuff back, and of course, being me, i couldnt help but ask her to clarify.. now that she knows we're on speaking terms why does she still want everything? she explains to me that this is going to be a long process and if things work out we'll be starting over anyway. i told her i understood. she said "im sorry i know thats not what you want to hear", but i told her, that it was perfectly fine.. i'd rather hear that than "get lost sucker!"(joking of course). she told me im not a sucker and im still her best friend. i told her it meant a lot to me, and that i felt the same way. she said "im glad." i went on to tell her that all i want is for her to do whatever she needs to handle her situation, and ill be there for her, in the background. she told me thanks and said she didnt expect me to put my life on hold for her and if i get tired of waiting she understands. i told her i know, and that im not putting anything on hold. i told her i dont see getting tired of waiting, but thanked her.(i know, this was weak). she smiled. this was followed by some friendly chat, and she said she was going to get going. since we were having our first good IM chat in a while now,.. i decided to see what she felt about v-day. honestly,.. i was expecting the worst, and even after i typed the question and hit send i thought "what did i do!?".. but she didnt seem upset. and she didnt say no. i mean,.. she didnt say yes. but she said she would have to think about it, that it would be hard to see me. i told her not to feel any pressure and that it was not a big deal and completely up to her. she said she would let me know, but if she couldnt do it,.. she didnt want me to have to spend v-day alone if i dont want(i know,.. again cutting me loose). i told her it wasnt so much about v-day.. i just thought it would be nice to catch up a little. so we'll see. i realize that's leaning towards a no, but i honestly expected it to come immediately. and maybe im now a grasper, as you so greatly put it. but like i said.. i just cant bring myself to believe it would end like this, on a great note. so,.. still hoping i guess that things can work out, but in the meantime ill carry on with life, and see what happens. but obviously,.. the no contact approach is going to get me nowhere. i know after tonight this will peak and end up in a rollercoaster of emotions so ill definitely be back. i already noticed she removed me from her top 8 tonight on myspace, and removed the "we still get along great" part from our facebook relationship status, and i know thats silly high school stuff and it shouldnt matter.. but for some reason it does. im assuming she did this because she thought i stopped talking to her.. so we'll see. im guessing she wont put me back on her tops on myspace, but i did set the facebook thing back.. i guess ill see if she approves it or not. as always,.. any opinions,.. greatly appreciated. and,.. if she IS on here and seeing these posts(i know, paranoid),.. well i dont know what to say because she obviously knows EXACTLY how i feel about things already. edit: by the way i want to thank everyone again who is keeping up with my story and giving me advice. even if it seems like its going in one ear and out the other, i really do appreciate it, and it helps a lot.

thanks for the advice. is the outlook any better considering she made it very clear that it was a "break" and not a "break up"?.. you know,.. told me to keep her keys and all,..? i mean,.. ive had my doubts about it as well, of course, but after the great relationship we've had i just can't believe that she'd blatantly lie to me about something this big. like i said.. id be having a much easier time with this if she made it clear that it was over, but that was far from the case. im not sure if you've read my initial post in this thread(i realize it was long and rambling), but we didn't break over any type of strife in the relationship,.. it was mainly due to her needing to get personal things settled in her own life and to have time to focus on herself and her classes. is it really that hopeless for a couple to make a comeback from even a break?

best of luck truevox. anyone have any advice?

ok,.. more advice needed. She emailed me again, and im dying to write back. this is the second unprovoked email she's sent and it seems to me she truly does want to be in touch.. what do i do? she brought up the fact that "i havent heard from you for a while" and "guess ill ttyl" (as opposed to "i *will* ttyl) advice?

well im back,.. its almost midnight and im really missing her right now.. im not sure why.. maybe its the sudden cold weather in my area. im not gonna write to her but damn if i dont want to. i thought i was ready for this but maybe im still the one wondering about things. ah welll and im back to thinking about valentines day again.. i know it shouldnt even be a though in my head but its hard with all the commercials and advertisements. what i wouldnt give just to have a nice dinner with her and talk about the past month. i have so much i want to tell her and so much i want to ask her

i dont know what to say other than sex is human nature. could you clarify why you are opposed to it? have you been taught that theres something wrong with it? are you a germophobe of some sort? im not trying to be rude,.. im just trying to grasp why you would attempt to go against tens of thousands of years of human nature.

here's an update on my situation.. i cut back on emails. i had been planning on emailing her to show her my glasses when i got them, but i decided not to. i think it was last tuesday or so when i last emailed her. well,.. sure enough,.. i checked my email last night and she had emailed me to tell me she saw the picture i posted of my "new face" on myspace and that she thought they look good on me. i didn't respond. it feels great to know she's still thinking of me, and checking up on me, and even though it kinda feels like a head game, it feels good to know that maybe now she is the one wondering where I went, and what im up to, and when I'm going to respond. Thanks everyone things may work out after all!

