bostoneric

over 4 months and every so often i get sad and thinking of her with somebody else starts to ruin my day... then i call a friend and do something fun to forget about her! i miss her with all my heart but she made her choice!

well yesterday was exactly 4 months she broke up with me and I left. today I woke up early because I was "dreaming" about her. in the dream it was just like old times. last few days I seem to have slipped back into a "funk" AGAIN!!! why am I still thinking/dreaming about her so much????

ok for those that have been following my situation for the last 3+months. last week i finally received my stuff from my ex. It was a long day of moving boxes/furniture into my new place all alone. anyways after opening each box with anxiety about what i will find in each, i've lacked the motivation to put everything away. I've made a small box of things that were hers that were mixed in. she has called me ~4 times leaving 3VMs and a few txt msgs asking if I've received my stuff yet. I have not called/txt'd her back yet. I really dont feel like talking to her. tonight she called didnt leave a VM and seconds later my roomies phone rang. (she was friends with him before she met me, thats how I met her through him) she did not leave him a VM either. so after going through all my stuff I've made a short email about damaged or missing things. I've gone through most of my stuff and i'm pretty pissed with the lack of care taken for my stuff. I put so much care into your/our stuff when we left Boston to make sure it would arrive safely in Portland and this is how you pack my stuff????? damaged: BBQ Grill all the wheels are broken. white tv stand f*cking scratched and chipped. back of the tv scratched to sh*t. a f*cking can of trader joes chili on top of my glass framed Japaneses pictures, thanks for the box of broken glass! the small bedroom stereo, the speaker fabric ripped. missing: metal framed picture of you picking your nose i had on my side of the bed! (1 of the pictures of you i really want) wireless router. (you can keep it) white dog piggy bank. harmony universal tv remote. (was on the mantel) i feel like i'm missing a lot dvds. opinions?

a few more weeks will make 4 months for me. finally received all my stuff I left behind today. i'm having serious anxiety about unpacking it all. i've unpacked a few boxes and have found some things that i will be sending back to her. some things I no longer want in my life now that she isnt part of it. while its finally nice to have all my stuff, it also brings with it so many memories and is making me truly sad today.

good point. I will adjust! any other opinions or suggestions?

just looking for some opinions on email I will be sending to ex. some background info. I left over 3 months ago because she decided she wanted to be with somebody else. I left quickly within 2 days of being told this. I only left with 2 boxes of clothes. ex promised me she would get me the rest of my stuff where ever i ended up. its been over a month since i fwd'd my new address on. she has twice delayed in sending me my stuff. email: I need to tell you this. I need my remaining belongings, over 3 months have passed since I left "City". my life is on hold because I'm living in an unfurnished apartment without any of my personal stuff. I've been extremely patient in waiting and I have done my best to handle this ridiculous situation with care, but this has gone on long enough. I expect you to honor the deal we made. While this clearly is not a priority to you, I made it a priority to get out of "City" quickly to let you get on with your life. I'd appreciate it if you made the same effort to forward my things so I can get on with mine. opinions?

home alone on a saturday night in LA and i'm bored out of my mind and cant stop thinking about the ex and what we'd be doing tonight....

well thankfully i have some therapy scheduled today because i just received this email hi there, hope this mail finds you well. i have to take an emergency trip back east this weekend to see my grandmother in the hospital and my ticket costs $600.00. this means i cannot ship you your things for another month or so. i'm really sorry, i will try to get you your stuff as soon as i can. best, XXX well as some of you know, I've been gone for 3 months. the last month and a half I've been trying to work out getting the rest of my stuff sent to me. Like she promised she would when I left. so looks like i have to keep waiting now.. my reply (which i debated on if I should even reply) I'm really sorry. I wish her my best of course. try not to get too stressed about flying, I know you make yourself sick before you fly. try to relax as much as you can. you are going to have a long weekend i'm sure. I'm here for you if you just need somebody who can listen. (probably shouldnt have said that, but thats just my heart getting in the way) take care, stay safe. Eric well glad i have therapy today because seems every time we have any kind of contact I fall back into a funk. so after more thought into this subject of her sending me my stuff. I'm starting to think she just keeps delaying and putting it off because she knows eventually i'll get tired of waiting and will bail her out and just take care of it myself. that makes me angry because she promised me she'd send me my stuff. she doesnt deserve me doing another thing for her. shes had nothing but the easy way out in regards to everything about her ending this relationship.

