Why would a guy date an ugly girl? (Inside AND out)

[vermilion]

I feel sick every time I hear her put him down and see her flirt with other guys. I just don't get what he sees in her.

 

I just don't understand it. There's plenty of beautiful, sweet girls who would go out with him. And I'm sick of feeling jealous of a girl who's so incredibly rude and obnoxious. She's overweight, chews with her mouth open, belches, farts, cuts her hair in the ugliest styles, isn't EVER happy (unless she's berating someone).

 

Maybe he has low self-esteem?

 

She's rarely nice to him though. And she's so far below him on many different levels.

 

I can't stand it! I just wish I could tell him my feelings but I wouldn't want to deal with his rejection and her wrath.

 

No one says anything to him- how he could do so much better, how he deserves respect, because they don't want to rub elbows with the girlfriend from hell or upset him.

 

I know it's none of my business who he dates, but I'd honestly feel happier if he dated someone who was at least NICE to him even if I'd still be incredibly jealous of her.

 

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this?

[millaj]

Yes, I sure have. I can't stand women who date people, and then talk about them behind their backs. They need to get a life.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Maybe she's not judgemental, and maybe she doesn't focus on other people's appearance - maybe he likes her because she's not that shallow?

 

Maybe he thinks she's gorgeous as she is, curves and all.

 

Maybe he likes the fact that the way she eats reflects the appetite she has for sex?

 

Maybe he likes the fact that her hair isn't a clone of all the other girls?

 

Maybe she doesn't belittle other girls?

 

Sorry, but your post comes accross as really judgemental and you didn't come out of it terribly well to me - maybe you could think about why you are so vitriolic about this girl? You can never see in to other people's relationships, and what makes them work. I'm sorry you feel jealous of this girl - focus on yourself, though, not other people.

[Dako]

So put yourself in his shoes.

A jealous woman dislikes your gf.

 

His choices are his own, not a situation for interference.

Leave him alone.

[vermilion]

Maybe she's not judgemental, and maybe she doesn't focus on other people's appearance - maybe he likes her because she's not that shallow?

 

Maybe he thinks she's gorgeous as she is, curves and all.

 

Maybe he likes the fact that the way she eats reflects the appetite she has for sex?

 

Maybe he likes the fact that her hair isn't a clone of all the other girls?

 

Maybe she doesn't belittle other girls?

 

Sorry, but your post comes accross as really judgemental and you didn't come out of it terribly well to me - maybe you could think about why you are so vitriolic about this girl? You can never see in to other people's relationships, and what makes them work. I'm sorry you feel jealous of this girl - focus on yourself, though, not other people.

 

Ok the hair thing was shallow of me.

 

But I'm talking about an unhealthy weight not "curvy".

 

And she's rude to everyone, all the time. I'm not the only one who thinks so.

 

Eating with your mouth open is disgusting. I have a healthy appetite. But I don't believe stuffing your face is healthy, neither is starving yourself.

stuffing your face and sitting around all day and wondering why you're obese is not healthy and what does that have to do with sex?

 

I just don't think it's right that she would go hit on other guys (who aren't interested) when she has a great guy already.And then the way she talks to him! How can you think that's ok?

[jevonj77]

Uhm there can be several reasons of course. What I've noticed is that sometimes either the guy is just very nice and wants to work on this relationship...or either he doesn't feel that he could do better right now and has low self esteem.

 

The previous post offers some other possible suggestions. The only way you'll know for sure is to ask him...

[shes2smart]

Simple answer: He sees something in her that you don't...and that's all you need to know.

 

You can lessen your frustration by letting it (and letting him) go. It's his life and his choice to make. His life isn't a democracy. You don't get a vote.

[Honey Pumpkin]

But I'm talking about an unhealthy weight not "curvy".

 

...

 

But I don't believe stuffing your face is healthy, neither is starving yourself.

stuffing your face and sitting around all day and wondering why you're obese is not healthy and what does that have to do with sex?

 

Look, he fancies and likes her. Some men like big women, I'm sorry, you might as well find out that life is not the way that it's shown in the magazines. Which is good, because it means that life is rich and varied, and sometimes fat girls get the hot guy. To the chagrin of the supposedly 'prettier' thin girls.

 

As for food and sex, well, I'm being lighthearted, but there is supposed to be a link between an appetite for food and an appetite for sex.

 

Have you ever seen the film Mean Girls? I don't want to be unkind, but you are sounding a bit like the plastics from that film, deciding what IS and what ISN'T acceptable. He likes her and is going out with her; move on and focus on your own life.