lol, thanks!

thanks for the response , you def. didnt make anything worse. i realize her emphasis on these issues seems extreme, but i guess you have to know her to understand. her anxiety causes her to take things that to most people are not a huge reason for concern and blow them way out of proportion. for my birthday, one of the gifts she bought me was a carbon monoxide detector. yeah,.. you see what i mean there was also a night we were driving home to my place after dinner and it was pretty late so there was very little traffic. one of the cars we did come accross was obviously driven by a drunk driver. he was swerving badly and almost hit the guardrail a couple times. it was only our 2 cars anywhere in sight. i stayed a safe distance behind him for a period so she could call 911 and report him, and then i put a lane between us and carefully passed him. it was a relatively minor incident, but when we got home she curled up on my bed and sobbed for over an hour. so,.. the clothing and apartment stuff can easily be worked on.. its not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. the doctor and dentist stuff is more of a precautionary thing,.. one of the times that came up she mentioned that she felt like we'd end up getting married, but she was terrified to lose me due to an unknown health problem. again, her anxiety, plus her experiences with her families medical problems(her mother was a cancer survivor), and her knowledge of my families history(its not often that a male in my fathers bloodline has lived past his 50's..) just really really bothered her. like i said i thought i had calmed her down about it, but apparently not. one thing i should have taken more account of was she let me look through her diary one time, and i found where she had written about my health concerns. (or lack of concern, rather). it said things like "can't you just do this 1 thing for me? don't i mean enough?". yeah.. it hurt when i read it, and i talked to her immediately about it,. but it gradually slipped my mind/got shuffled to a backburner... of course today i feel terrible about that but for now ill have to ignore that/live with it because its not the number 1 priority here. i dont think she was wondering about being with anyone polished or suave as you put it. she made it quite clear to me throughout her relationship that she prefers .. how do i say this... well... men! i honestly dont feel it was too much for her to ask that i make an effort to pull myself together occasionally though. i wasnt offended in the least when she made the remarks. i mean,.. my favorite jeans had a rip in the knee, and ive lost weight since buying them so they were baggy on me. even i could tell they werent the pinnacle of fashion,.. they were just comfortable! but in the end, these are just the things that *i* could have done better. theres no sense moping over them now. if things work out with us i can always make all this right at any time. but i want to emphasize that the reason she needed to break away was mostly to reconnect with her friends, enjoy time to herself, and devote herself to finishing her degree with as little distraction as possible.

thanks for the advice! it means a lot that you took the time to read and respond, esp. considering how long winded my posts were. as for healing myself, i def. agree and its coming along well. im exercising more, keeping busy,.. reaching out to some old friends i lost touch with, and all that other good stuff. she actually summed up the situation best. the night she broke up with me we were hugging each other for hours crying together,.. and she said to me "can;t you just call me a * * * * * or something? it would make this so much easier" she was joking of course, and i tried it, but she didnt believe me anyway . i guess its kinda like that... immediately before this happened, things couldnt have been better in terms of the relationship itself. 4 nights before this we spent new years eve together and new years day was the last time i saw her not counting the night she broke things off. we were even intimate before she left on new years day. like i said... completely out of the blue. so my whole point is if i had some indication of this coming like she was treating me coldly or something, it would be so much easier to walk away. and if she would just tell me to forget about the future, i would. but since i got none of that, im having a huge struggle with giving up. but, im trying. little by little i guess.

just bumping this for anyone who missed it. i decided at some point today that im going to go ahead and cut back on emails as well. im not going to cut them off completely like ive done with the IM's, but I'm going to limit them as much as possible. I'm just scared that all im doing to her right now is pushing her away.(for those who skipped the first post, she DID say she likes to get emails from me so she can still hear from me)..but I think i just need to relax alltogether. i had been emailing her pretty much nightly, but for now ill move it to a few days, a week, and perhaps longer after that once im able to better guage the situation. trust me,.. if she had decisively broken things off with me,.. this would actually be easier. id walk away and not be haunted by the chance of a future relationship. im dying to know how her therapy went today,.. but ill just have to wait edit: thanks iceman. you posted your response just as i posted this. if you want to comment further on this, feel free!

