THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[rohded]

Had a dream last night that we got back together... that hurt having to wake up. Day 5.

[bfla]

Had a dream last night that I had to go to her house for some reason and she wouldn't go near me... that also hurt. Day 36.

[ladyachika]

Yesterday (Day 12) was really, really difficult.

 

I was really tempted to break NC, but I stopped myself. What could I possibly have to say to him after all that he'd done? I'd come accross as pathetic, and that's the last thing he needs to see from me. I'm glad I didn't break it.

 

Feeling better today, though (Day 13).

[beentheredonetha]

Finally! Day 1.

I saw him last night and said goodbye without any ill feelings. I wished him well and meant it. then i had a dream that i met him at some wedding and he was with someone. a single mom, don't remember what she looked like and he didn't introduce her to me or say anything about her, someone else told me and said they were getting married. i woke up with a start and wondered about the dream. been scrubbing floors since then.

i am letting him go. i think i am at peace with myself for now, too numb to think anything else.

[happyfrank]

I'm taking the challenge. we broke up last week and we got back together in 2 days. She called me this morning and we are breaking up..I'm going to stick to the challenge.

[DrPhil]

Wait....

 

What?

 

LOL

[StillSmiling]

Day 4

 

He walked out May 18th (I was SHOCKED because there had been no wars). Emailed for about 2 weeks back and forth and that REALLY drove me crazy! I was waking up at 2-3 AM to see if he had written me. Terrible.

 

We finally decided to meet in a park and talk. Was very sweet and sad and he confirmed that he left because I would "banish" him when I was having a bad day and needed time alone. (Ya think maybe a bit needy???)

 

Then NC for 2 weeks and I was STUPID enough to call him and ask him to a festival that we had discussed months before. What a day from HELL! Mid festival I told him I wasn't sure I could be just friends and he relpied "let's just try today and see how it goes". GAWD! When he drove me home he said he was sorry it could not go back to what it was .. I said I understood. Wrote him an email and thanked him for the fair and I understood but I was not ready to be friends. He wrote back that he thought I was right, and that he still loved me and then the big BUT! AARRGGHH Then cried for a flippin week.

 

Was feeling a bit of relief in life and then Monday night I spotted him on my buddy list and said "Hey". He asked when we could talk again. I played VERY cool like I was just fine and all over him (dying inside) and said anytime. Damn, he called with in seconds.

 

Pretty much same end to the story. Told me he had been dating a bit but that i was "hard to replace" and that he still loved me. But still the stupid friends thing. I can't go down that road!

 

I must do NC! I swing from hoping he will want me back and relize he has made a mistake, to focusing on how terribly fast and intense it all happened from start to end and that it wasn't right. And we are both in our 50's! But it is still so painful.

 

So sign me up ...

[ghostgirl116]

Thanks gg went to church last night, they talked about forgiveness, I realized that by engaging her in these arguments was part of the problem. I was holding on to the anger and bringing the bitterness back up. She can rant and rave all she wants, she gets no fight from me. too many emotions, too much time invested. There are some very young people who post here who talk about thier less than a year relationships going in the tank. I smile when they talk of how hurt they are and think I would love to have lost a 10 week to 12 month relationship. This 20 year thing makes no sense.

 

How are things going with you ?

 

Dave

 

hey dave! i'm having the devil of a time these past couple of days. feel so warm and fuzzy for the guy, and really don't feel mad. the not feeling angry part is fine, but not when it spills over to warm and fuzzy! i've had a good cry yesterday and today, which i guess is good, because i so rarely cry. (funny, i used to be a big crier when i was younger... i guess when you have a kid or kids, you learn to wear the mask well enough...)

 

i keep wondering how he is doing, and yesterday the temptation was huge to check out his myspace page. i took my daughter roller skating instead. then after that found other things to do.

 

so thats about it. i have some personal things in my life that i have to work on, and try to focus on that... i say "well, you know now is not a good time for you to be in a relationship, anyway".

