THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[thelonelydoll]

Day I Don't Know - not counting

 

I had my phone off for the last 24 hours, and in that time, the ex left me voicemail and sent a text asking if we could talk. According to the voicemail, he's off working for the next three weeks, so things should be peaceful for that time. His birthday is Wednesday. Wonder how he'll do - he really has nobody aside from his parents and brother. Oh well. I've got a spa day planned. I do wish he'd stop trying to contact me, though. It still throws me a little. Maybe he'll stop trying after this 3-week period....

[andy5128]

Hi lonelydoll

You are doing so well, I wish my ex was contacting me but it has never worked that way. I guess I didnt give her chance too though as went maximum of about 3 to 4 weeks then made contact again then met up then it went to pieces..!

I take it you are not planning on wishing him happy birthday?

[sandyv]

Day what, I dunno, not counting.... just hoping he doesn't knock on the door today......

[comfyshoes]

if he does, sandy, slam it on his head or i am getting on that plane to Canada and i'll be wearing my fighting trousers when i get there!

 

stay strong with the NC. That's for everyone.

If i could make it through, anyone can. You have to trust me, you'll reach a point when you start to feel better and you stop counting the days.

I'm not healed yet, but i'm one hell of a lot less raw than i was some months ago.

 

Be careful what you wish for. All i ever wanted was for her to come back. She did. Five times. You think the heartache is hard the first time round?

Take it from a six time loser. It gets worse every time they **** you over.

 

Take the time to love yourself. You deserve it!

 

shoes

[thelonelydoll]

Hi lonelydoll

You are doing so well, I wish my ex was contacting me but it has never worked that way. I guess I didnt give her chance too though as went maximum of about 3 to 4 weeks then made contact again then met up then it went to pieces..!

I take it you are not planning on wishing him happy birthday?

 

No, his birthday will go unacknowledged by me. I was originally going to send a parcel with all of our photos and mementos and the gifts he gave me. But I decided instead to throw it all out.

 

Thanks for thinking I'm doing well - I'm doing just okay, really. Repeated efforts at contact from his end have been tests of my strength and commitment to NC, and then I just feel kinda hard and cold for a bit. Andy, some things are made easier by the fact that there's an Ocean between us, so meeting up would require flying. Why don't you try to beat your own NC record and see what happens then?

 

sandyv - I hope he doesn't knock on your door, either!

[finalcloud13]

Hello, I've tried NC about 3 times or so in the past, and one of them didn't last even a day, and the other two lasted a week. I think it's time for me to give it another go. I know I'll be failing a lot so I'll probably be posting here a lot, hope you don't mind.

 

Well then, today is Day 2. Go me :S

[thelonelydoll]

^^ Go You! Definitely take the one day at a time approach - like most of us, you're addicted.

[andy5128]

Hi lonelydoll, will try my best to beat my record!! If I get the call about sorting this phone stuff out will deal with that then will go back to NC. I hope she calls soon about phone would rather get it sorted if she doesnt though not going to make the contact it will just have to wait sometime. I think I got to 25 days or something last time cant remember so going for 30 minimum well aiming for 2 months NC at least really..

Give it a go finalcloud...

[Pending]

Day 11 (day 20 if you don't count facebook...)

Yeah prehaps-ethier way, it is getting better.

 

I accept that I miss her, just as I accept that it'll be a long time before i'm completely healed. That said, I also accept I have no control over what she thinks/feels, and no amount of questions or knowing things on my side well change that.

 

SD you are 110% right. Focus on yourself. Really-if my ex changes her mind, great. But by focusing on myself, if she does come back, i'll be stronger for it, if she dosen't come back, i'll still be stronger for it.

[Rosie007]

Please drop me a few words if you want, been e few days since I "talked" to any of you, feel I'm only "logging" the days

 

Hang in there UnderBear. You're not alone. Glad to hear you were able to focus on how things can start looking up.

[UnderBear]

Hang in there UnderBear. You're not alone. Glad to hear you were able to focus on how things can start looking up.

 

Thanks Rosie, good to hear from you

 

Now it's been day 6.

Kinda empty today. Though work is going pretty good. Going to a meeting abroad on friday, will get my mind focusing on other things.

Also trying to work out more and eat better. All in the name of self improvement, ofcourse.

I feel NC has been the only right thing for me personally this far. As long as I don't see her or hear her I feel like I can do this. But if she'd call me or something I fear I'd might relapse... And I really don't want to do that now.

 

Feelings today: Empty, more bitter than previous days (I don't get it, it keeps growing, is this normal?), still positive though (positive thinking seems to help a lot, even if I have to try hard at it)

 

So it's another night. Good night all!

