macgyver4ever Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Day 15 I feel like complete GARBAGE today. I had several dreams about my ex last night, and even had dreams that I had to see her hanging out with her new boyfriend. I feel so depressed, sad, and upset. The wound feels fresh again. As for the card, I am leaning toward not sending one because she is EXPECTING me to. Not sending one is a way for me to stand up for myself, and let me know what she has done was wrong. Also it is a way for me to let her know I have moved on, an I'm not sitting around waiting for her. She will realize her loss completely. Maybe this will burn the bridges, but the thought of ever looking her in the eye again makes me physically ill. It's weird that I feel so bad. I have a weekend planned that should be busy and fun, I talked to a few girls last night, and will hopefully have a few dates soon. I should feel happy and excited, but I feel a sickness deep inside, a betrayal that cuts into my soul, and a heart filed with sorrow. Today I feel: Sad, Depressed, Empty, Betrayed, Alone, and Hurt Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Day Six (again) Before I went into NC at all (round one), some friends and I had a little "spam party", where we signed the ex up for all sorts of email newsletters and the like. One of them was for a music festival that I attended last year, before I ever met him, and he always brought it up because the (gay, I might add) friend I went with happens to be friends with a guitarist in one of the groups that headlined, and the ex was irrationally jealous about my having gone. My gmail filters have already proved to be useless, and this morning another email came through from the ex, asking me why I sent him the email about the festival - when the email went directly from the festival, not from me. Part of me wants to explain that it was just a harmless revenge gag, but the other part of me feels strongly about simply ignoring it. Which I shall. But I find it truly annoying that gmail's filter system doesn't work. So today I'm just kinda annoyed about that. It's such an uncomfortable feeling to see an email from the ex in the inbox, when they're supposed to go straight to trash without my ever seeing it. Training myself not to read emails when the get through the useless filter will be difficult, but I guess that's what I'll have to do. Unfortunately, I just changed my email address a couple of months ago, and I don't want to go through that hassle again. There are still a lot of friends who don't know the new address as it is. I just wish the so-called "filter" system on gmail worked the way I'd like it to!!! Link to comment
msDazed_N_Confused Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I made it to day number 30 I didn't think 30 days ago that i would be feeling better. Slowly progressing, to the point that when i have a busy day at work i only think of him while waiting at the coffeemachine. Let's hope by day 60, i am not counting anymore. To get over a long term relationship, 30 days might just not be enough. To all of you, stay strong and focus on yourself. If i can do it, anyone can!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 19, 2007 Author Share Posted April 19, 2007 CONGRATS msDazed N Confused!!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
andy5128 Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 Not sure what day it is in terms of my NC, about 3 weeks. Had a good couple of first weeks and then wham.. she is back in my thoughts! Kinda weird eh, well I guess you have your good days and bad days and your good weeks and bad weeks and this is one for me.. Well lost a bit of weight and looking quite good if I do say so myself all that hardwork at the gym is starting to pay off! Enjoying the gym too, I am away on a course next week so will miss it but at least the course will give me something else to concentrate on...! Link to comment
Krisnakay Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I broke down and sent this loser and email Tuesday...I found out he was talking smack about me to our co-workers..the fact that we dated doesn't exclude him from my "I Don't take any crap from anyone" attitude.I was really hurt at first but now I'm REALLY MAD!I have avoided him...to make it easier to get over him but today for the first day in 3 weeks..I looked his sorry lookin butt in the eye...And in my mind I was thinking...I will never ever ever shed another tear for him EVER!He also spread the word about how he dumped me to all his "good buddies".I want to thank him because now that they all know I'm single..I have enough dates to last for months.Not that I care cuz I'm staying single for a while..doing some things for myself and my kids and he can kiss my ( Y ) Thanks Solarplexus..YOUR THE BEST! Link to comment
Krisnakay Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 I hate replying to myself..But I did notice something today.I have been dumped before...But it seems that the healing time is not as long as it used to be.I am finding myself recovering quite quickly.I won't be bitter but there is definetly a lesson from this dump.NEVER DATE CO WORKERS no matter how cute they are. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Day 15 Feeling less sad, maybe happy even. I still wish he would call, I'm angry he didn't even remember to call me about my money (not because of the money, but I asked him to and he wouldn't even have had to go out of his way for that...oh well). I can't help but wonder why he doesn't try to make contact. I did tell him not to contact me unless it was to get back together. But I also broke NC and asked him to give me my money so I could go back to NC, he said he would...but then I also told him to call me sometime when he had the time so we could go out to eat something before class. So I guess I told him a lot of different things after all. Well, whatever it is, I can't help but feel sad that he doesn't seem to miss me. But hey, I'm halfway through NC so that's great I guess. It wasn't so bad, I can do 15 more, no problem. Link to comment
