Oral sex and kissing.

[apparentlynotalone]

Hey. After I give my boyfriend oral sex, he doesn't like to kiss afterwards which is pretty understandable. But it gets annoying when we're trying to be intimate afterwards and we can't kiss! I don't think it's that bad for him to kiss me afterwards and he doesn't orgasm in my mouth. I have absolutely no problem with kissing him after he performs on me. So, what do you guys think? Is it ok, or not?

[alexx is a girl]

from a girls point of view, i expect him to kiss me. let him know that it hurts your feeling that he will do that to you then kiss you, but you can't kiss him after doing that. and ask him if he understands. because YOU'RE pleasuring him, as a favor. but then he won't kiss your lips. it's not fair. try taking to him.

[apparentlynotalone]

It doesn't really "hurt" my feelings because I know he enjoys kissing me and he pleasures me in lots of other ways than just making out. He just figures because his thing-a-ma-jig was just in there, he would feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to know what other guys do in this situation.

[elithepi]

He should kiss you...hell, you had YOUR mouth there...he needs to get over it and be glad.

[zerohalo]

I know where your boyfriend is coming from. It's just a bit of a mental thing, even if he didn't ejaculate into your mouth, I guarantee there was some pre-cum and he knows that. There's a definite homophobia aspect to this, even if it's his own cum. It may be that he'll never get over it, but you should definitely tell him how much you want to kiss him after oral sex. You could even tell him how much you would like it, how much it would turn you on.

 

For me it was being told how much she really got off on kissing after oral sex. I can't say that it ranked particularly high on my list, but it did on hers so I got cool with it.

[DN]

If he is uncomfortable doing it then telling him he should do it anyway will not help. If someone finds an act degrading, disgusting or just plain uncomfortable they are allowed to have those feelings and they should be respected.

 

A basic rule of sex is that no one should be pressured in any way to do something they don't want to do. If that means that a couple becomes sexually incompatible they may have to consider breaking up. I would be surprised if this particular issue was that important to you but that would be your choice.

[arwen]

If it's really grossing him out, work a way around it. My suggestion, play around with small fruits, like strawberries or grapes that you place somewhere close to the bed. After you have been pleasuring him, slowly move on making love, bite in a strawberry and have him bite the other half, things like that. I know where he's coming from, I don't like to kiss after giving or receiving oral to be honest. It's just a personal thing I guess. Some people do and others don't mind

 

Arwen

[HarleyHunny]

What if you brush your teeth or gargle right after? Would that help?

[zerohalo]

If he is uncomfortable doing it then telling him he should do it anyway will not help.

Correct. Telling him won't work... asking him might.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

I went out with a guy who was the same. I was really offended at first ('how can you expect me to put my mouth there and not kiss me afterwards etc', just like you!). But I've asked a few other male friends, and they've said they are slightly squeamish about it too - which is odd. But as people have said, if someone doesn't like something, they dont like it - you can't ARGUE them into something!

 

I like Arwen's suggestions with the strawberries - I used to have a quick bathroom break and gargle, before continuing. I know it's a pain, but I suppose I want my bloke to be sensitive to my wants and needs, so it goes two ways. So long as he's good in bed with you in other ways, I suppose it's something you can deal with. But I think it's a fairly common reaction, if that's what you were asking.

[apparentlynotalone]

If he is uncomfortable doing it then telling him he should do it anyway will not help. If someone finds an act degrading, disgusting or just plain uncomfortable they are allowed to have those feelings and they should be respected.

 

A basic rule of sex is that no one should be pressured in any way to do something they don't want to do. If that means that a couple becomes sexually incompatible they may have to consider breaking up. I would be surprised if this particular issue was that important to you but that would be your choice.

 

Yeah, I would absolutely never break up with him for something as petty as this. I do not pressure him, I respect his wishes to do so but I know that there are some homophobic factors contributing to the way he feels as zerohalo said. He also said he would need a couple of guys' other opinions so he didn't feel weird or anything which is why I'm posting up this thread.

 

arwen, I think your idea is very very good. I will definitely try that one out ASAP. Also I have used mouth wash and he's cool with kissing me afterwards. But when you're in the moment it's sort of a downer to run to the sink and gargle because it's disrupting. Like I said, I just want other guys' opinions so I could either comfort him or be cool with it.

[DN]

I don't see why this should be seen as homophobic at all. An aversion to tasting one's own bodily secretions is just a hang-up that is not uncommon for both men and women. It is not that he finds you offensive just the idea of tasting or swallowing his own semen.

[emma34]

my boyfriend is the same way...its always so akward after. i don't care, but he thinks its gross... its a guy thing i think

[zerohalo]

my boyfriend is the same way...its always so akward after. i don't care, but he thinks its gross... its a guy thing i think

Yep. Someone had asked here before if it makes you gay for being able to give yourself a blowjob. The obvious answer is no, it's no different than masturbating. But in a guy's mind, you are still putting a penis in your mouth, and in this particular example, you are still putting semen into your mouth. It doesn't matter that it's yours.