[The Wheel]

Day 19

 

It's nice not reporting in every day. Having to think about how many days it's been is a bit refreshing. It lets me know I'm not obsessing over this.

 

Recovery and healing is not a smooth curve. There are peaks and valleys, crests and troughs. It's normal to experience each. However, over time, it does improve to the point where the troughs aren't as deep as they were before and the crests hit a little bit higher. Even if I'm at a low point right now, it's undoubtedly better than it was a few weeks ago.

 

Of course, I still recognize that I'm nowhere near ready to speak with her again, so the NC stays firmly in place. Willpower is a wonderful thing.

[houdini]

70+ days

 

DOWN THE DRAIN!!!! I initiated contact by email for the first time in over 2 months. My ex has called ME the past few times most recently in the past 2 weeks. Her concern were issues about my son but her true motive came out when she questioned me about the girl I've been talking to that her sister seen me with.

 

She threw out many hints that she still cared and started to get very emotional (crying) and bit on the bait like a starving fish and she hooked me and is now licking her fingers. I'm ashamed of myself, I've worked so hard to gain my strength through NC and she took it all away in a matter of 2 phone calls. I emailed her today, we both apologized for our mistakes and talked a bit about the relationship but no word of working things out. I emailed her one last time asking her if she would like to meet up in person to talk and she never emailed me back!!!!

 

I'm a fool, back to NC I go!!! To everyone else here, DO NOT FALL FOR THEIR TRAPS!!!!! it will only make you feel worse and you'll be back to square one, emotionally

 

 

Houdini

[Rosie007]

Day 84

 

Need to tell on myself here in the thread where I've remained constant.

 

I added a new thread this evening telling on myself for unblocking him on AOL instant messaging. In addition, I re-added him as a buddy, which means I can see when he's on / off.

 

 

 

 

Woke up this morning. Thought I'd removed him. Wait to sign on until tonight when I thought he'd be in transit from work to his Monday night commitment. Didn't even realize he was logged on at first; he wasn't listed alphabetically, he was listed *first.*

 

After about 5 or 10 minutes I heard his special sound to say he'd logged off. Heart froze at first because I thought the sound meant he'd IM'd me.

 

I probably know the answer to this question, but I thought I'd pose it here. Should I block him immediately? (I believe I did remove him from my buddy list).

 

The facts: I'm still completely in love with him. I have no interest whatsoever in "being friends" with him.

 

I reckon I unblocked him because I want him to know he has access to me (silly to say; he always had phone access to me). He still has same affect on me. So am I asking to be hurt, or am I just demonstrating lines of communication are open if desired?

 

Feedback welcome / desired.

 

-Rosie

 

p.s. I watched The Secret in the last 24 hours. You might say that I unblocked him to let the universe know that my deepest desire is to be with him again, and forever. I love him, I want him, I want to have his children, I hope he loves me, too.

[Krisnakay]

He called last night and since it had been over 30 days I decided to answer.I have to say that the only reason that I answered is because I feel like I had accepted what I couldn't change and had decided that I really wanted him to be happy and even smiled at the thought that he would be happier with someone else even tho I was pretty sure that he was not with someone else.I accepted that I wouldn't be a part of his life anymore,I remember the day that it happened and that I really let go of him..It was like a "calm" came over me and I relaxed and just let it go.I forgave him and in my mind I wished him luck (sincerely).

 

We grabbed a 6 pack and went down to the river..Kansas City is flooded in alot of places..(Mother Nature showing her butt I say)..I find it fascinating..he does too.We talked about the last month and the things that we had experienced apart.We work together and saw eachother everyday of our breakup.He said he was "amazed" at how at the beginning I was sad and hurt and couldn't believe how I did a total turn around and came to work the next day laughing and smiling...I said..it was easy..I accepted it and I forgave him in my mind.He said he appreciated that I could forgive him.

 

He said looking back..That I was the closest he had come to wanting to settle down and he was scared.He thought that I wanted to move in together as fast as possible and he wasn't ready.He felt like I deserved to have that with someone even if it wasn't with him.One thing about our breakup that bothered me is that it was done thru an email.I let it end that way,and it had bothered him also that it was done that way.Either way...after we broke up I never really lost respect for him and he never lost respect for me.This is something that I feel like I was lacking in my other relationships...Respect..and of all the people I have met in my life he is one that I respect the most.I told him that I needed time to consider dating him again..of course I wanted to scream yes last night but I have learned to wait and think it thru before I make any rash decisions..of course he will be on his best behavior for now,but I am interested in seeing how long it will last.