[Dako]

I've been with a woman my friends found "substandard" and decided those friends were expendable. No one can see inside my head.

Same for this fellow you seek to control.

 

Walk away and leave him in peace.

[vermilion]

Have you ever seen the film Mean Girls? I don't want to be unkind, but you are sounding a bit like the plastics from that film, deciding what IS and what ISN'T acceptable. He likes her and is going out with her; move on and focus on your own life.

 

Why are you being so rude to me? You don't even know me and you're telling me I'm a terrible person. I think you just ignore the fact that I'm more focused on her attitude because you're so busy trying to make yourself sound like a saint to impress some strangers.

 

Then you tell me to "move on" like I'm pining over this situation. Geez, I was just bringing something up on a site where I thought I could get some perspective on something. I was wondering why a guy who can do better, doesn't.

I probably should have just put that, oops. But I've been feeling a little upset so I just typed the other things I was feeling. I didn't expect to have people lash out at me for typing my feelings. Of course, now I have to feel like some sort of freak because apparently, NO ONE has ever felt like one of their friends could do better. No one has ever judged someone. No one has ever felt jealous.

 

I don't think I'm better than everyone, I don't spread rumors, I don't judge everyone I meet by their looks, I don't purposely try to hurt people's feelings.

so no, I'm not a "mean girl".

 

And I am "leaving him be" , I'm not going to say anything to him because I know it's not any of my business. I was saying I'd like to ask him about it, not that I would.

[stopit]

I was wondering why a guy who can do better, doesn't.

 

Argh! This makes me cringe... What do you mean by "better?" (rhetorical question)

 

You can't narrow someone's reasons to being in a relationship to looks, money or status (generally speaking). There isn't a formula for it. It's about compatability. There's something about her that he likes. Unless he has expressed disinterest in her in unmistakable terms and said he doesn't want to break it off because he's afraid of her or something, then you aren't in the right place to deem what is "better" for someone. What matters is that she makes him happy, and if you respect him, you'll respect what makes him happy.

 

I'm sorry you feel jealous. But here's the perspective: he's not available, and you're deciding whether you should do something to intervene in his relationship. I don't think it would be very helpful to you to tell him what you think about his gf: it would just alienate him. And I don't think it would provide much closure if you told him how you feel meanwhile he has a girlfriend: that would just be awkward. It's a tough situation to like someone who's taken, but don't you think the situation in and of itself predisposes you to dislike whoever she's with? And wouldn't it feel worse anyway if he were with someone who you consider a goddess? (you know, the type of person who volunteers at children's hospitals 20 hours a week, who's head of every club, who's president of the high school, who does every sport and who you consider absolutely gorgeous...) He could be with anyone, and you'd probably still be jealous. Point is, just because he's chosen someone you don't approve of doesn't give you the right to determine what's best for him. It's best to just move on or keep your silence.

[jazzykat]

You say you don't judge people by the way they look, yet you brought up this poor girl's weight like it was a negative...

 

I don't get the contradiction?

 

I'm not saying this about you as a person, only your post -it sounds very bitter. Sorry.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Vermillion -

 

Hey!!

 

.......so......when I first read your post I was like....Yep! I've been there.

 

And then I read all the responses......

 

.....hmmmm

 

I didn't get that that's what you were saying.

 

i think I know what you mean. My brother fell for the devil as well. She was an OK looking girl - which is what got him interested to begin with but MAN! She was (IS) the devil! She's rude, mean, controlling and YES - has a VERY low self-esteem.

 

My brother is divorced from her now (THANKFULLY) but they have a child together and she's still always soooo mean. She belittles him, she puts other people down and - at the risk of being yelled at, like you were - She's just UGLY! Inside and out.

 

I know what you mean.

 

And it's harder to see someone you like deal with that because you know you could love them better....but as others have said, he obviously sees SOMETHING in her....even if you and I don't see what it is.

 

But hang in there, those kinds of people can't fool people forever....

[stopit]

I see your point, but beyond the context of this situation, isn't it still a value judgment to say that someone does not deserve to be dated because s/he has certain qualities? We all have flaws, both body and personality wise, but those flaws shouldn't make us unworthy of a relationship.

 

Ultimately, it's all a matter of relativity. You can have someone who is nice, but compared to someone ultra nice, the original person might seem mean. Stupid example, but my point is that you can't have someone "good" enough or "better" because relativity doesn't matter in relationships. What matters is the connection between two people, right?

