THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[thelonelydoll]

It does get easier, the longer you stay strong about it. Trust me, you send one little "harmless" text, and then it just opens up a lot of questions. It's much easier when the ex doesn't contact you, either, so hopefully for you she won't put you in that position.

[ranman]

Im In Dave , She Called Me After 2 Mo And Spilled The Same Stuff On Me . Next Time I Hear From Her Im Telling Her To Fo .todays Date 4/27/07

[macgyver4ever]

Day 23

 

p_fred, I have no job so I will have to take whatever I can get. I'm in the toy industry and there are few jobs. If they offer, I may accept. I am dating a girl that works even closer than my ex now. LOL

 

Today was good. Work was ok. I went on a date with a very cute, sweet girl. It was supposed to be a short coffee date, but it lasted 4 hours of non-stop talking. She was into me, and I rarely thought about my ex except when forced to talk about it.

 

I'm talking to a sweet girl online right now. We have a ton in common. Almost everything, except I'm a boy!!! Its the most unreal thing I have experienced.

 

 

Today I feel: Confident, Happy, and Excited

[papalazarou]

Day 23

 

p_fred, I have no job so I will have to take whatever I can get. I'm in the toy industry and there are few jobs. If they offer, I may accept. I am dating a girl that works even closer than my ex now. LOL

 

Today was good. Work was ok. I went on a date with a very cute, sweet girl. It was supposed to be a short coffee date, but it lasted 4 hours of non-stop talking. She was into me, and I rarely thought about my ex except when forced to talk about it.

 

I'm talking to a sweet girl online right now. We have a ton in common. Almost everything, except I'm a boy!!! Its the most unreal thing I have experienced.

 

 

Today I feel: Confident, Happy, and Excited

 

 

GOOD news Mac

 

Just take it slllooooowwww with the new girl. But I agree its a great confidence boost!!!

[Krisnakay]

It's been 17 days..I had to go back and look to make sure.He still comes into my mind every once in a while..uninvited of course ( how rude )...so I kick his butt back out know some people will contact their ex after 30 days but I have decided not to...Better to let sleeping dogs lie.

[the teach]

day 3 feel crappy. i think my problem is i just want to meet someone else! that may sound harsh, but i need some fun etc i know its probably the wrong thing to do right now but its nice to share time with someone. have thought about her loads today again

[Puckdog27]

day 3 feel crappy. i think my problem is i just want to meet someone else! that may sound harsh, but i need some fun etc i know its probably the wrong thing to do right now but its nice to share time with someone. have thought about her loads today again

 

Meeting someone else isnt the answer right now. You would only be dragging an innocent person into the warm water of your nightmare.

 

You have friends right? They are the people to share time with right now. New hobbies and the gym. Cant stress it enough.

[keefy1972]

Guys this thread is just too long for me to go through and read all of the posts, so I will simply ask, what are you doing to make productive use of this no contact period?

 

Are you simply willing your way through the days, marking them down as they pass, or are you actually doing mental and physical work on yourselves to make them count??

[thelonelydoll]

Ok, keefy, I haven't exercised like I suppose I should - to be honest, I've lost so much weight, I actually fear burning calories. I haven't read relationship books like perhaps I should. I went back to blonde, which should count for something, as it's part of my pre-ex identity. I've made my travel plans for the summer, which also involve a couple of business opportunities. I'm in permanent NC, so I'm not counting anymore - but I just took the step of finally erasing old messages on my machine, where I was originally going to transcribe them for some distant-future lay-it-all-out closure session. For me, that was a big step, really letting go of the idea of ever getting closure. Knowing I'll never get that has been one of the difficulties I've encountered in terms of making more productive use of this time.

[Krisnakay]

My ex emailed me today...he is at work and had found some things of mine at his house...so he brought them in for me..I said thanks and I'll get them Monday.I have met some other men and have actually went out with them.I always tell them as open and honestly as possible that I am not looking to get "hooked" up with anyone.But I can go out and have some fun.I don't see anything wrong with going out with other people..but BE honest.

[Rosie007]

Day 75

 

I'm about to head out and drive to Pennsylvania for a birthday party, but it's been so long since I've written here (even though I've faithfully read the posts all week), I think I should take a little time to write what's going on for me now.

 

I feel like I'm backsliding a little. (A lot?) Several times I've checked the IM account I never use, where I'd discovered he was added as a buddy. He's never been logged on, but still I'm checking, which really disturbs me. Please know, the first time I logged on to that account and discovered his name, I did disable it, but periodically this week I've logged on again, added his name, then removed his name again.

 

I know this is contrary to everything I've worked so had for -- detaching from Rex -- and it really troubles me.

 

It's a bit embarrassing to admit this, but even after all this time I love him so much and miss him so. I still haven't looked at his picture this entire time, I've certainly never tried to contact him, but I've been unable to banish him from my thoughts. At least once this week, maybe more, I broke out weeping about him.

 

I'm still haunted by memories of him, or the two of us together.

