Muzatsu Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Day 36, I'm doing fine and not contacting as usual. I am trying to get over the ex and ditch the idea of us ever being together again. If it happens, well I can't tell right now. I'm too busy with someone else It has almost been a year since the break up and I can honestly say that I am finally packing up my love for my ex into the past. He didn't want to commit or be honest, so there's no point in wasting myself for someone that selfish. Link to comment
RaeKarma Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 day 46 can u believe its almost april? this month flew by. anyways i started EMT training today. super intense but imma make it. 20 more days and im a certified EMT. awesomeness. i Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Day 3 Well...to be honest I still want to be with him. Its especially hard not looking at his profile on facebook (even though he doesnt update it much so its not like I would find something new there). Guess I just want to see his pics, etc. Why is it so hard to focus on MYSELF and live MY life. Why do I have to think about him first instead of me ?? Grrrrrrrrrr Link to comment
luxe_13 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Day 4 Feel like I'm in a bubble of positivity (ok denial), just have a feeling it will work out. Is it unhealthy to feel this optimistic? Just logged onto MSN at my mums place, he still on my list (he was deleted from my MSN at work, but appears that when i log in from another computer...his name is still there). My heart started beating fast when I saw his name. No hello or anything from him - but I did tell him we weren't to chat online until I was ready, so fair enough really. Link to comment
TAB1234 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Broke NC (has been months) and got totally blanked ie. she hung up on me. Hurt like hell. Decided to go round to her house as i just needed to see her but her mum was there and sat down and talked to her which helped a lot. My ex thought i had issues with her mum but i explained to the mum that i never did have any issues and that anything that was siad was a misunderstanding. her mum was v.sweet abt it all. Have realised i can never get back with my ex but i find it so unsettling that someone i cared for can't even speak to me and is in fact quite rude. I know people have different ways of dealing with break-ups etc....but i think it's so unreasonable when someone just treats a person as if they're dead. can understand it if someone (like on a lot of r'ships on this forum) has cheated on someone then i can expect that but not just after one argument!! Sorry for the rant and i don't even knw whether it makes sense but just like to vent Link to comment
mankow Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Day 2 still thinking and connecting the dots, but seems less important, even few times thought of future without her. first NC here, but in fact 13 days passed since break up. first NC was from day 2 and last 4 days (her Birthday, now i know: no excuse) then 2nd NC 4 days again and then only 1 day (got a few drinks and sent sms, was very foolish she got very angry with me) So it is 4th try to make it NC. And I want to persist this time. Link to comment
Addicus Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 mankow....you can do it! it takes dicipline (SP)..but I think that anything that allows you to grow is worth the effort. We all want things when we want them...so we need to learn to work through the times when we can't have those things the times (as a friend told me) when we feel entitled! The first few days are tough. I use a calander and check off each day...it is a great way to get visual feedback and reinforce your behaviour...you may even want to give yourself rewards each time you ge tto a certain point...whatever helps right! Link to comment
bronte Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Its especially hard not looking at his profile on facebook (even though he doesnt update it much so its not like I would find something new there). Guess I just want to see his pics, etc. Ixtapa, I can definitely sympathize! My ex hardly ever does anything on Facebook either (though he did manage to make my Facebook feed the way I found out about his new relationship), but I still found it really hard to stop looking at it--I think in part because we had a long-distance relationship and I had gotten used to looking at his profile to feel closer to him, see him, etc. But it does get easier the longer you go without looking. Today is the two week mark for me since I last looked and I don't feel nearly as tempted today as I did then. I think I've realized that I won't learn anything from it that will actually make me feel better in the long run... Starting Day #4 of this round of NC... Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Day 5. Sent him a final email Monday, telling him some of what I think, and saying bye I need to heal. He didn't even bloody answer...he never does, oh yeah he can small talk as much as the next person, but when it comes to the past and anything that is anything, he doesn't wanna know. He is selfish. Still not the easiest thing in the world, but been A LOT easier. Because I have more important things to worry about. Trying to heal from the past (bad experiences) and it's made me think, the pain that he has caused me, all the stress, wondering, etc. just isn't worth it. I have been through SO much more important things than this. I also had someone before him who did actually love me, and did treat me right, sadly he had to leave me because things were too stressful, I wasn't as good to him as I should have been. But I had a dream about him last night, and it's made me realise I really am silly mopeing around about a guy that doesn't love me, and probably never even did. Don't get me wrong, I'll still have my setbacks, I still miss him often, think about him, etc. but I know it's mainly because of my abandoment issues, and other issues, than him as a person. I did love him, I do still in A WAY...but he's certainly not all that and I have more important things to spend my time thinking about. Link to comment
luxe_13 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Day 5 I think technology makes breakups harder! I can't stop looking at his facebook and his name staring at me on MSN feels like is righ there (i know, i need to delete). But facebook is the worst. Felt sad last night, cried before i went to sleep when all day i'd felt so positive it was all going to work out. Today is a new day. Right now, feel - OK Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Day 63. My sis told me she ran into my ex the other day. With his new gf. Wonderful. This sucks. Link to comment
demonic-cookie Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Day 10-12 Haven't really been home enough to update, haha. Things are going pretty well. I've been busying myself with friends and loved ones; I just hope that he doesn't invite his girlfriend to a bonfire I'm going to tomorrow (They tend to invite themselves to places they're... not invited to) I have a bit of a problem though. I've been hanging out with a guy friend of mine with whom I have a ton in common with, and who I just seem to click with. He's been dropping hints about liking me, and I like him too. The only problem is that I know I'll have to say no if he asks me out, because I'm still not over the ex, and I don't want to put him through the pain of being a rebound, because he is a very dear friend of mine. Does this make sense? I don't know, I just can't, in good conscience, be with a person while in love with someone else. I can't be my ex, who outright, before asking someone else, told me he still loved me, and liked me more than her. Link to comment
mankow Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Day #3 I found out she was not on my side really never!! She was very selfish, too painful for me anyway!!!!! struggling Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Day 4 Doing fine really. Trying to keep my mind busy with other things. Have not looked at his facebook but his name is there reminding me of him. I dont want to delete him coz we parted as friends (Im not ready for friendship right now but sometime in the distant future I will be). Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Well I made it passed my thirty days. I learned alot of lessons and I am here to share them so hopefully all those of you who think you want to break NC can learn my own experience. I did end up calling him after the thirty days and I am glad I did it, but then regret it at the same time. I am glad I did it because I was able to say all the things I have been wanting to tell him, to get off of my shoulders and I am glad I chose a time when emotions have died down. But as soon as I spoke with him, it reminded me of how bad I felt when I was with him. As hard as NC was, it had been the best choice because I started eating better and that anxiety I felt when I was with him did not exist during NC. As soon as we spoke, it all came back and slapped me in the face to remind me of why he is not good for me. It is hard for me to say that because I care for him so much. He first said that he was wondering which one of us would break the silence and had discussed this with his friends (he was the one that had asked for no contact for awhile). He said he was afraid to call me for fear that I had moved on. He admitted that he missed talking to me and that he still thinks of me. He also said that the way he feels today, key word, today, that he would want to sit down one day to discuss getting back together. Right now, he does not want a relationship with anyone, but if he did, I would be his first choice. On the other hand, he said things could change, we both could meet other people.etc. WELL, thats all fine and nice but doesnt work for me. I know he has strong feelings for me and I can feel it when we talk on the phone and I know that he will not get over it easily (hes the type of guy to hold a torch.) The thing is that is not good enough for me. He is being selfish because right now he wants his independence and wants me as an option when he is ready to come back. I am now motivated to get over him and not let that happen. Waiting for him isnt going to do me any good and will hurt me in the long run. Yes, I know he has very strong feelings for me, but he is too immature and selfish to act on them. Frankly as hard as this is to say, he cares only for himself and what affects him. I am now doing another thirty days to get over him and let go. Its a different process for me this time. I made it through thirty before. After this thirty, the process will continue. Its very hard for me to say, but I am letting him go because it doesnt do me any good. Even if he did come back, he will not change and I would only end up miserable in the future. Day 1! Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Still Day 2 although it is technically Day 3 (Day 3 starts at like 11:30 pm) um last night I went to see a band rom school (you know the typical guitar guys playing songs). It was really nice but I did catch myself isolating myself from people as the night wore on. Since it was Easter weekend a lot of the old alumni from our school showed up including this cute guy. Well apperanly while I was sulking in a corner listening to the band play he came and sat facing me. I smiled and said hi but idk. All my friends were like "OMG HE WAS SO FLIRTING WITH YOU! HE IS CUTE!" He was. He had been looking at me while I sipped my coffee from the other side of the room yet I couldn't bring myself to even "flirt" back. I wanted to. He seemed cool enough. I'm scared that I've lost my appeal for men thanks to my ex. I know it sounds cliche and all but I just see men as...just people. I hate being alone but I can't stand being with people. One of the band members jokingly commented on my anti social-ness last night. He was joking but he was pretty right. I had my back turned to the entire group of people talking (although I was checking out a very cool Bob Dylan CD). Then the cute guy walked up the the CD stand and started making small talk but I just said a word here and there and then just mumbled myself away from the spot. How pathetic! Well, I hope he comes back next Saturday because I would love to say hi to him again although by now he probably things I'm very very shy or very very anti social ( I think I'm more of the latter). As for the ex. I haven't talked to him. Haven't seen him although I think I saw his sister yesterday (not too sure. She looks like a typical rich white girl so I can't really make out the difference very well). I don't know. Like I said. I think I lost my appeal for men. I wish I could find a guy who is a lot like me. Actually one of the band members (the one who commented on me being anti social) is a lot like me and I think (maybe?) I might have a little crush on him. But he is off limits since one of my good friends is in LOVE with the guy. Too bad because it is so obvious he isn't. Oh well, I'm not about to get into that problem! But he is nice...He keeps me interested and whenever I am around he does tend to notice me a lot although I never give him more than a second's attention. He even said he was going to see if his band wanted to learn one of my favorite songs. Idk...I just don't want any drama! He probably thinks I'm a nice girl but too quite for his own good. Lol, I'm not quite at all...I just like to explore my own train of thought. Outside conversation gets dull after five minutes. Link to comment
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 I'm on day 29. 29 days of not talking to him..... I'm having good days. I haven't had one argument, traded an insult, or felt the need to defend myself once in all the time we have been apart NC. That in itself has shown me the type of person I am, and that Mark could start a fight in an empty room, because he argues with everyone. I've gained perspective in what happened between us, I know I gave everything to the relationship. I was a very loving, considerate, selfless and supportive girlfriend, and he didn't appreciate that. In fact, he took it for granted. I have thought about contacting him, but only within the first week or two of the break-up. The last time I saw him I told him I had written him a letter, but he said "That would not have been a good idea hun." I asked if we could be friends, he said "Well....Friends are people who keep in contact aren't they? He was incredibly cold.... His way of coping, and it was just after the split he said this. Communication with him was hard all the way through the relationship, the only way we could ever talk again is if he initiated it, because he has to get his head together, and come forward with a better attitude than "I'm right - you're wrong!" There would be no point otherwise. Anyone else found excuses not to get in touch? These are mine: 1) He's stressed out over exams and uni coursework. Don't get under his skin - let him concentrate on that. 2) His mum is ill, and if I upset him it might affect her. 3) He takes FOREVER to calm down and see things from another person's perpective. He's still mad at me! But ultimately ...... The main reason I am remaining NC is because I gave all I could to him, I couldn't have given or dedicated anymore to taht relationship than I did, so if I was to contact him what would I say? I'm not sorry, I'm not angry, I've nothing to say accept , "The way you treated me was out of order." I don't need him to apologise for me to move on with my life. Link to comment