[AwdreeHpburn]

sheesh -are we really going to argue semantics here??

 

Op obviously posted because she's got a crush on a guy who's dating someone else. Come on! We've ALL been THERE!!!

 

Is she JUST saying bad things because she's jealous - NO! At least I don't think so. And who cares if she is. She doesn't like the girl her crush is dating, obviously!

 

...sounds normal and relate-able to me...

[stopit]

I'm sorry if you felt I was "attacking her." I personally tried to be honest and fair in my post. Out of curiosity, what exactly about my post "attacked?"

 

Setting aside all the semantics, the point I originally made in my post is that the OP has to respect the choice of the guy, and even though she wants to tell him her feelings, it doesn't change the fact that he's already committed. I think it would be more painful to dwell on the situation and think of ways to "remedy" it; it's just easier to move on, however difficult that may be.

[Spugly Fuglet]

shalow hal is a grate Jack Black film

[lizziebee]

My sister says that guys go out with the ugly girls cuz they swallow....When she said that I could not stop laughing. But one persons ugly is another persons beautiful. However, I do not understand the nasty talk behind the bf's back unless this is the only time she feels like she is the center of attention which is a whole other can of worms...........

[Dako]

I really don't know why people are calling vermilion judgemental, mean and so on when this girl's appearance isn't the only thing she has mentioned and isn't the only reason she thinks her friend "can do better." She also mentioned that this girl is rude and obnoxious to others, has bad manners, is constantly miserable and enjoys berating other people. Why would any man want to date a girl like that whether she was attractive or not?

 

Because it's his choice.

It's his life, and not a matter for bystanders to judge and interfere with.

 

No matter what the list of faults may be, this guy's choice to be with whoever he wants is up to him alone.

 

Maybe there's a division of opinion on this, but have any of you dated someone who your friends found wrong for you?

 

It's a pain in the wazoo to be happy with someone, and hear your friends run them down.

[eleanorrigby1]

Someone here pointed out that I made myself look bad when I slagged off someone's appearance. Rightly so, but it didnt stop me from thinking it or feeling it.

 

I have a major issue with my boyfriends ugly ex. the reason i hate her so much is pure jealousy! i dont deny it! he loved her, he adored her. I KNOW it was in the pst, I KNOW he loves me now, I KNOW i should respect his past and move on , but that doesnt stop the irrational upset take over whenever i see her in the street.

 

I always remember a conversation we had when we hadnt been together long and were talking of past relationships and the sh*t we put up with sometimes when we are blinded by love and he described this girl as 'thick' 'dull' 'always moaning' 'always pulling her face' never happy, wanted presents all the time, he paid for everything, she would ignore him and she dumped him and broke his heart, but then six months later she wanted him back and he did because he couldnt stop thinking about her because he 'worshipped her' he (in his words "Wanted her soooo bad.. she was beautiful"

 

I then saw her and almost choked to death! she was short dumpy with no shape, no boobs, a big fat face, acne, eyes too far apart, she had crooked yellow teeth, (I nicknamed her old snaggletooth!), she had fat bingo wings and podgy hands and thin lips and big bushy eyebrows,her hair was scraped into a bun, she had big fat legs with cankles and she had a right face on her like she wanted to fight the world, she stomped past me in the street. The girl from work I was with said "MY GOD!! thats the girl you are jealous of?!! she has nothing going for at all!" I almost threw up in jealousy because how much must he have loved her to find her beautiful!

 

you know when I told my best friend she said "God! Poor Bridget!" and felt sorry for the other girl.

 

I know how you feel hun, because I have felt it and yes its shallow, and yes its nasty but im being HONEST i dont pretend to be perfect, or nice or not jealous. Im incredibly jealous because whenver i see her ugly fat face i am reminded that he thought she was 'beautiful'

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If she genuinely is rude and so forth, then yes, I'd agree - "what IS he doing with her?"

 

However:

 

1) It seems like if she was pretty, you wouldnt think it was so bad.

 

I think thats what people object to on here. That you left in the bit about her appearance. If you'd have just said "my friend is with a terribly mannered, VERY toxic girl, and I'm confused as to why" you'll get a more sympathetic hearing than "theres this ugly girl AND she's rude"...by dwelling on the apperance, people will think you are shallow. Its about your wording.

 

2) People are different to people, and that makes the attraction.

 

I'm not renowned for being overly polite, and sometimes if your signif other is ONLY nice to you, in private, its like having a fabulous secret, and you feel privileged, and attracted by that. That could be the case here?

 

3) Opinions are subjective.

