lady g Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 So last night was good and bumped into the ex old flatmate. He told me that ex's new GF is the grand old age of 18, just about legal...he's 37. Don't know why but that information sure makes me feel a whole lot better - today is going to be a GOOD day Link to comment
redreine Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 We were NC for about 2 weeks. We both do better when we keep each other in our lives, so I'm just doing LC. Enough to be a comfort, and not so much as to make us want each other back. He seems really excited about seeing this other girl, and I am honestly happy for him. All of my other ex's I've been irritated or made fun of their new gf's, but not him. I think that means it must've really been love. Link to comment
CAgirl Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I accept the challenge. I called and talked to my ex today and told him that it is best if we don't contact each other at all. So here I go! Tomorrow will be Day 1. Link to comment
Anon21 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Day 4. 3pm Slept 12 hours, which always makes me feel like crap... I had 3 different dreams about us getting back together last night, that feels like crap too... I miss her a lot. Everything still reminds me of her, and I can't stop thinking about her and her new boyfriend.. But things are getting better. Dreaming about her makes it feel like I broke the NC rule. No wonder I'm doing NC, contact sucks. Link to comment
wiley Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 About day 15 I think, still miss her... talking to her... holding her... but feeling stronger than ever. Time really does help. Another thing that keeps me at NC is weighing out the odds... eg. If i talk to her.... it will put me back to square 1 and I will gain nothing from it, BUT if i keep at NC its a win win situation. Even though I care about her alot, I don't want to know what shes been up to or how her new relationship is going. Silence is bliss... it really is. Need a holiday too! Been thinking somewhere nice like California or something Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Day 6 Not in a good place, badly want to contact her. I know she's on her own all afternoon while her flatmates are at work and so it bugs me I haven't heard from her. I'm thinking about her constantly so surely she's thought about me. I get the feeling I'm gonna break NC today. This is hard. EDIT: I'm a complete idiot and weak. I sent a text, just asking how she was. I was kidding myself that it was ok to send it because I've accepted that we're not getting back together but there's still some emotion in there. Today's gonna be tough. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Wow....its been 4 weeks already since I last contacted him (and even longer since we last talked). I still think about him constantly. It doesnt hurt anymore though, which is good......I just wish I could stop thinking about him so much.... Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I've lost track of how many days it's been. Probable two weeks now. We are both going through potential job losses and that's actually been a good excuse not to contact her, and it also means I can justify her lack of contact as having a lot on her plate. Having said that I'm still a bit put off I haven't heard from her, but that's just my ego talking. Link to comment
philove Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Day 16- Woke up this morning feeling extremely depressed, I don't really miss her I just miss the company and good times we had. I have no urge to contact her but it would be nice to hear from her just to let me know she still thinks about me. NC is meant to be helping me but right now it feels like my worst enemy and I don't feel like I am progressing at all. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 So how does no contact give us a better chance at reconcilation than no contact for a couple of weeks then limited contact? Since she is the dumper, I would think that I want to give her enough time to where I'm not needy and desperate and she can have space to think. I don't want to give her so much time that she starts to "heal" so to speak. Cause if NC is healing us, imagine what it must be doing to the dumpers. I guess my question is: which is better?? 1) Waiting until we're both fully healed to restart talks about getting back together? 2) Re-initiating contact while we both are still emotionally healing, but able to look at things from both sides since enough time has passed to reflect 3) Wait till she initiates contact - which she may not be doing purposefully because she may have seen my blocking her FB account and ignoring her emails as an attempt to keep her away. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I haven't spoken to him / texted / emailed since Match 1st. he texted me last and I didn't reply. I'm sick of the push-pull thing, of the mixed msgs, the confusion and hurt. I'm sick of seeing myself as victim and I want to learn to be happy with myself. I will continue my therapy and I am joining a support group specific to my issues. There are several things I want to do to take care of myself and enjoy my life. I understand that at this point in my life closeness with a partner is too threatening for me and I want to respect / honor myself and heal. I bought myself a plane ticket to one of the most beautiful little cities of Mexico and am leaving for 10 days which is huge for me as I am not a person who travels a lot and I did this in full conscience of wanting to do something nice and healing for ME. The only thing that stresses me out is that his birthday is on April 4th (I can still honor a month long NC commitment), and I don't know if I should send him a birthday card, as I do care about him and we are on good terms. I don't want to be the resentful, superhurt ex who cannot handle sending him a birthday card... but at the same I feel I am too weak to do it without feeling like I am giving him control over me. I am afrid that maybe I am giving too much importance to the idea of staying friends. I am afraid that really he will not even care once my birthday comes around and that maybe I am trying to find too much "specialness" into this friendship that I say I ultimatelly want to preserve. Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 So how does no contact give us a better chance at reconcilation than no contact for a couple of weeks then limited contact? Since she is the dumper, I would think that I want to give her enough time to where I'm not needy and desperate and she can have space to think. I don't want to give her so much time that she starts to "heal" so to speak. Cause if NC is healing us, imagine what it must be doing to the dumpers. And THIS is the reason I broke NC today. It was hardly an in depth conversation, merely a few texts of small talk that ended stopped at her end. But rules are rules, and I broke it. Link to comment
and again Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 And THIS is the reason I broke NC today. It was hardly an in depth conversation, merely a few texts of small talk that ended stopped at her end. But rules are rules, and I broke it. How do you feel after it? I did it last week but didnt do me to many favour`s Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 How do you feel after it? I did it last week but didnt do me to many favour`s Utterly **** Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 2 days NC. Just found out from a friend that she has changed her name on facebook back to her maiden name... Ouch! Feeling crappy! Wanna cry but have run out of tears. Maybe this will give me the push I needed to cut her off and start to think about myself for a change. Its been 3 months and I still let my life revolve around her... time to make some changes me thinks! Link to comment
ladyjp Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Well, I should have taken all thte advice completely. He kept calling and texting and since I am moving into a new house and he offered to install some electrical outlets for me he came over Sunday to see where I wanted them. We just sat on the floor for like 3 hours and simply talked. He said that things with the girl were not as he had thought and his feelings about her and the sitation had changed. Stupid me, I took that as he was over with her and we ended up sleeping together. He told me he had missed me so much and yadda yadda. Later that night when I was home ( I haven't moved yet) he even text me into the evening saying it was great to be together and stuff. That was Sunday. By Tuesday I was feeling very uneasy as he never did say he was not seeing her at all. So, I put it out there and he told me that he liked seeing her because she was a "friend now". Wow. You can imagine the shot to the heart. I felt like my worst nightmare had come true, in that we slept together and he is still sleeping with her. Uugh! I guess he saw my reaction and started backpedaling saying in numerous text messages, come on Jack (his nickname for me) you know my head is a mess right now ....and then saying I don't know where I am right now...........and then I don't know what's what right now. That was Tuesday night Wednesday morning he called twice and I didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. His niece died Tuesday after a long battle with Leukemia and we text back and forth Thursday about the funeral but nothing else. He text me yesterday and said "you are a good person Jack". I text him back and said that based on how things are right now I didn't think he should come over and do the electrical stuff for me, as it just wouldn't be good with the situation. No response from him on that one. I am just lost with this. I don't know how someone can tell you how much theyve missed you on Sunday and tell you Tuesday they are still going to see another. I feel betrayed , hurt, empty, sad, all of it. I should be mad but right now I haven't gotten there. Is this a normal thing that a Man can love 2 at the same time or is he playing me again? Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Day number...er, it doesn't matter! Wow, have I had an eventful 24 hours. I feel great at the moment and like I have finally passed the milestone I've been wanting to since January - I am finally over her! Ding dong, the witch is dead! Last night I went out for drinks with people from work and had a great time. There's a girl in the office I've always fancied and flirted with, we've talked about becoming 'friends with benefits' as she doesn't want a relationship with anyone either but in the end she said we'd just stay friends. Well that all changed last night and after LOTS of flirting while we were out we ended up in bed together; no sex, but we did 'other stuff' that friends don't do with each other - I'll let you fill in the blanks! We fell asleep together and cuddled all night which is the kind of contact I have been craving again since September last year, it felt amazing. At the moment I don't know where I stand with this girl but I'm hoping this wasn't just a one off and we can continue to 'help each other out' in this way, just for some companionship and mutual affection without being 'together'. Last night reminded me that there ARE other girls out there and they can make you feel things you haven't done in a while and were sure you never would again. The second revelation occurred literally about an hour ago. It's my birthday today and I have been out of the house since this morning, way before the post arrived and I only just got back home. I was wondering all day if my ex would send me a card as she damn well knows what today is, and when I got home there was nothing waiting for me. Then I realised that she hadn't even sent me a simple text message today either. Initially I thought that she hadn't sent anything in case I read into the contact, but then it dawned on me that it is because she simply doesn't give a cr*p about me anymore. How hard is it to send a platonic, 'Happy