lucy1981 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Count me in..... been 4 days now (NC since we split), feeling great! No urge to call or text at all! I have been looking at his myspace page every day though Will stop that now, promise! I would love to see him, and I know he wants to see me, but I'm not going to give him the chance to wean himself off me, nor the satisfaction of hearing me grovelling or telling him that I miss him, or even give a toss about him! Now I have no idea if he'll try to contact me..... or if I bump into him, that will be a toughie!! Lets be strong together! (As my ex would say hahahahahaha) Lucy xx Link to comment
downbroken Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 NC is the way to go. It has helped me more that I could ever imagine. I'm just here to say follow SuperDave he knows what he is talking about. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 2 weeks since we broke up, 12 days since we talked, and I feel...good!! Yesterday was terrible. Eurgh. The night before was worse. But last night was ok! The first night I've gone to sleep without plugging in my ipod and listening to some comedy to distract myself from all the whirry thoughts in my brain - and that is an achievement!!! I barely even thought about him today, my sister came over with my little baby nephew (who is perhaps the most gorgeous and funny baby I've ever laid eyes on...but that may be the auntie in me) and he is a fantastic distraction. I laughed so much today...it's crazy! Disgusting as it sounds, but having a baby sucking your face and chin is the funniest thing in the world. Alongside holding one whilst they strain trying to number 2. I feel so great today. I'm taking each day as it comes - yesterday was terrible, but the realisations I had yesterday brought about a better today. It was the first time I'd noticed how much easier my life is now, and though I still miss him terribly...I think most of what I miss was him loving me, and the feeling of being held that you don't get from anyone but a significant other. But no rebound for me! NO. How is everyone else going? I've been reading everyone's stories religiously, and I really hope everyone has had a good a day as I did today! xxxxxxxx Link to comment
sasha_faye Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 wow 41 days? thats good! i cant never get pass 3 days wihtout talkin to my ex...cus he or me start talkin to each other..........but thiis time i made some changed........i made new SN for aim/yahoo...so theres no way he can contact me....only through phone or email........i highly doubt he wil but like u said its a challenge to find out if i can go 30days w/o talking to him........i hope i can do it... thank you! Sounds like you're doing all the right steps- I've done the same things. I get a weird sense of satisfaction knowing he can't get ahold of me... muahahaha. Honestly, it's still terribly hard, but it's totally doable, as long as you keep yourself busy. And if you want to contact your ex, call a friend instead! Best of luck to you. Link to comment
LindsayTD Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I'm on day 30 NC, and almost 3 months since the breakup. For some reason its been especially hard these past several days. I miss him. I try to keep myself busy but there are of course times when I'm alone, like at night, and I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Link to comment
slayer44 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Alright, So this is day 1 of NC. He, of course, will never try to contact me so I won't have the "what should I do" problems. And I know if I contact him, I would just be ignored...so the main reason I took this challenge was so that I'd stop looking at his myspace and facebook stuff. And I haven't. I know it's only been a day...but I was checking it almost constantly before. Today, mostly, I've been thinking about what could have went wrong. And if he did have a problem..he never told me about it. He never gave me the chance to fix it. He was an absolute PERFECT boyfriend...which is why this is so hard. I guess being perfect just got too much for him...I don't really know. On the plus side, I've lost about 12 lbs. And I'm down a size in jeans. I went shopping today...kind of made me feel better. But I thought about him more than I'd like. I fell asleep on the way back, and woke up and saw the sign of my town. Usually when I went shopping with family I would call him as soon as I got back in town and he'd rush to pick me up..and give me a big hug. And say how much he missed me. Even if we were only apart for a couple hours. I don't know if I can do this...it's so hard, and I miss him so much. But I know he doesn't miss me. As for the question about how I cope...I don't know if I really do. I watch TV, read. Music helps alot...but I tend to only listen to sad songs. Tonight I've been listening to "Goodbye Says It All" by Blackhawk. Country music...the music of pain. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Dreams: Today sad, tomorrow will be a nano bit better, believe me, buts it does take some time.... I know... Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 End of Day Three: Well, I was feeling sad this morning so I did some charity work today and it picked me up. I also did some charity for myself: got a brand spankin' new day planner to stay on track. Also, I set up some plans to be with a friend tomorrow night for coffee. It's nice having something to look forward to during the night when it hits me the hardest. The bumps: I saw the other woman today in my new neighborhood. We were both jogging. Great....my luck, we're probably neighbors. Sandyv, we're near partners in this one! Link to comment