 

i hope that you are doing better today. you're dealing with a lot, and you seem strong through it. will you have your kids this weekend?

 

gg

[The Mad Pagan]

Yup, still miss him. Not going to contact, though. Not worth it and it won't do any good.

 

Nothing else to report. I worked all day.

[DavidWRosario]

Doing OK,

 

besides N/C I have decided N/E that's a new one for those of us that have children. N/E is No Engage meaning no matter what she does or what I feel No Engage in a fight. The way I figure it, when she threw me out she said she was going to be happy no matter what it took. She bought a home I paid for, She has all the trappings we earned together. All of our friends abandoned her for what she did. Her Family (Mom and Dad) have told her what a fool she was. So now she is all alone except the kids, and another divorced friend (who I think started all this crap) I was able to make N/C for 15 days and felt great, Life was good. I mean I am by myself but I am surviving. I miss the relationship, I hate it for my kids. I even miss her a little. I think someday it may pass. She dropped the kids off last night, for me it was pleasant. I think she started fighting because, I wasn't at the door begging to work this out. She is now mad.

 

You know I read some of the post here and some people have had other relationships and somewhat move on. I have to wonder for myself, Am I done. It might sound like a pity party,but its not. I think I am too old, too set in my ways. I work 50 + hours per week, with two kids I miss. I have invested over 20 years into something that somewhere along the line died. I have been a strong person and have been through alot. I just don't think I have what it takes to invest in another relationship.

 

All right enough of that -

 

Took the kids to see Hancock last night, funny movie for adults, Will Smith disappointed me with all the cussing. My kids have seen all his stuff. It wasn't that bad just a little excessive. No I am not a prude, I cursed most of my life and have been trying to change that. I went to Jr, and High school in upstate NY and F@cK, was a noun, verb, adjective and excalmation. I moved to North Carolina 16 years ago and offended most Southerners. Besides I think cussing as much as I did, drops your IQ about 30 point.

 

Hey GG

 

I have a question, when you say you feel all "warm and fuzzy" do you mean you are thinking about the good parts of the relationship and the physical part, or do you mean your thinking about trying to work things out.

 

The reason I ask is that sometimes, I miss the good times and the Physical part of the relationship - I mean 20 years come on.

 

I just don't feel the same love I felt for her anymore. just wondering

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Day 1,

 

Can't remember anymore how many times I have started this week. Maybe 5. The kids are asleep -still. I am happy today. I think we will go skating this afternoon and maybe a movie after. My son is too involved in this and for that I have to avoid arguing with her. I think I will make it this time. I mean really you can not fight with a unarmed man. I have grown so much is such a short amount of time.

 

Dave

[StillSmiling]

Day 5

 

This is hell. I want SO badly to call him as our last conversation on Monday ended with "well, give me a call sometime". I KNOW it is not the right thing to do and I can't possible be buddies with him.

 

Every time I make contact, and he enjoys that I do, I just fall apart again afterwards. I think it goes back to what others discussed in that he misses me, needs his "fix" of me, but doesn't want the relationship at it was.

 

Head says he is not the right one although he treated me like an angel. Well, except that it became all about "his needs" and not "my needs" when it came to time together. ACK! Just have to get my head in gear and heart out of gear for the moment.

 

Feel a bit better today and just as a side note: I started drinking too much wine when this all happened. It makes it SO MUCH worse to get through! So fellow NCers, keep that in mind that it is a depressant and don't do it to excess. Evening I don't drink as much results in a better morning and less depression for the day.

 

gg: I KNOW what you mean about warm and fuzzy. I WISH I could find some anger as it helps to get through it. But I can't be mad, just so very disappointed. Hang in there.

 

David: You sound stronger today. Must be so hard with having kids in the middle of this. We can get through this and come out better on the other side.

 

Here's to wishing us all healing hearts ...

[beentheredonetha]

Day 2

I was hoping he would call yesterday, but he did not.

