regoms

glad to see this thread.. gives me hope. me and my ex are in light contact right now, and she seems to be making progress with her problems(we've been apart for a month). we even talked about some of "our" problems the other day, and she seems to understand that they can be worked on("our problems" were only a minor reason for our breakup). i really want to meet up with her, but not sure when i should ask her again. i asked her for V-Day but after considering it for a week she told me she wasnt ready to see me yet. ..but it didnt seem like she "didnt want to" see me, so much as it seemed like she was scared of falling back into the relationship too fast.. so i dont know. one thing i know is that even the light contact has helped in that ive been exercising more, actually lost 7 or 8 lbs, and gained back a lot of confidence in myself that i had lost in the process of "getting comfortable" in our relationship. ive also put more time into my hobbies, reconnected with old friends, and all that good stuff.

well im back. my ex decided no v-day for us. and again said she didnt want me to wait for her.. i wrote her back telling her that i respect her decision, and i kind of questioned her on the not wanting me to wait. i was starting to expect shed come back and just tell me that she went out and met somebody. anyway,.. i was anxious for an answer to i imed her to tell her i responded. she responded a minute later and asked if id like to talk about it. i told her she could just write back in email but she said she figured it would be a long conversation so IM would be easier, so i agreed. at this point i was expecting the worse.. i met someone, things are over, forget about me,.. whatever. but nope. she just told me shes having a lot of fun with her friends and feeling better about herself, which i think is great. she said honestly at the moment shes not even thinking about "us" too much. (which is fine by me,.. like you guys say, if shes thinking about me all the time she's not getting her space). but this next part really surprised me. she told me for the first time since we broke up, that she loves me, and always will. she explained that the reason she doesnt want to get together for v-day is because when she decided to break with me, she had a "huge battle between her head and her heart", and she doesnt want to put herself into the position to get into that again. i can't argue with that, i suppose. in fact i was ecstatic that she even took some time to consider it. she then went on to tell me about her therapy, and that the therapist said that "we're not right for each other". i asked her why she thought so and she named 3 issues, that im my opinion were largely misunderstandings, or just things she should have mentioned to me if it bothered her so much. we talked at length about the 3 issues and she seemed to understand my side of things, and i truly think she knows i wasnt just giving her the old "but i'll change!" routine. she even told me some stuff i never realized about her families views on me, and it made me so happy i was literally crying. of course on the other side of that, this information would have been useful before now, hehe. i was really surprised that we got into a conversation about "us". it was kind of relieving, actually. i miss being able to talk to her about ..everything. so we chatted some more, and before i left i returned her i love you. overall i think things went well. this is the 3rd decent AIM conversation we've had in this period of "not talking on aim". maybe things are getting better? maybe im just starting to get optimistic. i know nothing will happen anytime soon. but at least she's beginning to open up more. i appreciate that. well, no real questions. just wanted to update you guys.

hehe,.. i almost feel guilty in some way,.. in the same period of time i've worked off about 5 lbs(2 belt holes!), bought a beautiful Acura, booked a business trip to Texas in March(business with a LOT of time for pleasure!), and just have generally been having a carefree blast. i have a little side business i run from home(aside from my "real" job) in my free time, and ive allocated more time to that,.. everything is just great. but of course... what is success without someone to share it with? so im almost "there". but still a few pieces missing. but.. i know everything will be ok. even if i get sad at times. im healthy, im generally happy, and i know i can overcome anything that gets thrown at me. well,.. except maybe a blizzard.. in which case i might have to take a day off from EVERYTHING haha thanks again for checking in. things are getting easier but you know i'll be back.

hey all,.. its been a busy weekend, and things have been good. as i said my ex is coming to get her stuff this week, and she had let me borrow 3 metal folding chairs. they were kinda old/heavy so i IMed her last night just to ask if she wanted me to leave them in my garage(i live on the second floor, so i figured it'd save her having to lug them down the steps). she said no but thanks, and then we got into a conversation which actually lasted for maybe.. 30,40 min? she had a rough week with some car problems and a huge fight between her bosses at work, and she was venting to me about it. at one point during the conversation she actually apologized for talking to me and explained that I'm the person she's used to telling about this kind of stuff,.. i told her i don't mind and didnt want her to feel bad about it. overall it was a pretty good conversation. nothing terribly exciting except for the fact that she wasnt opposed to it. not that it's going to be a regular thing or anything oh, and she still hasnt shot me down about valentines day. we'll see. have a good one everyone!

