longdist Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 It's day 22 and I really feel like I need to call so it doesn't seem like I'm being cold by avoiding contact. She has started to delete pictures of me off of her picture pages. We have been on good terms, so I was a little surprised that she is doing this now and did not do it before if she was going to do it at all. Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Day 14 - 2 weeks since my last email. Last night was sooo tough. I stayed up all night thinking. I tried reading my book, went back to sleep, then woke up again. I know he's gone forever. I need to work on myself. I feel guiilty for pushing him away. When he tried to talk to me, I run, cry, and call my friends to make him look bad. He tried so hard, but he just gave up towards the end bc i bcame extremely difficult to work with. But I will change starting now. My next relationship will work out...if he does or doesn't come back. Link to comment
LittleLost Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Day 4. I finally deleted her from my Skype and my Google Talk. A friend of mine told me yesterday that if I just deleted without blocking, she wouldn't know the difference. Don't want to trigger any response from her. Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 1 week of true NC (i sent him a birthday ecard last week), 3 1/2 weeks of not seeing/speaking to him. I hate the relapses. Some days are tolerable, other days, I feel like I'm crying the same way the day he broke up with me. I just hope there truly is an end in sight. I can hold on to that hope. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 As much as I don't know a lot, all I know is that I'm positive of NC!!!!!! I'm a bit guilty for not sticking to it for the first month and a bit... but I guess NC is for when we are ready. I am ready now!!! Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Rob- need your advice. He just text me an hour ago saying "you must have gotten lucky,haven't heard from you". I have not responded but I just told him the 2 days ago we could see each other and other people-ie the other girl- uugh! So do I give no response now (nc) or say something lik when you are ready to be exclusive again let me know till then don't contact me? Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I am so sad and down.... it's been 5 weeks since the breakup, 2 weeks of NC... To all the Guys: Have u guys ever gone back with an EX after 3 months of NC? Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I broke up with my bf exactly 1 year ago. Exactly today would be our 3,5 anniversary. Tomorrow my bf is travelling with all his friends and taking his new girl. 2 months ago we were happy together =[ I'm very sad today too. Link to comment
Sev Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Day 9 Broke no contact. Had a work related issue i had to deal with her, we ended up chatting though.......but were going for lunch together tomorrow. Im going to start a new thread cos i seriously need some advice. So please help me out Link to comment
RobD70 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I am so sad and down.... it's been 5 weeks since the breakup, 2 weeks of NC... To all the Guys: Have u guys ever gone back with an EX after 3 months of NC? 3 months is one of the first turning points. I got back with my wife after she was gone for 3 months but I wasn't completely NC (it wasn't practical at the time), I did a lot of divorce busting stuff listed in my thread. 6 months is a better turn around point, they need distance and believe it or not, 3 months is not that long. After 3 months you might try temperature taking with a contact that is business like such as asking for something back, giving something back, or asking a non-personal question and see if they follow up with something more. If they don't then wait until the 6 month mark and try again. I say this because that happen to me. I was in a 4 year relationship and she dumped me so after the first month of trying to talk her out of it I went NC. I did it not to get her back (didn't think it was an option), it was just to cut her from my life so I can find someone else and I did (my soon to be ex-wife). At about 6 months of NC I found some stuff of my ex's so I put it in a box and dropped it off at her door with no note or anything. She emailed me thanking me and started talking to me. She ended up asking me out but I declined. She did not take that well. In hindsight, I wonder now if I should have dumped my "wife" and went back to my ex seeing how things turned out. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I broke up with my bf exactly 1 year ago. Exactly today would be our 3,5 anniversary. Tomorrow my bf is travelling with all his friends and taking his new girl. 2 months ago we were happy together =[ I'm very sad today too. Brazilgirl, I know it is hard, but try to see this day as any other day. And anyway, this would not be your 3.5 year anniversary, because you had broken up with him for at least 6month, remember? - This just shows that in retrospect we tend to romanticize things more than is healthy for us. If he is traveling with this girl or not, doesn't make the fact that he is with her and not with you significantly different. So please try to stop telling yourself that tomorrow will be worse. You are the one who is making it worse for you than it has to be. You are in pain, understandably so, but don't allow yourself to overdramatize the situation 1 Link to comment
SighSob Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Rob- need your advice. He just text me an hour ago saying "you must have gotten lucky,haven't heard from you". I have not responded but I just told him the 2 days ago we could see each other and other people-ie the other girl- uugh! So do I give no response now (nc) or say something lik when you are ready to be exclusive again let me know till then don't contact me? You give no response. I would not announce NC. And even if you want to tell your ex you're going No Contact, try not to make it look like a desperate move to get him back...which is what "when you are ready to be exclusive again let me know, till then don't contact me" would do. Just go with "Please don't contact me I am moving on". If he wants to be exclusive again he will contact you anyways, you don't need to tell him. Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 why would you tell your ex you're going into NC? It defeats it... they'll just think you're playing mind games with yourself. Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 My last ex bf... I broke up with him...he ignored me for two months... I almost died during these two months. I ended up dating a doctor, then when he found out, he came running back.... but during those two months, he totally ignored me. I thought it was over too. Link to comment
