BCC123 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 so my boyfriend broke up with me last friday. i have talked to him everyday since. he wasnt really sure if it was over for good or not. but if it is over for good i want to still be friends and talk but if its not and i still have a chance and i want to leave him alone. what should i do? Link to comment
wyrllish Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Today was day 6 ...while I was busy doing random things today I check my phone after a few hours...text from the ex! LOL Wasn't expecting this at all, it's been over a month since she's initiated a text. We've talked in between that time but for texts I would initiate. I've actually deleted her from my cell a couple weeks ago heh, major step for me. Was a simple,"hey you just wanted to say what's up things are still kind of crazy but i guess that's life for you" Not sure if I will respond or what I would say if I did. Day 5 Soon to be day 6! There really is something empowering about NC, it's taking control of a situation you thought you had no control of. Not getting them back -- but just getting you back and keeping your dignity, etc. With that said I'm having a rough few hours. I just really miss him right now, and wish I was with him. And I just feel like "why wasn't I good enough" you know It hurts and it sucks. He said I was the best thing to happen to him, and in my eyes I was. So what happened? Really agree on the feeling of being empowered over the situation being able to do NC. Generally I have been doing much better lately, still think about her all the time just less depression over it. My ex has said very similar things and hope it's her taking me for granted. Hope both our ex's realize and remember just what they lost hug Link to comment
Crows Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Day 21... With every passing day, my thoughts of her grow more distance and less emotional. I am healing, and healing fast. I feel fantastic! Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 day 5 i feel great today the first 4 days, when i woke up i feel heavy like there's a burden in my heart now, it's like that burden is gone Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I'm done giving myself to somebody who doesn't want it. Today when If ound out what he is actually been doing, smoking and doing drugs and partying..I just can't. My boyfriend died. The person I see isn't him. I'm done with my Biology project. I don't have to ever speak to him again. I don't want to. The person who lied to me and made me fall so in love with that I now feel ashamed of giving my energy, my love, my virginity to somebody who didn't appreciate any of them. Day 1 will start tomorrow as well as tonight. I am done talking to him. I'm done hoping. Hoping that he would see the wrong he is doing. I'm done. I can't keep on hurting myself. Link to comment
DuRuffio Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 BCC - I think that most people here will tell you to avoid contacting him, and give him some time to figure things out. The contact between the two of you will not help either him or you! All the best! I know this is a hard time, so just write it all down here, and we'll do our best to help you through it. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Anyone out there... i cant do this anymore...please give me support to get this girl out of my life... shes ruined me i want to move country anything i hate that i love her. i want NC b4 i kill myslef. sorry everyone Link to comment
guitars Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 i want NC b4 i kill myslef. sorry everyone Sam, you've got to get a grip, man! GO NC! Just do it. It's the only thing that will work for you right now. It's gonna be hard. Real hard. I know it hurts...it hurts so much. There's a reason for all of this, but the only way you're going to find it is through detachment and reflection. Start a thread and write it all out. Write until you can't write anymore and be honest like you've never been before. I'll read it, promise. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 day 5 i am a little down at this moment the image of her, dreaming about the other guy but i don't feel as depressed as before i'm reading the secret btw, it's an interesting book Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Sam - see why NC is so crucial - this flip flopping - this roller coaster you hated your ex putting you through - you are recreating it right now! You can't go NC and stick to it if you have an intention of talking to her - hearing from her - you have to let go of the intention. Why is it so hard to trust NC? Look at Crows up there!! Look at the weight lifted! My lord, lexion - LEXION is happy, someting that makes me feel amazing right now - ride that wave! Feel that success! Congrats to GetmeBack - day 20!!!!! You bounced back full force from that setback - if that isn't proof pain is temporary - I don't know what is wyrlish - you deleted her? I can't believe it 0_0 - Am I hearing things??? Sweet - I am sorry things have gotten so catastrophic - that is so sad. How did you find out about your ex and the drug use? Hope Springs Eternal was saying some important stuff today - I knew I could trust the NC pros to do the job. Genius statement of the day - " Honestly guys I understand the moments of feeling great and then BAM you feel lke you haven't been working hard to improve yourself to feel better. I think those emotions you can't run from and it is only natural to feel when your ex resurfaces in your thoughts." - gee Mmt - when are you going to pick up your stuff? Or are you having someone pick it up? BCC - I agree with DuRuff - BUT - ONLY if you feel ready to go NC - ready meaning you are going to have willpower when he tries to contact you - offers to meet you or just chats casually online coming accross as safe to talk with - to not answer. There's nothing wrong with not being ready. Learning about NC, seeing others success stories can be a good way to decide. Remember that he cannot forget you in 30 days - so you aren't being cruel or foolish taking this on. Lilbear - so glad to see you still counting the days!!! some "exercises" to do if feeling trapped, lost with NC as suggested by Mock-Chop "I write an email to him telling him exactly how I feel at that moment in time. Once upon a time, I would have whacked that send button the second I'd finished with the final full stop. Gone with the moment, not stopped to question the (often flawed) instinctive