i hear ya,.. but i trust that she has issues that go far beyond our relationship. she did poorly in school last semester, and today she told me she may even be quitting her job due to lack of time. she has anxiety and just a few weeks ago had to have her prescription increased because she wasnt feeling good. thats not to say its easy for me to accept. ive been backstabbed by girls in the past and ive been in the same spot as you. i even had 1 girlfriend i was able to write off immediately upon getting dumped. so trust me, i know the tricks, the games, and the bitterness that comes with it, and im on the lookout for it. i think im gonna go dark with her for a little while and see what happens.

i half agree and im tempted to do this in my relationship as well. but theres one thing holding me back. she put us on a "break".. at least the night she did it thats what she said. in the 3 hours it took us to part ways she suggested emailing each other, calling each other after sometime, and even that i come over every now and then to spend time with her dog(who for all intents and purposes has been my dog as well since she got her back in june). right now im totally mad at the way things are going between us, but im starting to realize its because im still letting myself obsess over helping her with her problems, making her feel good, etc. i decided yesterday to no longer IM her, and i still want to email her, but i think as of today ive decided to cut back on that as well..not completely but i dont think im going to email her every day, even if she IS returning them. i was getting upset over the fact that she doesnt want to im me much, and wont talk on the phone, but i guess in a way maybe its a good sign that shes open to at last 1 form of communication... ahhh i dunno

so is it really that guys like younger girls so much? or guys cant find girls looking for someone their own age? every girl i know who is my age(25-26) dates guys who are 28-low 30's.

Well, I wanted to post an update for everyone. As I said before, comments, suggestions, etc, are more than welcome. Since I lasted posted , my sadness had broken into a rollercoaster of emotions. I received a response to an email I sent her that made me feel better about the situation and to understand better what she's going through, and why she's not letting me help her with it. She also said that she is OK with me IMing her occasionally to wish her well or say goodnight. I also decided to seek the advice of one of my ex's, who i haven't spoken with in some time. She assured me that while we were dating , nothing I did caused our breakup, and that my current gf was probably going through a similiar thing assuming I haven't changed(which I dont think I have). I had kept in touch on and off with this ex, and we get along great, but we've never discussed other relationships until the other night. It felt good that after all these years I can finally feel comfortable talking to her about anything. So that was Monday, and I felt great. I didn't IM my girlfriend at all. On Tuesday, my gf started her classes for this semester, and when I saw her online in the afternoon I imed her to say I hope she had a good first day. In fact, the way I worded it, I made sure to tell her i was ONLY saying that much. She did not respond, so once again I felt bad for bothering her. I followed up with "thats all, sorry.." and THEN she responded with just "thanks". This immediately upset me, for good reason I think. I shot off an email to her telling her Im not iming her anymore and I also asked her to elaborate on her classes. She wrote back today and told me about her classes. I guess most importantly she mentioned that she will be seeing her therapist today. (she only goes for sessions during the school year because its included in her tuition, and her insurance doesnt cover mental health AFAIK). I'm hoping the therapist can help with our situation,.. I could be entirely off as I'm no doctor, but I don't see how it can be healthy to abandon a long term, stable, commited relationship in the blink of an eye, to the point where your bf feels bad about saying hi. That sounds selfish, but of course the most important thing is that she feels better. I guess Im just holding onto hope that her therapist will recommend not shutting me out completely or show her how she can balance me as a part of her life.(has anyone here been to therapy in a similiar situation? i know its different for everyone but id be interested to hear what recommendations people have received concerning their partners after a very recent break or break up.) at the end of the email, she referenced the part of mine where I said I would no longer IM her. she said "you dont have to im me anymore if you dont want. i dont want you to apologize to me, so i dont know."...that was hard to read. it truly seems like shes already beyond me. maybe its just in my head, or maybe shes putting up a strong front because she doesnt know how to deal with this. so now im back to sadness.. it's been getting easier, but it's still tough... alright thats all for the current rant. let me know what you think!

Thanks for the response. I feel like I should clear up some misconceptions here. Im not trying to defend her, but I should clarify because it was hard to cliff note 3 years in the initial post. I don't feel that we broke over solely these issues, and for the record she's never blamed me for her anxiety in general. What she did reveal to me was that *as a result* of the way I dressed, it made her feel like she shouldn't bother getting dressed up either. Which, for her, was apparently enough to send her into a spiral of low confidence. No matter how much I told her how beautiful she looked, it didnt matter. Im not blaming myself for this, as this is obviously part of what she needs to get over for herself. I did as much as I could in letting her help me pick out a couple new outfits. So what I'm trying to say is perhaps it wasnt these minor issues that led to this, but perhaps these issues were what led her to realize she needed to get things sorted out. ..and in reality the stuff about the way I dress is only a minor thing.. the health stuff was a far greater deal to her. Sounds great, thanks for the response! I've been trying extremely hard to contact her as little as possible. Trying to find the balance I need to stay in her life and her in mine, while not being *right there* has been a huge challenge. I think I really need to abandon the IM altogether and just keep in touch through emails. Ah well.. back to 24 thanks again. Still open to any other insight

any other comments/insight?

