andy5128 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Good Luck Trey, your contact was fine mate. Now just leave her be and concentrate on YOU.. It will be tough, some days you will have a hard time and then some will be good.. That's the way it goes but stay strong it's worth it in the long run.. Yeah Shoes, a bit of retail therapy never hurt eh! Well been out and got me a nice 19inch LCD TV for me bedroom very flash..! Go get yourself a Wii.. no harm in a bit of splashing out now and again and I have been good lately so thought I deserved a treat!! Where are you in Middle England..Shoes??!?!? Link to comment
lady00 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Day 1 for me. I tried to do NC before but it just didn't make sense because I had to see him all the time for work reasons. Now I can finally do it. Missing him a lot. Was supposed to see him before we parted ways for the summer but obviously that wasn't a priority for him. Trying to focus on other things. Link to comment
Pending Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Day 10(would of been a month..facebook) For past week i've been busy as hell, work, new city, etc... Athough I was still kinda taken back at her not trying to contact me(1 month since she last bothered to text me, 1 1/2 since breakup)), I barely had more then a passing thought of her(mainly about the fact that I would of been with her for the rest of the summer now had we not broken up). That is till last night. A d9ssapoining night has me on the edge of contacting her, or at least checking her facebook to see if her & her new bf(the guy she cheated on me with..) are still togather. If so..they made it past that little honey moon phase... Good times, bad times... Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Day 5 Just feeling kinda lonely....and sorry for myself This too will pass.... Link to comment
The Wheel Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Day 31...I think. I'm relatively certain yesterday was the 30 day mark, but I prefer not to think too carefully about it. The "challenge" of not contacting my ex was simple, but that's not what this exercise is about. The thirty days are for you to reflect on your life: what you like, what you don't like, and what you can do to make it better. At times this activity is agony, at others it's simply dull, and once in a while you even have fun again. But the more space you have, the more you you're able to embrace life. There's no magic cure. The thirty days gone aren't a panacea, but they help give you distance and clarity. After a time you can truly examine your past relationship. I cannot imagine a situation where it does not come down off its pedestal to be exposed as something created by two very human individuals: wonderful and magical, but also flawed. This does not diminish its greatness in any way, but instead merely acknowledges that neither you nor your ex were perfect. It gives you the chance for an honest and accurate appraisal of what was. You are human and he or she is human. You both likely made mistakes, but that doesn't make the relationship worthless. I've since passed the point where I'd simply take her back. As much as I care for her--and, yes, miss her--I'm also not interested in pursuing her anymore. What we had is over and done. I wish her nothing but the best and hope she's very happy, but I also feel sorry for her as well. No matter what baggage or issue of hers caused this, she's missing out on something fantastic. Do not mistake the following statement for a defense mechanism for I am convinced of its undeniable veracity: she will never be with a man as great as me again, and I will only become greater with time. Will I rule out ever being with her again? Of course not. Given the amicable split, it would be foolish to close doors unnecessarily. But I'm not waiting around for her. I'm going to continue living and healing and doing amazing things. If she gets her act together down the road and wants to prove to me that she's ready, well, we'll just have to see where I'm at and what I want. I'm not fixed, but like I said, that's not what this was about. What I now possess is a greater understanding of who I am and what I want. The hard part will acting on that and doing what must be done. But it's going to be worth it. Link to comment
MsBear Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Day 14 Nearly halfway to the challenge.. Everytime something reminds me of him, I feel sad and angry well they just suddenly come up into my mind He doesnt know what he's lost...a caring, lovable person who truly cares about him, could go anywhere with him no matter what how bumpy the road would be but now hell no! Its none of my business...end of...I have myself to take care of, rather than a selfish person, never puts himself in anyone's shoes ! I hate all the memories and wish I could be brainwashed but I cant can I ? Nevermind, they mite be wonderful but somehow fake, ...sigh... Link to comment
lady00 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Still on day 1. Today was a bad day. Lots of tears. Urgh. I'm sure he's perfectly happy too. Hah. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Day 45 of NC...Day 0 of strict NC (haven't learned my lesson and checked his myspace, email account, you name it...bad bad me) Today was better than yesterday but still bad. Hopefully it's worse than tomorrow. I keep having the weirdest dreams...last night's was quite strange...we were going to the city he used to go to college at, with his parents...and once we get there we realize (his parents and I) that he didn't come for whatever reason...got let behind maybe..who knows..anyways...so there I am...with his parents...alone...in a city I know no one and with nothing to do...and I just feel like I have to go back to see him because I couldn't stand the thought of spending the entire weekend feeling like I was being a burden to his parents...all alone... So they are going to take me to the bus station so I can take a bus back to where he is...and the whole time I'm thinking how irrational it is that I can't wait a weekend and I'm going to spend quite a bit of money just so I can see him a couple of days sooner...and how the hell did he not make it there with us anyways?? Heh. Wonder what that means...I hate these kinds of dreams...I wish they would at least be happy ones...I mean, if I'm doomed to dream about him for apparently ever, it might as well be good now that I'm past the stage when I get sad because it was just a dream... Which reminds me, a few days after I dreamed about me catching him making out with this girl he knows, he broke up with me...why oh why can't it "come true" when I dream he wants to get back together... Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I wish her nothing but the best and hope she's very happy, but I also feel sorry for her as well. No matter what baggage or issue of hers caused this, she's missing out on something fantastic. Do not mistake the following statement for a defense mechanism for I am convinced of its undeniable veracity: she will never be with a man as great as me again, and I will only become greater with time. That's a wonderful thing to think...I'm starting to really believe that as well...he will never find someone who loves him as much as I did...someone who was willing to stand by his side no matter what and sacrifice things for him...but I guess life will have to teach them that... Link to comment
rbr85 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I'm on day 8 of no contact, day 0 of strict no contact. I really need to delete my myspace. Each day just gets harder, I feel like I'm torturing myself. But I can't talk to her. I know she needs to move on, I would simply make things worse for her. I'd harm her progress as well. Link to comment
Aldo25 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Day 2 for me on my second attempt. Last time I made it to two weeks before I caved in, this time I hope to make it to make it to a month, and even later than that. Link to comment
lady00 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Well, I've had my ups and downs today (more downs than ups). I was kind of a mess today. I kept thinking: "pull yourself together, you are a grown woman and this is ridiculous...do you think he is crying over you? No!" The first day is probably one of the hardest and I'm sure there will be others but I am proud to say that I have almost made it through day 1. Go me. Link to comment
marooon11 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 hi guys haven't posted in a bit. I am on Day 15 of NC. On Day 10, he texted me just wishing me luck on the start of my program. It felt very throwaway, like he just texted me to let himself know that, see, he is a good person, he's trying to be nice... but texts are so meaningless, faceless, and easy to do. I didn't respond. No further communication has been attempted on his part. I struggle b/w wishing he would try to email me or leave me a voice mail and show me that he is interested/ cares how I am doing ........ but then other times i feel my memories of him are fading, and i can't remember the good much anymore... sometimes i feel happy b/c then i feel like there is nothing to be sad about if i cant remember the good times.... i finally worked up the courage to delete all his emails a few days ago, especially the one that said he loved me and wished he could be with me forever and i was the perfect girl.... that helped alot, but also made me realize that this break up is so final. by deleting those emails, i knew i wasnt going to fight for it. i feel sad alot though, BECAUSE i am starting to not be able to rmemeber as well.... was this whole thing just a hiccup in my life. how could i love you's be exchanged, and not mean anything... sigh. onward I go with NC. i hope if he does think of me, he sees i am strong for not breaking down and contacting him and that i am so disappointed so disappointed!!! in the way he has acted by hooking up so fast. although of course i would never let him know that. i wish i could though!! Link to comment
Aldo25 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Day 3 I had another dream about my ex, but fortanately this time it didnt spark me to want to contact her when I woke up. In fact I have a sort of "date" with a girl that I used to work with, she wants to take me clothes shopping, whether it's an attempt to go out with me or just a need to take me shopping, it will be me spending the evening with a girl, so I am looking forward to that. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Nice One Aldo, go spend that time with your new girl. It's nice to have company. I went round my new female friends place last night, I dont think it will become anything more than friends well not right now anyhow but in a way pleased as just like her company. So have fun... Day 6 I think.. Feel ok today, not a big fan of Sundays.. Daytime is ok the evenings are not too great.. Well my new female friend has agreed to go camping for a weekend with her, me and her boys next month so that's something to look forward too! Take Care Everyone.. Andy Link to comment
Clabs Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Hey Andy - good on you fella! It is nice to be getting out there again, and the camping trip sounds fun, and something to look forward to! I used to really miss our Sunday's - we would usually go and catch a movie and then a nice relaxed meal in the evening. But I seem to have so much going on at the moment that evenings like this evening where I have nothing planned, I am actually looking forward to sitting down with a couple of glasses of wine and catching up on some stuff on planner! Things have been bizarre for me over the last few weeks. I think I mentioned that about the time ex gf started doing all this crazy stuff, my ex wife of 8 or so years ago has all of a sudden started sniffing round again - almost like they had swapped personalities! Had ex w on the phone for about 90 mins this morning chatting about this and that - freaky stuff! Take it easy! Mark Link to comment
andy5128 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Hey Mark Enjoy your chilled out Sunday.. Yeah looking forward to the camping trip, my other female friend has invited me to dinner next weekend too!! LOL. I am getting popular all of a sudden and my social life is improving! In no rush to find that special someone, when it happens it happens just nice to have some friends and company right now. Well my ex-wife from some years back is not in touch with me even though I get the occasional email every blue moon from her as nice to know she is ok but thats about it really. Well at least the ex-wife sniffing around is a bit of an ego boost!! LOL. Have a good one mate, Andy Link to comment