 

You think she's fat; he thinks she's curvy. You think she's rude; he thinks she's uninhibited!

Thats me in my avatar...do you think I'm hot? Because some people sure as heck do, but some don't. Its all very different.

 

I for one do NOT think you are a horrible person, however you worded it in an unfortunate way.

[Dako]

I see your point from that angle. I really do.

 

She used the word jealousy. Vilifying a rival is a common side-effect.

 

I do suspect her opinion will leak out to him through friends, vibes, attitudes or other ways. When I was with a woman my friends found wrong for me, I felt the sting of their thoughts before they ever said a direct word.

I admittedly carry that as baggage.

[Siriana]

O.k. I tend to be pretty b....when I'am not getting what I want and I hate loosing, and I am revengfull so this is my advice (that definitely isn't going to be Ghandi type of advice). It is a lesson I learned:

 

Well once I was seeing a guy who unfortunatelly wasn't over his ex (yeah,that wasn't smart....) so he was telling me after some time (after our brake up) about her and I imagined her in my own way - good looking, tall, dark brown straight hair..

He mentioned to me how her face expression reminds him on Jessica Alba (oh, by the way this guy is not in my life anymore).

And I was clubbing one evening with my sister and there he comes in with this ex of his (he was trying the just friends s...) and surprise! This girl was everything I never tought she might be:

 

She was tall, but her hair was curly, she was good looking in a way but her clothes was awfull.

She tried to hide her body the best she could, clothes way too much used. Reminded me on grunge style nirvana type - completely innapropriate for a future lawyer (if someone disagrees please ignore).

She combined some colours I think look awfull toghether.

Her shirt actually was screaming - look I have really small breasts and they look awfull (and he told me she was insecure about them).

Her hair was a mess. She was wearing old jeans that didn't fit her at all.

It was obvious accross the room how she was insecure, and she was standing quietly in the corner of the room.

 

Now don't get me wrong - this was my internal flux of mind caused by my jelousy and with my wish to send them both to hell that time or to run them over with a truck.

If I wasn't into him back than she could be my friend. She looked as a decent girl. Except beeing insecure and having no style. But I ussually don't judge people by their clothes and don't choose friends based on their talent for dressing well.

 

She was exact opposite of me - I like to dress a little bit weird too, but I prefer some mixture of vintage style with straight lines and weird combinations of colours.....I like good looking but unique bijoux, I adore shopping, knowing what's inn, going on sales, wearing perfect make up (all that while clubbing...not during the day...).

I am not standing at the back of the room, I am the one dancing and singing ...smiling, having fun, shoving my v - neck shirts... flirting...

 

And than it hit me...they were great looking couple together (but I was still happy she dumped him - well I am no saint

When I was with him his insecurity was to obvious but when he was with her they were insecure together..., he was always insecure because I was dressed up, with her he didn't have that problem....it bothered him that I looked self confident...

 

So when I saw the two of them together it hit me: I don't want to be with that guy, he's all I never wanted in my lfe, he belongs with someone like her. In my own mind I tought - hey he deserves someone like her - I am a better catch after all, I'll try to find someone who appreciates that.

 

Again don't get me wrong, I am not a mean person, I don't judge people, but it was my way of dealing with frustration.

So I advise you to do the same thing.

 

Why would you be with someone who thinks she's a good catch and pretty and not you?

[Desma214]

I read all of the members opinions and I dont see any of them lashing out on you I mean they are simply telling you what they see imagine how hard it is to help someone when they dont know the situation and dont live it, all of the members here tell you the truth thats why your here we arent here to break down on you so remember that. Honestly even though shes UGLY so you say you seem to give off the vibe you may be jealous of her I mean shes got a good man one that loves her unconditionaly no matter what her habits are or her looks you should respect that because we need more men like that all females deserve someone good whether ugly or not. I also know that if this is a situation where you may like this guy also then you need to keep the comments about her to yourself because it doesnt give you brownie points talking about another female especially his woman if anything it shows low class on your personality and it can be a turn off to him men hate it when another woman speaks badly about a woman it shows nothing but jealousy and being insecure. I say let them be happy if its working and you keep your comments to yourself it will help you in the long run and if I mean IF you like this guy then be friends with him but give the relationship hes got a fair chance good luck.

[mitch17]

well ive got a mate in the same situation, and the real reason why my mates is dating his obese gf is cause she puts out when ever he wants her to. shes basically just an easy pick up.

 

perhaps hes happy with what hes got knowing he wont have to compete with someone else over her?