ghostgirl116 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 thanks kayla. i hope you are doing well today. gg Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Day 4 - I feel ok, talked with her about kid issues last night, taking my son camping this weekend to West Virginia. Should be a lot of fun, we both enjoy guns and planning on killing some paper targets. I have counciling this morning, not to sure what we are going to talk about. I think i have made it through the five stages. I probably have some issues to work on. The loneliness seems to be subsiding. I am ok by myself with plutonic friends. I believe all that right, yeah, I do. I use to worry about my future, not so concerned anymore. So Giddy Up Day 4. I hope I feel this good or better at Day 30. Dave A good morning and hello to Kaylajoy, MP, and gg Thanks to you guys for getting my focus off of me and my problems. Hope your day goes well. i hope your day is going well! gg Link to comment
meinreallife Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 What a fool i am. Emailed her because I knew she was going on vacation. My NC is going in the wrong direction. Ugh, I'm exhausted with this. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Day 4 over long day - started with Counciling, We spoke about a lot of things. I made my councilor laugh today. It is Christian Marriage counciling and we both tend to agree this thing is over and done. The only thing left is to work on me so I can go on. We talked about some issues about how my daughter sees the situation. She is dealing really hard with this and rebelling against me. I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact she just turned 12 on Sunday. No raging homorones in my kid, nope. LOL yep and Denile is a river in Egypt. Anyway, My ex has been telling me I need to stand my ground with my daughter and set boundaries. While accepting her for who she is. This from the woman who threw me out with no place to go, telling me she didn't care what happened to me. I see a irony there, must be me. Anyway, I tell my councilor this and we discuss it, He agrees I need to find by rythum(sp) with my daughter. He then states "You know God used a Donkey to advise Paul". Without a hestitation ( i am not quick witted) I asked him. Are you calling my ex a Jacka@@. after 10 minutes of laughter he said no I said God used a donkey. So here I sit, wondering about tomorrow. I know God has something in store for me. It is gonna be good. I feel like a little kid before Christmas, presents under the tree. There is a box with my name on it. The antcipation is half the fun. gg how are you back at day one, what happened ? Mp Your hangin tough Kalyajoy - I actually enjoy counciling, I am starting to find out I am not that screwed up. Actually i am a pretty thoughtful and caring person. I thought I was a creep. ********************************************************* General thought - In about 3 months, I would love to take a really nice lady, out on the town for a evening, go to dinner, a play or a movie, have nice conversation. Not mention the fact I am separated and lost a wife of 20 years. Talk of things that interest her. Be a total gentleman, expect nothing and end the evening with nothing more than a good night and maybe we can do this again. That would be nice. I guess I better wake up, before somebody calls me a metrosexual - what ever that is. Dave Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 i can't figure out if the hurting over him is worse if it's the pretending i'm not hurting over him that hurts. or maybe it's the hoping it works out that hurts. or the thinking about everything he said/did, everything everyone else has said he said/did that makes me want to hope that hurts. hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....it just hurts. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 feeling lonesome tonight. Not sad really, just missing. Want to talk to him, but don't really want to call him. I pulled the picture of us out, and the one of him from this past winter, I put them back up on my desk. Will probably put them back up in a day or two but for some reason today I wanted to be reminded. I know it's almost impossible. I know it's ridiculous. But I still love him, and I still miss him. I'm not holding out for hope. I've done a pretty good job of letting him go. Tonight for whatever reason I am lonely, and I wish things were different. The Lord knows best. Just missing him tonight, that's all. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 i can't figure out if the hurting over him is worse if it's the pretending i'm not hurting over him that hurts. or maybe it's the hoping it works out that hurts. or the thinking about everything he said/did, everything everyone else has said he said/did that makes me want to hope that hurts. hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....it just hurts. hi there, I can sympathize, been in the same spot. It takes a while, keep posting, take care of yourself. Try and re-engage in some parts of your life. If that doesnt work. Work till your exhausted, then start working out. I walk 5 miles a day at a brisk pace. After a while your body says I gotta sleep. That usually holds the bad feelings at bay till you can slowly work thru them. There are a lot of really good people here walking the same walk. Post a lot, They have been great people and have been there. We will all help where we can. Stay strong. you will make. On the other side of this mountain I hear there are beautiful things to see, you just need to keep climbing with us. Names Dave, nice to meet you. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 feeling lonesome tonight. Not sad really, just missing. Want to talk to him, but don't really want to call him. I pulled the picture of us out, and the one of him from this past winter, I put them back up on my desk. Will probably put them back up in a day or two but for some reason today I wanted to be reminded. I know it's almost impossible. I know it's ridiculous. But I still love him, and I still miss him. I'm not holding out for hope. I've done a pretty good job of letting him go. Tonight for whatever reason I am lonely, and I wish things were different. The Lord knows best. Just missing him tonight, that's all. Hi Kaylajoy, Sorry your blue. dont call, dont text, come on be strong. remember father, if this cup can pass before, let it. If not, it is your will and not mine. Pray for peace. Jesus is there, crying with you. Remember, i will never leave you or forsake you. Hang tough. Dave Got a chance witness to a guy today, I was so nervous I choked. He asked me why I seemed so happy and non judgemental. I told him cause God wont leave you hangin. There are trials and tribulation, and Jesus walks with you through them. He asked me how I knew. I couldnt remember any verses. So I told him my story of woe and that God never left me. He was blown away I was so happy go lucky after 3 months. I told him - Thats the love of Jesus. I originally wanted to kill myself, I saw no way out. Now I cant wait to see what will happen tomorrow. Wish I could bottle this up and sell it, nah I would give it away. I am here Kj - talk if you need to Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Today I tie the record for the most time in NC. Come tomorrow, I will beat it. I didn't think about things much today. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 day 2 oh my god, did someone just kick me in the gut all night? Link to comment
xRoh Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I'm new to this challenge and I'm looking forward to keeping it up, although I'm unsure if I actually want to maintain NC. I still have him on my MSN and I keep hoping he'll log on and speak to me. Anyway, this is day 2 for me. Our relationship ended pretty badly. He was very immature. More info on my break here. I'm doing pretty well so far. Been keeping myself busy and whatnot. Sometimes I feel the urge to cry but that soon passes. I just want to get myself out there and meet new people. Have a bit of fun. It's what I need so badly right now. What does LC mean btw? Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 thanks, dave i feel a little better today. i haven't accepted that it's over for good, but i've accepted that it's over right now. i go back and forth with this. i really can't believe in my heart that it's over. it really would be easier if we had a terrible relationship and fought all the time, but we didn't. i try to think about the bad things, how he was distant the week before we broke up. i also try to think about the little stuff to try to get some reason to be angry or something, but it's hard. he's a really good man and he has been honest with me about not knowing what he wants--and i respect that a lot. it's hard to be friends with his sisters. they both want me to go out and date again, but they also tell me things that make me want to hang on. last night, his little sister told me that he said i'm too good for him and that really bothers me. he always sells himself short--they all do in his family. i've just really grown to love his family so much and gotten really close with some of them, so it's so difficult right now. i also have to put on a happy face for them because i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me and i surely don't want him to know i'm hurting. it just gets so hard sometimes. i have a great life and am so blessed, but everything just seemed better with him there. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Boy, SusieQ....I felt like you were writing the words down for me as I think them. I am very close to my "love's" family, and it is very hard, I'm not giving them up, I have almost 2 decades of memories and friendship tied up in them, as well as over a decade with him. It's tough. And I don't share with them what I'm going thru. Truthfully, I am learning to let it go, but until he's married, I don't know that I'll ever truly give up hope. Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 kaylajoy: i feel the same way! i feel like i won't be able to give up hope until i know he's happier with someone else. i just don't believe in giving up one something really good. i know there are a lot of people here who think it's best to just accept it, but that makes me miserable. right now, i'm just going to accept we're not together right now--it makes the days go by a little easier. plus, i think with the NC, it will naturally just start to fade over time--probably a large period of time--but it will fade nonetheless. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 kaylajoy: i feel the same way! i feel like i won't be able to give up hope until i know he's happier with someone else. i just don't believe in giving up one something really good. i know there are a lot of people here who think it's best to just accept it, but that makes me miserable. right now, i'm just going to accept we're not together right now--it makes the days go by a little easier. plus, i think with the NC, it will naturally just start to fade over time--probably a large period of time--but it will fade nonetheless. i see you met Kaylajoy - she is one of the biggest and bestest (did that on purpose) cheerleaders here. I am with you guys on the there will always be a place in my heart for my SO, However, I dont think you ever completely get over someone you gave you heart to. It is kinda like that accident I had when I was a kid, My knee is still scared, it doesnt hurt anymore been some 30 plus years, but when ever i look at my legs I see the scar on my knee and remember what happened. Not intending on bringing anyone down. The pain goes away the memory will be there. God is always telling jokes - when I was kicked out i moved to Proud St. She bought a house on Memory Lane. Think he is trying to say something, not exactly sure what Stay Strong, Dave Link to comment
amya Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 4 weeks today since i last saw my ex and tomorrow it will be 4 weeks of complete NC. Really itching to get in contact, more so than early on in NC, i know i won't tho because i'm far too scared to! Pretty upset/angry he hasn't contacted me. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Day 5 - Been doing well, felt really high. Have slipped today. Thought about her, not sure why. Kinda stupid, I know we are over, we are through. Damn I hate this. Need to take some of my own advice and get busy again. I do not want to be thinking about her forever. Dave Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Day 6 - Well that only took 5 hrs. Went over a friend's house that is walking the same walk. Wife left him 3 wks after mine dumped me. We did the ATF thing yep, Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms thing who brought the Chips. Sorry its a redneck joke. We cleaned guns - no ammo. Talked about ex's nothing mean. Both came to the conclusion its her problem. She left me. She did not care to be in the relationship any longer. I always had to buckle and I enabled her everything. She was and is nothing without me. No I am not bitter. I am sitting here sulking over a relationship that she says was a lie from the beginning. Even though, she said she wanted to marry me after the 2nd date. She says it was her idea for us to get engaged and she says she asked me to marry her. I remember it differently. But lets assume, she was right. Well then and now she says it was a lie. Obiviously, she is the one with the problem. Next 24 days should be a breeze. It's on like cornbread and beans. Dave Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Yesterday I texted and invited Mark to go to a Demo derby with me tonight; waited all day, finally at midnite he texted me that he wished he could, but he was taking his best friend out for his birthday. I can't get mad at that, his best friend has Lupus and he makes a point to spend quality time with him when he can. So I said that was fine, and maybe another time, and he texted back that he definitely wanted to do something another time, and asked me about a upcoming concert. So I called him, and we talked for 30 min. It was an OK talk, but it left me feeling kinda weird. I don't know what it is about this man that always makes me so doggone nervous - no one else makes me trip over my words like he does. I'm so comfortable with him, and yet I'm constantly aware - am I talking too much, am I funny enough, am I interesting enough. And yet he just told me a week ago to trust him, relax, have confidence in him that he is my friend. I never felt like I was good enough for him, and I think I must be still having some residual sludge from that, because I'm still questioning myself. and him. Anyway, I think I'm going to go NC for me again for a bit. I texted him last week. Then I emailed him over the weekend. Then I texted him and called him last night. He's responding but he's not initiating. He said he would, but he warned that it would be on his time. Sometimes it seems so hard to try to be friends after a relationship, and yet we both have tried ever since our breakup, neither one of us wants to completely let go. I know what my reasoning is, I don't know what his reasoning is. So I just think it'd be better if I don't call him for awhile, or contact him. If he wants to see me or talk to me, well, I think I've made sufficient effort over the past week, thanks to he calling me and initiating our talk a week and a half ago. It's his turn. It's so stressful trying to decipher "does he want to talk to me or not?", "does he want to hang out with me or not?", "does he have any residual feelings for me or not?", "how close does he feel to me?", "why can't I trust that he cares about me?"....and the questions go on and on and on.... I'm not going to let him go, unless I have to. I don't want to. He doesn't want to. It's just kinda hard trying to figure out this "middle of the road"...trying to figure out what's a good fit for us where both of us can be happy. Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 it's pretty easy for me not to call him, but not so easy for me to stop thinking about him. i guess i worry about him a lot and i'm so involved with his family, so it gets hard to stop thinking about him. i'm pretty good right now with accepting the pain. i realize it's gonna hurt for a little while, but i know god has to have some great big plan--or he might just be too busy to think about just me right now i'm getting better. i can talk about it, but the hope is my biggest problem right now. i actually have no doubt in my mind he'll come back, as i've said before--it just makes it hard to let myself even try to have fun with another guy because i don't know that i wouldn't drop someone for him in a heartbeat right now. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 -or he might just be too busy to think about just me right now Nope, SusieQ...he's never too busy! I've come to understand that His ways are so much higher than mine, how could I possibly understand the mind of my Father, He who created all? So yep, He knows how much you and me love our men, and only He knows what the big picture is. I'm right there with ya girl, I don't have flowery words of advice, I'm going thru it myself, but we are not going thru it alone! Link to comment
xRoh Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Day 3 for me now. I'm still handling it pretty well. Evenings are horrible though 'cause I have nothing to do so I often think about him, and whenever that happens I get that nasty feeling in my stomach. I need to keep busy at all times, but I don't know how! Tomorrow will be fun though. Will be heading down to my local library to print off some tattoo designs I am interested in. My printer is busted but it gets me out of the house so I am thankful. I will then be heading to town to my tattoo shop and just evaluating everything before I get inked next week. Then in the evening I will be in town getting drunk! Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 So I've officially made it to my record NC day My heart is still a mess, but as I've been saying for the past week or so, my mind knows it doesn't want him back. There is about a half hour to an hour of every day that I think about the break up, but the rest of the time I'm either busy or keeping myself entertained so I don't worry about it. All I know for sure right now is that I'm too 'messed up' to consider getting into another serious relationship. Casual dating is fine, but I'm expecting nothing. I really want to be single for a while so I can keep a grip on my life. Things are just starting to come together, and I don't want to f--- it up. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Nope, SusieQ...he's never too busy! I've come to understand that His ways are so much higher than mine, how could I possibly understand the mind of my Father, He who created all? So yep, He knows how much you and me love our men, and only He knows what the big picture is. I'm right there with ya girl, I don't have flowery words of advice, I'm going thru it myself, but we are not going thru it alone! i just wanted to say i find inspiration in your whole attitude!! xo gg Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Careful Kj, sounds like you are starting to walk in a mine field and your heart is going to be the casualty. dave Link to comment
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