response. I'd have gone with my initial interpretation of what he said - and because of my past, my interpretation was, more often than not, negative. Now I pause. I go back to it hours or days later - and am invariably glad I didn't send it because I realise that it may NOT have been what he meant or intended." And DuRuffio says get out there! Even better do something you thought you could only do with the ex - go see a movie, a new restaurant or concert. Practice bravery and fulfillment on a personal level. And tell us all about it!! Because we're nosy like that!! Getmeback's idea - " But the best thing to do with your NC time Is to write down the good things and bad things about her That way you can see her objectively ... And just let the list simmer in your head You never know you might make some astounding discoveries.." - just might be better than sending that text or checking that facebook page..... Thanks to AngryHeart and GameX - whether it's week one or week three - you can find clarity if you are willing to be brave. Irish - I think you got it all figured out for someone who never studied the workings of the human mind. You hit the nail on the proverbial head! Which shows we got it in us anyway - all the know-how, all the tools and things to get our lives going again! Thanks for that one Irish And that's a wrap people - another successful day under the belt!! Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 lexion - who is the author for the secret? Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 >honeyspur "Rhonda Byrne" there's a dvd version i think Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 The idea of writing letters and not sending them is great. It gives you an avenue of release, without the consequences! I actually did that a couple of times. I'm gonna start writing a private journal for myself. Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Let me see...the good things about him... Erm....hm...hmm....? Besides him being a dam filial son, I don't think there is anything else. Cheers~ Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Do you guys think it's a good idea to write a final farewell letter? Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Do you guys think it's a good idea to write a final farewell letter? i wrote one, and sent it to her as her testimonials she erased it in less than 24 hours nice huh? Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 i wrote one, and sent it to her as her testimonials she erased it in less than 24 hours nice huh? Testimonials? You mean to her myspace/facebook comments? I would not post it for public viewing. It would be a direct email. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Testimonials? You mean to her myspace/facebook comments? I would not post it for public viewing. It would be a direct email. yea, like that well, at that time, i thought it would be a sweet goodbye thing then she erased it, after that all of her friends comment about how sad it is, and asking why she erased it Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 you can write all you want, god knows I do. I have over a hundred drafts in my email. but i will never send 1 ever! its for you to vent, it will do no good to actually send. so just enjoy getting it out. but never ever send a single one. its all about you now, you'll only push the ex away even more. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 He's just emailed to let me know of some jobs that might be coming up in the future. Jobs in that particular field are few and far between for a 'beginner' like me, and he has contacts. I replied "Great - thanks for letting me know". I'm ever-so polite lol I've seen my therapist this morning and she can't believe the change in me (neither can I, to be honest). She says I look different, I give off a completely different infectious-positive vibe and even my tone of voice is different. Wow. Must admit that I feel different too - better about me and life in general than I have in a long time. Shame the ex isn't here to see my transformation, huh? I'm doing it all for me and it's fantastic. Link to comment
Tinnes Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Dear honeyspur, thanks for your great words. Behind myself, I have got long period of NC, that helped me to heal. Just sometimes when I feel lonely, I remember my ex and feel sad. Last night I spent in welness centre. Had great time with some friends. Got over my two days sadness. Today I am new person again. So, NC day 1. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Hi guys, i am NC thats final. honeyspur, please make sure i dont waver lol. i never had nothing against NC, i wanted it, and i can see the benefits... Its a pity that she hung up on me though. Also, how do i avoid someone like this? I will see her often (mutual friends/uni) i cant cut her out in time for me to heal Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 day 5 i've been talking to a few old friends it's funny how they never contact you, but then they hear about you having some trouble, then sudennly all of this messages are piling, it's good to know that there's someone who care for me i've been able to hold my ups longer today i only fall for a short moment there, and it's not as bad as the day before i've been updating my profile, adding some old friends been noticing that a few of them are married now, wow, am i old?LOL i realized this has been a hard year for me, my job, i've got a lot of new responsibilities, and there's this bussiness that i'm starting with my brother i think this may have been the reason we drifted apart well, have a good day everyone i am happy oh, talking about happy, i laughed today, and i mean really laugh been watching some episodes of friends and i laugh, as if i heard their joke for the first time Link to comment
dragon lady Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Day 17 I came sooo close to contacting him last night. I had a talk with my mom and she thinks it's really mean of me to shut him out like this. I don't think she knows about the benefits of NC. I always try to take her advice, so I logged on and waited...he didn't come on. I quickly logged out, read some of superdave's threads. Ahhh now I'm torn with what to do. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I have added my favourite quote to my signature. It is very true, and there's a summer in everyone, even if it sometimes doesn't feel like it. Link to comment
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