THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[hulk7280]

Day 8

 

Wow, ive made it a whole week of NC, this is the longest we havent spoken since we met. I cant help but wonder what she is up too, if she is seeing someone.. is there someone sleeping in her bed like i used too.. all these things cross my brain.. i know i shouldnt think about it and block it out, but i just cant..

 

On the bright side things are getting better and I am slower but surely getting my oldself back.

 

I cant bleieve she hasnt called.. i wonder if she is dying to talk to me? I told her not to call me anymore.. so i guess she is listening.. i wont break NC though.. I have to move on with my life, i will never wait on anyone or just be "friends"

 

good luck everyone else!

[Robert013]

Day 3

 

She has been text messaging me. She is saying really mean things. Things like she can't believe she ever gave me the time of day. I am embarrased that I was ever with you. and she also told me to kill myself. Why would she be doing this crap? She said that I was the one who ruined her favorite holiday (halloween). Hello you are the one who dumped me after 7 years together and almost intantly was in another relationship. (less than a week) Why in the hell would I take her sorry ass to the halloween bash? She has been dragging me around for about 5 weeks now in this limited contact BS. She has lied about being with the new guy. She has lied to my 8 year old son. She has lied to her friends. Why is she not being honest with anyone?

 

I received a call from her on Saturday i did not answer it. She left a voicemail. It sounded like she was crying. I could tell she was alone at her house. When she is alone she is nice and emotional. When she is with the rebound she is mean and abussive. She asked for photos of her and my son back. She said that she doesn't want me to have any photos of her. My son is in them and they are from a time when we were our happiest together. I hate to look at them now but I know I will want them someday. I have put them all away in the back of my closet.

[digitaldiva]

Day 7

 

I'm not sure if I would have been able to realize all the things that were going wrong and many things about myself if we hadn't broken up. I knew that our relationship wasn't going well, but I didn't know all of the intricacies like I do know.

 

It hurts to know that I'm 28 years old, still doing immature things, and allowing them to be done to me.

[digitaldiva]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've said some mean things after a breakup as well. I have a feeling she's going to be sorry she said those things to you. You're a great guy! have a good Monday.

[Stelinha]

Agggh!!!

boo hoo, Day 32 and I send him an email. I was so fed up about my life that I turned to him because he was one of my true friends in this life.

I know he won't reply and now I feel guilty that all I did was moan about how bad I feel- not about him but about my life.

Now he'll think I'm such a depressing fool as well:sad:

I might as well have gone and banged my head against a brick wall. How did I end up in this mess? I have to take responsability for it but there seems no escape from this pain and misery.

Has anyone tried those techniques out of that book 'how to fall out of love with someone'? Does that work??? Anmything? please help!

Maybe I should have stayed longer in NC forever in fact - in fact I know I should but today I just couldn't control myself- but I don't feel any better contacting him!

I'm back in square 1!

[younique21]

day 1 .....decided it was time to go NC after being stung along for 4 months by my ex, that already has a new gf...but has been trying to have the best of both worlds.... i let him know i cant do it anymore and there will be no contact with me and him anymore

[Stelinha]

man, I feel so depressed- all the effort I put in not to contact him to blow it like this. I can't see I can feel much worse anymore.

 

that's it! I'm no contact forever- I just can't bare this anymore- I want to be free again.

[digitaldiva]

For me, knowing that he would respect me less and love me less if I'm too emotional and sad around him works for me. He wants to know that you're strong and you can hold your own in any situation. I don't mean rough and tough because no man wants a woman that's tougher than he is, but you know what I mean.

 

How to fall out of love with someone? Strict NoContact. Create an e-mail filter that immediately permanently deletes his e-mails. This way you can't find them in the trash. If his name is in your phone, rename it to DoNotAnswer. DoNotAnswer is a good mental strategy. Are you more likely to answer a call that says DoNotAnswer or FuzzieLumpkins? One conveys a positive thought, while the other a negative thought. Remove all photos and things that remind you of him. Out of sight out of mind. But you have to be ready to do this. No one can make you. Oh, and go to therapy. Therapy isn't an admittance of failture. It just means you want to improve.

 

[digitaldiva]

Wow, I have been through this. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself. I wasted so much time on trying to get him to come back while he strung me along and treated me bad.

Tell her to call/message/text you when she wants to come home. In the meantime, you will be dating other people and moving on with your life.

[Eirikr]

Sorry to hear Stelinha. Don't let it get you. What's done is done.

 

Day 33

 

After getting past the month, I felt a lot more stronger. I went to a party which was a bit awkward, since I didn't know the host really. Kind of strange to show up at a stranger's place. I went to socialize and have fun.

 

It turned ok. I'm glad I took that risk.

