downbroken

That is great news. I'm happy for you. I wish you all the best and good luck in your "new" relationship. d&b

This is a very good post. I totally agree with on the no contact. It should be handled in stages and not as an iron clad way of life. And just to let you know used to be on this web site all the time. I recently got back with my ex and things are going good. I still get on here daily and I just read all the posts.

Well I am in a very simialar situation. I started to hang out with my ex again as well. We have talked about getting back together once but that was it. After that we have just hung out and let things develop from there. She is also a very busy person with two kids and her career. I understand you and yes sometimes it feels like she is not "in" to me. This was a big problem when we first broke up. I know that she is busy, but this time around I am helping her with things. I am helping her with the kids (picking up the kids from school and playing with them). I do this and I get to see her more often, help her not stress so much (which puts her in a better mood), and I get to spend time with the kids also. An all around win/win situation. The point that I'm trying to make is if you really care about her and want to be with her then you need to be there for her and help her out. To me this creates a strong foundation for a relationship that you can build on. One more thing, you say that you have not kissed yet. All I can say is don't expect to kiss her just like that because of your past. You need to create the moment just like you would if it was your first kiss with her ever. Whoo her a little, be smooth, and go for it. Good luck!!!

NC is the way to go. It has helped me more that I could ever imagine. I'm just here to say follow SuperDave he knows what he is talking about.

Hello Everyone and Happy New Year!!! I am here with an update to my situation. I need some insight on the latest with me and my ex please. I’ll try and make a long story short. In the first week of November I broke down and sent my ex a letter letting it all out. Six months after our break up. I told her how I felt and put it all on the line. The respond was minimal but it was not negative. We went out to dinner and had a good talk. I asked her if we could do it again. She told me that she couldn’t because she was still with here boyfriend. I asked what she thought of the letter and her response was that it meant a lot to her. She told me that she hasn’t stopped loving me and that she is scared. And then she said these words “it’s not my heart that is holding me back”. I still don’t know what that meant. She asked for time and space. I gave exactly what she asked for and backed off. It hurt really badly, but I knew what I was getting into when I sent the letter. When I saw her on Christmas day she looked really sad, and like she had something to say to me, but I didn’t bother asking. Anyways fast forward to last Friday 12/30. I was getting ready to leave town for New Years. I got a phone call Friday night. Sure enough is was my ex. Who never calls me a Friday nights. My heart sunk and I started to think the worst. I answered it and she asked me “Do you have a minute? I would like to talk to you”. She told me that she broke up with her boyfriend and she felt that I needed to know that. She apologized for everything and all the times that I saw them together (when I would pick up and drop off my son and he was there). She said that she thinks of the letter I sent her all the time. She told me that she wants some time alone so she can think and clear her head. I let her know that I respect that and that if she needed me I was just a phone call away. After that we had a good conversation and we have had some good ones everyday since then. Which is the most that we have spoken since our split? I am in shock still and really don’t know if this is going towards us getting back together. I hope it is. What should I do now? I don’t want to mess up with her again.

My ex and I have been apart since April. We have a little boy together. So I have to see my ex on a regular basis. I wish that I didn't have to but and the same time I won't trade in my little boy for anything. This month has been extra hard on me. What really sucks is that everytime we talk about anything having to do with my son she always makes it a point to mention something having to do with her personal life. That just kills me inside. I don't want to know. Why would she do that to me? I know that if I didn't have to see her at all I would be better off. My point to all is NC is a great thing for everyone that is hurting. Take it from me. If you can do NC. Do it! It would help in more ways than you can image. Thanks for reading and all for all the help that you guys have given me this year. I trust next year will be better for all of us here at ENA. Happy Holidays To All!!!!

I say don't do it. Don't try the LC thing. It is hard to deal with. Especially if you are not healed. I know we all say that we can handle it, but most of the time we can't. I agree with superdave. Give it plenty more time.

Welcome to ENA, So did she cheat on you or did you just find out about the feelings she was keeping from. I believe that you need to think long and hard on what you want to do. Before you do anything. Do you really want to be with her or was the trust broken beyond repair. These are questions that only you can answer. And need to answer. You need to be 100% sure of what you want, because if you are not you are only going to casue yourself more pain.

Great advice. Thanks everyone. Thank you superdave I will ask myself those questions before I do anything else. And I am going to call her at least a couple of times this week. So I can talk to my son.

Yes, I am looking for reconciliation. After the letter she told me that there was a chance. That is the only reason that I even invited her to dinner. Before this I had as little contact with her as possible. During that time I became a stronger person. That is why I'm feeling comfortable putting myself out there.

