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Irish Jax

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  1. Irish Jax
    I lose the counting of the days. They seem to collide with one another and instead of it being a challenge, I sometimes see it as me getting further away from him. The space between us growing deeper each day. There are ok days and there are bad days. My bad days I miss my friend the most. Despite all our problems, I have lost my best friend. It feels like a death and the loneliness sometimes catches me off guard. I have been heartbroken before and I face sadness head on, but I still have my moments. I do miss him sometimes and wish things were not the way they are now. I know I will see better days, but until then I continue on this path of healing. Onward I go.
  2. Irish Jax
    I have not been on here in a long time. My breakup was on Christmas. He broke up with me and it was 2 weeks after that of arguing, fighting and him trying to make it my fault. I dated a narcissist and drug addict for a year and half. I paid for it with my time and emotions. He sent me an email on Day 9, but I did not respond. I feel better not talking to him or responding and I have to keep going. Probably passed Day 30. Contacting your ex will only bring you back to square one. I know this from past experience and it only hurts you more when you do contact them. I Keep going with the days! Hope you are all doing well.
  3. Irish Jax
    Where is Sparkies post?
  4. Irish Jax
    Had to start over.... Darn it. Unfortunately, I had to call him as we have a very important issue to discuss and he really pissed me off. He noticed already though, he was like i wanted to talk to you the last two days, but you left class without talking to me. I felt like replying that if you really wanted to talk to me, you have my phone number. He wanted to tell me that all he can give me right now is friendship and wants to talk everyday if I want to, that he can give me that, but does not want to be in a relationship because he functions better on his own. He admits he would not change any of the time we spent together and would do it all over again if given the choice. I told him I do not want a friend in him, I have plenty of friends and if a slot opens for him, I will let him know. I told him if nothing was wrong with what we had going, what is his problem now. Then he all of a sudden agrees with me and wants to slowly work back to what we had going before. Sorry, as nice as that may sound, its not good enough for me. He is being a little baby right now not wanting the responsibility of a relationship when in reality, he did not do alot anyway. I do not need him and will not agree to be friends. Back to NC again, but I have a feeling it will be difficult seeing as I am in school with him. But onward I go.
  5. Irish Jax
    Today was really hard. I saw him in class and tried not to look at him. I dont think he noticed, and I know he looked at me a few times, but I just left the classroom and did not speak to him. I hope I am doing the right thing. This is so hard, I know all you can relate. Sometimes I am doing great, other times I just miss him and wish I could hear his voice. Forgot how hard this process was.
  6. Irish Jax
    Day 1!!! Made it through today. I saw him in class and did not say a word and left without even talking to him. I was proud. It was difficult, dont get me wrong. I also deleted my facebook account for now and deleted his number out of my phone so I get no temptations. i am going to stick to this no matter how hard it becomes. Onward I go!!!
  7. Irish Jax
    I cannot believe I am back again. New relationship too!!!. He broke up with me last Monday. We dated for a few months and everything was going extremely well. We are both in law school and finals are approaching, so the pressure is on. Unfortunately, he is not that easy to not contact. We have the same classes and write on the same law review. Monday night he broke up and I was so upset and he was cold about it and did not give a specific reason, only that he doesnt want a relationship. I said something over the weekend that hurt him, but I said it when I was in the hospital after a car accident and a head injury. He met up with me on Tuesday at school and we talked for an hour and he now wants to think about whether we should get back together or not but wants space in order to think about it. He also talked with me Wednesday after class and we talked Friday. He says he loves talking to me and wants to remain close with me. I told him that i cannot be friends because I dont want to know who he sleeps with and he feels the same about not knowing who I am going to sleep with, but does not want me gone. Basically, he is conveying the message that he is confused and does not know what he wants. He got out of a bad relationship in May and brings alot of those fears into ours. Monday we talked again and he still wants to think. I am just fed up because I know we cannot be friends and I am not waiting around for him to make a decision. As much as I care and want to be with him, I need to let go for my sake. I should not need to plead with him to be with me, as he is the one who left. That being said, he does admit he loves talking with me and that he has no complaints about being with me and that I treated him very well. Its even obvious now that he has feelings for me, so no contact is going to be best. For me and for him. Its going to be hard being in school, but I have been through this process before and now to start again. So tomorrow will be day 1. Its time for me to heal and him to see what life is like without me. He asked for space and I intend to give him so much that he will drown. Jaxx
  8. Irish Jax
    My secound round of NC! Made it through my first one which honestly did help. Now I am on my second round with a different mission, to let go. Although I do love him very much, I have actually come to understand that one can love someone, but not be with them. I never actually believed anyone who told me this and thought it was a crock. But I have come to see that I am so much better off without him. The negative feelings I felt when I was with him are no longer around when we do not talk. In the long run, I would not have been happy. He called on my Day 1 and my Day 3, but I did not call him back. He claimed he wanted to know how I was feeling, but honestly he was more hurt by the fact I did not call him back. I was actually talking to and still talk to his good friend and I think it hurt my ex's ego that our mutual friend was hearing from me before him. It does not matter though. Whether he calls again or not is not the issue, I am finally doing something for me for once. All during my relationship, I did everything with his feelings and needs in my head. So to actually do something for me and gain a benefit is an accomplishment. Day 7 and onward. No need to look back.