Azucar Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Day one for me...or maybe technically not day one since it just ended this morning...Happy Easter!!! Have been in bed all morning...tired of crying...forcing myself to get in the shower and am heading to the bookstore to buy all the break-up books....We've broken up I don't know how many times in the last three years and I always say...this is it..I'm not going back...but he will call...always does...and I always go back...I can't continue this emotional chaos....I need to really really be strong and know this pain doesn't last forever....I love him...but it just isn't right and I need to move on....Today is the beginning of moving on...I feel like I am dying!!! Things will feel like they are falling apart...when they are falling into place. Link to comment
RaeKarma Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 day 48 all i gotta say its been a rough week.... i pray i make it through all of this Link to comment
Crows Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Still sailing through fairly well! I think i'm at 33 or 34 now. 2 days ago would have been our one year... that sucked a bit becuase I know she started dating this new guy on the same day to forget me. Link to comment
Artop Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 It's 38 days for me. Still has thoughts of contacting him. After I read about your experience, I know breaking no contact will not help me but rather hurt me. I think the worst scenario would be my ex telling me there is a chance we could get back together, but it's just not now. I will be stuck back in limbo land again. I also agree, even if they come back, they would not change. So it's a lose-lose situation. Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Yes Artop. The only way it helps is to get it off your chest and it helps to realize that its not good for you, that what you had is not good for you. Its hard for alot of people to accept that their former partner is not that great of a person and it only helps to put things into perspective. I will not allow him to be with again because it will only hurt me in the long run. People cannot make drastic changes into how they are built. Link to comment
gee Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Happy easter everyone. Well, I am back from my business trip and it went well! This trip has healed me more than I expected, but I still feel her inside a lot but not in a way where I would go nuts about her. Things are improving slowly but surely. Day of NC?...I lost count and I don't care anymore. Easier said than done, huh? Not really...It has taken me 3 months of hard work to get to where I am today. It was extremley difficult for me especially 'cause I am a very emotional person. Letting go of her was the hardest thing to do! I have prayed counltless days/nights for God to heal me. At first it was for Him to get her to come back. God doesn't work like that! You must learn to love yourself first and praise Him! I am in a better position today, not 100% but I am getting there. I decided I want to improve myself 100% before I can start dating again. It might take weeks or maybe months who knows but I will take as much time as I need. I'm not in a rush like she was to get rid of me and I think she is already w/ someone. Well, I posted someting in my facebook today.. Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live. Turning point in my life and I have also decided that when I marry I will be adopting a child from China! It has always crossed my mind but my mind is set! I am sure my future wife will agree strongly wih me on this one. Of course I will have children of my own! I really hope I heal to the point where I wake up thinking about me entirely! that day will come. I will continue to keep reading your stories and will try my best to give some advice when I can. I hope everyone is doing well. I wish everyone the best in life! God has something special for everyone here! Just be patient and have faith! Remember, he looks at the heart! Take care. Honey, hope you are doing well! Take care... Gee Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Wow - powerful posts from everyone today! What amazing results I'm seeing. Thank you everyone - your hard work shows and is helping others right at this moment. Congrats gee!! Your revelation on God's power and decision to adopt a child really shows me you are going to come out of this just fine - meet that soulmate and find that happiness - this is thrilling to hear! And I am doing well - THANKS TO MY A-LIST NC GROUP! You guys have done all the work and it lifts my spirits everyday!!!!! Great post from Getmeback - thought provoking debate here - try this suggestion if you are struggling with thoughts of the ex - it may work for you! - Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Day 64. Hang in there everyone! Link to comment
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