I have an update on my situation with my ex. It has been over a week now since I left her a letter telling her exactly how I feel. I got a good response from her. So last week my son and his soccer team had a party to which my ex invited me to. When I got there I was greeted by her whole family in a very nice and warm way. I went and sat down by my ex. The night started off with just small talk. But as the night went on we begin to talk more and even joked around with each other. We even started to jokingly fight over candy since we both like the same kind. It was just like old times. After that the kids had a small presentation in a different room. I got up and went to the room and leaned on the wall. My ex followed me in and got right next to me and even leaned on me a little. When it was over I helped her and everyone clean up. So the night came to an end. Now fast forward a couple of days. I took a chance and ask her if I could take her and the kids to lunch on Saturday before she leaves out of town for Thanksgiving. She said yes and for me to call her that day so we could set a time. So Saturday came along and I called. She told me that she was at the store and I could meet them there. I showed up and just like that I started shopping with them, again just like old times. After that we left and it started to get late. I knew that she had a lot of packing to do. So I told her if she wanted to save it for another day. She said no and that she had plenty of time. We decided on a restaurant and I told her that I would meet her there. To which she said. "Why don't you just go with me? It is pointless to take two cars." So we went and eat and had a good time. We talked about everything and basically just caught up with each other. Never once did either of us mention the past or our relationship. We had a really good time. After dinner she took me to my car and thanked me. At time I freaked I did know what to do. So I just leaned over and gave her a hug and wished her a safe trip. I feel really good about all this. I just wanted to hear what you guys think of this. Since you guys have been so helpful to me in the past. I do have one question. What should I do from here? She is out of town for a week. Should I keep making contact with her? I want her to know that I am here for her. But I don't want to smoother or rush her in anyway. What should I do? Again thank for reading. D&B

Yeah here are some words of encouragement: The Pats gave the Packers a beat down and I am positive that the Giants will handle the Jags with no problem. Just keep you chin up man. Don't let it dominate you. Trust me after a while it gets really old thinking of someone and wishing that they were a around. Like I heard peolpe say this here all the time. Now is the time to be selfish and only think of you. Just keep having fun with your friends. You are on the right track.

Good Luck Buddy. And just remember no matter what happens. Everything is going to be ok! Have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I was in your shoes a few months ago. My ex and I split three weeks before my bday. And just like you I was so nervous about whether or not she would call. On my bday she never called, but it was a good thing. I didn't worry about it. I didn't think about her or out situation. It was like I gave myself a day off and enjoyed my birthday with all my friends. I recommend you try it. You deserve to enjoy your birthday. D&B

Thanks a lot for your replies guys. I will give her the time and the space that she needs. I feel good about this because I really know this girl and she is not one to play games. She is always honest and straight forward. If she was total done with me she would have not left a small opening in the door like she did. Until I talk to her again I will continue to foucs on me. Thanks again. Hey friscodj, That was a good analogy about the battery. Being a car guy myself that really made a lot of sense. Hey Dreamguy, Thank you for the link to major's post. I had read it before, but it was good to read it again. It is really helpful and he makes some really good points.

Well I have been posting here about my ex starting to act different. She was being nicer to me all of sudden. Two things popped in my head. The first of cousre was "YES!!! she misses me and wants to get back" and the second thing was "Man she is so over me, she doesn't care anymore." It got me thinking so much that I took upon myself and write her a letter. I told her everything that I was feeling. Two days ago I left it on the windshield of her car in the middle of the night. So she could she it on her way to work. I used to leave her notes like that all the time when we were together. So yesterday I didn't hear from her at all. Well today she calls me to tell me the time and place of our sons soccer game tomorrow. Which I can't go because I have to work. The whole time I thought that she was not going to acknowledge the letter at all. But right before she hung up. She told me that she got it and read it. She told me that it caught her off guard. I told her that I had to do it and that I really mean everything I wrote. Her response was that she is taking everything in and that she is still processing all this in her head. I asked her if we could hang out some time so we can talk and she said yes. She told me that she needed time to think but that she wanted to let me know that she "isn't taking the letter lightly". She told me that she would call me tomorrow after game and let me know how it went. Which she has never done before. By this time I could hear that she wanted to cry. And frankly so did I. Is all this a good sign? I am still in shock about it all. I just needed to tell somebody. Thanks for reading.

Tell me about it I feel the say way. I set a ringer for my ex that way I know the second it rings if it is her or not. I know weird huh? But it helps me not panic if some does call or text. Just stay strong brother. In the end, you will be ok with or without her.

I feel for you man. It's hard but you can do it. I'm rooting for you. Just rest assured that time is your best friend and all this can and will get better. D&B

I think that all of you make very valid points. However I do believe that I need to try just one more time. I will put up one last fight because I believe in us. I do this with the understanding that I might not get the response that I'm looking for. I am perpared to handle it. I think that if she turns me down I will get the final push that I need to completely heal. Thanks for answering that question for me.

Oh, now I know. I do have a business style relationship with her because of our son. The reason I was asking is because a couple of weeks ago she starting being nice to me and the relationship became not so business like. To fact that we are talking better and joking around now. But I know, I know don't read to deep into it. I was just curious.

If you were with your ex for more that 5 years. Would it be easy for them just to pick up and leave. Or do relationship with 5+ years have a better chance of getting back together? I ask this because my ex and I were together for 6-1/2 years and we have a son togehter. After 7 months apart could she have forgotten about me and moved on, even with our long history. Or is time not a factor?

I'm sorry to hear that. I could only imagine how you feel after reading that. Be strong man. Don't think about it. I know that is easier said than done and everytime someones tells me that I just want to slap that upside the head. But the fact of the matter is.....that is all you can do. Don't torture yourself and keep yourself busy all day and you will get through it.

Well you know her. Was this a good enough answer for you? Trust is the key here as in any other relationship. If you guys are going to work through all this you need to trust each other. If you can't trust her, then you need to ask yourself if this is a good move trying to work things out.

Well she needs to tell him. I think that is fair that she wants to tell him in person. I don't think it was right to start a message with "I miss you". You don't say that to someone you are about to break contact with. If I were you I would make sure that she is really committed to working things out with you and not trying to keep the other guy on the back burner just in case. Good Luck. D&B