Puckdog27 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 But i just broke up with my gf yesterday.. and tehres still a chance of getting back together with her cause of the amount of love we have for each other.. but i only want her to prove that she loves me and only me... i dont know if thats possible.. but its so hard to lose her... When someone loves someone they dont have to prove that you are only one they love. What you are saying sounds a little insecure. I am 37. Dated hundreds of girls, slept with alot of them, Loved only 2. See what I am saying? Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Well, I was really excited about that for a while, but now I'm finding it hard to mantain those positive thoughts...I made the mistake of telling a couple of friends about LOA and they pretty much tried to bring me down...not that I should let that get to me, because I really tried to ignore...but I don't know...maybe I need new friends haha Anyways...I don't know, your post really helped motivate me to try and do that again...maybe I'll stop coming here for a while and see how that goes...although I like coming here...I met some really nice people on this place, like you and some others...maybe I'll just refrain from talking about what I don't have...LOA did get me a great job and all... Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Well, I was really excited about that for a while, but now I'm finding it hard to mantain those positive thoughts...I made the mistake of telling a couple of friends about LOA and they pretty much tried to bring me down...not that I should let that get to me, because I really tried to ignore...but I don't know...maybe I need new friends haha Sometimes its better not to tell people what you are focused on and/or believe and just go on believing. Because non believers or pessimist will try to tell you not to believe. I believe in my heart I will be back with my ex one day. People I am close to tell me to move on and I just say "OK, I have" because I have moved past the broken relationship. My mom thinks I have gone nuts. But, I dont focus on the relationship that ended. I believe in the next relationship her and I will share, and I have seen signs of my manifestation. Look at all my post here. You will never see me say, "I feel horrible" or its been this long. You can come here and encourage others to feel positive. Super Dave still does it. Thats all I try to do. I lurked here for a month then I decided I was ready to encourage because as bad as I felt, I was still alive! And I still have no problem looking for a parking spot!!!!! They open up as I drive up to them! LOA!!!! Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 That's great! You really got me inspired now! Thank you I guess I have one more thing to do now...which is delete him from my msn..not just block...because I think that's what set me back these last few days...so now I'll do that...and just focus on the good...and believe that everything will work out for the best...whether he comes back or not...and eventually I'll get my closure, even if I have to beat it out of him So there...no more complaining from me...I'll try harder this time..if you knew me you'd know how hard it is for me, I'm a big whiner lol...but I'll do it...all those books I've gotten have got to help with that...If nothing else I'll be a much better person and he'll be sorry for what he's missing. Thanks again, puckdog Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Coming here is kind of saving my life right now. After 15.5 years of sobriety, I know there's nothing better in the world for healing than complete honesty about my feelings and my challenges. And hearing others talk with complete honesty about their feelings / challenges is what helps me most. That's what helps me in AA, and that's what's been helping me here. If I came here and everyone only talked about how strong and happy they were, I'd feel horrible because I'd think nobody else felt like me, and conclude there must be something wrong with me. When I hear how others are feeling, I know I'm not alone, that I'm not some freak of nature, and when I hear how hard others are being on themselves, or even when I read about another in denial, doing silly/unhealing things, and the stretches of logic we can all make from time to time to justify or rationalize behavior that's holding us back, I really benefit, learn, grow, heal, and, above all, learn to accept myself for being human ... just like everyone else. Puckdog, with all due respect because you strike me as a very intelligent person, I can't agree with your position that people here are harming themselves by coming here and talking about their feelings for, or "dwelling" on, their ex. Rather than only trying to help others with what is generally quite sound advice, won't you also please try to be completely honest with us, letting us know about your own hurts and challenges, and not just your strength and your hope, so we can benefit from the entire spectrum you have to share? I agree that positive behavior is important, but I'm in this thing called life for the long haul, and I've spent enough time running from my feelings and trying to pretend like everything is OK, when it's not. That's what I did for the first 29 years of my life, but my tears wouldn't let me pretend that all was well. As hateful as my tears were to me for so long, I genuinely believe they saved my life. It takes my faith and my strength to own my feelings and my doubt. When I'm out in the world, I can be as strong and as positive as I need to be -- and make no mistake, I am! -- but when I'm