THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Iarra]

I feel weird that everyone is trying to completely forget their ex and move on from what I have read from other people. I just want to sort myself out but I don't want to see other people. Is that alright Oh well, I gotta keep moving forward.

 

It's totally alright, Muzatsu. If you don't want to see other people, then it's ok. Sort yourself out. That's something we need to do every now and then, anyway

[Bdhod1]

Hi all,

 

I finally decided to go NC with my soon to be Ex-husband. We will be divorced Friday July 20th if all goes as planned. It was around May 14th when he told me he wanted a divorce. I tried no contact back then but was not ready and had horrible anxiety attacks. So, I opted for contact while he was in the house and to do one day at a time. Since then, he has moved out and I have been trying to pay attention to my feelings after seeing him. I can see that for the relief of the familiar I pay the price of refreshing the pain. I realize that NC will help be build a new life and focus on me. So Yesterday He was out at the house moving more stuff out and I told him I wanted to keep contact to only the absolute necessities. (The court hearing, questions about stuff in the house he has not taken etc) He understood, But of course says he is still here for me. (He still professes to love me and says he will always be there for me which makes this more difficult)

 

So today, Day one, I went to compete in an out of town agility dog show with my dog and I am at a hotel. Unfortunately, my out of town parents are in this town for a funeral and want to see me. I don't have a very close relationship with my mom and do not want to discuss the details of my marriage failure because she has a tendency to be critical. Anyhow, waiting for my parents to come, I kinda had and anxiety attack and tried to call my Ex- but he wasn't there. (Throw twinkies at me already!) My parents came, it was ok, I did talk to them a little bit. (she focused her criticism on my ex rather than me....better than focusing it on me but it would have been better if she just listen to my feelings rather than saying I would be better off without him)

 

The parents are gone and the anxiety attack has passed. I was hard going to a hotel room and not going home and having to face the parents. I am going to read a book and go to bed early but I am not going to call my Ex back.

 

I thought I was ready for No contact but it is really hard for me. I get these attacks of panic. Was is really bad is I am 39 and Have NOT had these my whole life so I dont know what this is all about. I am seeing a therapist so hopefully she can help. I kinda though I was over them but obviously not completely.

 

I can't believe I am posting my mental health issues! Please be kind

off to read and sleep! I'll be postin' tomorrow with better news I hope. I have good days and bad days, I know that now and were going to try to make tomorrow a good day.

B.

[CrapAtNC]

Hi, Bdhod1.

 

I'm just like you. I'm 39, and I have good days and bad days since our split in March, and I too have sudden panic attacks and nothing can stop me reaching for that phone to call the ex.

 

Of course, when we're in that frame of mind, it's the worse time possible to talk to them. No matter how we try to cover it up, we sound needy, and that will only push them further away.

 

I've given up on NC. I'm crap at it. I am on LC, it seems.

 

But I have just started dating again (first one later today and I'm hoping this will give me the strength and distraction to break out of this push-pull relationship I have with my ex and to help me move on ... for me. It should be a fun date, and, ironically, it's with an ex. We'll see.

 

Hang in there. Accept that there will be good days and bad, and realise that you are getting better and accepting the situation more and more each day. Best of luck!

[Muzatsu]

Well, its been 10 days of NC. My ex commented me on myspace, saying I looked pretty in a new picture ( I have been dolling myself up to make myself feel better, heh vanity points ). I did not say thank you or anything (maintained no contact), but was feeling a tad bit flattered, though I am not looking into it as something more. Getting more confident about getting myself back.

[Muzatsu]

It's totally alright, Muzatsu. If you don't want to see other people, then it's ok. Sort yourself out. That's something we need to do every now and then, anyway

 

Thanks for the assurance I am getting myself back, but after the fact I will still probably love my ex and wait regardless of it being futile or not. If I move on , I fear hurting someone else because I am certain they would only be a rebound. I am not one to toy with people's hearts to make myself feel better.

Plus, love is patient, love is kind...right?

 

I will stay patient, but I will not cling to his very existence if things may not work out in the end.

