THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[SamT]

Thanks honeyspur!

 

Really helps...

 

Its pretty much up and down for me during the day...guess i cant expect anything else though!

 

Thanks again.

[honeyspur]

You are so welcome Sam - I love hearing from you every day!

 

dragon lady - what a true statement coming from you about how people keep telling you to "get over it" but it's not helping. Good that you are casting that advice aside for now. Yes, it is true advice, but you're not ready yet and thats totally fine. Don't worry about getting over it until you've come to your 30 day mark.

Just get through today. Do some stuff, read the news, try some hobbies you've let go of - do whatever you need to do TODAY to get through.

 

And that goes for anyone in these early stages.

 

Those in doubt should read back in this thread at some of the "graduates" of NC and see how different they are feeling. Give yourself encouragement.

[gee]

gee - I'm really impressed with the work you're doing, every day I see great statements and intentions coming from you

 

Thanks honeyspur! Feels good to hear that! I have more ammo but what good is it if it isn't effective? I really love her and miss her like crazy, but I've done a lot to kick some sense into her. It didn't work! NC is the way like it or not!

[Irish Jax]

Thank you Honey for your words!!

 

Just to note, the comment about two of my significant exes do not include the current one I am doing NC with. He asked for space and I am thus giving it to him and myself. We lost a baby and it caused alot of stress btw us. He indicated to me that he intends to contact me again in the future, but felt all this stress btw us right now isnt doing any good. He did not want a full clean break as I wanted and knew he still cared for me deeply. He kept repeating he needed space and that I needed to understand that,

I totally kept telling him no problem.

 

So we will see if this one comes back someday, but I am not counting nor waiting for it.

[Mmt2618]

holy crap - i am reading exactly how i am feeling. the same dumb questions that we have but no one seems to want to answer.

 

do i block her on IM - if i do, will she think i hate her - i don't want that.

 

i keep checking her facebook account - is that bad? why do i do it? it hurts , but i just want to know what's going on with her. maybe i'll find an indication that she misses me.

 

this is day 3 of NC - we broke up Sat afternoon... the convo was ok, i ended it maturely telling her i wish her the best and i really care about her and her future plans (school, moving, etc).

 

I keep checking my email, phone for signs of her caring, seeing that she wants to know how I am doing.

 

When we broke up we just said goodbye - no talk of getting back together or talking, etc. The last words I used were goodbye. She was crying and it killed me to see that.

 

My friend who works where she works emailed and asked about what happened between us on Monday. She had red puffy eyes, no makeup. She might be going through the same reget I am.

 

Truth is I want to talk to her, I want us to get back together, but I know that I have to let her come back. That's the only way that would ever happen. If it won't - then it's the only way I can move on.

 

Man, I just feel awful though. Can't sleep. Can't focus at work. I keep thinking about her. I do have chunks where I am ok, but they are few and far between. I really do care about her and want to let her know that.

 

This gets better right? She won't think I hate her right? I told her in previous convos that I don't stay friends with exs. But that was always because of infidelity or other people - this just sucks because things had just changed.

 

Ugghhhhhh....

[SamT]

Maan, let me know when you find the answers to the above questions! ^^^^

[LilBear]

Day 45.

Sigh, woke up feeling very badly indeed. I still miss him.

[SamT]

Ahh i just wanna talk on this thread.... i cant believe its still day 2 lol

 

the last time we didnt talk for 3 days went pretty quickly... hmmm

 

got some support from a friend....

 

things will work out one way or another, dnt worry - she said to me..

[honeyspur]

Isn't it funny how when people give us simple answers it's hard to feel comfort from it?

I noticed that when my friends would say things like, "Just give it time", "It'll be better soon", "You need to get over it" - all felt empty to me at first. Almost like those answers weren't good enough because...well....my realationship was more than that. There was nothing "simple" about my love, so how could they know?

But why were they supposed to know? They weren't in my relationship!

 

They were there for me. Something I hadn't been for a long time because my whole world was about my ex. So in truth they were doing and saying exactly as they should have. Simplicity and care was what I really needed.

 

Aww LilBear - hope you are doing ok. Sorry to hear you woke feeling bad.

[Mmt2618]

so I just got a text from her -

 

i have your blazer and shoes - thought you might want them so i don't burn them with the rest of the stuff (bad joke, i know). let me know when you want to come by.

 

uggghhh....

 

what do i do here?

[SamT]

ARgH, she msgs me on msn asking if she can delete Me, because its hard for her..... and then talks back a lil, and then leaves me in this * * * * state ... when shes giving off a vibe that im not even in her head.

 

So selfish.

[SamT]

Argh, i wanna shout at her for BREAKING ME again

[GetMeBack]

Well I am 17 minutes into DAY 18 NC and I think I have hit a plateau

 

I am feeling so low.

 

I am feeling so unloved.

 

I am feeling like I have been left.

 

I feel like it was all my fault.

 

I feel like he doesnt care about me.

 

I can see it being another duvet day.

 

I loved him so much and would do anything for him, and I get nothing back............