vesper Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I'll take the challenge. day 1. I was over there last night and I snooped on his computer and saw that he had joined a dating website. That will teach me a lesson NOT to ever just go to MY OWN HOUSE un announced. I called him and talked to him about what he wanted. He said he wanted his space right now. I dont get it because we were just together on Sunday and he even got teary-eyed. I have disconnected my cell phone, deleted my myspace website to cut all contact with him and EVERYTIME I call him I either go into an upward spiral of happiness because I think everything is fine or I go into a downward spiral because I am SICK of this limbo feeling. Right now I REALLY want to go oh his Myspace Page to see if anyone made a comment about me. Or him or if there are any girls after him. THe worst part of all of this was that I seem to be doing fine and then everything just drops, the bottom drops out downward spiral. Now I am having to deal with the uncomfortable subject of telling people at work that I am separated. I dont know how to tell my boss about it, he knew me when I was in College when I worked there as a student and I came back after ten years telling him my story of meeting my husband fallling in love in London, moving around the world togethere etc. then I get to the part about how we are separated and I just stop talking. I hate this feeling like I cant free myself of this burden . I'll take the NO CONTACT CHALLENGE. Link to comment
Aerozeppelin Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 day 5 - pretty normal day, just taking it easy today, don't know why but laying low helps me feel more relaxed even though I like my friends a lot wondering what tomorrow will be like since I am literally taking it all one day at a time right now Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Day-6 went absolutely great..woke up felt great..went to the gym to work out..then home to get ready and went to go meet up with some friends and hung out the whole day..it feel so great..my mind was occupied very much..so now im very tired and ready to go to sleep. Ready for Day-7! Link to comment
Firedancer03 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Hi all! Just finished Day 5 of the Challenge. I havent been able to update because I was travelling, but I am now in beautiful Arizona! I'll have to say, the train ride here was a good 36 hours, and I did spend some time during Day 2 and Day 3 staring out the window, thinking about him. Thinking about what I might have done wrong, or the things I might have said or did that led to the breakup. Basically beating myself up Not a good feeling, and I know I shouldnt but I cant help it. But now I am here with my aunt and parents with plenty of new scenery and experiences to keep my mind occupied. I'm proud to say I havent thought about him AT ALL since I arrived (1.5 days now!). There are times where a get the feeling that something isnt quite right in my life, that something's wrong....and then I remember that we're no longer together anymore But those feelings are less frequent now. Feeling pretty good today. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Hi Need2bme, Yes I feel our situations are very similar. I am trying the NC but we have practical matters to sort out which makes it problematic. I hate the fact that I am seeing a therapist and reading every self-help book and he is just hanging out with his friends and working. There isn't another woman in the picture but there might as well be. I need NC without it I will just keep hanging on and over analysing everything that is said... Keep posting, it is really helping x Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Beginning of Day 3 for me: I was feeling pretty sad last night; had to explain "what happened" to a mutual friend who is also being given the cold shoulder by my ex. Found out he was fired from his job, and apparently is on the brink of losing our old apartment (when we last spoke, he didn't mention that he hadn't been making the rent). Huh. Couldn't help but wonder if this means he'll be moving in with the new gf, but tried to put it out of my thoughts. I was good last night, all things considered. Just need to keep up with NC...ESPECIALLY if he tries to get in touch to "borrow" some money to keep him afloat. Link to comment