[Coyote9]

Day 93 I think, but I've lost count. It's a no mans land of my own lonliness and now almost forgetting what it was like to have her in my life every day for two years. For so long I've wanted to forget, and not that the memories are fading a bit, the pain hangs on, but seems to more a meloncholia about my own state of aimlessness and singleness than about her at all. I can't remember how good I felt when I felt loved by her and I can't imagine feeling that again.

 

I know I'm moving forward because this isn't a place I've been before in this breakup. I try to date, but I'm absolutely flat and uninspired. I'm tired, but I don't sleep well. I'm restless, but I can't get myself very focused to do much very productive. I know doing NC is for me, but I don't want to face this existential angst....it was easier in some ways to feel when I thought it was about her, trying to understand the relationship and the breakup and work through the shock of it early on. Now I function, but I'm still depressed.

Keep on keeping on....there's an oasis in this desert somewhere.

Coyote

[FreedomRing]

Day 21-3 weeks!!!

 

Hmm...I feel....good I guess....my ex has entered my dreams again...as a matter of fact, I can't sleep now, because of dreams of the ex bringing new girls over to "our" house...and maybe into "our" bed....those thoughts are just evil...and I didn't have them before..., but with time progressing and no contact on either end...I feel like we're both coming to grips of moving on and out of each other's life...so I guess thats where i"m getting these cruel thoughts from...

 

On Tuesday, something did happen from the ex...but it wasn't deliberate contact...so I dunno....anyway...I woke and checked my email inbox...and there was invite to Myspace, from my ex--one of those system generated emails, sent with his name. Now, since our last phone conversation was a tiny argument over my discovery that he had a myspace page(created post breakup)nothing fancy..no pics up of himself or anything like that--he's starting a side business, so he "is using htis for networking and business purposes"...I hardly doubt that he would be sending me an invite link to myspace...don't think so....well after some deliberation....I noticed that on myspace when you search for people, by entering their email address....if the search does not come up....the search box changes into an invite! See where I'm going here???? I believe the ex searched for me on there.....and wanted to see if I had a page up....and unbeknownst to him, he sent me a system generated invite link! OK OK OK...teeny bit of info....but just to know that i'm floating around in his mind...made my DAY.

 

I left for work feeling smug, and reveling in my NC.......my bday next month...will be the ultimate challenge

[Bdhod1]

Day 2,

Much better than day one. I feel hopeful today, like I can take on the world. So weird how it goes up and down. I did have a little moment of sliding down when I got back to my big quiet house after being out of town but manage to put on some music and pull out. Yesterday, I had gotten up at 5:00 am drove for 2 1/2 hours and had not eaten at about 2:00 when I had the down fall, I think the fatigue and hunger were definitely part of my down fall.

On to Day Three!

Bonny

[Iarra]

Thanks for the assurance I am getting myself back, but after the fact I will still probably love my ex and wait regardless of it being futile or not. If I move on , I fear hurting someone else because I am certain they would only be a rebound. I am not one to toy with people's hearts to make myself feel better.

Plus, love is patient, love is kind...right?

 

I will stay patient, but I will not cling to his very existence if things may not work out in the end.

 

Ahh, Muzatsu. We're thinking along the same lines. I'm also scared that I might hurt someone since I'm not over him. Which is why it's very important to REALLY get over him, because only then can we truly move on.

 

Yes, love is patient and kind. I have thought about being patient, too. Sometimes, I ask myself, is this being patient or is this being stupid? How do you know if you've waited long enough? I don't know, but I do know that we should just continue to heal and not put our lives on hold for our ex's.

[Milk You]

It's been two days... and I'm fighting the urge to check and see if he still has me added onto MSN. Instead of checking I decided to write here, though. Overall life has been great aside from the missing him and wanting to talk to him part.

[apocalypto.now]

OK! i decided to start today, He brook up with me 2 weeks ago, we have been talking everyday but most of the time i initiate it. We talked tonight and he told me that he still has feelings for me and that it bothers him to know that another guy is posting comments and pix on my facebook...still he doesnt want to be in this relationship anymore.