wow,.. i dont know what to say but THANKS! i understand what you mean and im doing just that. keeping myself busy, getting in touch with old friends, making new ones, and even considering attempting a new hobby at this point its not even a matter of just being on the "backburner". im just not interested in a relationship with anyone right now(well, except her obviously), and im pretty sure thats normal after the amount of time we spent together. i dont see any need to run out and hunt down new relationships just because im out of this one. of course after some unknown amount of time that will change, but for now im just gonna have some fun and stay busy. thanks again ..you know ill be back.

ok, so before i expected to have one, here's an update she IMed me tonight, and while it was a mixed bag. i came out of it feeling ok. now, the uncanny thing is that the reason she imed me was to tell me she was going to come while im at work one day to get her stuff, and to leave my key and get hers back. i almost wonder if she is on this site and realizes who i am boy would i feel silly! but anyway,.. obviously this was somewhat crushing to me, because as i explained before,.. the holding on of stuff and keys was one of the things keeping my hopes up. so,.. i decided to return her im when i got back to my computer. i asked her why the change, and she said because she was under the impression that we weren't speaking anymore, and plus she needed the stuff anyway. so, i explained to her that im not avoiding her, and that im merely trying to give her the space she needs. she said she didnt expect to stop getting emails from me, but that if i thought it was better it was ok. i told her no, i like keeping in touch so email is fine. so,..all good then? well no. she still wants all her stuff back, and of course, being me, i couldnt help but ask her to clarify.. now that she knows we're on speaking terms why does she still want everything? she explains to me that this is going to be a long process and if things work out we'll be starting over anyway. i told her i understood. she said "im sorry i know thats not what you want to hear", but i told her, that it was perfectly fine.. i'd rather hear that than "get lost sucker!"(joking of course). she told me im not a sucker and im still her best friend. i told her it meant a lot to me, and that i felt the same way. she said "im glad." i went on to tell her that all i want is for her to do whatever she needs to handle her situation, and ill be there for her, in the background. she told me thanks and said she didnt expect me to put my life on hold for her and if i get tired of waiting she understands. i told her i know, and that im not putting anything on hold. i told her i dont see getting tired of waiting, but thanked her.(i know, this was weak). she smiled. this was followed by some friendly chat, and she said she was going to get going. since we were having our first good IM chat in a while now,.. i decided to see what she felt about v-day. honestly,.. i was expecting the worst, and even after i typed the question and hit send i thought "what did i do!?".. but she didnt seem upset. and she didnt say no. i mean,.. she didnt say yes. but she said she would have to think about it, that it would be hard to see me. i told her not to feel any pressure and that it was not a big deal and completely up to her. she said she would let me know, but if she couldnt do it,.. she didnt want me to have to spend v-day alone if i dont want(i know,.. again cutting me loose). i told her it wasnt so much about v-day.. i just thought it would be nice to catch up a little. so we'll see. i realize that's leaning towards a no, but i honestly expected it to come immediately. and maybe im now a grasper, as you so greatly put it. but like i said.. i just cant bring myself to believe it would end like this, on a great note. so,.. still hoping i guess that things can work out, but in the meantime ill carry on with life, and see what happens. but obviously,.. the no contact approach is going to get me nowhere. i know after tonight this will peak and end up in a rollercoaster of emotions so ill definitely be back. i already noticed she removed me from her top 8 tonight on myspace, and removed the "we still get along great" part from our facebook relationship status, and i know thats silly high school stuff and it shouldnt matter.. but for some reason it does. im assuming she did this because she thought i stopped talking to her.. so we'll see. im guessing she wont put me back on her tops on myspace, but i did set the facebook thing back.. i guess ill see if she approves it or not. as always,.. any opinions,.. greatly appreciated. and,.. if she IS on here and seeing these posts(i know, paranoid),.. well i dont know what to say because she obviously knows EXACTLY how i feel about things already. edit: by the way i want to thank everyone again who is keeping up with my story and giving me advice. even if it seems like its going in one ear and out the other, i really do appreciate it, and it helps a lot.

thanks for the advice. is the outlook any better considering she made it very clear that it was a "break" and not a "break up"?.. you know,.. told me to keep her keys and all,..? i mean,.. ive had my doubts about it as well, of course, but after the great relationship we've had i just can't believe that she'd blatantly lie to me about something this big. like i said.. id be having a much easier time with this if she made it clear that it was over, but that was far from the case. im not sure if you've read my initial post in this thread(i realize it was long and rambling), but we didn't break over any type of strife in the relationship,.. it was mainly due to her needing to get personal things settled in her own life and to have time to focus on herself and her classes. is it really that hopeless for a couple to make a comeback from even a break?

best of luck truevox. anyone have any advice?

ok,.. more advice needed. She emailed me again, and im dying to write back. this is the second unprovoked email she's sent and it seems to me she truly does want to be in touch.. what do i do? she brought up the fact that "i havent heard from you for a while" and "guess ill ttyl" (as opposed to "i *will* ttyl) advice?

