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bostoneric

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  1. bostoneric
    well after a long day of flying x-country to visit my parents I gave in and txt'd her. "Hi, landed safely in XXXXXXX, I'm looking up at the full moon right now, look at it with me. miss you. E." that was 2hrs ago, no reply ..... this journey to my parents is so hard because our plans were to be with her family this year... and in 2 weeks we have a 10day cruise booked with my parents. It hurts so much... I broke down a few times on the flight here, I still cant believe this is happeneing.. next few days are going to be really hard because of xmas.
  2. bostoneric
    I know how you feel, "snooping around" is just so easy thankts to the interwebz. I found myself wanting to look at her myspace page quite often. but then i just remember what good will it do me? it will just make me sad so I click on something else quickly!
  3. bostoneric
    day 2 for me... she called me again, but this time she did not leave a msg... I wonder what she wanted.. again it was really hard not to answer.. but I cant let her have the control during this time, i cant let her feel less guilt.. "checking in on me" gives her control and helps her feel less guilty. its so hard to not answer, there is nothing more I want then to just hear her sweet loving voice, but I know I'll feel so depressed after we talk. and i'm not ready to talk to her yet, if I do I know i'll say the wrong thing and maybe push her away even more.. i wonder what she thinks when i dont answer??? i wonder if she'll call me on xmas, or if i'll get a card??
  4. bostoneric
    exactly how I feel, "we" always made holidays a huge amazing thing. for xmas we use to drive up into the mountains and find a "cut your own xmas tree" place and bring a basket with some hot coco and make a big day of finding the perfect tree... putting up xmas lights and etc were always an amazing day also... the xmas vacation and 24hrs of xmas story movies were always something we use to make a big event also.. so all in all this is a very uncomfortable xmas this year... good thing at the last minute I was able to find a decent deal on a flight to visit my parents for 5 days..
  5. bostoneric
    I feel the same pain, but for me we moved x-country to her hometown to start our family... few months later I was forced to move again, this time without a plan other then to heal.
  6. bostoneric
    ok I was able to keep up NC today!!! ex called and I did not answer it!! i was so strong. "hey I'm just calling to check in on you and to see if you made it to FL yet? call me when you get there!" I've told her i'm not going to my flying to my parents house till sunday !?!?! why would she be calling me to "check in on me" ??? to me it helps her have less guilt if she knows what i'm doing/feeling..
  7. bostoneric
    Yeah I know I shouldnt, but that b*tch needs to realize what she did! to think shes using this new relationship to hide her feelings... so f*cking lame.... after further reviewing, it will not be sent, i guess it was more for me to put down in writing for review later down the road when I'm feeling weak... she doesnt deserve me or my love any longer.
  8. bostoneric
    wow I could have wrote that exactly the same...
  9. bostoneric
    an email that I wrote today, maybe i will maybe i wont send it. who knows... This email is so hard for me to send to you because you know I’m not a person who gets angry, and especially at somebody who I cared for so much. But I’ve given it a lot of thought and I feel you need to know how I truly feel about this, all you’ve seen is that I was heartbroken and in tears… I've tried my best to let go and just think this is the real Star, but you need to know how I truly feel now. I no longer have a reason to be nice to you about this. You dont/didnt give a * * * * about me or my feelings which is obvious by the last 2 months. When you care/love somebody you don’t treat them like this...which is obvious by how I treated you, with nothing but unconditional love. You are a * * * * ing lying cheating * * * * * , you strung my heart along all this time. We shared what we thought was an amazing weekend in black butte just before Halloween, but all along you were already thinking of moving on to lisa.. it makes that weekend feel so cheap, i feel used, what i thought was one of the most amazing sexual connection weekends we ever shared now has turned into me feeling sick about it. I'm an so * * * * ing angry at you for this, I gave you 3 years of my life and all the unconditional love i could. But you know what, I realize you are not good enough for my love nor do you deserve it anymore. You have a troubled relationship history with an excuse for everything so it was never your fault, I should have seen this coming long ago, but i was blinded by my heart and true unconditional love for you. That is my downfall, caring to much for you, and for that I am sorry. You being so afraid I was going to leave you and go back to Boston after Ryan’s wedding might have been real feelings, but now they mean nothing to me... if anything they make me think that you were hoping I would go back. You have done nothing but lie and deceive me especially during the last 3 maybe 4 months. I cant believe you had this in you to do this to me, you know I loved you more then anybody else has every loved and cared for you, but that love means nothing now... Now I just care for you as a person who was in my life. I let you into my shell thinking you were the perfect woman for me, but you aren’t, you are a liar a cheater and don’t deserve my love any longer. Angry Eric has surfaced again to protect his heart, to make sure only somebody who deserves my unconditional true love is allowed in. there are a few people who are allowed in, some people you know very well, but that’s because they love me as much as I love them. Unconditionally I want my stuff out of that house of lies as soon as possible; I can’t stand to think of my stuff being in that house of lies any longer. Do not reply because I will delete it without reading it, I don’t need/want to hear from you right now. It only brings on anger and more heartache. 2 things I don’t want to feel from you any longer. Maybe in time I can try to be friends with you, its a shame because I do feel you are a special part of my life, but right now you are the worst part of it.