i totally understand, and it's not that i think im invincible at all. i appreciate your concern and the fact that you took the time to read/respond but im more looking for comments/advice about the relationship as opposed to a lecture about good health. i know my health issues are not the main reason we are on a break, but she said very clearly to me that she was terrified of ending up married to me if i didnt learn to take care of myself(this was months back). her anxiety multiplies these feelings. furthermore her mother is a cancer survivor who made it due to early detection so i cant blame her for being concerned about me(and others in her life). i know this part of my life is on the wrong path and im extremely grateful that she wants to help me make it right. i just wish i accepted her help earlier. im not saying "oh if i only did that we'd be ok".. but what im saying is that if i did we would have LESS to deal with at this point. anyway, thanks again for reading and for taking the time to post your thoughts.

I've updated my progress in a post below, so don't let this giant first post intimidate you into clicking away! Just skip this and move to the update, just come back up here if you need a backstory. Hey everyone,.. I'm going through a difficult time right now and I just found this forum. I think this is great because I need to clear my mind. This post may be a bit long, and I'm not sure if i'm really asking anything. I just need a channel to put things down and know someone is listening(reading). So, I would like to thank anyone who takes the time to read this in advance. Ok,.. so here's the deal. I'm 25 years old, and I've been dating my 21year old girlfriend for almost 3 years now. Well,.. I was anyway, until last thursday when she told me we needed to take a break. Now,.. before I get into all that, let me go back to the beginning and tell you how it got to this point. Throughout my life, I've been involved in a number of short term relationships that would last for a few dates to a few months. Previously, my longest relationship had been 8 months. After a particularly bad breakup with a girl I had dated for about 4 months(it wasn't that the breakup itself was so bad, she just wasnt being honest with me), I was sent into a downward spiral. I looked around and who did I see picking up girls left and right? Loud mouths.. obnoxious morons, show offs. And what did I commonly get? I got to be the nice guy the girl would turn to for support, but never consider dating. I decided from then on out that I just wasnt going to let myself care about females anymore. I would still date, but at the smallest sign that they were blowing me off or not being honest, I would forget about them. I held onto this mindset for a good year or so and honestly I had a lot of fun. I did meet a lot of nice girls, but I didn't date anyone more than 2 or 3 times in this period. Then finally I met her. Things started normally enough. I actually met her on an online dating site, and we seemed to hit it off. We exchanged phone numbers and she called me before I even had a chance to think about calling her. We set up a night to hang out, and we went for a walk. It was a beautiful spring night in April. We got some ice cream and then sat in my car and talked for hours. We hit it off immediately. We dated for a while after that, until officially becoming a couple. For the most part, our relationship has been very positive. There has been periods where we've fought, like any healthy couple would, but never a blow out. In the past year things have been especially good. She moved out of her dorm at school and got her own apartment, as well as a dog. More recently we've discussed moving in together at the end of our leases this year. We had begun to search real estate websites for a house that would fit both of our needs. One issue that we did have throughout the relationship dealt with my health. Now,.. thats not to say I am an unhealthy person. I typically get sick for about 1 day per year. It's kind of off topic but i associate my good health with my abandonment of OTC medicine. It seems I used to get sick all the time and the first thing id do is reach for the NyQuil, which prolonged the sickness for days. At one point ,I decided I would no longer take aspirin, cold medicine, or anything of that nature unless told to by a doctor. Of course I am also open to taking prescriptions recommended to me. Since then I have felt healthier and get sick much less often. But anyway... her issue with my health was that I don't regularly go to the doctor, or the dentist. I'm also nearsighted, but only wore glasses for a short period In college until I lost them. After that, through being busy and lazy I never went to get new ones. When I was a kid, the way it was was that I would go to the doctor if I was sick, and I would go to the dentist if I had a tootache. This is how I was brought up, and I suppose my parents were brought up the same way. I never really understood the gravity of her feelings in this matter, and I promised her that as soon as I needed to, I would go to the doctor and dentist. In fact I told her I would do it "as soon as I can", and it's not that I was lying. But, I am very devoted to my job and I do work about 60 hours a week which makes it hard for me to stop and make those appointments. In the 2 years at my current job I havent even taken a vacation! My company is small and noone else can do my job. So taking time off is just stress for me, since I will have that much more work to do when I get back. So anyway, this very much bothered her, but I had no idea. It came up 3 times and each time I was able to make her happy by promising once again that I would do it. Little did I know this girl truly cared for my health more than even my own family does. Now that that is