  9. Irish Jax
    To repeat, I have already made it through thirty days if you see earlier posts. We have spoken a few times since then and honestly I realized it doesnt help at all. It just confirmed for me how miserable I felt when I was with him. He called again today asking me to call him to update him to let him know I am ok ( I had minor surgery done this past weekend). When I had initially talked about it with him, he barely listened to me and wanted to get back to what he was doing. Like always, he is his own number 1 concern. Since then he has tried twice to get an update on me, from me. I have given all of this information to a mutual friend whom my ex has called as well, but still calls me. I realize he is only calling for a selfish reason and that is to make sure I am not mad at him. His biggest fear, even when we were together, is being on bad terms with me. I am not going to give him the satisfaction of calling him back. I left all the info with my friend and he can get it all from him. I think he will get the impression I want to be left alone. Talking to him does not help me. I get upset and frustrated when I talk to him, and I dont feel good after I talk to him. Thats why I want to remain NC for as long as it takes for me to fully let him go. If anyone disagrees let me know. As hard as it is for me not to answer him, I know I am doing myself a favor in the long run.
  10. Irish Jax
    Should I let him know that I am ok with my health or should I go with the idea that if he was really concerned about my health he would make an effort to know? His message indicated to me that I should call him back when I feel up to it and let him know what is going on. Personally, I think this is BS because if he really wanted to know, he would call and say look I want to hear from you and make sure everything is ok. Instead he leaves it up to me. Shows the lack of care on his part in my opinion.
  11. Irish Jax
    Azcusar, Mine called last night and left a message as well. You see when I talked to him last, I told him that I was having a medical issue and he kind of just brushed it off and said to leave him a message when I feel better. I wasnt telling him to make him feel bad, just being honest. This pissed me off because like I said, he only worries about things that affect him. Well, apparently he called one of our good friends and discovered I am in the hospital for it and he called and said, "I hope that you didnt try to call me yesterday because my battery was dead and I would not have known if you had. I just turned my phone back on and talked to **** (our friend) and he told me you are at the hospital. Sounds kind of intense. I hope all is well and call me when you feel up to it." I am not calling him back not because I want him to worry, because it wont do me any good. Hes only calling me because he discovered I did not leave him a message and wants to make sure I am not mad at him. I am determined to let him go and get over him. So I know how hard it is not to call. But I know it will be an endless cycle for me if I call him and I will only be disappointed.
  12. Irish Jax
    Yes Artop. The only way it helps is to get it off your chest and it helps to realize that its not good for you, that what you had is not good for you. Its hard for alot of people to accept that their former partner is not that great of a person and it only helps to put things into perspective. I will not allow him to be with again because it will only hurt me in the long run. People cannot make drastic changes into how they are built.
  13. Irish Jax
    Well I made it passed my thirty days. I learned alot of lessons and I am here to share them so hopefully all those of you who think you want to break NC can learn my own experience. I did end up calling him after the thirty days and I am glad I did it, but then regret it at the same time. I am glad I did it because I was able to say all the things I have been wanting to tell him, to get off of my shoulders and I am glad I chose a time when emotions have died down. But as soon as I spoke with him, it reminded me of how bad I felt when I was with him. As hard as NC was, it had been the best choice because I started eating better and that anxiety I felt when I was with him did not exist during NC. As soon as we spoke, it all came back and slapped me in the face to remind me of why he is not good for me. It is hard for me to say that because I care for him so much. He first said that he was wondering which one of us would break the silence and had discussed this with his friends (he was the one that had asked for no contact for awhile). He said he was afraid to call me for fear that I had moved on. He admitted that he missed talking to me and that he still thinks of me. He also said that the way he feels today, key word, today, that he would want to sit down one day to discuss getting back together. Right now, he does not want a relationship with anyone, but if he did, I would be his first choice. On the other hand, he said things could change, we both could meet other people.etc. WELL, thats all fine and nice but doesnt work for me. I know he has strong feelings for me and I can feel it when we talk on the phone and I know that he will not get over it easily (hes the type of guy to hold a torch.) The thing is that is not good enough for me. He is being selfish because right now he wants his independence and wants me as an option when he is ready to come back. I am now motivated to get over him and not let that happen. Waiting for him isnt going to do me any good and will hurt me in the long run. Yes, I know he has very strong feelings for me, but he is too immature and selfish to act on them. Frankly as hard as this is to say, he cares only for himself and what affects him. I am now doing another thirty days to get over him and let go. Its a different process for me this time. I made it through thirty before. After this thirty, the process will continue. Its very hard for me to say, but I am letting him go because it doesnt do me any good. Even if he did come back, he will not change and I would only end up miserable in the future. Day 1!
  14. Irish Jax
    Day 30!!!!!! I have completed the challenge. Now i count the next thirty days as my effort to move on.