 

Another curve ball is that I've been cutting down on my working hours again. Last night, a Friday, and generally one of our best times together, my heart just sank at the lonely night I was facing.

 

Sure, I could have made plans just for the sake of making plans, but I was also tired, and I have a lot of traveling to do this weekend. I live in NJ, and on Saturday (today) I'm attending a two-year-old child's birthday party in Pennsylvania (about a two-hour drive). The little girl is part of a huge family that I love and adore. In fact, I feel like part of the family, and have known them for almost 30 years. I expect to have lots of fun, great food, and possibly dance, since we're all dancers, even the birthday girl.

 

On Sunday, I'm headed to Long Island in New York, for an old roommate's 40th birthday party. This man and I have been friends for 20 years. I was deeply in love with him at one time -- or maybe it was simply lust. Sometimes my body would quake with desire when he was close. We had a lot of fun together, going clubbing in New York City every weekend -- back in my drinking and drugging days (over 15 years ago). When I got sober, I severely limited the time I spent with our whole circle of friends. I completely stopped going to dance clubs -- my/our favorite activity -- and I only saw my old roommate for coffee or a meal occasionally.

 

We've kept in touch over the years. And I still love him to this day.

 

The point of all of this was to say that I deliberately didn't go out last night, being exhausted from a 16-hour work day on Thursday, and the prospect of a jampacked weekend including lots of driving.

 

And it made me miss Rex more than ever. As usual.

 

 

THINGs I COULD / SHOULD DO DIFFERENTLY

 

• Start doing power walks again.
  
• Start going to the gym.
  
• More AA meetings. Since the time I was so sick in February, and perhaps because of the Sundays spent with Rex, I fell out of the habit of making it to my regular Sunday meeting, let alone others)
  
• More DA meetings (I like to go to DA meetings, which I need desperately, and crave; however, I'm always working through my lunch hour, when I normally attend.
  
• Start attending dance class the way I've planned to ... for years
  
• Make a list of things to do to go to grad school, and then start doing the items on the list
  
• Recommit to doing yoga, which I've only done about six times, but I really want to do regularly
  
• Start planning my weekends better. Thing I want to do but haven't:
  
• Bird watching
  
  
• Spa visit (I have a gift certificate to use)

  
  

[UnderBear]

Hi

 

I would like to go full NC, but I am already seing bumps that will probably break the rules:

 

Is it only an emergency if there is a child involved? As we have shared the apartment I know she will contact me concerning things she can't move out right away, and I am also pretty sure she will use this to "check up on me" from time to time...

 

My intensions for doing NC I believe are the rights ones, I want to get ME together. Though I also feel this is the right thing to do if I ever should have a chance of another love relationship with her at any point. God knows I love her.

[Rosie007]

p.s. One other thing. I'm happy to report I'm headed to the UK in July for business. After that, I'm going to spend a second week for vacation. Not sure where I'll go. I have best friends I love in Ireland, London, and outside Paris. I love visiting all three of these places, where I've been blessed to go several times over the years. I'm thinking about arriving early to visit my friend and his family in Ireland before I had to England for business. My Irish friend was the love of my life for a long, long time. Unrequited. That's a long story for another time, but I love him dearly to this day, although the nature of my love has changed. I don't want anything from him; I simply love him. We've known each other for over 20 years and have a long and fun history together.

 

The friend in London is the man who saved my life. He was also a roommate for several years. Although he's gay, he's the closest thing I have to an exhusband. He saved my life by encouraging me to get into therapy. He's the first person to pierce the protective shell I'd built around me. I also learned how to be direct with him, how to express dissenting viewpoints or argue / negotiate. He didn't try to turn my negative emotions against me, allowing my anger. He was also totally honest with me, and would own up to the occasional retaliatory behavior when we were at odds. I love him so much, too.

 

At one point in my life, when I was 27, I lived in the Village (in NYC) with the friend who now lives in London and Sunday's birthday boy. My Irish friend stayed with us for about two weeks during this time. My mind still reels to think that three men I cared so deeply for over the years all lived under the same roof with me for about two weeks. At the time, I was unconscious of my love for any of them. My physical attraction for Sunday's birthday boy was strongest at that point in time.

 

In case you're noticing a theme here, I've loved several amazing guys over the years -- but all of these loves were unrequited.

 

Rex was the first time I let my defenses slip and got close to someone, who shared my desire. All of these other men adore me, love me to this day, but were my friends first and foremost. Rex and I weren't friends first. We shared a mutual friend.

 

Not sure what my point is. If anyone does have some insight, I'm all ears.

[Rosie007]

Just posted more of what's on my mind at

 

All ideas, support, or advice are welcome.

 

I really do want to change so I can love / live better.

 

Cheers,

 

-Rosie

[Rosie007]

Here's another thread I'm part of:

 

 

 

Yes, indeedy, I'm a survivor of severe abuse: sexual, mental, emotional, psychological, verbal, and physical. Plus neglect.

 

I believe there is a Chinese curse of being wished an "interesting" life.