here, it's my time to be vulnerable and weak and supported and cared for, and all the warm, beautiful, smiling love you give to me, is the love I can return to you. Now if that's not living in the positive, I don't know what is. Love and best regards to everyone, -Rosie Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Hi Rosie - Im sorry if I made you or anyone else feel as if its not OK to grieve. That wasn't my intent. All I was trying to point out is sometimes you have to distance yourself from so much pain in order to heal. When I first started coming to this site I would read things and it would amaze me how all most everyone all over the world goes through the same thing with breakups. I guess what I am saying is sometimes it may be counter productive to read others breakup experiences because it makes you wonder "Is that why my ex did that". The more time you spend trying to analyze the breakup, the more time it will take to move on from it. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Big smile for Puckdog. That's very sweet of you to acknowledge and care about my feelings. Clearly, you're a heck of a guy Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Big smile for Puckdog. That's very sweet of you to acknowledge and care about my feelings. Clearly, you're a heck of a guy Thanks Rosie! Now tell my ex that! Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 I'll tell yours if you tell mine Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Day 25 Wow!!!!!!! So that girl that I was talking about yesterday, that I talked to for 6 hours online, I talked to her for another 3 hours yesterday, and then 2 hours on the phone. She is amazing. We have so much in common. I simply adore her to no end, and she feels the same about me. It's the craziest, and most unbelievable thing I have ever experienced. Instead of getting to know her, it feels like we are just catching up. I have NEVER felt so fully accepted, wanted, and appreciated for who I really am, and every little part about me. I feel like crying because I am so happy. For the first time in nearly 6 months, I am looking forward to the future, especially a future without my ex. Even if things don't work out with this new girl, simply knowing that there is someone out that this amazing, this accepting, makes me know that things will be ok. I'm a GREAT person, and a girl would be crazy not to want me to be part of the lives. That means my ex was crazy. Today I feel: Uplifted, amazing, confident, determined, excited, overwhelmed, HAPPY, and Blown Away. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Even if things don't work out with this new girl, simply knowing that there is someone out that this amazing, this accepting, makes me know that things will be ok. I'm a GREAT person, and a girl would be crazy not to want me to be part of the lives. That means my ex was crazy. Thats the spirit Mac. When we split from our SO we think they are the only person in the world who will/would love us. The truth is however very different. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Welcome to the Challenge, chocolatecake! I write my ex loads of emails - but I never hit "send". As far as he's concerned, I've fallen off the face of the earth. You'll find that No Contact means No Regrets. And it gets easier. I stumbled into LC territory a couple of times, but no more. God, it's such a relief to be past that "one little text won't hurt" stage. That relationship was exhausting, I'm glad I don't have to endure any more of those "all night talks" to "explain" my life before I met him, or any of that bs. YUK! Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Day 25 That means my ex was crazy. Today I feel: Uplifted, amazing, confident, determined, excited, overwhelmed, HAPPY, and Blown Away. I think what you wanted to say was "That means the ex IS crazy." Link to comment
The Wheel Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Day 12...I think. Given my sporadic updates, I've lost track what day it actually is. I think that is a very good thing. Took a long weekend and did a road trip with some friends to a city and state I'd never seen before. What a wonderful experience. Perhaps it was all the new things to see and people to meet, but I found myself going several hours at a time without thinking about her. It was a refreshing change of pace. Am I over her? Of course not, but at the very least I'm getting over the addiction of a secure relationship. Will there be some days where I'm down? I imagine so, but that's just the ebb and flow of these things. Link to comment
MissIndigo Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Day 36...bad day. Inexplicably sad about this all over again. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Day 12...I think. Took a long weekend and did a road trip with some friends to a city and state I'd never seen before. What a wonderful experience. Perhaps it was all the new things to see and people to meet, but I found myself going several hours at a time without thinking about her. It was a refreshing change of pace. This is great. Perhaps this will become a new focus? Link to comment
Clabs Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 This is my first day of NC, I keep checking my email to see if he has replied but i know he wont. and I looked at his myspace argh! I just keep thinking what could have I done differently to keep him, but I know there is no point thinking of shoulda coulda wouldas Hey chocolatecake! I soooo know where you are coming from! Myspace is most definitely evil - don't go there! And as far as the email you sent - well it is sent now so water under the bridge. Next time you have an urge to email him, write it by all means but just don't send it. There will be good days and there will be the inevitable bad days (which I am having today!) but it will get better - it will get easier. Be strong and hang in there - you can do it! Clabs Link to comment