  10. bostoneric
    Its amazing that we share so many feelings... same thing happens to me every time my phone rings or txt shows... but then i think about the excitement turns to anxiety then turns to sadness.... so I think f it.. I dont need to feel like that, shes out doing her thing having fun... I need to do the same!!!
  11. bostoneric
    thanks for the help. I've decided to just let any hope go, she is who she is and she is unable to maintain a healthy relationship with anybody, her past is filled with nothing but men with broken hearts, shes done this many times in her past, I feel pride I was able to get out so quickly.. other men in her past just hung around and got their spirit demolished and their man hood belittled... I was her longest relationship ever, 3 years (also my longest) she has really no long time best friends, just "new" friends she considers her "best" friends.. now she has jumped from our relationship right into a relationship with this girl (something new for her) who she cheated on me with. she had no personal growth and is caught in the excitement/drama/attention shes getting from this new thing.... she is doomed to repeat the same cycle/patterns she has always done.. I feel sad that she gave up unconditional love from me for this new relationship, its doomed more so then our relationship ever was. its building blocks are built off lies/cheating.... at least we started our relationship as friends... her family is extremely disappointed in her for what she did to me... all in all, I'm using this past relationship to learn, grow, and recognize these pattern before this can happen to me again. I will use what I have learned to find somebody who truly loves me as much as I love them.
  12. bostoneric
    well after thinking about her email all night, I've decided I'll answer it when I'm good and ready. whats the difference really if I answer it at all?!?! I can just call comcast and pay the bill, she doesnt need to know. as far as the cables go, who really cares, its not worth me getting all worked up over a few cables. and I will not acknowledge her "p.s.- i saw your pictures from Universal. looks like you are having quite the good time!!" again i think any answer to that will just make her think even more that it was the right choice to cheat on and leave me for this girl. so no reply is my goal right now! day 1 starts today! (as usual I keep waking up when she would be getting up for work, i hate the mornings right now)
  13. bostoneric
    today more then ever I wanted to go "home" ok I finally had to send the ex an email about some household stuff... my email to her - ok comcast cable ends on saturday, final bill is $XX.XX you'll need to bring in the 2 HD boxes. Sirius your 2 radios were automatically paid through dec. They will be canceled then. here are your serial #s so you can make your own account XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX now the 2nd cell phone its paid till the end of the month. then it will be canceled you can do what you want with it. I dont want it. her reply - are you going to pay the Comcast bill? and do i need the HDMI cables with Verizon Fios? p.s.- i saw your pictures from Universal. looks like you are having quite the good time!! I sent them out to a mail group I had, I thought I deleted everybody related to her, but I just noticed her brother-in-law is still on the list. not sure why he felt the need to show/send them to her?!?!?! i'm probably over analyzing, but it makes me think that she sees me having fun and thinks/feels less guilt because of that. * * * ?!?!?!
  14. bostoneric
    I guess I know, but that doesnt justify throwing a long term relationship down the drain with big future plans in the short distance (buy house/marriage/child) just to "try" something....
