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bostoneric

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  1. bostoneric
    i was forced to go from living together for 3 years to leaving for my own healing. as much as it hurts me everyday still almost 3 months later i have to do NC because anytime i email/call I slip back into a funk of heartbreak and anxiety. Right now I dont know what/how she feels for me. I wanna say she still loves FOR ME, just not in love with me now. which sucks. but i cant make her change how she feels, so for now I have to do what i have to do for my own heart. when and if I'm ready someday in the future I will contact her, the question i have is why doesnt she contact me since she wants to remain friends? well part of it I know is at first she tried, but I wasnt returning her calls/emails then 1 day i finally did and told her why I'm not. I told her that it hurts me to much to talk to her still so I have to do this for my own heart. remember this is all about you now, you cant change them. only they can. I still love her with all my heart, but now i have to put that back on the shelf and start my new life without her.. maybe we can reconnect when I am ready.
  2. bostoneric
    for all those of you who are getting the "are you doing ok? how are you? etc etc" contacts from your dumper/ex... remember its their way of easing their guilt for making you feel crushed. its their way of keeping some control over the situation. my ex got upset and asked why i've been weird about avoiding her calls/emails, when i finally told her that the reason i'm not returning her calls or answering her emails was because I am truly heatbroken and I need my time to heal. she finally understood but also acted strange about it saying why am i being weird about contacting her?... its like we have the ability to just be friends so easily? I dont think so. i'm going on 3 months now of really NC and I still feel like crap on a regular basis.
  3. bostoneric
    oh how i miss the days of having somebody next to me at night. i cant sleep worth crap anymore and i struggle to fall a sleep. most nights its between 2-3am when i finally just crash. some nights i get anxiety as it gets later and dont fall a sleep at all, just kinda rest with my heart beating and my brain running like crazy! i hate that she still has this much control almost 3 months later. being alone sucks!
  4. bostoneric
    just checking in, i have no idea how many days its been since it ended and i left. ~ first week of dec i can tell you i exchanged an email with her last monday to inquire about an update on my stuff being shipped down to me. its been 3 weeks since i sent her my new address. well i got a long email back from her. this long sob story about how hard its been for her because she's had to pay all the rent/bills/etc her self since i left, how much shes been working lately and how stressed out she is. she doesnt have the $ available right now to ship my stuff down (which she promised she'd do before I left). well shortly after i read that email i forced myself to call her. right away i could tell by the tone in her voice she was completely stress out, i felt sad for her. we talk for a few and i reminded her that this was all her decision i tried to work through this but again i left because she asked me to. i asked her if there was anything i could do to help, like book the movers etc... well later that night i sent her an email back. basically i'm sorry shes so stressed out from her life right now, i feel sad for her. again i said if there was anything i could do to help such as booking the movers etc.. next morning i got a 1 line email back. "you could pay for it yourself, that would really help me out" wow just wow, not only did i support her when we lived on the east coast, I supported the move back to her home town to be with her family, i left for her, i've done countless things she has asked me to do since the day we met. life changes on more then 3 occasions, now to ask me to pay for this myself when its something she promised. not only have i done what she wanted by leaving within 2 days of it being over ugh... i feel her so called "friends" and new gf are behind this telling her she shouldnt pay for it. that my stuff being there is an inconvenience to her. saying all these horrible things about me to convince her otherwise. so lame. but i will take the high road and just take care of this myself with no reply. its a shame. i still love her and care about her so much and every day i think of that. oh new stress in my life... Apple recently contacted me about a job. we had a 1hr phone interview on thursday. yesterday i heard back from them. they want to fly me in on monday put me up for the night and in-person interview on tuesday morning. this is a great opportunity for my career and for my line of work it would be completely stupid of me to pass on this job. mine as well start a new career if I say no. cons: what makes it hard for me is leaving all my friends who have truly helped me through all the hard times recently. starting over again in a new city and all the stuff that comes with that. pros: a huge move fwd in my career!! anyways, keep on keeping on. times get better and worse at the same time. its been almost 3 months for me and i've seem to have slipped back into a funk. i know its from recent contact, but i'm forcing myself to focus on prepairing for this interview with apple. its amazing how much control we let ex's have even though they are out of our lives.