lady00 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Day 2. Lots of work today so I'm pretty distracted but still thinking of him. Oh well. At least I started NC finally and that is something. Link to comment
UnderBear Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Day 17 was friday Went to a party with some old friends. was good company. I also ended up fooling around with this girl... I think we would have gone pretty far (if you know what I mean ) if we hadn't been interrupted by the taxi coming to pick us up and drive to town. Anyway, had a blast Day 18 was yesterday Which was also my birthday. I had been worrying about the ex making contact. It went OK though, she texted me a happy birthday bla bla something. She also tried to make contact through MSN Messenger by sending me a "Hi ". I didn't reply to that. I went out to treat myself to some retail therapy too. Bought a guitar with all accessories, and got some new clothes which I wore to another party that night. No girls this time, but a fun party. Got drunk and went home early. Day 19 today A slow day, just relaxing at home, playing my new guitar, doing some housework etc. Also been exercising. This weekend has been nice. It was good to get out and just have some fun. Now it's time for sleep Cya later guys Link to comment
MsBear Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Day 15 Wow half a month has passed Cant wait to go on holiday, and the day I start my holiday is when this challenge ends...who will i be then ? how will i feel then ? .. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Day 7 Feeling better overall....but still hoping for something that willl not happen. Have not completely given up on the idea yet. I dreamed about him last night, we were actually together which was such a nice feeling Anyway...Im supposed to concentrate on studying for my exams next month so I shall do that to keep my mind off him. Another good friend of mine who lives in the same country as him is inviting me there again (I was there in December and in March)...but I know it would be a bad idea to go there for now... Link to comment
annonannon Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Annonannon Day 1 Just starting the 'journey' using NC today... said goodbye to girlfriend of 6.5 years after agreeing to give each other space after she ended it. I'll have to see her again though as we still need to exchange some belongings and I also work at the same place as her so I'll bump into her all the time (any advice on how to handle that?) I'll keep up with this for as long as required although I have holiday in 6 weeks so could serve as a useful deadline to see how far I can get. Here we go... Link to comment
The Wheel Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 That's a wonderful thing to think...I'm starting to really believe that as well...he will never find someone who loves him as much as I did...someone who was willing to stand by his side no matter what and sacrifice things for him...but I guess life will have to teach them that... Yeah, it's funny how often times we have to learn things the hard way. But when it happens at the very least that lesson sticks with you for a long time. In these sorts of situations we have a choice: we can be cynical and convince ourselves that our former significant other will rebound and find someone better immediately, or we can be positive (and hopefully realistic) and say, "Hey, I was awesome and they messed it up." The latter is true for me which is why I said I wish my ex absolutely nothing but the best, but feel sorry for her because every subsequent guy she sees will be a pale shadow. It's all too easy to be negative and get ourselves down. If you truly did all you could and treated this other person as best as you were able, why wouldn't you think that you're great? It might not change the situation at hand, but at the very least you'll be ready for the next one in line (be it someone new or your ex that came to his or her senses). And so it goes. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Hi The Wheel I agree, I did take her for granted for a few months which I DO regret but other than that our relationship was great and she is missing out! She has her new guy now and I wish her well with that... Well Day 7, been a whole week since that phone call to her about sorting a phone thing out and just general chit chat and her giving me the news of her new 2 month boyfriend!! Well feel okish today a bit indifferent, have thought about her but just the occasional nice though and that was it really. Each day seems to make it better.. Her birthday a week on wednesday and I am determined to just ignore it especially now she has a new guy to spend it with! Hope eveyone is ok and doing well in their NC... Take Care Andy Link to comment
smickey Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 day one Well actually it's day 31 - I'm trying to get to 60 days as a book I read (It's called a Break-up because it's broken) says 60 could be the magic number. I already know that for me 30 days is not enough. Just a bit of background - we broke up on 31 March after 3 years together (2 1/2 years living together). We had just moved back to this side of the world after 3 years in London with the aim of getting married, buying and house and settling down. Six weeks in, just after we'd both found jobs and starting looking for a place to live he turns around and says it's not what he wants anymore. I've worked my backside off since then to try and sort myself out. I've spoken to him about 3 times since, but not at all in the last month. He emailed me last week but I did not reply. I woke up this morning with a real desire to call him as I'd set myself a goal of not calling until after my holiday, which ended last night. I needed a new goal to help me get to through the next 30 days and what happens - I do a search to read more of Superdave's posts and this thread pops up! Just the motivation I need to get me back on track. Wish me luck! And good luck to everyone else on the challenge... Link to comment
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