[rohded]

I broke NC again, but that's because we share all the same friends so on a Friday night it is inevitable that we will hang out. I guess I should just go LC, not talk to her unless she calls me, is hanging out in a group of friends, etc.

[ghostgirl116]

i've been really down today. i guess it all just really hit me. i mean, he doesn't care and doesn't want me. when it completely sinks in, it really hurts like hell, but then, i feel like i can better move on. the fantasies are there sometimes... you know, he calls/texts/emails, whatever, just to see how i'm doing. but like i said, its finally sinking in that he just doesn't care.

[DavidWRosario]

i've been really down today. i guess it all just really hit me. i mean, he doesn't care and doesn't want me. when it completely sinks in, it really hurts like hell, but then, i feel like i can better move on. the fantasies are there sometimes... you know, he calls/texts/emails, whatever, just to see how i'm doing. but like i said, its finally sinking in that he just doesn't care.

 

hey gg,

 

Cheer up, the next time you are out and about. You see a guy - forget your troubles for just a moment. Smile, say sometime like good morning or greeting of the day you are comfortable with. Promise he will smile back and say something nice. It works for me sometimes. Smiles are contagious, I am not suggest throwing yourself at someone, it is just interacting with the rest of the Human race. I know for me the quite time is the worse.

 

be strong- you seem to be a caring person, there are good guys in ohio. there has got to be. The people that we have met in our past were not the only people who cared about us. We are just going through a hard time and what does not kill us makes us stronger.

 

I am having a great time with my kids, we have caught up on some movies, relaxed and hung out. tomorrow is church and off to Nana's for a while. I wish these times would not end. I see my son becoming the man of the house, he looks out after his sister and is very independent.

 

Next weekend I am taking him with me to West Virginia for a Father/son weekend at our hunting land. Bringing a few .22's and paper targets for some noisey fun.

 

Sorry your down in the dumps gg

 

dave

[The Mad Pagan]

The days are seeming to fly by since I started working 45 hours a week. I also have my editing project, and a short story I'm working on. The ex barely has time to squeeze into my thoughts except in the lonely moments. I allow that; at least I can look at them with fondness rather than regret now.

 

Even better, I have a date planned for today with someone new. I'm not saying I expect it to go anywhere, but at least I feel attractive enough to give it a try.

 

Stay strong, everyone!

[DavidWRosario]

The days are seeming to fly by since I started working 45 hours a week. I also have my editing project, and a short story I'm working on. The ex barely has time to squeeze into my thoughts except in the lonely moments. I allow that; at least I can look at them with fondness rather than regret now.

 

Even better, I have a date planned for today with someone new. I'm not saying I expect it to go anywhere, but at least I feel attractive enough to give it a try.

 

Stay strong, everyone!

 

Hey MP,

 

Haven't talked in a while. I am happy for you. I hope your date went well. It does not have to go anywhere, or be anything. The bottom line is you got out there and met someone else. At least your not mourning things as bad as some of us. You give the rest of us hope. I hope you had a great time.

 

Rock on

 

Dave

[ghostgirl116]

thank you for the kind words. i hope that you have a lovely day with your kids. i plan on going down to a festival downtown this afternoon with my little girl. i'm not feeling so down today. i guess acceptance is taking hold... i sure hope so!

 

gg

[StillSmiling]

Day 6

 

Hello all. Well, I made it throughlast night without calling. Whew! Funny how we can find 100 excuses to ring them up over something stupid.

 

Heard through the grapevine yesterday that he had a new babe at his house for dinner Friday night. Two weeks ago I would have died from that news. Last night, a pang but real bad. So I guess I really am healing with time.

 

Trying to stay focused on how wrong it really was. That I would have stayed maybe another year, but I know in my heart now that he was not my life partner and in the end if he had not calledit off, I would have eventually.

