bostoneric

just woke up rather early on a sunday.... mornings are always the hardest for me. I've been waking up rather "quickly" thinking this is all a bad dream. its still really hard for me because its only been a week since i've left and i'm still crashing on friends couches. (homeless) again i keep finding myself being afraid of my future because I'm not sure where I want to try and get my feet planted. I really miss my home... living out of a few boxes of clothes doesnt feel good at all... staying with my friends is really nice and is really helping me heal, but also makes me miss my home so much more. its like i'm on a little vaca and i'm really ready to go "home".... well today starts day 2 of NC, its really hard and i'm a bit confused about NC lately.. I know its for me to heal, but what does she think of it? does she even wonder if I'll contact her? i hate all these silly questions.

thanks so much for understanding.... I couldnt agree more about she really didnt take any stock into me "dropping my life" to start a family.. I tried really hard to express how much of a commitment that was from me. anyways today is day 1 again of NC.... we'll see how it goes..

thanks... i think the hardest thing is to not show any weakness and just be yourself... but keep it short...

day 2 ended with a call from her for me also... it seemed like she had a bad day at work and was really missing me...I kept it short and didnt say anything about the breakup... just i'm sorry you had a bad day and i hope she feels better... have a good weekend and be safe..

there are things I cant just leave... many personal memories from my own family... but i see what you are saying..

thanks for the kind words.... its extremely hard... 3 years just ended in a flash.. I'm still shocked I actually left with just 2 boxes of clothes....someday i'll have to go get all my stuff but i'm not ready to go back just yet. i need more time to heal!

wow you are a lot stronger then I am right now...but i guess with 14days you've grown/healed a lot more then me... i'm going on 7days since i forced myself to leave and today is day 2 of NC.

I cant agree more.....

today starts day 2 for me.... I think i'm still in shock that in less then a week, a 3 year relationship ended and I was forced to leave to heal myself. i really miss having her in my life....

looks like a few steps fwd for you... now what are you going to do ?

90days!!!!!!! wow i cant even begin to image what that feels like! congrats i guess!

I was from boston, dropped my life and moved to Portland, OR (her home town, family, friends, good job)to start a family with my ex... I struggled to find a career and depended on her because I didnt know anybody/anything in Portland. 5 months later she broke up with me..(she said she feel out of love, didnt see herself with me in the future, and found a new "distraction" as our relationship ended. distraction = running from relationship issues, lame....) 2 days later I found myself in LA crashing on friends couches.... that is where I am as we speak. now i struggle to get past day 1 or 2 of NC.... I left a lot of lose ends back in portland, but she said my stuff could stay there till i get on my feet here. saying goodbye before i left was probably the hardest day ever, it took me about 15mins to shut the door on my way out.

I was saying, day 1 try number 3 for myself.

any pointers? I cant imagine 26days...

day 1 try number 3.....

wow that sounds way to familiar. i think that plus the addition of moving to a new place with no support group for me (other then her and her family) made it even harder for me, thats why I had to leave so quickly to another city/state....It shocked her that I left, but probably the best thing for both of us, rather then trying to live together while I remain in pain trying to heal would be impossible...while for her it was her home town, all her family and friends so it almost seems easier for her.

yeah i agree about my ex, its hard to be mad at somebody you love so much. but yesterday I did experience an anger phase. how could you let me completely drop/change my life for us, when you were having doubts long ago??!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?! I know she did what was best for her and what she thinks was best for us, I know she didnt want to hurt me, I know she cares for me, I know she wants me to be truly happy. but all those things dont help with the heartbreak of losing somebody you love.

wow.... i'm struggling to get past day 1 maybe 2. i've never gone more then 1 day in the past 3 years... talk about missing somebody...

