THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[DrPhil]

Ah man, I know how it is. I'll admit, I did the same. Read the emails, then try to cover up my tracks my checking 'mark as unread' ... stupid thing on my part was talking to my friends about it. I eventually stopped after a couple weeks but I'm not sure if someone spilled the beans on me or what.

 

Sorry about the dude. For me, it's hard because I know the guy really well. I know how much of an ass he is and I even met him a couple times while we were still dating. I know his ex-gf and she fills me in on things. Knowing that she turned him down before, blows my mind as to why she's dating him now.

 

Oh well, no matter how much I analyze it, it's out of my hands...

 

Stay strong man!

[Marus]

Day 18 -

*scratches another notch on the wall* The month is coming to an end. It seems far too soon to contact my ex. I'm going to take another month to sort myself out. I've got at least two girls with initial attraction in my general area that I'm looking forward to having a time with.

 

In other news, I was thinking how I was going to contact my ex when the NC was over. I didn't want IM or e-mail. I realized that I had forgotten her phone and her physical mailing address. Today as I was preparing to go out I picked up a packet of magic tricks I hadn't used for a year or so. Just sitting in there was the answer to my problem. Her cell was staring back at me. And I didn't call. Makes me happy. I know I need more time at the very least. I'm getting a lot better in the mean time, learning so much.

 

I just thought the serendipitous discovery of her number was something interesting.

[DrPhil]

I really don't know how many days it's been, but it's been about 3 months.

 

I know this is the NC thread but I need some opinions about contacting her even though she's dating.

 

Anyone?

[bfla]

Jeez DrPhil. You remind me of myself hardcore. Heh

[rohded]

day 3. Having a guys night out tonight... hopefully that will help get my mind off of this. If not at least my best friends will be there to comfort me.

[The Mad Pagan]

I saw my therapist today and we only talked about the ex for about five minutes out of the hour. The rest was spent on my slowly-being-repaired self-esteem issues.

 

The rest of the day was good. I hung out with a friend and worked on editing a few of his short stories for publication.

 

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good. Closure, real closure, does help!

[ladyachika]

11th day of no contact

 

I'm surprised at how much better I'm feeling, even though it's only been 11 days. The mood swings are less intense now, and this morning I was in a great mood (although I kinda crashed and felt pretty terrible this afternoon).

 

I'm taking yoga classes and planning to do some other fun classes...went out for dinner with some friends tonight, and planning upcoming dinners as well.

 

Also considering getting back on the dating saddle, but it's still too soon. I was looking through a jewelry catalog today at work, and looking at the engagement rings made me feel really sad...the ex gave me a promise/engagement ring last Christmas, but I returned it with all the jewelry he ever gave me.

[DavidWRosario]

Day 1 - Again

 

Here I go again. The fighting wont stop. Hateful nonsense keeps getting said. The relationship is over. If it were not for the fact there are kids involved, this N/C would be simple. Made it 15 days a little while back and I felt great. I keep recycling Day 1. I am committing to n/c again.

[ak_snowgirl]

the beginning of day 6...

i've got some crazy flu thats been going around. really sucks.

he sent me a text last nite. saying whats up? and how was my trip? i did great and didn't answer back. at least he's trying the whole friends thing even though i dont think its something i can handle right now. maybe with me not talking to him he'll realize how much more he misses me. and if not... then i guess it wasn't meant to be.

i'm in not caring stage or maybe thats the flu.

[rohded]

Day 4. I had a lot of fun last night... still thinking about her though.

[ghostgirl116]

Day 1 - Again

 

Here I go again. The fighting wont stop. Hateful nonsense keeps getting said. The relationship is over. If it were not for the fact there are kids involved, this N/C would be simple. Made it 15 days a little while back and I felt great. I keep recycling Day 1. I am committing to n/c again.

 

hi dave! hang in there! i can't imagine how tough it must be with kids. with my little girl's father, he hardly ever was interested in the status of his daughter when we moved to dayton from california, so there were periods of nc, but it was so hard! its just super hard when you have to deal with the other parent!! it took a couple of years (i really had very strong feelings for him, and he had taken up with someone else while we were still together, so i was going through a lot!!), but eventually it just dawned on me that i would be ok. and this calm came over me. (i even remember the moment... i was in the shower! )

 

it will happen for you, too, dave. it will take time,and you will just need to be patient with yourself.