 

I refuse to be taken for granted as I feel that I am worthy of the best and I won't settle for anything less.Wish me luck

[Rosie007]

Day 85

 

I decided to block him again. It's simpler that way.

[Aldo25]

One week. It's been one week since I contacted her, it's especially tough today, because if we were still together this would have been ou 2 year anniversary I had plans for the day already laid out a week or so ago before she broke up with me.

 

I'll stay strong, resist the urge to contact her.

[Rosie007]

Hi Aldo,

 

Congrats on one week. Sorry to hear it's especially difficult today.

 

As an act of self love, perhaps you could do something special for yourself today. Buy yourself flowers. Or a video game. Or a book. Or treat yourself to the movies. Something that lets you know that you love and will take care of you. And if money's a little tight right now, perhaps your loving act could be to take a nice walk or a nap or a bubble bath or indulge in more or less TV. Whatever might help you feel special.

 

Maintaining NC on this particular day is especially important, if only from a strategic point of view. Providing space gives another person a chance to miss you and remember the good times, especially on significant days.

 

Cheers,

 

-Rosie

[andy5128]

I know how you feel chocolatecake. I am on NC just for healing now as I am pretty sure it's done and dusted. Still think of her and today at work I have been a right miserable git!! LOL

Was in a meeting showing no interest and even got asked what do you think Andy you are quiet while on one agenda item and I had to wake up for a second as was in a world of my own. Then went out for a ciggie with my boss later and he was asking are you alright do you need to talk or anything! I said I'm ok just got a few things on my mind.. Her thats what!! ARGH..!

 

Anyone know any memory removal devices or surgeons who know how to remove them!?

 

Anyway day 2 of NC... Woohoo.. Goal of 90 days as really need to stick to this where possible.. So only 88 days to go..!! LOL

 

She hasnt sent me a text or called about sorting this phone stuff out if you have been following my thread.. Surely she would want to sort this out so we dont need to contact each other anymore? What is she waiting for? The dust to settle as thought I was a bit annoyed, she feels uncomfortable with speaking with me at the moment for whatever reason, she is hoping i will just forget all about it, she wants to hold onto this as her wildcard..? I dunno, I give up trying to work these things out anymore. Now I have said all this she will probably text for me to call to sort it! Well I left it for her to contact me to let me know she was free to talk about it and I'm not going to make contact yet again.. It always seems to be me making the contact..

 

Today I feel - Annoyed that 18 months wasted of my life, cheesed off that she has not made contact since Sunday to sort this phone out, kinda accepted that it's done and time to move on and forget about it all..

[dtman85]

Today is may 8th, I went in No Contacts since april 13....and she came to visit me on May 3rd at work...I feel like i am back to square one again. Since the day she visited my mind been thinkin about her so much, every night i have dream of her...I jus really want her out of my mind....even thou i love her so much and want to talk to her but i know i can't....

 

No contact is the only way to know, if we were meant to be and for my self...

Either way I am fine with it, even thou i miss her...

[Pending]

Day 20-2/3rds of the way there!(well....1/3rd if you count facebook..)

 

Gotta say, I am feeling better. I don't feel panic anymore, i'm claim, and I realize that theres honestly nothing I can do on my end besides move on to help things.

 

Feeling abit down though. With my ex not contacting me for just under 3 weeks, with a new man in her life for over a month I feel i'm completely forgetton and that has me down & out. Had planned on going up with her at the end of the week for the summer to live...

 

But, i'll be up in a new city for the summer, living with a few buddies-should be great.

[SuperDave71]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FACEBOOK!!!

 

 

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[sandyv]

Today is may 8th, I went in No Contacts since april 13....and she came to visit me on May 3rd at work...I feel like i am back to square one again. Since the day she visited my mind been thinkin about her so much, every night i have dream of her...I jus really want her out of my mind....even thou i love her so much and want to talk to her but i know i can't....

 

No contact is the only way to know, if we were meant to be and for my self...

Either way I am fine with it, even thou i miss her...

 

Same boat I've been in Guy, he keeps taunting me......I don't know why.....

[SuperDave71]

Sandyv,

 

 

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gonna come to Canada and DUCT TAPE YOU to a chair.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[sandyv]

Sandyv,

 

 

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gonna come to Canada and DUCT TAPE YOU to a chair.

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

Thanks SD, but I think my ex is the one that needs to be duct taped to a chair, or better yet a physco ward..... god he's really starting to really scare me.... but hey your welcome to come and help me do that.....