yeah i guess i have to get past day 1 to get some kind of positive results. be it either me healing or her realizing she gave up unconditional love and our future for a "need to try this in my life" bullsh*t. glad she made this decision after i completely dropped my life just to move x-country for our future together

well day 2 started off with a huge issue.. a huge job opprotunity emailed me and want to meet with me... now do I go back to that that state for at least the interview? if they offer me the position do I take it? can i stand to be back in that city with no friends constantly wondering what shes up to or if I'll run into her? its a great job offer and is making me nuts....

wow 24days, I cant imagine that right now. I'm still struggling to get past day 1 or 2. I guess its because we have a lot of lose ends to tie up back at our (well now her) "home" since I just left to heal. nothing like living out of a few bags of clothes you packed in your car.

well day 2 is shot... she called me today to see how i was doing on my drive. (6 more hours today after 10 on saturday) we talked for a few, really unconfortable. told me how when she got home after i left how hard it was, and how she forced herself to pack up any of my stuff and took down all our pictures. sees she's doing a lot better then me... time to start all over tomorrow @ 1.

just found this site today and its nice to see there are many others going/have gone through the same long story kinda short, we started our relationship on the east coast where I'm from. She wanted to move back to her hometown to be with her family and start a new one with me I gave up my family/friends/job for our future together. we moved, she was able to land a very nice job very quickly, I struggled to find a career without taking a 15 to 20% paycut because cost of living is so much cheaper... during this time I took a pt job just for some $. I guess we had some normal relationship issues before we moved figuring the move would take care of them. well the move was hard on me, new place with no friends and family and not knowing anywhere/anything fun so i depended on her a lot. well we were her 4 months and I finally had to do something about the issues that were just there between us. I ended up finding out she had become interested in this girl @ her job and had been out 2 times with her, which i knew about but did not know she was interested in her. well i thought about this for a day.. had the talk with her.. we need to work on our issues which includes maintaining a manogamis relationship... so I went to some individual counseling to work on my communication skills. and we also went to a couples session... towards the end of the session the therapist recommended a time line for working on our issues... basically we'd both have to invest 100% into working hard to fix our issues.. this included her ending anything/everything with this girl.... she was very hesitant, and said she was unsure she couldnt do that. right there I knew it was over... after the couples session she went out with some friends so we didnt even get a chance to talk/process it together.. i later found out after meeting with her friends she met with this girl... the next morning she said our relationship is over... that night after work was very uncomfortable between us... again like we were just ignoring issues... halfway through the night she moved out to the couch....during that day i realized i needed to take time away from her, staying in the our house wouldnt work for me. after work that day I told her in the morning I would be leaving because i need time to heal and because i respect her choice to not be with me. she was really surprised by that and said it made her sad.. she thought we would just not live in the same bedrooms and keep living in the same house.. i told her I couldnt do that because I love her to much.. we talked a little more. later that night we said our goodbyes to each other she told me to tell her when i safely get to wherever i'm going and she headed over to her parents house for the night because she was so sad... I talked to her sister later that night and was told that she was a complete mess as she left towards her parents... that night i packed up a bunch of clothes into a few boxes and a couple bags of survival stuff.. the next morning when I left i had the hardest time closing the door behind me, i was in shock i was doing this. I left the state and drove 10hrs down to a friends place to stay, after arriving here a bunch of us went out for dinner. it took me about an hour to txt her to tell her I made it safely... went like this. me - hey its really hard for me to not call, but i made it safely. her - i know me too, i'm glad you are safe. thank you for the cards(i left her a simple goodbye card). i only want the best for you. me - I feel the same for you. this is very hard and i miss you so. her - i miss you too, but its the right thing to do. we will be ok. me - yeah but it hurts a lot. i'm really upset its over. you are very special. i'll be here for a few days then head another 5hrs to some more friends. not sure how long i'll be there for, going to head to my parents for xmas then back to friends after... besides the heartache which totally sucks now i'm dealing with not having a home anymore and trying to decide where to call home next.. so today is day 1 of NC after leaving yesterday. it hurts a lot and is really hard. i'm a little afraid of not having a future plan.