 

((()))) gg

[The Mad Pagan]

This is like my fourth time starting NC, and every time I start I moan about having to go through the motions all over again.

 

It is getting easier, though. I don't wonder how he's doing since he wrote me his email. I don't have to worry about him being in the hospital or anything, either.

 

Right now I don't feel any strong emotions. There are moments when I'm angry and moments when I'm sad, but I'm an awesome guy and I deserve a willing partner, whether male or female.

 

Staying strong.

[beentheredonetha]

It should be day 7 for me.

however, i broke contact today. he has been writing and calling and i called back to find out why - and it was a two hour conversation! not about getting back together, but about life in general and i am the one who did not want to end it.

so, failed miserably, but, told him to never contact me by any means again unless he is ready for a relationship.

[beentheredonetha]

what happens if NC is broken? start all over again?

[beentheredonetha]

oh, and he asked me out, i almost accepted but then backed out. he wants to be friends. i am super confused and hurt.

[bepositive]

Beentheredonetha,

 

You're right, just start NC all over again. Good on you for backing out of the "friends" date invitation. If you want a relationship with him, you shouldn't accept less until you're well along and ready for it. Just be strong, and come here to vent whenever you need to.

 

BP

[beentheredonetha]

Thanks BP, its just that it is so darned difficult right now. I know it will get better with time and i know i will be fine eventually.

[Johnathan]

Made it to day 14. Yesterday afternoon I get a knock on my door. It was her. I couldn't believe it. First she was angry and we argued about the recent events that transpired. But we kept talking, and it turned into a 90 minute long heart to heart that ended with a long hug.

 

She really doesn't want me out of her life...as I knew all along. She actually finally admitted that she can see why I did what I did. And I told her I did it for both selfish and unselfish reasons.

 

But the NC, or probably very LC, will resume now between us. Her relationship with the other guy is on the rocks though they're still living together. It would take too long to explain the details of all of this, but as for where it stands...it's in God's hands now

 

Back to Day 1 today.

[beentheredonetha]

Day zero, i guess i am officially signing up! Been reading stuff here all night and all day. i am doing it for me, not to get him back. since i spoke with him today and sent him emails telling him to not contact me, this has to be day zero.

[DrPhil]

Day 1?

 

Does an ignored IM count as contact? Heh.

 

Oh well...

[bfla]

IMs are tricky DrP. Maybe she just wasn't there?

 

I know I don't usually respond to IMs hours later....

 

Take it easy.

[DrPhil]

Possibly. I gave in because i noticed she just got a mac. (there's a little video chat icon, if you're unfamiliar with ichat)

 

She's the type that doesn't just leave it on but maybe her fam was tinkering with the new computer or something.

 

Time to rethink things again...

[The Mad Pagan]

Though I am attaching little emotion to my thoughts, they nevertheless seem to run wild when I am alone. I just wish they'd go away so I could live my life properly

[DavidWRosario]

Thanks gg went to church last night, they talked about forgiveness, I realized that by engaging her in these arguments was part of the problem. I was holding on to the anger and bringing the bitterness back up. She can rant and rave all she wants, she gets no fight from me. too many emotions, too much time invested. There are some very young people who post here who talk about thier less than a year relationships going in the tank. I smile when they talk of how hurt they are and think I would love to have lost a 10 week to 12 month relationship. This 20 year thing makes no sense.

 

How are things going with you ?

 

Dave

[ak_snowgirl]

spent yesterday sick in bed and missing him for part of the day. hoping and wishing he would send a text and not knowing what i'd do if he did.

well i got another text from him last nite saying that he texted me a few days ago and didn't hear back from me. and he wanted to know if i wasn't talking to him now. so i broke no contact... again... i told him i dunno. i've been sick. he said to get better soon. and that was it.

god i miss him. i wish he wasn't so stupid. and that we communicated better when we were in the relationship. we just didn't trust each other enough i guess. it really sucks.

back to day 1 i guess. fun fun