p_fred Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 macgyver4ever: NC NC NC NC!!!! NO CARD Don't waste your money on her. IF she truly misses you it will really set in on her birthday - and the ONLY way for her to miss you is for you NOT TO BE THERE! If you contact her on her birthday I don't think she will miss you! Plan something on her birthday to distract you. Go to a movie with friends or rent a lot of DVD's ( 007 James Bond Night ) and watch them. Its all about you now! Your healing. You get to be selfish and its ok! Do what YOU want to do! You are FREE!!!! I'm making it my mission to get Mac4ever to stick to NC! Link to comment
BrokenHeart82 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Saw the exs new GF last night..she came to the same store as me. She definitely knew who i was and was miserable...kept snapping at her mom who was with her saying finally loudly "I just want to leave, i dont want anything...i just want to GO!" I felt bad, thinking..is this how miserable and stressed I was when I was with him?? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I made it to day number 30 I didn't think 30 days ago that i would be feeling better. Slowly progressing, to the point that when i have a busy day at work i only think of him while waiting at the coffeemachine. Let's hope by day 60, i am not counting anymore. To get over a long term relationship, 30 days might just not be enough. To all of you, stay strong and focus on yourself. If i can do it, anyone can!! Wow Congrats - This is great news and yes - to fully get over long term relationships it takes nearly the length of said relationship - you are right!! But everyone wants to be able to function again. To appreciate life and the places it can take us that we often forget about while wrapped up in someone else. My best to you and here's hoping things continue smoothly!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 Congrats HONEYSPUR!!! I am sooo proud of you and I know that this challenge is not an easy one. You take care of you. I hope that the time you have had has make a positive difference in your life and I hope you find all that you are looking for .. Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 Sandy, What has been going on? You vanished..... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Day 7 (again) Well, one week ago I had contact by text with the ex, and had mixed feeling afterwards. I haven't smiled in so long, I've aged ten years in the past month or so. That might also have a lot to do with my sleep patterns and falling asleep on the couch every night. But the weather here is finally getting more like Spring, and I'll ride a bike to the post office instead of driving. I don't miss him, I don't want to have any further contact with him, but vanquishing him from my brain is still hard. There are a lot of other changes coming up in my life soon, so hopefully he'll take up less and less brain space with the passing of time. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Day 16 Hi everyone. I'm doing ok. My ex's birthday is tomorrow, and I AM NOT SENDING A CARD. I agree with p_fred that if I don't send a card, it will make it set in the I AM GONE. She LOST ME, not the other way around. I didn't cheat, or treat her like garbage, she did that TO ME. She may have a new boyfriend, but I'm pretty sure she settled, and I'm going to find me a nice girl who will treat me right. I have a full weekend planned. I'm excited for that. Hopefully I will have another date soon. I need to get back in the game. I've been talking to a few girls, and I'm excited to see what happens. I have no insurance, so I cannot afford my anti-anxiety meds anymore. Today is my first day off, and it strange to feel the anxiety build so quickly, and easily again. I got turned down for a job yesterday, and found out the job I really want is not making a decision for another 3 weeks. I'm pretty bummed, but I will see what I can do. I've grown fairly bitter toward my ex, and I feel the love dissipating more and more each day. It's a scary feeling because I was certain I would love her for the rest of my life. I'm not trying to hold on to the love, I'm letting it slip through my fingers like a bar of soap. SD taught me that. Today I feel: ANXIOUS, Confident, Scared, Excited, and Bummed Link to comment