out of the way, we can add the next item into the equation. Her mental health. Since she was a young girl, she's suffered from anxiety, and is on medication and regularly visits professionals while she is in school. A couple months ago she started to experience sexual side effects of her medicine, which confused things since I immediately blamed myself, and she blamed the medicine. We waited to see if things would improve, but they did not. She made an appointment to see a psychiatrist about it(outside of school), thinking that her generic medicine was causing the problems. The psychiatrist told her it probably wasnt the medicine but outside stress that was causing the problems, and she increased the dosage in order to try and increase the medicines effectiveness. A couple weeks later I could tell she was upset about something and when I asked her about it she began to cry. I laid with her and we talked and she revealed to me that she realized that part of her current problem WAS rooted in me. The way I dress, the fact that my apartment is sometimes messy, things like this. She says she feels like she puts more effort into going out than I do(which unfortunately was true, but had nothing to do with her). So,.. I tell her Im glad she told me and I promised her to change. The very next day we went shopping and I had her help me pick out some clothes(to me, I go for comfort over style). She seemed happy, everything was back to normal. We had a great christmas together, and then she went with me to visit family accross the state for a few days. Everything was great.(and i even liked the new clothes more than the old ones!). We spent new years eve together and had a great time. After she went back home on new years day, for the next few days she was telling me she didnt feel good and couldnt eat. I offered her my support and of course offered to pick up stuff for her if she didnt feel like going out. She said she figured she'd be fine and told me she had to go to her mom's on friday(we usually ate out each friday) so she said I should come visit her at her apt one night after work. So,.. thursday came and I drove over to her apt to hang out with her,.. it was a rough day at work and i couldnt wait to sit and relax. as usual her dog was thrilled to see me, and after i finally spent 5-10 minutes petting her, i sat down on the couch. She took my hands and said those words. "We have to talk...". My heart sunk. What happened?! So, she goes on to tell me she thinks we need a break, because she needs time to get herself straightened out. Now, I know this is common breaking up excusage, but considering her mental issues, I give her the benefit of the doubt. We were both very upset and cried together for probably 3 hours before I got up the strength to stand up and leave the apartment. She told me over and over that she loves me and that this was one of the hardest things she's ever had to do.. and of course i echoed that sentiment. She told me she still wants to be in my life, and still wants me to be in hers, just not as a boyfriend for the time being. She also had a bad semester in school, and is now on academic probation. She wants to have all the focus she can to finish this semester coming up in a better position. She doesnt feel she can do that while she's in a relationship. As hard as it is,.. I accepted this the best I could, and I left. She called me before I even got home to make sure I made it ok. That was the last we've talked on the phone. This was last thursday, and it's been an insanely hard week for me. It's hard to fall asleep because I'm used to hearing from her on the phone to say goodnight(or sleeping over her apt on the weekends). When I talk to her on AIM it feels as if I'm bothering her so I cut back on that. I've been emailing her which is better and she says she enjoys it because she can keep in touch with me without having to do it in real time. It's very important to me that I give her the space she needs so she can feel better. Since the break last week I of course have been thinking about things a lot, and it finally hit me how much my health stuff has affected her. I feel terrible about it, and I told her that I am ready to do what I need to to take care of myself and make her happy and confident in me. I already went and got new glasses, this afternoon. The doctor and dentist will wait for a bit because I truly need her support the first time. I know it's a weird thing to be this scared of a doctor or dentist visit, but for me theres something in that sterile smell that makes me feel sick and I just need someone there with me for comfort. my plan now is to get through this day by day. I know I shouldnt remind myself of her but I keep looking at our pictures and in music i never paid attention to before lyrics are jumping out that seem to be pulled from our lives. Valentines day is coming up and I absolutely will be buying her a gift. Even if we are technically apart she is the one girl that i truly love, and the only person who's ever connected with me at this kind of level. I'm hoping that perhaps she'll be open to the idea of going out for dinner that night. It might be helpful for us to catch up if only for a couple hours. I figure by then she will have had a month to settle into her new classes and to have time to herself. I'm not counting on this, it's just what Im looking forward to, to keep me going. In the meantime I will become a better person with less health concerns, better vision, less weight(which is something im constantly struggling with, but doing well with now), and an insight to how things went wrong the first time. I guess thats the long story for now. I will undoubtedly be back here to respond to any comments and to post updates on my situation. Thanks to everyone(anyone) who stuck with me through that long post...