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DavidWRosario

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  1. DavidWRosario
    You know I think NC is like forgiveness, It is not for the other person, its for you. It changes how you percive things. In my case we have two wonderful children and maintain some sort of LC. The relationship no longer comes up at all. I am trying to even see her less and less. I know she is bitter, but she is the one who thru away a 20 year life. I have forgiven her, The relationship is NC and as time goes on, she will be a person I pass by in the world. My heart argues daily, pangs of pain and sorrow are unmerciful. I never knew a 43 year old strong man could cry so much. I have cried more in the last few months than I have cried in my entire life. Give yourself some Grace and mercy, accept what you can. Dont try to make it day by day. I started at moment by moment. I am up to hour by hour now. Some day day by day and on from there. God has a plan to bring hope and a future to all our live. Somehow this situation will bring God Glory. I dont know how and cant even imagine how. All I know that if suffering for my God is what I must do then I will do it. But sometimes the pain is so much I cant see how I can bear anymore. Pray for Peace and understanding. Ask for wisdom. This to shall pass David
  2. DavidWRosario
    I am with you rosie, been separated 6 months in 8 more days. Cant seem to explain to my heart its over. I can simpathize. Many here say it will get better, I hope they are right. Dont see how. Wishing you well. David
  3. DavidWRosario
    Day 12 Well moving along this time, guess i am going to make it. I have done this so many times it is bizzarre. We have been split up for almost 6 months. I know God has a plan for me, I just cant imagine what it is. It amazes me how this challenge has gone for some. Some back with thier SO. Some moved on. Some disappeared. KJ, Ghostgirl, what happened to you guys. I have to pray daily for joy. Praising God seems to get me where I can make the day. I have learned I need him more and more each day. I talk about her less and less each day. Maybe thats a good thing. I wish I knew. Really starting to work on me, just dont know what for. If she was going to quit, I wish it had been 20 years ago. Davee
  4. DavidWRosario
    Day 8 Spending the day with my son, going well. I have some quiet time. Had a night mare that woke me up about 3 am. been up ever since. Dreamt I was home with my family, went to bed and dreamed I was getting a divorce. woke from the 2nd dream and realized I was living the nightmare. I dont miss her, I miss what was, or at least what I thought what was. Need to pray. Father take from me what I can not deal with. Take my pain Lord. I know you are all I need, but I feel alone in a crowd. Help me. Dave
  5. DavidWRosario
    Day 6 Well yesterday was more lc than nc, tried to speak with regarding kid issues only, she opted to character assassinate me instead. She knows how to draw me into a fight. Did not work to well yesterday. Was able to avoid most of the pitfalls. Hung up before i got to upset. It is kind of funny my counselor tells me right or wrong ? In whose eyes ? Hers of course, I can never be right. I think I should stop trying. Here's to a better day. Hope I can be nc instead of lc today David
  6. DavidWRosario
    Been there - Done that The time away from her is time to work on yourself. Work on healing. Work on Peace. I have been up and down this mountain so many times i am sick of it. I just want me back. I got lost in a 20 year relationship and was told it was a lie. Its been 5 months and with this site and good friends, I have finally found a starting point. I cant say it will be a perfect journey or even a great one. I can say it will be my journey. Be sad and cry when you need to. Know that people care and if you want it- someone else is out there for you. Might be the same person, might not. I guess that why they call it fishing and not catching. Be good and Be strong
  7. DavidWRosario
    Day 5 for the umtieith time I have decided to complete this thing if it kills me. it might. I have a lc/nc thing going on because of kids. I think I have figured out all her games. One of the reasons I had not been able to complete this before was that she kept drawing me back in when I strayed to far. She wants to be left alone, so be it. I am moving on, first things first, get through this challenge. Woke up early this morning and walked 4 miles, gonna lose some weight, get in better shape and pick up some new hobbies. I have been mourning this crap for 5 months and I am done with it. I can not believe I wanted to be with someone who is mad at me for trying to make something of myself. Its funny she is on a few sites I am on that are like reunion sites and she is already trolling for a "serious relationship" - funny thing is that no matter what happens in that relationship - she will still be there and still be unhappy cause she is there. Life will be great