Now i am just fed up its time for me to move on i know that an amazing life is waiting for me...

[rbr85]

NC for 17 days, today i'm hurting especially bad

[starscollide]

So if anyone has followed my other posts, I've been in NC for almost 5 months...Then today, I hit an especially rough patch:

 

...Its been a really crappy day.

 

I have days, sometimes long periods of time, where I don't think about my ex at all. I don't concentrate on missing his friendship, our past relationship, last summer when we became reacquainted, any of it. That day was today....

 

...and then his girlfriend came into the clothing store I work at. She knows where I work, and she tried on some stuff with 2 friends, then, came out and was looking around but not at the clothes. The 3 of them were checking out both sides of the store, glancing around at the employees as they passed. I didn't realize this until my co-worker pointed it out, and neither of us found it to be a coincidence because of the way they were going about it. Then, I hear from my friend his girlfriend went to the store (in another mall) my friend works at, gave her a look, then left shortly after, making sure to turn around and look at her again. She's never met my friend, nor does she have any reason to give her any kind of attitude.

 

I have LEFT MY EX ALONE. I haven't contacted him since he's been with her, and I don't go to my former workplace because I respect that she works there now and I do not. You can call it coincidence, but coincidence or not, seeing her just brought it all back. She's younger than me by almost 2 years, she seems like a nice girl otherwise, but its like, you got the guy. Just leave me alone. Today just sucked. Plain and simple.

[CrapAtNC]

She must feel threatened by you. Take it as a compliment and then put it aside, where it belongs.

 

I admire your ability to stay in NC for 5 months. You're an inspiration!

[Benjyh]

Day 3...Again

 

Well after breaking NC on friday night after a really low period, its time to try again, its gonna be hard, but i need to wake up, and realise all the things people have been telling me. today isnt easy, i couldnt find any music that didnt remind me of her this morning, but at least im only thinking of her 90% of the day now, not 100% like before, there are questions i would like to ask her, but im sure the answers would only make me feel worse. i need to try and heal, its just hard, i hope im strong enough.

[dreamguy]

Day 3...Again

 

Well after breaking NC on friday night after a really low period, its time to try again, its gonna be hard, but i need to wake up, and realise all the things people have been telling me. today isnt easy, i couldnt find any music that didnt remind me of her this morning, but at least im only thinking of her 90% of the day now, not 100% like before, there are questions i would like to ask her, but im sure the answers would only make me feel worse. i need to try and heal, its just hard, i hope im strong enough.

 

correction: It's not going to be hard... it's going to be the hardest thing you do !

I initially started NC and lasted 13 days only to break it by sending a message telling my ex that I "missed her so f****** much !". I got not reply.

 

I started NC again after that and it's been 13 days, once again. I almost broke NC on Saturday night after having a night out and a few drinks. I was driving on my way back home and I couldn't help but have a few tears filling my eyes as I repeated to myself how much I hated her for making me go through this.

 

I really wished she was there with me that night... you know, by my side with her head laying on my shoulder and telling me how much she loved me.

Glad I didn't break contact this time !

 

Concerning the music. Just don't listen to any music for the time being, period !

 

Hang in there ! You can do it !

[Benjyh]

i have to listen to music, its my safe place, its how i get away from everything and escape into my own little world, but i need to find music i never listened too with her, or music i know she didnt ever listen too. even though i was with friends on saturday i wished that she was with me, because the last time i was there, she was with me, making plans for the next few years of our lives, seems silly now thinking about it, she was making the plans not me. i guess we grow apart.

 

but i need to stay strong and keep my head up and try and keep positive. i need to get over my love and affection feelings towards her, because i truly believe down the line we can become friends again but never anything more.

[BrokenBear]

Day 10 again, after my small relapse.

 

I've been moving on, and actually managed not to think of her too much for nearly a couple weeks. Last night hit me hard again though, as I was too stupid to not look at her facebook page. She'd just posted up some new pictures with her new guy on a road trip - and I regret looking at all.