RaeKarma welcome to the challenge. you are a local LBC friend. i wish you luck in your days. i can remember the first few days as iff they were yesterday! :splat:

I 100% understand and agree with this! its hard to go from living with somebody for years then all of a sudden you have all this alone time on your hands. nobody to talk about your day with, nobody to get comfort from a stressful day, nobody there to give you a hug and say "I love you" in the morning when you wake up and when you get home from work. etc etc... all this alone time now is just killing me.

this is really strange, i had a good cry this week also. must be something in the air this week?!?!?! :splat:

you keep on going just like the first 30 days. like i've said a few times recently. i'm over 3 months and struggle every day. caring and love for ex (check) :splat:

tips/techniques. stay busy. its the alone/quiet time that bothers me most. when i have to go to bed alone now I get full of anxiety. I only have a short part time job during the day while i look for a new career job. during those few hrs everyday I feel great but as the end of my "shift" approaches i can feel anxiety about going home and being alone. I'm not an alone person. I am lucky that even though I'm in a new state, some place I'd never thought i'd be living I have a few great friends here who like to hang out often. I could have returned to my town (where we met and lived together before moving to her hometown to start a family) but I didnt want to move back to boston during the dead of winter, and although my 2 best friends live there they are also married and i wouldnt expect to hang with them as much. i guess the biggest tips is stay busy and try your best to do NC. NC is about healing your heart and nothing else. I know in time I'll be ok but this is a hard one to get over for a few reasons. ](*,)

SamT I'm not sure if you have followed any of my posts in the past 3 months. basically my ex left me for another women (first time ever for her) before we were even over. so for the past 3 months while i've been going through hell, forced to leave "our" house for my own healing, while she stayed where shes comfortable, her hometown, her family around. shes had it soooo much easier. she also has this new and exciting thing, which i know is a huge part of why she left me. she loves the attention shes getting from her new girl and the attention shes getting from her so called friends. its a shame this attention and the "grass is greener" syndrome was greater then our relationship. :splat:

I find it completely ridiculous that I'm the one who has to seek professional help from this, when she was the one that was on anxiety meds during most of our relationship and gave them up the last year or so because she didnt like they way they made her feel. I understand the reason why I need professional help. (heartbreak/anxiety/stress/etc) sometimes I wish I was as emotionaly disconnected as she is now, she is so easily able to push feelings down and ignore them, she lacks empathy. oh well, professional help will help me realize i really didnt do anything wrong (like EVERYBODY has told me) it was really her issues that ended our relationship. :splat:

well after 3 months of struggling and falling back into a slump, I've decided that need some outside help. I'm going to seek out a therapist I'm comfortable with. I think living in a new area where I dont know many people or fun things to keep me busy, plus struggling to find a career job again, add to that I'm still living in an empty place while i wait for all my stuff to show from my ex. all those things along with the constant heartbreak have overwhelmed me recently.

after 3 months I still have the urge. today i feel pretty bad, almost as much anxiety and stress and heartache as when it first ended.

I'm at just over 3months and have slipped back into a funk. today i noticed her gmail away msg was "I'm gay!" ....... nothing like pushing that burning hot poker deeper into my heart! 3 years ended in a week and she was already starting a new relationship with a girl. something she had never done in her life. I hate being alone now. not having her there when i'm stressed or just need a smile or hug hurts! I miss all those things that made her her. i miss her comfort. the last week or so I've realized as much as I want to be loved again, I cant accept it or give it to anybody new yet. it would be unfair of me. I have to heal my heart of its current pain.

over 3 months since we broke up and every night i get anxiety about sleeping. I havent had a decent nights sleep since we broke up. I maybe get 4hrs a night, and for me that is half of what I NEED! its the combo of being alone now and me really missing having her next to me @ night with my hand on her side while we sleep.

it will go a lot longer then 30 days, I'm over 3 months in and still struggle.