  15. Irish Jax
    Day 29! Well tomorrow is day 30. I will be done with no contact tomorrow. I plan on calling him some time this week, just to get the things off of my chest that I have been holding in for four weeks. Did not do it four weeks ago because emotions were still running high at that moment. However, now I am ready to say what I need to say, not looking for any reaction from him nor want anything from him. This will be completely for me so that I can relieve myself. As I have said, I have heard through a mutual friend that he has been discussing with his friends about which one of use should break the contact since we last talked ( he was the one who asked me to give him space) He also thinks I may have moved on from him already. Amazing to hear this because I have been thinking the same thing about him. He also told his friend that he doesnt want a relationship right now with anyone, but when he does I am his first choice. Thats nice and all but the more time passes, the more I really dont care if I am his first choice. The boy should be acting now and not when hes ready. Selfish motive on his part. I will not be going back to him and I am going to make that my next thirty days of NC after I speak with him next. To move on. These first thirty days were to heal, the next will be to move on.
  16. Irish Jax
    Thanks Honey... What is shocking me is that he was the one who asked for space and said its important you give it to me, which I gladly did. Now his tone has changed just a bit and he is saying he is giving me space.. Kind of ironic. We split because he wanted a break from the relationship but also because I had an unplanned pregnancy which had to be terminated due to health reasons. That caused alot of stress btw us and thats when he decided he wanted the time away.. A better description is under this topic. Since we have been NC. I have learned so much and I yes, I do miss him and I will tell him that. I am not expecting a reunion or get back together, just I feel that one of us needs to break the ice. Its going to me, it always is it seems. But after a month, I want to sum up what I have learned from this whole thing and talk to him about it. Now whether it will impact him is not my concern, I am going to do it for my own mental benefit. However, this will open up the lines of communication. Now he will not have a reason not to call. So after I speak with him, I am not going to call him. He will have to call me if he so chooses and will not have an excuse not to.
  17. Irish Jax
    Day 28... I am feeling pretty good. I do intend to call him after the challenge is up because I feel I am ready. I have some things I want to say to him and also it will allow me the final closure. 30 days have gone by and I will be able to talk to him with a clear head. I have heard through the grape vine though that he is wondering which one of us, him or i, were going to break the silence. He had asked his friend who he thinks should break the silence. Now his tone has changed apparently and he is saying that he thinks that I possibly have moved on and doesnt know if he should call or not. NC works man. I am telling you. i am going to call him after the 30 days to say what i have discovered and gain some closure for myself. Day 28...
  18. Irish Jax
    Day 27!!! Did not feel too good last night... saw something too that reminded me of him. I did work through it, but man it really kind of sux. I keep trying to not think about him. My thoughts do not center around wanting him to return, they are more about why was he so stupid and why did he treat me the way he did. I need to realize that does not matter now. If he came back, I need to have the power to realize that people do not drastically change and that in the long run, I would not be happy with him. Ugg... I just really wish the letting go process was easier. NC is the better way to go though. I would rather not know what he is doing than to hearing one of my ideas confirmed. You know the typical thoughts... it he with someone else? Does he hate me? Is he over me? I realize it does not matter. Day 27...onward and upward.
  19. Irish Jax
    Day 26 Doing really well today!! I am calling it a good day because my mood is up and also because I am keeping myself busy. Hopefully this good feeling sustains . I am moving forward and hopefully soon I can let go comp
  20. Irish Jax
    Day 25! I actually missed him today. Not talking to him, but just the memories and great times we had together. I pinch myself to stop thinking of him and will not break NC because I have made it this far and want to keep racking up the days. Day 25!!
  21. Irish Jax
    Day 24!!! Getting really close to 30. However, I am going to continue to sixty like Lil Bear. Havent yet heard from the ex but know it will come eventually in the future. I just hope and wish he never calls me because I have nothing to really say to him. NC opens your eyes and enables you to see the relationship from another perspective. I know once I am completely healed, there is not way I will ever get back together if he ever asked. I can do so much better. Day 24
  22. Irish Jax
    Day 23! Doing well today. I feel quite good and my thoughts of him have lessened greatly. Thoughts of him still enter my head, but not as frequently. The anxiety that i have felt alot since the break up is not there today, so I am happy about that. I am returning to my stronger self every day and look forward to complete conclusion of this process. Day 23--- onward!!!
  23. Irish Jax
    Day 22!! Feeling ok today. I slowly feel myself letting go everyday. I still think of him alot, but the thoughts center around missing him a little and coming to the realization that he wasnt everything i thought that he was. Day 22!!!
  24. Irish Jax
    Day 21!!!! Going well here. Just keeping myself occupied and when I start to think of him, I quickly push it down and focus on the positives about myself. Day 21!! Onward
  25. Irish Jax
    Day 20! Feeling good today. I have realized the key to letting go for me is to not think about it and that is so hard. I have to keep myself constantly busy, because when I am not busy, that is when the thoughts of him set in. Anything from watching a movie, spending time with friends or just reading a book. Being around people helps Day 20....onward.
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