UnderBear Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Can I ask all you full NC'ers here something? Are you ever scared that your ex'es will resent you for "dropping off the face of the earth" in some way? I know my ex really really want us to be friends, as we have been so close for 10 years. If we don't ever work out again (me and her together), I think I would like us to be that close friends, as I really love her as both my girlfriend and bestfriend. But I am so afraid me going NC (as I have already been doing to the best of my ability) will make her resent me or not want to have any more contact with me in the future... Can you see what I mean? Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Whether they resent us or not, NC is something we do for ourselves. If your ex really wants to be friends at some point in the future, then she can wait until you are ready for it. You're not ready to be just friends right now. UnderBear, give NC some time. It doesn't have to be forever, but your break-up is still so new. Give yourself some time to heal - it's the best thing for her, too! Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Sweet Chocolate Cake, I'm so sorry to hear about your hard time. I don't have any answers for you. I can't make you any promises. But I can tell you things will get easier in time. Please just know you're not alone. We're all here. We all care. We all can identify with your pain and help you shoulder your burdens. The good news is you're going to learn you're stronger than you ever thought possible. Think about this: even when you're feeling your worst, you might be at your strongest ... because you're making it through. Stick to NC. Give yourself some time to heal. Some time to gain some distance and insight. We'll be here to help while time passes. And you never know what special surprises are around the next corner. I just logged on to share a Sade song that I just listened to and made me think of all the people who've been so kind to me now and throughout my life when times were troubled. The funny thing about love is that you never know where it's going to come from. Love might not come from exactly where we want it, but it's always there. For you. For me. For all of us. It's Only Love That Gets You Through by Sade Girl you are rich even with nothing And you know tenderness comes from pain It's amazing how you love And love is kind and love can give And get no gain It's down a rugged road you've come Though you had every reason You didn't come undone Somehow you made it to the other side You didn't suffer in vain You forgive those who have trespassed against you And you know tenderness comes from pain It's amazing how you love And love is kind and love can give And love needs no gain It's down a rugged road you've come Though you had every reason You didn't come undone Somehow you made it to the other side You didn't suffer in vain You didn't suffer in vain You know it's only love That gets you through Only love, it's only love It's only love that gets you through -Annie Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Thanks Rosie, I guess now it has sunk in that it is actually over, because I thought I could repair it. I just dont want to cry anymore, it hurts so bad. and i thought we could still be friends, but i think i ruined any chances of that. thats what makes it hard i cant help thinking about what i did wrong. Love can be so amazing yet hurt just as horribly too. I'm sorry to hear how your suffering. I felt exactly the same way, and the truth is I can still break out crying over 70 days after NC. But I'm seldom that way now. It's nothing like it was in the beginning when I felt like I'd just survived an absolute train wreck. Don't worry about repairing things, don't worry about being friends, don't worry about ruined chances. Above all, don't worry about what you did wrong when you're feeling so upset. Put everything on the shelf for now and just concentrate on ways to take care of you. Right now. At this moment. Maybe take a nap. Or a bubble bath. Or watch a movie. Or buy yourself some flowers. Or plant some flowers in your garden. Something that's loving for yourself and help you know that you can always count on you. CC, everything's going to be just fine, even if it's not what you imagined. Link to comment
vesper Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Hey Dave! love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Day 26 (Yesterday) OMG! That girl I met is amazing. We talked over 20 hours over the weekend, and cannot get enough of each other. Yesterday was my last day at the freelance job. I had to take the train exactly when she did to and from work. It sucked but I didn't see her. I went out with some friend last night, and talked on the phone with my new girl for 4 hours. It was amazing. Day 27 I spoke with my new girl ALL day so far. 3.5 hours. She's everything I have ever wanted. We make each other so happy. I'm scared, but love every moment of it. I feel like I will make up from the dream, and have nothing. But I will. I will always have this wonderful few days that we have shared, and I can only pray that this joy can last forever. Today I feel: Confident, Excited, Optimistic, Scared, and "In Love" Link to comment
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