well today is exactly 3 months since I left. (3months and 2 days since we broke up) and I'll tell you this, its still hard everyday. I feel the only reason shes even made any contact with me in these 3months is just because I left so quickly and left everything I own behind and we are trying to work out the details of shipping me all my stuff. Will I ever hear from her again after I get my stuff? I have no idea, its really a shame. I can go on and on and say so many wonderful amazing things about her even still right now. I miss her with all my heart, but I cant change the way she feels. so I try my best to do NC so I can heal my broken heart. NC isnt easy at all, but its easier then letting them control your emotions and break you down even worse then you already are.

you can write all you want, god knows I do. I have over a hundred drafts in my email. but i will never send 1 ever! its for you to vent, it will do no good to actually send. so just enjoy getting it out. but never ever send a single one. its all about you now, you'll only push the ex away even more.

ugh almost 3 months and i've seem to have slipped back into a funk. last few days have been pretty horrible. i know its all the alone time i have now. my apt is still totally empty besides a mattress. i'm still trying to figure out a way to get my stuff with minimal contact with the ex. last we talked on sunday she said to me that I should be over her by now. I dont understand how she can say such things to me. she has never understood how much she hurts other peoples feelings/emotions, she just doesnt get that and never has. she's very selfish and is never wrong in her eyes. anyways. 1 day at a time. i'm almost @ 3 months and it still sucks. my heart hurts everyday.

I need a decent nights sleep!!! its going on 3months and I struggle with anxiety every night before trying to sleep. usually i get 3-4hrs a night. this really bothers me. "before" i use to struggle to stay up till 11pm and would sleep 8hrs with out waking up!!! how does she still have this much control over my emotions?!?!!?!?

update: well ex called me early this morning... i saw the # and let it go to VM. she left a msg about finding a decent price on a moving company to get me my stuff, also she was finally able to find roommates and needed the wireless router password. so later that afternoon while i'm hanging with friends and feeling comfortable I called her back. I'm happy she found a decent price for a mover and I thank her for that, then we get into the roommate topic. i ask her about them.. i guess its this guy and girl who happen to be friends. not her friends, she said she wasnt sure about them, but needed somebody in there. of course me being me, asked her if she felt comfortable/safe living with the. she wasnt sure. I didnt know what to say, dont wanna cross a boundry now. guy works for intel and is "computer savvy" so I tell her I dont remember the password, if he's computer savvy he can figure out how to reset the router. some how we end up talking about "us" blah blah blah... she says a couple things that stick, something similar to "i've done so many things for you, bought you this, that, and this other thing......" " I saw this coming way back and you should have also" its amazing to me she still hasnt said shes sorry for cheating on me, leaving me for this women, for forcing me to completely drop everything and leave, breaking my heart, and everything else that comes with our broken relationship.... but she somehow she still is able to make me feel @ fault for all this. it bothers me how "easy" this is for her, while i struggle everyday. for her to say that I shouldnt be feeling bad anymore just makes me crazy! I'm not her, i have a loving caring heart, and even though she did what she did and for that this should be so easy for me to get over her, but its hard for me to stop loving and caring for her.. some days are like the first day I left, totally horrible, some days are decent(i'm able to get a few hrs of sleep), but not a single days goes by where I feel 100% awesome like i used to, when i was in a loving caring relationship with her. i hate being alone, I hate how "quiet" my life is now, I miss all the people I lost because of her (her family). going on 3 months and I still fall back into a funk every time i have to talk to her. so i dont unless i absolutely have to. how much longer will i feel this way, i have no idea. I've met a few new women and have gone on a few first dates, but I feel so uncomfortable around them. I almost feel guilty. I hate the thought of all that talk about family/job/etc etc.. all that stuff that comes with learning about somebody. my heart is still in love with her and my brain wont stop thinking about her. i miss her so much, but there is nothing i can do about that. almost 3 months and pretty much no contact except when necessary regarding my stuff. ive read many times that at approx 3 months ex's usually start to 2nd guess their decision. but in my case while she might do that for a second she has negative people in her life that influence her. so there is nothing i can do but put the past in the past and focus on my future. so for all you that are struggling starting NC. I say do it for yourself, dont do it for any other reason other then to focus on your life. ex's are who they are and you can't do anything about it. that is a hard lesson i'm learning. while we were together I was able to offer my opinion of course it was very valued because we were in love, but now she has other people in her life. all i focus on now is being comfortable with myself again. being comfortable with rebuilding my life, being comfortable with being alone. (which is very hard for me) being comfortable with being comfortable.. do it for yourself thats all that matters!