 

It is the most painful thing ever...

 

 

Where has all my healing gone...?

[honeyspur]

Then shout man!!! Give yourself everything now! It's ok!

 

Mmt - give her your mailing address and have her send it by post. Don't let her control the situation.

[honeyspur]

Getmeback

It's gone nowhere honey - you haven't hit 30 days.

 

Here's the thing:

 

You are only feeling low - that's not the same thing as being low. You are strong and powerful. You are practicing self-discipline!

 

You are not unloved - your friends, your family and us - we all love you right now. And let's not forget the better guy out there waiting for you.

 

You haven't been left because we are here by your side.

 

It wasn't your fault and it was at the same time. You can't escape that reality, so learn from the mistakes you made and don't shoulder the blame that is his.

 

He does care about you. He just doesn't know how to treat you. He has a lot to learn and you have to let him go to do that.

 

Give yourself what he wouldn't give, luv. (HUGS)

[GetMeBack]

Thank you honeyspur.

 

I dont know whats happened today the tears have just come from nowhere and they just keep coming..

 

I am using every bit of strength in me to get up every morning and I am proud of myself for that.

 

I woke up crying this morning and I nearly didnt go to uni but I went in the end..late..but I went..

 

I loved him ever so much honeyspur..

 

I am just in ever so much pain..

[SamT]

I cant... shes saying she misses me, and doesnt see why it has to be so hard....and then when i tell her why we cant be friends shes all like.. well i dont have a choice then - to delete me.

 

Thanks a bunch! Screw me over, and then delete me... classy.

[dragon lady]

Getmeback-

 

I find that these feelings tend to come in cycles. You may be feeling great one day and lousy the next. I can't seem to predict what sets it off except spending too much time alone. Stay busy, go to uni and you will feel better. My experience is that the cycles get longer and longer. Eventually you'll only be feeling great- or so I'm told.

 

You have been doing great so far. I've read your entry every day.

[GetMeBack]

DragonLady - Yes I cant wait for that day.

 

I was so strong in my relationship with my ex. He said he didnt like it as he likes to be the dominant one..

 

As soon as I became weaker he didnt like it..

 

What was wrong with me? Why couldnt I make him happy when I did everything for him?

 

I am so disappointed in myself for feeling like this as I was doing so well..

 

I know I cant help it though..

[honeyspur]

Sam - she needs it and you are also being selfish if you won't give it. Remember what I said about biology combined with emotional in my private message - you have the tools to let go - you really do hon.

 

Getmeback - I know you love him - I can feel that love even from accross the oceans. It's a wonderful thing and it's so limitless - you can do so much with that love. You don't have to let him have it all. I am so proud of you for going to uni - I think that shows incredible discipline!! Never sacrifice the things we need for others! Never! It is what we need to learn so the next relationship is healthy.

 

Curl up with that blanket, get yourself that hot cocoa or tea and just stay comfy. Treat yourself with care.

[GetMeBack]

Thank you honey.

 

Christ, I am hyperventilating here with tears and emotion I need to calm myself down somehow..

 

Even in the midst of my pain. I know he couldnt possibly be the right man for me if I could feel so much for him and it hasnt fazed him at all..

 

He would say to me " when things get bad , I run away I will always be like that "

 

Is that what he did with me?

 

Just run away?...

 

He quit everything.

 

Was I one of his feats he just quit...?

 

I feel sick..

[honeyspur]

Yes, but why take that on? You took on an unhealthy mate, maybe you hoped love would heal him. Love only heals if we are fully willing to accept. You didn't make him run really, his reactions to who you are and how you dealt with things/communicated made him run.

But that is stuff he carries around like baggage from older days. Days when he couldn't control anything because he was so small.

We are all like that in a way - that's why we need to heal on our own and get support from the healthy people we know.

 

We can't change the past for others - we can only "plant a seed" so to speak. Show them true love and let them go if the time comes. They carry the seed and over time it grows. Someday he will realize - he'll feel your love even then - he'll feel sorry for his part of the mistakes and he will learn.

[SamT]

oh honey what have i done..

 

ive ruined the plan lol

[Crows]

Day 19

 

Feelin great!

 

Told the girl ive been seing I like her last night.. it was awkward. The guy she likes is going away to vegas for a month and shes fed up with him.

 

The girl Im seeing wnats to go on a trip with me. WEl see what happens

 

Im just really glad I told her how I felt.

[GetMeBack]

Your right..

 

I guess I feel insecure that he will meet someone better than me..

 

And he will love her and be with her forever..

 

And she will make him happy like I couldnt..

 

I am scared about that. Yet I accept that it may happen..

 

I didnt announce NC, the last conversation was on msn. Where he said he just wants to be " alone more than he wants to be with me or anyone right now"

 

I read on another thread that her ex said that when he was seeing someone else so I have all sorts of images going on in my head now.

 

This is the longest we have not spoken to each other

 

But I think it has really hit me today that I miss him a lot...

 

I just cant take it anymore. Everyone that I have loved has abused me, hurt me or left..

 

I dont know if I can take anymore rejection..