  5. bostoneric
  6. bostoneric
    well i decided today is as good a day as any to follow up on my stuff.. "I just wanted to follow up and see if there is any progress on shipping my stuff? are you having any difficulties that I can help with? I hope you are doing well. take care and be safe. always Eric " opinions?
  7. bostoneric
    well its been 3 weeks since I emailed the ex my new address to get the rest of my stuff I left behind shipped to me. I should follow up with her, but just thinking about it puts me in a funk.. hard to believe that living with somebody 3 years and making plans for a family and yet we havent talked more then 2 times since i left over 2 months ago.. everyday is hard, its been over 2 months and still there isnt 30mins that goes bye that I dont think of her.
  8. bostoneric
    3am and anxiety has kept me from sleeping at all tonight. its been over 2 months since i left and seems like the last week has been really hard again.
  9. bostoneric
    just thought I'd check in since its been a little. its been over 2 months since I left for my own healing. during this 2 months I've only talked over the phone 2 times, exchanged maybe 4 emails. last contact was by email approx a week ago, me sending my new address so my stuff can finally be shipped to me. well the days before and since then I have seem to fallen back into a bad feeling constantly. the anxiety and tightness in my chest is back. I'm not sure where its coming from. i'm guessing that I have a new place that is empty and I feel very very alone now. I know part of it is that I was pretty much forced into this because of her! anyways. now I feel some anxiety about waiting for my stuff, also what stuff I will receive that was "our" stuff... and any of that stuff like pictures of us, photo albums, or anything like that. also the memories associated with all my stuff.. also having to buy all new stuff, all that stuff I never thought I'd have to buy again in my life. recently I noticed the ex signing on to gtalk, something she hasnt done in over a year. it was really uncomfortable seeing her online but not talking to her. today she signed on for like 10 seconds then back offline. well thats all for now. keep busy because idol time is the devil.
  10. bostoneric
    J_man, things i like hmmmm well lets see not really. with time i'm sure i will come to like this place but it was more a take it or else keep stressing about finding a place to live. I have no furniture, no tv, no bed. I'm still living out of the 2 boxes of clothes I took when I left 2 months ago. I'm really frustrated buying all that "house hold" stuff again, all stuff I thought I would never buy again. i sent the ex the email, now the waiting game starts on when my stuff will show. again she some how is better off because things like the bed she can keep while i have to buy a new one. now i have to buy a couch, dinning table, etc etc.. all things she keeps because I bought them for her when we were together. talk about starting fresh. :splat:
  11. bostoneric
    I'm having a really hard day today. today is the first real morning I've spent in my new place. its really hard to be alone and think about this is my place now. i'm afraid to send her my new address and ask for all my stuff. i cant believe in the almost 2 months now that we've only talked 2 times. 1 week we are all smiles then days later I'm on the road leaving and she's replacing me with a girl ..... wow i'm still in shock.
  12. bostoneric
    GetMeBack I will admit this has been the hardest last few months of my life. I still cant believe I was able to leave her, but thinking about staying there living in the same house with somebody who can so easily do what she did to me makes me sick. I still love her so much, but now I have a boundary setup for my own heart to heal. Even though we havent talked more then 2 times since I left first week of dec, its amazing how much she still effects my emotions daily. I try so hard to not let her have this control over me still, but I will admit its so hard to get past all the reminders of her daily... I dont know what it is about socal, but there are a million silver VW Beetles around. I'm still staying with a friend while I try to find a new place here, again its really hard not having my own private space. All my stuff is still in "our" house until i find a new place here. i You will have good days and bad days down the road. I thought I was doing really well lately, but yesterday was our anniversary and I woke up having an extreme anxiety attack. found myself covered in sweat, heart was racing, eyes were all dialated huge. I started pacing and actually had to call a friend to come over and just chill and watch some tv with me so I could calm down. but I did not contact her yesterday, nor did I hear from her. But I know shes super stubborn and even though she was probably thinking of me she wont contact me. she knows I want to contact her and that I will once i heal from what shes done to me. all in all, everyday is a challenge. hardest part is breaking the routine of living together for 3 years, getting past all the family planning we did together. it hurts, but I'm learning from it and so will you. as I said, everyday is challenge and everyday you will remember things you both loved and hated about the relationship, and that is where you learn for the next time.
  13. bostoneric
    do not return his calls, 2 reasons: 1. you need to not call him for yourself. 2. him checking in on you eases his guilt.
