Asking out your crush! it can be done....

[kidA]

...probably more successfully than this.

 

Anybody else took the plunge and just asked out that guy/girl they hardly knew but for some reason just couldn't stop thinking about? What did you say...what did they say?!

 

I did this a few weeks ago...it was one of the strangest things I've ever done in my whole life, beause I never ever seriously thought I could actually do it. I came back from uni after yet another frustrating afternoon of making eye contact but not being able to say so much as hi...this had been going on for weeks now...

 

link: enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=159443

(be warned, it's long and whiny)

 

and it was the holidays in a few days..and I just thought, I'm sick of this, I can't see myself ever having the confidence to chat to him again, why don't I just point blank ask him out, and at least if he says no then I know for sure and I can get over him? What if he says yes? Wouldn't breathtaking mind numbing intoxicating happiness be a nice way to kick start a Wednesday morning?! It was a pretty rash, immature decision, but I was just completely infatuated and not my usual, rational self...

 

So the next morning I waited on him on the way to class, determined but absolutely terrified, and when he saw me standing there I just went for it and said "hi, can I talk to you for a second?" and he looked at me with a friendly but puzzled frown and I knew then this was completely pointless but I had to do it anyway....I ended up looking at his feet in a moment of complete mental blankness then hearing this voice asking "em...is there any chance that you might want to go out with me sometime?"

He said "no, sorry", I laughed and said "its allright" and walked off, very fast.

 

Months of hopeless daydreams shattered in less than 30 seconds...

It felt...amazingly liberating...crushingly disappointing...painful...very very embarrassing...and later I told my friends about it and laughed at my complete insanity and felt better and now I don't entirely regret it, apart from still having to see him every week, but the embarrassment will fade with time (I hope!) and I'd rather he was the first and last boy I ever ask out than the guy I still like but can't talk to.

 

Now I really need to work on actually having conversations with guys I like rather than stopping talking to them, spending weeks obsessing over them, and then completely freaking them out by asking them out on the way to their maths lecture. Ugh!

[SilverManic]

Liked a guy at college and asked him out. He said that he wasn't interested in anyone right now as he wanted to get good grades and didn't have time as he had work and martial arts. Hurt at the time but eventually got over it and got married (to someone even better) These things happen hun I know it's embarasing and it hurts. But it's what makes us grow. *hugs to you*

~S.

[crazy300]

Hats OFF to you!! at least you made the step. Its not easy at all...and no matter what his response was, im still proud of you..!

[Honey Pumpkin]

HUGE well done. I cannot begin to tell you how impressed I was reading this post. I really REALLY admire you. That's so much better than another twelve months of hopeless brooding, eh?

 

Fantastic, I felt this was such a great post, you know.

[Batya33]

I've asked out several men including those I had a crush on. In some cases the answer was yes, in most cases no, and it never went beyond the one date. In my experience and that of hundreds of others I know, when it comes to adults (maybe it is different in college), if a man is sincerely interested in you and available (emotionally and otherwise) he will ask you out on a proper date he plans in advance. Asking men out is GREAT practice in combating shyness and if you do go on some dates it's always good to get practice at dating, making conversation, etc. but chances are that the man who is interested in dating you will step up to the plate and ask you out on a first date. What I would do is since you were able to ask this person out, use those assertiveness skills to work on being more social, friendly and approachable to the men you are interested in.

 

Again my disclaimer - I haven't been in college in 19 years or so (and when I was it was the same as I described above but maybe times have changed) so if it is typical for girls to ask guys out and if the guys are not just flattered by this but happy to be dating someone who takes the initiative in the beginnign, then certainly, go for it. It gets easier each time you do it, promise!

[orangecounty]

Oh yes, I have. I'm a pretty shy girl and I still surprise myself sometimes. There was this guy who flirted with me at work for months, I had a huge crush on him and I bet he knew it. One day while walking to my other job, I noticed him at work and thought, now or never! So I walked up to him and said "how are you doing? What are you up to tonight? I was just wondering if you'd like to go out for coffee." And here's the crushing part....he looked at me, paused for what felt like eternity and said "I think that's doable." Exuse me? Doable?! He then later walked over to my other job and told me that it was "guy's night," and that "we could do this "thing" another time." I was so proud of myself but boy was I ever a nervous wreck! I didn't hear from him for two weeks, we finally went out for coffee and he told me that he had to "work on himself." He ended up being an arrogant jerk who was just feeding off of me to boost his own ego.

Bleh, there' such losers out there! But despite all that, I'm so glad I mustered the courage to do it.

[cpc28655]

Doable!?!?! That is just tacky. I admire you for 2 reasons. Not only for overcoming your anxiety, but also for still giving the guy a chance after making a remark like that.

[Belix]

It's good to take that step outside of the comfortable box we surround ourselves in so often. Good job and keep that chin up!

[charley]

I have taken the plunge with a crush a couple times and it was a painful crash landing both times.

 

Actually one was a painful crash landing since I freaked her out. The other liked me and the attention, but I got shy and I freaked out and avoided her after that.

 

I'm thinking of a cases from years ago. However, I'm glad I tried in the first case. At the same time, I know so much more now. I did so many things wrong.

 

In the second case, I'm still kicking myself. She liked the attention and was into me. All I had to do was carry through instead of chickening out. That one makes me want to punch myself.

[charley]

You know why it's called a crush don't you? Because you get emotionally crushed. That's where the nickname comes from. It wouldn't be a crush if it worked out. Ouch!

[zerohalo]

I posted this tale on Friday, but here's a recap.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night with this absolutely intense dream about a girl I used to with. I couldn't get her out of my head for hours, she was smart, sexy, cute and creative. Well after getting the advice of many friends and these boards, I decided I had to call her.

 

I was a wreck. It felt like I was outside of my body, watching myself nervously hit the numbers into the phone, asking her how she was doing and then finally asking her if maybe she'd like to go out sometime.

 

I got completely shot down, although to her credit she wasn't mean about it.

 

It still stings, but much less than it did on Friday. And oddly, I'm not crushed, I feel like I can move on and I have to say I never expected that.

[orangecounty]

Doable!?!?! That is just tacky. I admire you for 2 reasons. Not only for overcoming your anxiety, but also for still giving the guy a chance after making a remark like that.

 

Thanks! That makes me feel good. When I did finally go out with him, he seemed really um...gay. I think he's closeted. I sort of felt that way the first time we met but I put it aside because I had such a crush on him and he was flirting with me. Then I found out he was very religious and went to a church which was very against homosexuality....the whole world made sense once again!

 

Zerohalo, so true. Isn't it easier to just move on once you've known the answer. I think more people should just go for it, what do you have to loose?

[Iceman26]

Anybody else took the plunge and just asked out that guy/girl they hardly knew but for some reason just couldn't stop thinking about? What did you say...what did they say?!

 

There was a girl I had a crush on from 6th grade all the way up until my senior year of high school.

 

I asked her to Prom our senior year of high school, and she said yes, but then had to cancel because she couldn't afford the dress and wouldn't let me pay for it.

 

Even though I didn't end up going to the Prom with her I still felt good that I overcame my fear of her and asked her to the dance.

[txblues]

I had a crush on a girl from 9th through end of high school also. The thing is i seldom saw her so never worked up the courage to ask her out. I did write her a letter telling her how smitten i was. Yes, I was young and stupid. she never replied or acknowledged it. One time i saw her friend walking by with a big smirk on her face; ofcourse she was laughing at me and how foolish i was to think a boy from the wrong side of the tracks could be with someone from the other side, and laughing at how foolish and desparate my move was.

 

hard to believe i had the audacity back then.