 

Now, if only I can stay in this place. Leaving in a hour to hike Yosemite for the next 7 days so that shoudl help =)

 

Stay stong. Take care of yourselves first. Know you have others here feeling the same pain and we will walk out of it together. OTAT!

 

Cheers

[AtMyWitsEnd]

That sounds delightful, that hike.

My husband dropped the "D" word on me yesterday. Now I am trying to figure out how to re-work my financial aid for this semester and still get into classes AND find a place to live. He's being incredibly unhelpful about it...and I just got news about lesions on my brain two days before he decided to drop this on me. Oh, yeah. AND work fulltime and NOT fall apart with my health issues facing the world alone.

[beentheredonetha]

Day 3.

still hoping he will call.

[KaylaJoy]

It's day none of none...my whole NC vendetta has been blown out of the water. Who am I kidding? I ain't going anywhere. I love him. Until God changes that, it is what it is.

 

So we've texted, emailed, and finally talked for about an hour and a half the other night. It was a great talk as talks go. The chemistry - the something that makes us good - it's still there. He told me he's thought more than once in the past year, even admitted he has thought about it this year, about the possibility of us getting back together, but then he said everytime he thought about it, it just doesn't seem to be a good idea. For the song "better as a memory than as your man", he said the song really fits him, and who he was to me. A dreamer, a drifter, unsteady and going wherever the wind takes him. He thinks he did the right thing by breaking up with me because he doesn't think he can permanently settle down with me, he says it's not who he is.

I love him, who he is, who he's always been. I told him that I had given this up to God, and that I couldn't promise that my feelings for him were gone, but that I had given it to God. He said he cared for me, and wanted to be my friend, and would always be my friend, that I should know him by now, and who he was. He told me to have faith in him, trust him, relax and have confidence in him as a person and as my friend.

This was hard, because it's one thing to have faith in God for what you cannot see, but it's another thing to have faith in Mark for what I cannot see.

In the end, nothing has changed, he knows where my heart is, I know he doesn't love me, and isn't willing to commit, whether it's fear, or something else, I don't know. But I decided that FOR NOW I can't maintain NC. I don't want to maintain NC. I want to see him, I want to talk to him. I may be digging a grave for myself emotionally, but he's the only man I want, and can see, and it is what it is.

Sorry if that sounds blase - I'm sure many will be disturbed by what seems to be a step backward for me. It doesn't seem like it's a step backward though for me, more like a step sideways.

Dave R....I've read your posts....you're having a tough time, I feel for you and all this drama you have right now, hang in there, find yourself in His Will somehow, and don't forget to pray!

[DavidWRosario]

thank you for the kind words. i hope that you have a lovely day with your kids. i plan on going down to a festival downtown this afternoon with my little girl. i'm not feeling so down today. i guess acceptance is taking hold... i sure hope so!

 

gg

 

Hey gg,

 

Glad to hear your feeling better. Kids have been returned to thier mom, we had a very nice chat. We spoke only of issues regarding the upcoming school year. My son seems a lot happier not to see mom and Dad argueing. I would love to engage her in a screaming match to end all, but it will hurt my son and i dont want to see that. My daughter is oblivious to all of it since she has downs.

 

It is very quiet now- I am alone with my thoughts. I missed my walks this past week and going to start again in the morning. The walking does me well. I have no feeling for her anymore. No pangs in the heart, no anger, no nothing. I can accept all this and start to move on. I think I might see the sun on the horizon, might be a new day.

 

See ya soon

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Hi Kaylajoy,

 

Been wondering what happened to you. Sounds like you are in a mess. So is he telling you he wants to be friends only ? Or is he interested in something more ? Please make sure you dont fall for FWB, that is such a crock. If you can be friends and shut down the emotion, then take it slow. If you cant be his friend and can only be his Lover or nothing, then you have got to shut yourself down.

 

I know that sounds harsh - I dont know Mark, I think I know you. You have been hurt enough. The bleeding has to stop at some point.

 

Pray - ask God about this, wait for a answer. Then follow his direction.

 

Dave