misskitty Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 DAY 10 thelonelydoll-go on that bike ride! Today I feel great. I have alot of things planned for the weekend. I have accepted that the ex will never be a part of my life again and I am ok with it. I can only better myself as I have been doing. I am not anywhere near as depressed as I was when I first came here. I am almost thinking that I should be but I am not holding back any feelings about it, I let them come and deal with them. Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 DAY 5, feeling good, feeling alive. Still hits me once in awhile that he's gone and not coming back. But then I remember I'm still here and that's enough. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Still on Day 7.... The ex phoned both my land line and my cell while I was out on the bike. He didn't leave a message, but I was surprised to see the number come up, especially as he's out on an oil rig in the North Sea (the same number he was harassing me from 3 weeks ago.) There was also mail from a local jewelers' addressed to him - a shop we went to discuss the engagement ring, even though we didn't get one there in the end. When he took the engagement ring back, he took the whole box - which also had my vintage watch and my own diamond earrings in it. Even though that was grand larceny, there's apparently nothing I can do about it since he's not in this country....So perhaps I'll use this gift certificate on myself instead of simply throwing it out! But it was strange to return from a bike ride to find mail addressed to him, and to see that number come up on both phones. Update: And again, he's called my cell - left a message, but I'm NOT going to listen!! Update number 2: And now, an email - blasted gmail filters are USELESS!! Thankfully, his contact with the outside world is very limited, so for now I'm assuming that he'll just go to sleep soon. I don't know what he wants......AARRGGHH!! Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Day 16 I've started reading some new books yesterday that made me feel a little better. I think they'll be really helpful. Not relationship books, gave up on those, but just self help books to try and change who I was/am, because I was obviously not happy if my happiness depended on this one person. Anyways, things are good even though I can't even bear to think about seeing him accidentally...specially if it's with another girl. I cringe at the thought of having to see his friends, though that happened a couple of times already. I dream about him still and do not like it at all. But I feel I'm starting not to expect that phone call as much as before. I feel I'm making progress and if I keep doing NC everything will be fine regardless of whether he comes back or not. Now if I happen to see him for some reason, I do not know how I will handle that. But let's not worry about things that might never happen. I'm also starting to feel very numb towards him, which I think is good. Link to comment
bear12 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 round three- i'm trying not to keep track this time; i'm in the single digits. all i do know is that if my ex could leave me alone in my dreams as well as in real life, i'd be doing much better. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Day 17 It's her birthday!!! Here is my venting on that, if you are interested. I feel like total garbage. My soul is shaking with sorrow. It's so hard to be apart on this day. It's not like I want to see her, talk to her, or be there for her, I just feel an absense on this day. She'll feel my absense as well, and try to fill it with her "friends" and new man. He'll give her gifts, which will probably be pretty lame. Nothing compared to the romantic cards and jewelry I gave her. I know this, and she will miss the romance soon enough. As the Mt. Dew starts coursing through my veins the sorrow is turning into anger and rengence. I know I will think about her a lot otday, but hopefully I'm going to enjoy my time, and not dwell on what she is doing. I'm going to do great things with my life, raise a terrific family, and have a good career. I'm a good person, and at some point good things will happen to me. Today I feel: Sad, Depressed, Vengeful, Angry, and Determined. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Day 8 (again) Hard as it's been, I have NOT read the email he sent yesterday, and I did NOT answer the phone last night. I can't be there to pick up his alcoholic pieces for him. I'm sure he feels bad and is missing me, but I can't have contact while I still feel like I miss him, too. Sending the text 8 days ago proved to be a bad move in the end, because he tried to phone me the next day, and then yesterday there was the flurry of contact attempts. But I'm pretty sure that as long as I ignore these attempts at contact, they'll stop. Link to comment
misskitty Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 DAY 11 Today is ok. I had a setback in the beginning and was very tempted to look at his myspace, but I didn't. Everytime I did that before it had me feeling worse. I don't why today is so rough, I have been fairly busy. I started thinking of him and his new life, and the new girl he is eventually going to abuse. I am almost jealous that I am not in the picture anymore. I feel very lonely/depressed today. I am okay with being single, but wonder with all the damage that has been done to me will I ever recover again to be in a relationship. If someone will ever accept me and my children. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Still on Day 8... Well, around this time yesterday, I was dodging phonecalls from the ex, and I don't know why he was phoning me. Today, wanting to go out on another bike ride in this great weather, I decided not to wear my long workout unitard, but this little shorts-and-top adidas thing. Unfortunately, I discovered this was something the ex had also cut up before he left the country. I also found my favorite bikini in shreds. What else am I going to find destroyed? Plus, I never did find my vintage watch and diamond earrings - whether he took them or hid them somewhere, I've no way of knowing. But all the other evidence sure seems to point to him. It was a lovely day, but now that the sun's going down, I am positively ENRAGED!! Link to comment
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