 

Still struggling not to send that last letter, you all know the one. I am trying to keep my mind occupied with other things, but sometimes it just slips a little.

 

Waterbaby, it sounds like I need to join your challenge as well! Coyote, I admire your strength to make it so long!

[papalazarou]

I almost broke NC on Saturday night after having a night out and a few drinks. I was driving on my way back home

 

 

I hope you werent drinking and driving DG HA! HA!

[papalazarou]

i have to listen to music, its my safe place, its how i get away from everything and escape into my own little world, but i need to find music i never listened too with her, or music i know she didnt ever listen too.

 

Yes mate thats a good idea.

 

There are some bands/songs that I still can't listen to even now but some that were mine and mine alone and these I do listen to.

[celebros]

Day 29 through Day 33

 

I made it through 30 days on here!

 

Been feeling all right, have been spending a lot of time looking for somewhere to live--tired of renting and looking to purchase. It's definitely kept me busy!

 

I know a lot of people have gotten frustrated on here after looking at myspace profiles or whatever social networking site you use.

 

To save myself from even being able to look at these sites, I took it upon myself to block these sites with the Windows hosts file. I added entries for link removed and link removed to point to 127.0.0.1

 

Just a thought if you can't resist the temptation

[Iarra]

I work with my ex, so I thought it would be a bit tough to do NC. But it's actually easier, since he's doing it too!

 

It was lunch time, and I had to pass by his cube to go out (he's beside the door). As I walked by, he was standing up. As soon as he saw me, he sat back down. I was looking at the floor the whole time, so we didn't make any eye contact. So although he's still online using the IM software that we use, he's also avoiding me.

 

I guess it's a good thing that he's allowing me to move on. But a part of me is hoping that he doesn't want me to (?). As I said before, doing NC is not hard for me. But it's the actual letting go part that's tough.

[rosie76]

It's day 10 since I've contacted my ex, and day 8 since he's contacted me (late response). He's still in my mind every day, but not all day which is an improvement. Have health and jobs struggles at the moment, which are both keeping me occupied and making me feel down. Am trying not to slip into retreat and hibernate mode as I'd like to and instead to deal with them in positive, active ways. It's a real challenge, though, almost all the time now. I've no urge to contact my ex, though, as he'd not have been a support to me anyway. In a way, I'm glad he's out of the way, as it would have made me feel inadequate to be ill and upset about work around him. When I realize this, I see how not-right things were between us in the ways that count, despite how fond I felt at the time, and this does actually help.

 

I wonder if after a month of NC my memories of him will be all ludicrously skewed toward the negative, when in fact he did me no wrong at all and was as caring and honest as he was capable of. Hope this isn't the case, as I've promised to be his friend when I can be and I would probably like him in my life in that way once I feel nothing more for him romantically. Worrying about me first of all, though, so this is something to deal with in a month or two.

 

Iarra: I'll say it again: you've got my sympathy on the whole working with the ex thing. This sort of thing would make each day a minefield of where-is-he-now and what-will-he-do and all of it. It's impressive that you can have a clear head about things in a day to day way, and its natural that you've not yet let go mentally. I reckon it's healthy to miss an ex and have some hope for a reconciliation in the first few weeks or months after a long-term relationship ends, so long as it's not getting in the way of you accepting the situation as it is and moving on. Which it's not for you - you're really doing great. Hope this continues for you.

[TMinCali]

Iarra,

how long were you guys dating? Why did you guys break up? That's got to be so weird working with an ex. My ex's company is one of our partners (and yes, I'm responsible for him landing the huge deal...I'm not bitter though ), so I have a weekly conference call with him on it. I usually don't say anything on the call, but sometimes I do just to show him that it's business as usually and I'm not bothered by everything

[andy5128]

Not sure of the day it's about 2 months.. Just fancied posting as I feel Bloomin Fantastic today!!

 

It still has it's ups and downs folks even this far down the road, so its still a struggle. Had thoughts of my ex recently and still wanted to contact but using my head far easier and it passes alot quicker..

 

So to all the NCers, keep at it.. it will make you feel better.. Take Care

 

Andy