wiley Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Im thinking about telling my ex im seeing someone new. I don't know what I want to gain from it, I suppose I just want to make her jealous. I can't put myself in a worse position than I am in now. I can't be friends with her. So I suppose its my "one last attempt". Maybe im being stupid. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Im thinking about telling my ex im seeing someone new. I don't know what I want to gain from it, I suppose I just want to make her jealous. I can't make myself in a worse position than I am in now. I can't be friends with her. So I suppose its my "one last attempt". Maybe im being stupid. Although I understand the impulse of 'wanting to stick it to your ex", I don't think you will benefit from it at all. The one who will get hurt about this is you: do you seriously expect that upon hearing this news, she'll fall over and what you back, so that you can reject her now (i know it happens, but it is quite rare). It's much more likely that you are opening yourself up to as situation where she say/ does something that will hurt you even more. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 why would you tell your ex you're going into NC? It defeats it i agree! if my ex ever told me they were going NC for a month (or for whatever time period) i'd just be like "ok. talk to you in a month". lol it totally defeats the purpose of going NC, in my opinion. because then they wont ever have to stop and think, "hmm..why is he/she not trying to communicate with me anymore?"... they'll already know your plan. a better alternative may be to tell THEM not to contact you anymore. Link to comment
wiley Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Although I understand the impulse of 'wanting to stick it to your ex", I don't think you will benefit from it at all. The one who will get hurt about this is you: do you seriously expect that upon hearing this news, she'll fall over and what you back, so that you can reject her now (i know it happens, but it is quite rare). It's much more likely that you are opening yourself up to as situation where she say/ does something that will hurt you even more. I see where you are coming from. Its just the times we have spoken she ALWAYS asks if i've got a new girlfriend yet and sounds concerned. Im just going through the stage of "anger" I suppose. She ignores my texts being friendly, so I don't care how it might affect her anymore. Ive worn myself out trying with her. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I see where you are coming from. Its just the times we have spoken she ALWAYS asks if i've got a new girlfriend yet and sounds concerned. she probably has a case of 'having her cake and eat it too'. Let her wonder and worry about it. Not knowing will drive her more nuts than knowing that you have a new GF. Im just going through the stage of "anger" I suppose. She ignores my texts being friendly, so I don't care how it might affect her anymore. Ive worn myself out trying with her. Anger is a necessary step in the healing process. Be angry with her, but then use the energy that you get from this for more important things in your life: You and your new GF. I'm sure the new GF wouldn't be too pleased (apart from the fact that she doesn't deserve it) to know that you are still investing so much energy and thought into your past relationship. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I tottally understand the "talk about dating others". In this rollercoaster with my ex, he always got SUPER jealous about me being with somebody else. After a few months, however, he realized I was pretty much hung up on him so it lost it's power. However, after this period of NC we are going to meet at a Graduation party and I'm taking a date with me... even if I have to fake something!! Link to comment
rayah Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Day 1 continued... So day 1 has been okay...i decided not to tell my ex that i was going to go NC, but i mean i did tell him sunday that we shouldn't have any contact. so yea he texted me and i did not respond [easy pezzy]. He called me and I almost hyperventilated, because I wanted to pick up so bad. He has called again, but I was in the bathroom so I didnt see it, I just saw a missed call from him. I just feel so guilty, because he really has been there for me and I don't wanna be rude. BUT i have to keep reminding myself, when he's with her, he ignores my texts and i asked him sunday could we work on us and he said THAT IS NOT AN OPTION....so it is NOT AN OPTION TO NOT HAVE NC!! pray for me! Link to comment
mgirl Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Hi everybody, In relation to NC, should i tell her first why i am not contacting her anymore? Should i give her this? Or, should i just not contact her for a few days until i get things right in my head. I'm still not sure what i want to do, but one thing for sure is i am sick of hearing from her and her 'updates'. What is the right thing to do with NC? What if they try to contact you? What if they get all emotional? Somebody please help... Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Hi everybody, In relation to NC, should i tell her first why i am not contacting her anymore? Should i give her this? Or, should i just not contact her for a few days until i get things right in my head. I'm still not sure what i want to do, but one thing for sure is i am sick of hearing from her and her 'updates'. What is the right thing to do with NC? What if they try to contact you? What if they get all emotional? Somebody please help... Since you are not sure what you want and since you are still very vulnerable I would not give any explanation and just stick to the NC. It's hard not to pick up the phone and to delete text/ phone messages before listening to them, but it will hurt you less in the longterm. I find it quite unfair from an ex to give you 'updates' on her life without regards to what it is doing to you Link to comment
mgirl Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Since you are not sure what you want and since you are still very vulnerable I would not give any explanation and just stick to the NC. It's hard not to pick up the phone and to delete text/ phone messages before listening to them, but it will hurt you less in the longterm. I find it quite unfair from an ex to give you 'updates' on her life without regards to what it is doing to you Thanks Penelope. Don't i owe it her? Or, shouldn't i at least tell her i won't be contacting her again and the reasons why? So she knows? She has been threatening suicide, but she reckons she won't do it becaues i made her promise not to. She has also driven 2,000 kms over night, without any sleep, to supposedly get her child (the real reason for our arguments), compromising her job. I think she is bi-polar. She has no plans for him if/when she gets him back. She only decided this yesterday. That is how insane she is. Right now, i am on the verge of losing my mind. When i message her, she is cool and rational and detached, like she doesn't care, and totally unempathetic to my needs. It's like she is getting off on this. I am just wasting too much time on her, this is a bad investment. But, i can't seem to stop. The last message i sent was at 4am this morning. It is now 11.30am and i haven't sent another one. I'm thinking i should just send one last one, with the reasons why, so there is no confusion, and be done with it. Link to comment
mgirl Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 She has just sent me another message, like i care. but, i'm sure she will send the clincher when she announces to me that she is 'bringing her son back'. That's when i will have to be strong, as she will want to engage me in emotional turmoil. Link to comment
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