Birthday' by text message to a friend? Technically speaking we aren't friends at the moment, but if the situation was reversed I would still acknowledge it was her birthday. Her complete lack of thought has made me realise that she isn't the girl I thought I knew. She's changed into this cold-hearted stranger who I have been giving far too much benefit of the doubt to, and is off enjoying her own life. Enough! I will be damned if I will waste one more moment giving her a second thought as she clearly has forgotten all about me. To be honest, my attitude right now is "f*!! her". I was planning on making her a card for her birthday in April like I do every year but now she is getting nothing. I bought her a silly little thing off eBay I thought she'd like but now I'm keeping it for myself. She is not the girl I loved and she never will be again. She's changed. Her (lack of) actions have thrown everything into perspective. Coupled with my little bit of physical fun last night, my mind is now clear. From this moment I will waste no more time on her and will think of her with nothing but anger and sadness. To be honest, I was looking forward to being her friend again but now I don't care if I never see her again. All I have now is me, and I like the way my life is going. Onward and upward... PS: Sorry about the rant! Link to comment
redreine Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I talked about him a lot today. I wore his boxers last night, and his jacket today. He told me last night he wanted me to keep his things. Our friends situation is so odd. It's like we're bf/gf without the label. I would say I was letting him have his cake and eat it too, if it wasn't for the fact that we aren't sexually involved, and I have a bf, and he someone he seems to be seeing exclusively. He's sure to tell me about their 2nd date tonight, so we'll see how that goes. I love him and miss him immensely, though. LC makes me feel like a better person. Not only that, but he was with me when my life was bad. Now that it's good, I feel it only fair to share that much with him. Knowing I'm happy makes him happy, and vice versa. Link to comment
redreine Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 when did u get a bf? Very recently. Maybe 3 days ago? Possibly 4. Link to comment
longdist Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 2-1/2 months since the breakup and still feeling like crap. 1 month was NC, but I had to send her an email last week, when I felt healed and tell her about something I did last spring that caused the relationship to go in a downward spiral. I got a response, but in the response she said she considering a date with a long time friend and now I feel like all of my hope is lost. I responded telling her that I'm happy she is following her heart and wished her the best, but I feel like complete crap now. I can't compete against a long time friend, who lives close to her (I live accross the country). I've been having dreams all night about her and keep waking up, just like right after the initial breakup. It sucks to know I have to lose hope. I love her with all of my heart and always have and just can't stand that she is with this guy, even though deep inside I'm happy that she is happy. I was not a good boyfriend as our relationship neared an end and she deserved better. From now on, I'm just working on myself, but that isn't easy when you're feeling this depressed. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I'm almost on NC Day 20? I'm seeing another guy as well but I can't even IMAGINE getting intimate (sleeping together, etc...) yet or EVER as a matter of fact. It's SO weird to imagine being with someone else like that. I do enjoy hanging out with him, going to dinner, parties and kissing but that is as far as I'm willing to go right now. I'm just scared I'll never be able to get close to anyone else again. I don't know what to do right now, if I should slow things a bit, keep going because he's a very nice guy and I do enjoy his company... I'm just SO lost! Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 My ex's bestfriend posted a pic of the both of them on FB....aaaah, can't help but think my ex is the hottest guy alive (I know that my opinion is biaised on that one, lol). I am SO hoping that he will contact me again at some point (coz Im not doing it for sure.....at least not until a couple more months have passed....I need more time to heal). I miss him. Link to comment
redreine Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 My ex and I spent all last night talking. I opened his IM window, and the instant I did, he IM'd me. We both dreamed about each other the night before. He said his date went well. He also said he couldn't physically be around me right now because he knows that would lead to other things. He even told me how beautiful I am. He also sent me some bumper stickers on facebook, and was telling me how he's always reminded of me, and how he does/says things like me now. He promised not to watch "our movie" with any other girl. Then, he dropped a bombshell on me. He told me he had dated a girl 5 years ago, and she has ignored him for the past 5 years. For the past 5 years, he has hoped every day that she would come back to him. My heart shattered, ena. He claims he never thought of her while we were together...but my God. I was supposed to marry him! We were trying to start a family! I cried and yelled at him and he let me and told me he understood. We ended up talking through it and we're ok now, but... ...I'm not sure if we can ever get back together in the future, now that I know that. And that kills me. After talking last night about the fact that I want him to be happy and everything, he said he knows for sure that I truly love him. And he knows that other girl never did. I just...*sigh*. I'm so...sad, about the whole situation. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I wonder how he could never think of her while he was with you, but still hope every day she'd come back. Link to comment
Recommended Posts