 

Today though, I find myself less strong. For some reason I feel rather bitter and angry. Frustrated. I feel like I hate love, and what I had with my ex. I know it made me happy, but what I feel now is hatred. Hate to feel this pain. She said she'd love me forever. Well, if she did, she'd at least contact me to know how I am. Of course I told her I didn't want her to contact me, and of course I meant it. But if she feels anything for me she'd do it anyway. Well, it's been over a MONTH and nothing. So, conclusion so far: she doesn't love me. Well, great. Then why the f*** do I love her? Who's sick idea was for me to feel this way for her and for her to feel nothing for me?

 

It's frustrating me that I can't do anything about it.

 

It makes me so angry to be so helpless.

 

Every other day I see my empty mailbox and realize what I've been wanting to see. If she loves me she would be here with me. So there, that's a daily reminder she DOESN'T.

 

And here I am, bitter and furious and crying. I love someone that isn't here. I have so many things to do. Things that if I fail could mean very bad changes in my life. She used to be there, you know? Supporting me, giving me strength and hope. She believed in me.

 

Now I get to defeat my obstacles alone. And I will do it. I got to where I am by myself.

 

I'll prevail.

[Robert013]

My ex just sent me an e-mail saying she is concerned about my behavoir. She said one minute you are happy and the next you are mad, sad, jealous, etc. You name it i have had so many emotions running through me this past month. She say's your mood changes so rapidlly that she thinks I have a mental disorder. She said there is no way this is do to a broken heart. I ignored her. I do not have to explain myself to her all I have to do is ignore her and not give her the pleasure of an explanation. What good can come of saying yes it is because I love you and you ripped my heart out? Nothing so I am letting it go.

 

It is my broken heart she is with another dude it is making me go crazy. I go up and down all day long. i hope the ups start lasting longer.

 

I told her that I needed space. Why does she insist on doing this?

[Stelinha]

Thanks for some that from digitaldiva and Erikr,

I think my main problem with NC was that, okay I was torn between the achievement of controlling my actions and being in control by not contacting him and wanting him to miss me and contact me.

So my problem was that although I felt happy at reaching 30 days no contact it was also 30 days that he hadn't initiated contact with me or missed me!!!

The more days go by the more I was focussing on the longer he hadn't contacted me than celebrating my achivement in not contacting him](*,)

Like Erikr said about the empty mailbox They would write if they really wanted to hear from us but I couldn't get that into my thick head.

I don't want to feel like this any longer.

I realise that I shouldn't have sounded so gadam depressed about my own life- how attractive is that? However, I realise that this is how I felt today and I'm not going to pretend I'm happy like I have in the past if I'm being false. Everytime I've communicated in the past I've been miss cheery happy making jokes kind of gal and it made no difference with him.

I know I should be posting on getting over a break up because I know getting back together is completely hopeless now.

I also realise I don't think anything I could ever do could make him come back if he didn't want to. There is nothing I can write or say to him to control him contacting me. I have to let go of him and the relationship for good.

I have to stop doing non contact hoping, wishing , longing he'll miss and contact me.

I need to do it for myself because I deserve to be free of this pain of loving someone who doesn't seem to want me in their life anymore.

I also have to realise if he doesn't contact me there is NOTHING I can do anymore to make him want to.

No contact is also NOT to make him miss me, and it's not for me to count more days he hasn't contacted me or to obsess if he will ever contact me.

I have to believe I'll be okay - even if he never contacts me ever again.

I'll handle it.

I just have to let him go and stop thinking about him because it's driving me insane.

I just can't degrade myself anymore behaving as I was doing.

I say all these things but I'm a mess and I wish I believed them.

Back to day 1 again tomorrow AND this time it's the days since I'm healing and taking care of myself not counting the days he hasn't contacted me!!!

[txbboy]

Can't believe it's been this long since we broke up. It doesn't hurt any less but i'm starting not to think of her as often. I broke contact about a month ago. I told her that I forgave her for cheating on me, and that I was sorry if I ever hurt her while we were together. Telling her that turned out to be a big mistake. She went off saying not to beg her back because she doesn't want to be with me. She's just being defensive because she feels guilty. I told her that she's just going to run into guys who don't really care about her. And that there's not many guys like me who would love her enough to forgive her cheating on them. She said that's something she'll have to worry about me, not me.

 

Then last week I had to break contact again. My cellphone is under her name, and I made a payment. Well they wouldn't let it go through unless she authorizes it. So I had to text her to authorize it. But that was it. I've been emailing this other girl, just to get my mind off her. But I haven't gone out to clubs and stuff like I used to with my ex. I don't want to run the risk of running into her. I'm making myself busy with work. I work 6 days a week, about 10 hours a day. So that helps my mind wander.