[isidore]

Some people just have a ridiculous level of squeamishness. In the heat of the moment, making love to someone you care for deeply, it just seems odd that he would actually stop and not want to kiss you. Everyone has their own ideas of what they can handle, but this seems like such a no-brainer to me. A woman giving me that kind of awesome attention and then I turn aside when she wants to kiss me? I just don't understand? If a girl did that to me after I had pleased her it would totally ruin the moment!

[j_kitty]

If he won't kiss you afterwards, then don't go down on him. Tell him you would rather kiss him then suck him...he will change his toon...lol. I like the idea of fruit(strawberries) near by, that is a really good idea and he should like that.

[DN]

isodoreSome people just have a ridiculous level of squeamishness. In the heat of the moment, making love to someone you care for deeply, it just seems odd that he would actually stop and not want to kiss you. Everyone has their own ideas of what they can handle, but this seems like such a no-brainer to me. A woman giving me that kind of awesome attention and then I turn aside when she wants to kiss me? I just don't understand? If a girl did that to me after I had pleased her it would totally ruin the moment!

It is really important to remember that what turns some people has exactly the opposite effect on someone else. What you may find exciting or even just acceptable may be a complete turn off to someone else and that should be respected not ridiculed.

 

If he won't kiss you afterwards, then don't go down on him. Tell him you would rather kiss him then suck him...he will change his toon...lol.

If you try and withhold pleasure from a partner in retaliation because they can't or won't do something you like - that is manipulative and can seriously damage a relationship. The mature thing to do is to understand that your partner may have different views on some sexual matters. It is fine to try and negotiate and compromise but it is not fine to demand and manipulate in order to get your own way.

[TiredMan]

I won't kiss a woman after she does oral and I don't expect to kiss her after I do it. In fact, when I do oral, once she orgasms, I go into the bathroom and rinse with mouthwash and even brush, then kissing is ok.

[isidore]

It is really important to remember that what turns some people has exactly the opposite effect on someone else. What you may find exciting or even just acceptable may be a complete turn off to someone else and that should be respected not ridiculed.

 

Hey there DN, I was simply stating my opinion (if that is OK I was not trying to belittle anyone's point of view. I see that you're a moderator- so please be a little more...moderate. I assume the original poster may have wanted different points of view, and that's all I was providing. Whatever anyone else wants or believes or finds acceptable is fine by me.

[aymee_lee]

With my first bf (we were both virgins when we met) we both thought it was weird. Never kissed after oral. Then when we broke up and I slept with someone else who didn't have a problem with it I thought 'Oh, hang on, this isn't weird'. Now it doesn't bother me.

 

However, as you have spoken to your bf about this and he is bothered, I think you just need to go with it. It may break the moment to brush your teeth but if kissing is important to you, it's probably the easiest option. He can't help what he's grossed out by, unfortunately.

[DN]

It is really important to remember that what turns some people has exactly the opposite effect on someone else. What you may find exciting or even just acceptable may be a complete turn off to someone else and that should be respected not ridiculed.

 

Hey there DN, I was simply stating my opinion (if that is OK I was not trying to belittle anyone's point of view. I see that you're a moderator- so please be a little more...moderate. I assume the original poster may have wanted different points of view, and that's all I was providing. Whatever anyone else wants or believes or finds acceptable is fine by me.

Perfectly fine to state your opinion as I do mine. My opinion is that saying his squeamishness was ridiculous is unlikely to help the OP understand her boyfriends issue.

[amtjrtcet]

Hey. After I give my boyfriend oral sex, he doesn't like to kiss afterwards which is pretty understandable. But it gets annoying when we're trying to be intimate afterwards and we can't kiss! I don't think it's that bad for him to kiss me afterwards and he doesn't orgasm in my mouth. I have absolutely no problem with kissing him after he performs on me. So, what do you guys think? Is it ok, or not?

 

 

I would be extreemly offended. Just my opinion. After I give my man oral the first thing he does is kiss me, passionately. I do the same when he gives me oral.

 

If your boyfriend will give you oral I don't understand why he wont kiss you after you go down on him? That's kinda-the pot callin the kettle black..?

[apparentlynotalone]

Nah, he won't kiss me because his privates were just in my mouth, and I actually do understand. He'd be tasting his own pre-cum or whatever. He has noooo problemo kissing me passionately when I gargle with mouth wash though. But like I said, he just wants to know if other guys do it so it doesn't single him out as weird.

[Day_Walker]

Probably arent going to get him to change if you talk about it then you might be able to get him to change his mind about doing it.

[TiredMan]

I would be extreemly offended. Just my opinion. After I give my man oral the first thing he does is kiss me, passionately. I do the same when he gives me oral.

 

If your boyfriend will give you oral I don't understand why he wont kiss you after you go down on him? That's kinda-the pot callin the kettle black..?

 

Not me. Mouthwash gotta be used. Im not into tasting myself or vice versa lol.