The Wheel

Because it provides meaning to the inverse of this situation. The low notes in life make the high notes stand out that much more. It sucks, of course, but feeling these different emotions is all part of the human experience. My advice would be to take up a new hobby or revisit one you haven't touched in a while. I haven't kayaked in a couple years and I've recently started hitting the water again. Do I think about my situation while I'm out there? Sure, but I also get fresh air and exercise. I always feel better about life after paddling six or seven miles. Find something you enjoy and pursue it.

Yeah, it's funny how often times we have to learn things the hard way. But when it happens at the very least that lesson sticks with you for a long time. In these sorts of situations we have a choice: we can be cynical and convince ourselves that our former significant other will rebound and find someone better immediately, or we can be positive (and hopefully realistic) and say, "Hey, I was awesome and they messed it up." The latter is true for me which is why I said I wish my ex absolutely nothing but the best, but feel sorry for her because every subsequent guy she sees will be a pale shadow. It's all too easy to be negative and get ourselves down. If you truly did all you could and treated this other person as best as you were able, why wouldn't you think that you're great? It might not change the situation at hand, but at the very least you'll be ready for the next one in line (be it someone new or your ex that came to his or her senses). And so it goes.

Day 31...I think. I'm relatively certain yesterday was the 30 day mark, but I prefer not to think too carefully about it. The "challenge" of not contacting my ex was simple, but that's not what this exercise is about. The thirty days are for you to reflect on your life: what you like, what you don't like, and what you can do to make it better. At times this activity is agony, at others it's simply dull, and once in a while you even have fun again. But the more space you have, the more you you're able to embrace life. There's no magic cure. The thirty days gone aren't a panacea, but they help give you distance and clarity. After a time you can truly examine your past relationship. I cannot imagine a situation where it does not come down off its pedestal to be exposed as something created by two very human individuals: wonderful and magical, but also flawed. This does not diminish its greatness in any way, but instead merely acknowledges that neither you nor your ex were perfect. It gives you the chance for an honest and accurate appraisal of what was. You are human and he or she is human. You both likely made mistakes, but that doesn't make the relationship worthless. I've since passed the point where I'd simply take her back. As much as I care for her--and, yes, miss her--I'm also not interested in pursuing her anymore. What we had is over and done. I wish her nothing but the best and hope she's very happy, but I also feel sorry for her as well. No matter what baggage or issue of hers caused this, she's missing out on something fantastic. Do not mistake the following statement for a defense mechanism for I am convinced of its undeniable veracity: she will never be with a man as great as me again, and I will only become greater with time. Will I rule out ever being with her again? Of course not. Given the amicable split, it would be foolish to close doors unnecessarily. But I'm not waiting around for her. I'm going to continue living and healing and doing amazing things. If she gets her act together down the road and wants to prove to me that she's ready, well, we'll just have to see where I'm at and what I want. I'm not fixed, but like I said, that's not what this was about. What I now possess is a greater understanding of who I am and what I want. The hard part will acting on that and doing what must be done. But it's going to be worth it.

Day 27...I think. It's been a few days since I last wrote, but I think it's around 27 days into NC. It's all about ups and downs. This morning was down. This evening is up. Ignorance is bliss though and I am quite grateful that I handled this whole situation with the utmost class and dignity. No urge to call or checkup on her. Do I still think of her? Of course, but I'm looking forward to the day when I can look back on this with fond memories and nothing more.

They do get easier, but the healing process isn't a smooth upward curve. There are dips along the way. There's good news though: the troughs you slide into aren't as deep as when you first started and it'll be a shorter amount of time before you're feeling better again.

Day 22 Went for a stroll around one of the lakes here in the city. A sunny spring day always brings out the pretty girls here in the Emerald City. It's nice to walk a few miles, get some exercise, and enjoy the view. Nah, I didn't strike up any conversations. Not sure I'd know how given the environment. As I've said in previous posts: crests and troughs. Today, after the exercise, is a crest. ENA is a wonderful place full of folks who are eager to commiserate and offer their advice. Yet I'd suggest to any in the process of healing to take breaks from the site. Too much can cause you to dwell overly much on your situation.

Day 19 It's nice not reporting in every day. Having to think about how many days it's been is a bit refreshing. It lets me know I'm not obsessing over this. Recovery and healing is not a smooth curve. There are peaks and valleys, crests and troughs. It's normal to experience each. However, over time, it does improve to the point where the troughs aren't as deep as they were before and the crests hit a little bit higher. Even if I'm at a low point right now, it's undoubtedly better than it was a few weeks ago. Of course, I still recognize that I'm nowhere near ready to speak with her again, so the NC stays firmly in place. Willpower is a wonderful thing.

Day 16 Went to happy hour with friends. That was fun, but the hour and a half downtime between that and seeing some other friends has me thinking about her a bit. Perhaps it's the booze. Nah, I won't be breaching NC. Just happened to take a little time and think about her again. It'll pass, I'm sure.

Day 15 Feeling strong. Have plenty of things to do to keep busy. Been reconnecting with some folks that fell by the wayside. I wish my ex nothing but the best and sincerely hope she's happy in her decision...I just don't want to know about it just yet. If ignorance is bliss, then I'm euphoric.

Day 14 Continuing to shake free of the addiction of the old relationship. I was happy before her and I've been happy since her. Keeping busy is key and the fact that my friends just happen to be constantly introducing me to new girls is just icing on the cake. Confidence is easily rebuilt when you realize you've charmed a few of them. I'll be rolling out today to grill with some buddies, and yeah, they're going to once again introduce me to some new girls. None of this lessens my affection or fondness for my ex, but my life simply must move forward. I can't afford to hang around. We get too little time and it can't be wasted waiting around.

Day 13 Settling back into the workweek and my other habits (exercising, etc). I'm still maintaining steam from the trip. I don't think about her as much. I'm getting over the addiction that a relationship can instill (ie, other person = happiness) and am seeing the world through a clearer lens. There's something to be said for clarity. Does it mean I'm over her? No, of course not, but the severity of those initial raw emotions is finally subsiding. I don't like to think of it as moving on so much as moving forward. I neither know nor want to know what she's up to. Ignorance is bliss, and in this case it's doing wonders toward making me feel better.

Day 12...I think. Given my sporadic updates, I've lost track what day it actually is. I think that is a very good thing. Took a long weekend and did a road trip with some friends to a city and state I'd never seen before. What a wonderful experience. Perhaps it was all the new things to see and people to meet, but I found myself going several hours at a time without thinking about her. It was a refreshing change of pace. Am I over her? Of course not, but at the very least I'm getting over the addiction of a secure relationship. Will there be some days where I'm down? I imagine so, but that's just the ebb and flow of these things.

Day Seven I started NC before stumbling accross ENA so there's really can't be a chronological order of things here. That said, here are a few thoughts. Life is okay. The immediate heartache has subsided into what can best be described as a dull unpleasantness. Nights, incidentally, are not as bad as I thought they'd be. I can usually wear myself out and fall asleep. Mornings are the worst. Waking up without that familiar bit of warmth is a little sad. It gets better once I kick my * * * into gear and get moving. None of this keeps me from going out and having fun. Indeed, the fact that I don't want to sit at home and be unhappy is often the motivating force. I've had a few adventures over the past week that still make me smile and are even good enough to be added to my repertoire of stories. I'll be taking a few days off work to roadtrip down to California with some friends. I'm sure there'll be some fun, and more tales, to be found there. I haven't interacted with many folks here, but it's nice to see the amount of empathy and commiseration floating around.