 

I keep finding myself asking, "Why? Why did she have to cheat on me?" After her I can never trust another girl again. So I guess I have no choice but to keep concentrating on work. I'll have to contact her again soon. I still owe her money. It would be the first time I have seen her in 2 months. We'll see how it goes.

[Robert013]

Day 4

 

I didn't sleep well last night to many dreams that woke me up. It is happening alot lately. I hope I start sleeping better soon. I did all the things I usually do last night. I went to the gym, I cleaned my apartment for a little bit. I read a couple chapters in my book, and I wrote in a journal. I was trying to stay busy. This really was not working last night.

 

What did work was I printed of some of superdave71 threads. The a common sense look at no contact thread. It helped to calm me down. I also printed off the 40 reasons for no contact thread sorry don't remember the author. This also helps. It is good to know and be reashured why we are doing the things that we do. It is for the better.

 

I believe that most people on here start NC in hopes of reconciliation. As they progress and more time passes they start to change there view of reconciliation and turn it more torwards a healing process. This is what I am going for right now I want to heal, but reconciliation is still fresh in my mind. I need to surpress these thoughts and replace them with thoughts that I have control over.

[hulk7280]

Day 1 or Day 9

 

Well im not sure where im at.. i saw her yesterday leaving the gym as i was entering and we chit chated for a few min.. it was pleasant and she gave me a hug.. and her son was htere.. he is so adorable.. oh well im not sure if tha tmeans i broke NC.. I am not going to go to a diffrent gym just because she goes there.. i have no hard feelings against her.. she did what she had to do, and I needed to do what i needed to do.. If i cant be with her then i need my space to detatch from the situaiton..

 

It was weird.. I thought seeing her would set me all the way back to zero, but it didnt.. for a few hours i was thinkin oh i wanna call her, but that passed as i came back to my senses and realized what will calling her accomplish? nothing.. if she wnats me she will contact me..

 

ont he bright side i had a date last night and have another one today.. and possilby one on weds.. I know im not ready to date, but it doest help keep my mind off of it..

[digitaldiva]

When you call your ex and say things to make them feel guilty, it pis.ses them off and makes them not want to talk to you even MORE! My ex used to do that to me and it made me feel sad at first then it just made me mad and now I never want to talk to him again because he always says things like you just said. In general people want to feel good. If you do have to talk to her again about anything, do not bring up the relationship, apologize, beg, plead or show how sad you are in her presense.

[digitaldiva]

Day 8

 

He called today and said he was sorry and wanted us work things out! I went over to his house and he gave me a big hug and kiss!

 

In my dreams! This is what I would like to happen!

 

When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel extremely sad but as the day goes by I just start to go downhill. I feel so horribly guilty about my poor communication and immaturity during our time together. I can imagine that he is disappointed with me as well since he hasn't called. No more like just doesn't care! lol.... I feel like I'm in love with an end table. I should be committed.

 

His birthday is on Sunday Should I call or text to say Happy Birthday? I bet he doesn't even know when mine is.

[In Limbo]

I take the challenge.Today my ex called me up what i believe to be her final call.So my NC officially should start from tomorrow.I'll be posting everyday to keep everybody updated.Wish me courage!!

[cas]

Good luck, In Limbo. I'll be reading your story!

[In Limbo]

Thanks Cas!!

[Thalor]

Here I go. I've realized that I'm just hurting myself more by trying to be friends with her. I'm tired of being the safety net while she experiments with new relationships. She says I'm the only person she can go to. Well, I guess she'll have to find somebody else. I deserve better. I'm going to stop worrying about her and start taking care of myself. I will cease communication with my ex unless it pertains to our son.

[SomeRandomHero]

 

 

this is where im at after my NC experience a little advice from the dumpers and the dumped as well and girls would help a lot because im totally confused ive talked to my best friends who have said if she wants you shell try again but i dont know i feel like in a way she may be scared and she let it all out right there over the phone ive heard people say when u do that it makes the other person think your mad at them and then thats it so i keep letting my head spin thinking now the balls in my court and i better take the chance? true or not?

[babes23]

Day 1

 

Determined to keep this going.

[digitaldiva]

I want to call him... !!!!!!!!! Will someone just put me in a straight jacket and throw me in a padded room?? **shudders**

[cas]

I want to call him... !!!!!!!!! Will someone just put me in a straight jacket and throw me in a padded room?? **shudders**

 

Sorry, I can't - I'm having the same feelings!! I've done NC for 10 days now, and I want to hear from her so bad! Is she even thinking of me? I'm surprised she hasn't contacted me. How can you go from not being able to go a day without someone, to suddenly live on like the other person has never existed??

 

I just don't understand...