AllTornUp Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I think today is the start of Day 4 of the Challenge for me. Feeling a bit melancholy this morning. I was out until 10:30 last night and felt good about that. But when I got home and discovered she was out, my mind started working in overdrive--I managed to shut it off and watch some TV. Went to bed at midnight and was woken up when she got home at 12:30 (I'm sleeping in the family room off the garage). She said they had missed their movie time and had to go to the late show. I'm pretty sure she went with her friend, but I didn't ask. I had gotten a bunch of boxes for her to pack with from a friend at work (he had gotten them from a liquor store). She asked if I got them from a liquor store and said she would start packing soon. Anyhow, I am trying to be strong and I thought bringing her boxes to pack with would be strong.. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Beginning of Day 4: It's great to read all of your success stories and struggles. Pisces Princess: I read some self-help yesterday at a bigbox bookstore, and the books gave me what felt like false hope even though they were supposed to be about 'getting over a break-up' etc. So I drank coffee and ate cake instead. Stayed up later than expected last night working. It felt good to accomplish something, but I'm back to groggy this morning. No contact from my ex yesterday, which is the first time in a long while. Not having a phone in my new place makes it really easy to not contact my ex! But I'm going to get started on setting up a line today. I did get an email from a near-stranger asking me to go out on a coffee date this weekend. Haven't responded or decided about that yet, but I was glad for the invite. And scared. Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I just realised why it is so hard to do NO CONTACT! I realise that yoU do NC to heal but what makes it difficult in the beginning is the fear of not ever hearing from your ex again... no? Does anyone feel that way. If you go NC and not get news from him at all...you DO loose all hope that there was some consideration left in your ex.... Just by curiosity has ANYONE not ever heard from there EX when applying NC? Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Hi Shaker...I think cake and coffee is a much better idea Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 wonderfulconfusion- My ex is avoiding me as well. I don't know for how long. It could be permanent. Yes, I do fear that I'll never hear from him again, but what's the worst that could happen? I'm less than a week into the break up, and am thankfully already out of the "I'll be alone forever" phase. Have you stopped hearing from your ex? Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 LLamas: no we've been in contact for a whole year...but i initiate contact or he does but latley I was initiating alot and have only started to stop contacting thinking maybe he'd realise something, and I realise that it scares me to not hear from him.... Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 wonderfulconfusion- In your case, I wouldn't worry at all. If you've maintained contact for a year post-break up, it's pretty unlikely that he'd forget about you now...but a year is also a long time to hold on to a broken relationship. As I've read over and over on this forum, NC should be for you to heal. He'll call eventually. Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Wonderfulconfusion: I think your fear is valid.....HOWEVER...and I hate to keep beating a dead horse....once you decide to do NC for YOU..and YOU only, those fears will be secondary...because if you are doing NC by hoping to hear from your ex...you are in a position to be hurt...over and over and over again. It took me a LONG time to realize this, but I am finally "getting it". You will too......when you're so tired of the pain, you'll do whatever it takes to make it stop. Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Thanks Llammas! Whats your story? I know my ex has been going through crap, finding himself getting himself on the right track with financial problems blabla....I think he has commitment problems but latley he told me he wanted to be a Dad?? pff.. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Day 6 since I created the challenge Good Morning Everyone!!! I have been reading all the threads and you guys are AMAZING!!! I know some of you out there are still having issues and that is perfectly fine. You are taking my challenge and that says ALOT!! NC though a very simple concept, is very difficult to apply. Some of you that I have read are getting a little better everyday. I can compare NC to having an operation....when you are taken back to your room...Ya hurt like nobodies business....but...in the next few days and weeks...you slowly everyday get a bit better. I understand that everyone's situation is different...I hope you are all trying to find something positive out of all of this. I want each of you to evaluate your breakup and realize that it wasn't all your fault. Sometimes people are just not compatible. **Remember** Though NC is for you to heal....it is also used so you can learn from your mistakes and how to possibly prevent yourself from losing YOU again someday. Learn to love and respect yourself.....You can do it!! I know its hard..BUT YOU CAN DO IT!!! This to will pass!!!! I promise you and you will feel sooooo much better in the long run. Take care, SuperDave71 Link to comment
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