well im back,.. its almost midnight and im really missing her right now.. im not sure why.. maybe its the sudden cold weather in my area. im not gonna write to her but damn if i dont want to. i thought i was ready for this but maybe im still the one wondering about things. ah welll and im back to thinking about valentines day again.. i know it shouldnt even be a though in my head but its hard with all the commercials and advertisements. what i wouldnt give just to have a nice dinner with her and talk about the past month. i have so much i want to tell her and so much i want to ask her

i dont know what to say other than sex is human nature. could you clarify why you are opposed to it? have you been taught that theres something wrong with it? are you a germophobe of some sort? im not trying to be rude,.. im just trying to grasp why you would attempt to go against tens of thousands of years of human nature.

here's an update on my situation.. i cut back on emails. i had been planning on emailing her to show her my glasses when i got them, but i decided not to. i think it was last tuesday or so when i last emailed her. well,.. sure enough,.. i checked my email last night and she had emailed me to tell me she saw the picture i posted of my "new face" on myspace and that she thought they look good on me. i didn't respond. it feels great to know she's still thinking of me, and checking up on me, and even though it kinda feels like a head game, it feels good to know that maybe now she is the one wondering where I went, and what im up to, and when I'm going to respond. Thanks everyone things may work out after all!

lol, thanks!

thanks for the response , you def. didnt make anything worse. i realize her emphasis on these issues seems extreme, but i guess you have to know her to understand. her anxiety causes her to take things that to most people are not a huge reason for concern and blow them way out of proportion. for my birthday, one of the gifts she bought me was a carbon monoxide detector. yeah,.. you see what i mean there was also a night we were driving home to my place after dinner and it was pretty late so there was very little traffic. one of the cars we did come accross was obviously driven by a drunk driver. he was swerving badly and almost hit the guardrail a couple times. it was only our 2 cars anywhere in sight. i stayed a safe distance behind him for a period so she could call 911 and report him, and then i put a lane between us and carefully passed him. it was a relatively minor incident, but when we got home she curled up on my bed and sobbed for over an hour. so,.. the clothing and apartment stuff can easily be worked on.. its not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. the doctor and dentist stuff is more of a precautionary thing,.. one of the times that came up she mentioned that she felt like we'd end up getting married, but she was terrified to lose me due to an unknown health problem. again, her anxiety, plus her experiences with her families medical problems(her mother was a cancer survivor), and her knowledge of my families history(its not often that a male in my fathers bloodline has lived past his 50's..) just really really bothered her. like i said i thought i had calmed her down about it, but apparently not. one thing i should have taken more account of was she let me look through her diary one time, and i found where she had written about my health concerns. (or lack of concern, rather). it said things like "can't you just do this 1 thing for me? don't i mean enough?". yeah.. it hurt when i read it, and i talked to her immediately about it,. but it gradually slipped my mind/got shuffled to a backburner... of course today i feel terrible about that but for now ill have to ignore that/live with it because its not the number 1 priority here. i dont think she was wondering about being with anyone polished or suave as you put it. she made it quite clear to me throughout her relationship that she prefers .. how do i say this... well... men! i honestly dont feel it was too much for her to ask that i make an effort to pull myself together occasionally though. i wasnt offended in the least when she made the remarks. i mean,.. my favorite jeans had a rip in the knee, and ive lost weight since buying them so they were baggy on me. even i could tell they werent the pinnacle of fashion,.. they were just comfortable! but in the end, these are just the things that *i* could have done better. theres no sense moping over them now. if things work out with us i can always make all this right at any time. but i want to emphasize that the reason she needed to break away was mostly to reconnect with her friends, enjoy time to herself, and devote herself to finishing her degree with as little distraction as possible.

thanks for the advice! it means a lot that you took the time to read and respond, esp. considering how long winded my posts were. as for healing myself, i def. agree and its coming along well. im exercising more, keeping busy,.. reaching out to some old friends i lost touch with, and all that other good stuff. she actually summed up the situation best. the night she broke up with me we were hugging each other for hours crying together,.. and she said to me "can;t you just call me a * * * * * or something? it would make this so much easier" she was joking of course, and i tried it, but she didnt believe me anyway . i guess its kinda like that... immediately before this happened, things couldnt have been better in terms of the relationship itself. 4 nights before this we spent new years eve together and new years day was the last time i saw her not counting the night she broke things off. we were even intimate before she left on new years day. like i said... completely out of the blue. so my whole point is if i had some indication of this coming like she was treating me coldly or something, it would be so much easier to walk away. and if she would just tell me to forget about the future, i would. but since i got none of that, im having a huge struggle with giving up. but, im trying. little by little i guess.