  8. DavidWRosario
    Day 1 - How many more times. I accept this is over, why cant I move on. Life seems so pointless sometimes. God grant me peace. I so need it. . . . again Dave
  9. DavidWRosario
    Day Zero - 4 months since we broke up. She is a piece of work. She blames everyone friends, family, me everybody to include the goldfish. She is not wrong and did nothing wrong. I have accepted responsiblility for everything. Begged forgiveness for all of it. One of us is nuts, and there are times I am not sure who is the nut. Anyway eighth time to start again. Please God let me get through it this time. Stillsmilin I am feeling better now. Starting to believe most of the issues are hers and you are right. thanks for being there. Dave
  10. DavidWRosario
    Day 10 This is not going to be a good day. it has been 4 months today. she asked me to watch the kids for 4 days next month and take them to school. I guess she has moved on. Starting to see she never had anything invested in this relationship. Well me, I cant say it, its not true. Arrrggghhh
  11. DavidWRosario
    I would love to tell you thats right it does get better. Not sure it ever does. I hear and read that people after about a year (If it was a long relationship) find love again, consider this time just a bump in the road. I know for me, I have more good days than bad ones. I can't get her out of my conversations, or thoughts. There are five stages of grief we go through 1 - Depression 2- Anger 3- Bargining 4 - Acceptance Cant remember the stage between Depression and Anger right now. Sorry, I feel better. Try and find something that keeps you busy 1st thing in the morning. What helps me during the week is I walk 4 1/2 miles, 1st thing in the morning. After that it is a scramble for work and the business week. Might have to extend that morning scramble to the weekend.
  12. DavidWRosario
    Day 9 Feeling a little odd today. Somewhat reflective. Bunch of whatif's. Feeling a bit empty. Wondering why I am even here. I hate the quite times. 4 month anniversary is tomorrow (being thrown out). Its funny marriage was actually in place 19 1/2 years, with the laws of North Carolina, I will be offically married 20 1/2 yrs before the divorce is final. May, June, and December are gonna Suck the rest of my life. June the month I proposed, December the month we got married, and May the month I was asked to leave. This too shall pass Dave
  13. DavidWRosario
    Day 8 Pouring rain outside, Work should be a lot of fun today. Saw her last night when I picked up my daughter. house was full my son was having a sleepover. She is such a actress, she invites me in like we're old friends and asks me if I had dinner and would like to join the festivites. I told her no and would wait outside for my daughter. She will not parade me around like some fool. I feel like she is playing some sort of head game. Trying to show me how well she is doing without me. That is a load of crap. I think she has this all wrong, She still thinks I care and want her back. That is starting to die away. Dave - a litte pissed today
  14. DavidWRosario
    I know it sounds a little nuts about the programing. It was so long I mean really I was with her longer than I was with my parents growing up. I cant have a conversation with someone, without me saying stuff like well Deb Said or Yea Deb and I did that. Or when Deb and I faced that we. . . It is such a PITA, I feel old sometimes and when ever I look at someone in my age range, Its instant family - Im like no thank you. Still trying to pick up the pieces from this one. Maybe your right maybe I will meet some one some day. But if that post we discussed is any bearing. I have about 22 more months to think about it. I bet its more like 36. We'll see Dave
  15. DavidWRosario
    Day 7 - for the 6th time I have come to a conclusion. It is over. She is gone. For the last 22 years of my life, she was my life. I will always love her, and will never love like that again. I resign myself to that fact. I can live with that and I can go on. Seeing her now, and talking with her, it is a different person all together. I am in Love with a memory. I can accept that too. I have been sitting here wondering how to move on. There really is nothing to move on to. Close this chapter of my life, stop trying to figure out how to put a square peg in a round hole. This may seem like rambling, but it works. The pain stopped. That is what we are all here for. So since there is no relationship to fix and nothing to get back. The next 23 days should be a breeze. I just wish I hadn't wasted 22 years of my life. damn
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