  14. bostoneric
    just noticed today was our anniversary. I feel a little sad, but also I dont seem to care. not sure why though. i guess its called progress. now i wonder if she notices today is(was) our anniversary? and what she thinks.
  15. bostoneric
    my head is screwed up after "tech support" call with ex last night. why ask me why am I being all weird about contacting her??? why throw it in my face that you are a les bo now ??? why do you care what I'm up to and ask specificly what when I say I'm out with friends. ugh my head is screwed up today.... thanks again ex!
  16. bostoneric
    ex called me tonight. couldnt connect to the wireless network. I tried to txt instructions, but she was unable to understand so I had to call and walk her through the steps.. she said she missed talking to me and questioned why I havent talked to her pretty much at all since I left. I kept the conversation on fixing her wireless problems.
  17. bostoneric
    I've given up on counting days and free writing my thoughts about her daily. it serves me no point but to bring up memories and make me sad its over. I use to do a little free writing every morning about her and my thoughts about her. the last thing i wrote a few days ago was "I'm tired of writing about you" so for now I'm trying to stop so much thinking of her. its been over 6 weeks since I left our house, I've heard her voice 1 time since then. its time for me to stop thinking about her so much. its not that i dont love her dearly still or dont want her in my life, its just that every time i start to think about her it makes me really sad and i get anxiety. so for now I'm done thinking about her so much, i'm done with my daily free writing about her. she knows that I'm not trying to ignore her or push her out of my life. she knows i'm trying to heal from what she did to me. if she wants to contact me she will. other wise its time for me to put 100% effort into starting my new life without her right now. so thats how i feel today.
  18. bostoneric
    well i was weak today its so crazy how easy she was able to just replace me with this girl and probably never have a moment alone to herself. new girl just moved right in. its a shame, just shows how little morals they both have. ex cheated on me with her and now she is moved in! wow its sad, ex is just going to do the same thing again to this girl. a 3 year relationship just replaced within DAYS!! no time to heal or grow from our relationship... its sad and makes me hurt so much! i loved this girl unconditionally and she knew this but still ran to something new and exciting..
  19. bostoneric
    same exact thing i'm doing... about a month in i finally answered an email of hers, she was asking why i never answered her "how your xmas/new years went" emails... i told her i'm not ignoring her, i just need more time to heal, she said she understood... and thats where we stand. its been over a week since then with NC either way.
  20. bostoneric
    do not respond to that email. its not worth your time or effort anymore, now your time and effort should go towards making YOU feel better and happy again! I know its hard, i struggle everyday, but something I've slowly learned is its all about ME now no more US. while I still care about my ex and hope she is safe and everything, she made this choice so all I can do now is take care of ME the most important person in my life.
  21. bostoneric
    ugh woke up early this morning feeling like complete crap. was having a dream about her, but it was as if i was in the house now. everything was so different and there were pictures and cards and all that relationship stuff around but it was all her and her new gf. right now i feel so much anxiety and just feel awful. its been a little over a month since she broke up with me for this girl and I left. last week was going to be the week I was planning on proposing. I cant remember the last time i head her voice, last exchange we had was by email over a week ago. it still sucks a lot. still trying to find a new place of my own, i feel i've way over stayed my time crashing at my friends place. wow i havent felt this upset in a while. its those dreams right before you wake up that are so strong. i miss her dearly.
  22. bostoneric
    feeling some major anxiety today. this has been a hard week. we had a cruise together planned for this week where I was going to propose to her. instead we've been apart for over a month with very very LC (basically NC). i'm now trying to start a new life (job/house/etc) in another state while she moved on to another relationship with a girl before we were even done. right now shes up at our "vacation" home with the girl since she had already scheduled the time off for our cruise a long time ago...(cruise = wasted $ for me now)..... anxiety sucks.
  23. bostoneric
    I'm right there with you!!! except my ex left me for another woman, whos been spotted spending lots of time in my house!!! I cant wait till I find a new place (16hr drive away) so I can get all my stuff out of that house of lies!!! I want the bed frame but def not the mattress anymore...
  24. bostoneric
    I'm so sorry. but like I'm learning and many others have said. its hurts a lot but do you really want somebody in your life with such low morals and values? i'm struggling with the same feelings....
  25. bostoneric
    any opinions? my last few posts
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