  15. bostoneric
    I know exactly how you feel, my ex-gf wasnt even out of our relationship and she was already starting another with a girl. first time shes ever done anything with a girl, always said she curious about it, but never had the ability to do it before. I think she used our issues to "try" this. our relationship was an excuse to try something new, also and escape from our issues, also a way to sabotage our relationship so she doesnt feel at fault or guilt. she felt a small amount of guilt for cheating on me, but it seemed to pass quick. I left the day after she broke up with me, I know she hasnt been spending much time in our home, running from her problems and clinging to this new "emotional connection" shes made. I feel sorry for her. She jumped into a new relationship and didn't have the growth and self discovery experience that I'm getting. She will continue to make the same mistakes and carry her issues and baggage into this new relationship. I will not.
  16. bostoneric
    day 2 of NC.... day is only half over and I'm struggling really hard today!
  17. bostoneric
    damit, why do I keep waking up @ the exact time every morning when she would get up for work!?!?!?!! I'm getting to little sleep as it is, I need to stop waking up so early!! the mornings are so hard..... today starts day 2...
  18. bostoneric
    a few more hrs of day 1 and i'm absolutely sure I will not be talking to her today... I spent the entire day @ universal studios hollywood CA with a friend. it was nice to get the f*ck away from everything and just forget everything all day and have some fun!
  19. bostoneric
    email exchange this shortly after the call.. well we watched "blades of glory" last night, it was really hard to watch it because to me that was one of "our" movies.. so many wonderful memories... I think thats why i called today, i was really really missing you this morning. I'm sure you are doing a lot better then me, you are a strong beautiful woman. I miss you so and will always be here for you. XO Eric her reply thank you for your kind words. i promise you, you are going to be more than okay one day. one day it will all make sense. this is a very important time for you and you need to embrace it. you can do anything you want, live anywhere you want. it's all up to you. you should take full advantage of the opportunity. you have great friends and an incredibly supportive family. i hope we can remain very good friends too. I know shes saying things that i need to hear, I know part of that is because the sooner I move on the less guilt she has. but all in all its really f*cking hard to move on from what I thought was my future!!
  20. bostoneric
    well back to day 0, i gave in and called her just now.... by the sound and tone of her voice it seemed like she was doing very well and happy. I know she's already seeing a girl, this is was part of us breaking up. anyways, now i'm depressed and sad... she has it so much easier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we moved to her home town, her family, her "friends", our house, somebody new and exciting already... well i'm homeless forced to leave, no job, lots of heartbreak...
  21. bostoneric
    well day 1 is almost over and it was extremely hard... ex got herself a new cell phone, something we talked about before I left because I was paying for both lines hers/mine.
  22. bostoneric
    well I'm lost with this... I had an xmas present I bought before we broke up... I'm thinking I'm going to still send it to her with a small card that just says I care about her.. keep it short and simple.
  23. bostoneric
    well today starts day 1 again..... hopefully i can remain strong during the morning, i have some plans for the afternoon to keep me busy. as usual i woke up early thinking about her
  24. bostoneric
    lovemeorleaveme00 thanks for the kind advice... i'm still very much confused/hurt by the entire situation because it was not my choice to break up... many other factors are in the air also... everyday is a new challenge all i can do is try to focus on myself which is very hard right now...
  25. bostoneric
    well after a hard start on day 2 I gave in and sent a txt late in the afternoon. being sunday I knew what our typical schedule was so I was pretty sure I knew where she was...but who really knows anymore since its not "our" schedule anymore... me - Hi, hows your sunday going? hope you are doing well. her - fine. when do you leave for your parents? (xmas) me - next sunday, why? her - just wondering... Are you having a good time? (remember I'm in another city/state now since I left after she broke up with me) me - yeah all things considered.. doing a lot of work on my mistreated car. (my car didnt get much love after we moved x-country, especially the last month when things were uncomfortable) her - good to hear. me - yeah i guess, again all things considered you know how I feel.... ok back to work.. Rob (mutual friend of ours who introduced us, who also happens to now live in same city i escaped too)is coming over... so yeah.. back to day 0.. felt really let down by that conversation. I know i shouldnt have done it, but it was just one of those days... who knows what she was doing, hanging with her "friends" or with this girl she started seeing before we broke up or ?!?!!? i hate thinking about what shes doing.. 3 years together and i could take a good guess if we were still together, but now who the f knows... :splat:
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