[macgyver4ever]

Day 24

 

I'm less than a week from finishing this blasted thing. Aren't you all proud of me? No? That's fine, I'm proud of myself.

 

So like I said, since my confidence is coming back stronger than ever, the ladies are coming out of the woodwork. I had a great date yesterday. Talked to another amazing girl for 6 HOURS last night, and will hopefully have at least one other date this week.

 

I feel great today. I realized I did not think about my ex until I came here. So you won't see me much anymore. Don't miss me too much, ok?

 

 

Today I feel: Strong, Determined, Loved, Confident, and Happy. Hehehe!!!

[the teach]

pleased for you mac

[solarplexus]

Hey Mac go on man. I knew that you would do it. And obviously better than me

[macgyver4ever]

Hey Mac go on man. I knew that you would do it. And obviously better than me

 

Don't say that. My pain is only being masked by the overwhelming attention I am getting from the ladies. Meeting some amazing girls does wonders for your outlook on life, love, and relationships.

 

I'm taking it slow, but enjoying the ride. Another date tonight!!! Ye haw!

[supercalifragilistic]

Don't say that. My pain is only being masked by the overwhelming attention I am getting from the ladies. Meeting some amazing girls does wonders for your outlook on life, love, and relationships.

 

I'm taking it slow, but enjoying the ride. Another date tonight!!! Ye haw!

 

That's great! We're on the same day as you mentioned before, but you really seem to be doing better. Maybe a nice date would help, but all I can seem to attract are guys who either take ages to make a move or are losers. Oh well. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

 

Anyways, on to today's progress...

 

Day 24

 

I seem to have stopped moving forwards...and I feel like I'm now going backwards. I keep remembering everything I used to do with the ex. Even things that happened wayyyy back...as if it was yesterday...I never had such vivid memories of anything in my life. Not even when we were together. Go figure.

 

Well, today I was doing some programming work and had saw the "I love you" comment he left on this particular code. A bittersweet moment I'd say. Then I got my cell phone bill...with all the calls I've made up until NC. That's probably the last phone bill that will have his number in it for a while. Oh well.

 

On a happier note, I'm feeling better than the last couple of days, and less depressed and the dreams I'm having about him are all happy now for some reason...we're either getting back together or we're together, and it's all happy moments...it's nice actually...whatever that means, I'm just glad I'm not having the dreams that used to make me feel bad. I guess that's it. This no contact thing has been easier than I thought it would be. I can see myself going even past 30 days. Not that I don't wish the ex would contact me, but that's another story.

[Kamigatta]

Day 0.5

 

Hey guys.. i am new tothis forums and just recently i broke up with my girlfrien who has been with me for 2 years.. i am planning on doing NC but not yet.. i have to call her just one last time.. ](*,)

 

My full story here:

 

 

 

PS: This is just what i need i think... sigh.. its still so hard to let go though..

 

 

Edit: I dont know if i can do this.. i really feel like we still have a chance together.. I love her so much and according to her she says the same thing.. and she never really told me that she loved the guy.. it was only for the moment.. And she even said she wanted to call me sometimes..

[Puckdog27]

I seem to have stopped moving forwards...and I feel like I'm now going backwards.

 

In honesty every one on here is moving backwards because you are sitting here dwelling on your EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Want to move forward, get off break up boards!!!!!

 

 

Sorry Super, you know I love you, but this place is a morgue of dead relationships.

 

 

WE ALL NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE TO MOVE AHEAD

[supercalifragilistic]

In honesty every one on here is moving backwards because you are sitting here dwelling on your EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Want to move forward, get off break up boards!!!!!

 

 

Sorry Super, you know I love you, but this place is a morgue of dead relationships.

 

 

WE ALL NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE TO MOVE AHEAD

 

LOL. I think I'm not ready for that just yet

 

Better to talk on here than annoy the hell out of my friends

And besides, I was doing so well for a long time while coming here...so I don't know...

[Puckdog27]

LOL. I think I'm not ready for that just yet

 

Better to talk on here than annoy the hell out of my friends

And besides, I was doing so well for a long time while coming here...so I don't know...

 

I know what your saying but by spending your energy in here talking about him, all you are doing is reminding yourself you are not with him.

 

You started a great post about the Law of Attraction. The LOA says that when you focus upon what you dont have, all you do is create more of what you dont have. Well, everytime we come here and say, I am at day whatever and I feel like what ever, we are just creating more negative whatever!!!!!!!!!

 

I would bet you are a gorgeous attractive young Brazillian girl that every guy here in Pittsburgh (remember our talk) would turn cartwheels to be with. Focus on a guy that deserves you and that guy will come to you. It may even be your ex. Focus on the lack of your ex and you will get more of the lack of your ex.

 

POSITIVE THOUGHTS CREATE POSITIVE REALITY

[Kamigatta]

But i just broke up with my gf yesterday.. and tehres still a chance of getting back together with her cause of the amount of love we have for each other.. but i only want her to prove that she loves me and only me... i dont know if thats possible.. but its so hard to lose her...