THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Crows]

Dya 20...

 

 

tired.........and drunk.,

[GameX]

Day 21

 

Wednesday was the 3 week mark for me. Today (thursday here) is the 6 week mark since our breakup. I don't anticipate breaking NC. I am in the middle of typing up an email to my ex's mother, basically thanking her for all of her support through all of this and saying my final goodbye to her. She has been there for me throughout the whole breakup, but I have to let go of my ex's family, even though I consider all of them my family as well.

 

I will be going away to Florida for Spring Break to visit my grandparents on Monday the 10th until Sunday the 16th. That will put me well over the 30 day mark by the time I get back.

 

I am entering that 'acceptance stage', so to speak, where I am realizing that we won't be getting back together. I think I am also starting to see that one of the reasons I was so upset about the breakup was because she was my first gf, and it was a 5 year relationship, so I don't really know anything else except her. I am starting to see that there are tons of other wonderful people out there.

[lexion]

day 4

 

sudenlly i miss her

at first it's only a little

but it's getting stronger

 

i know she doesn't love me anymore

but, the way she treated me after we broke up

i can't imagine someone would do that to a person that they know has feeling

i'm starting to think that she never love me at all

it's very cold and cruel, as if i'm her pet that she got bored of

[GetMeBack]

Hi Lexion

 

Hang on in there..Your only on Day 4 and you will miss her immensely

 

But the best thing to do with your NC time

 

Is to write down the good things and bad things about her

 

That way you can see her objectively ...

 

And just let the list simmer in your head

 

You never know you might make some astounding discoveries..

 

Her reaction to you at the end of the break up is indicative of someone who

 

is very cold and selfish...So I guess you have a start there.....

[GetMeBack]

Day 19

 

I am feeling good again....I think it will be easier from now on

 

I am becoming at peace with myself..

[lexion]

>getmeback

thank you, thank you very much

i'll make the list

[Tinnes]

I broke up NC today.

We met on Saturday. He told me about surgery he is going to have tomorrow. So, I wished him good luck.

Generally, I am totally ok. NC helped me so much.He broke it every time,so last months we had LC.

[Mmt2618]

it's day 4 for me - well i am not sure how to count it.

 

we've texted twice each - both initiated by her about my stuff at her place.

 

the nights are getting better, but each morning still feels like the first one. i just wake up and feel empty.

 

i was doing a little better but i guess i am just a little surprised she is trying to return the rest of my stuff within 3 days. know it's probably for the best, but i guess that just closes the door for me.

 

i still really want to see her and talk to her, but i know that will just set me back. i need to keep being strong here.

 

i've dated seriously before and gone through this whole thing. i know it eventually gets better, i just can't seem to let go of the hope of reconciling. if i could do that then i feel like i would truly move forward. that's why i have gone back and forth on the texts, getting my stuff, etc. and i have some good moments and bad ones, but i truly think that i am slowly moving forward. albeit, very, very slowly.

 

the support here is amazing. thanks.

[Fox1198]

Ok my last communication was 3/4 via email. She hasn't replied. This is the beginning of the end. I'm not going to let her affect my happiness NO MORE!

[GetMeBack]

Welcome to the challenge Fox

 

We are all here for you..

 

Let us know your story ..

[Irish Jax]

Day 18!

 

Doing well today! What I find weird is that I will think about everything at night before I sleep. I dont get upset about it, I just feel like my brain is going through every word we said or every memory and going over it. After that I feel like it is filed away. I know that sounds weird!

 

Maybe its the minds way of coping with letting go. I do not know. I never studied the workings of the human mind.

 

Day 18!! Onward and upward we go!!

[DuRuffio]

Hey everyone,

 

Day 15/2 (Depending on if you count the blender )

 

I did something last night that I *never* do. I went to go see a movie - by myself. I've never done that before! Let me tell you, it was a liberating experience - I really recommend it. I spent some time in the mall before going to see the movie, and just treated myself to a few small things (some junk food, a video game, and a book). It was strange to be alone in a place with so many people, if that makes sense. Yet, at the same time, it was strangely healing.

 

Anyways, the movie that I saw was "Definitely Maybe", with Ryan Reynolds (aka Van Wilder) and Abigail Breslin (the girl from Little Miss Sunshine). I can't recommend it strongly enough, especially for all the guys who are going through breakups right now. I just felt like they did so many things *right* with the movie. Firstly, they portrayed the leading male actor as a sensitive individual who was capable of having his heart broken! How many times does that happen? I was trying to keep track of many heartbreaks he sustained over the course of the movie, but I lost count - but trust me, there were a lot! Of course, it's a Hollywood movie, so they used time skips to jump past the heartbreak part - but in a way, it was a good thing, because it shows that they eventually end and it's possible to resume a healthy, normal life again!

Without giving away the ending, the movie also demonstrated that love isn't simple or easy to explain. It really does away with the Hollywood notion that there's only one girl for every guy, and vice-versa. Over the course of the movie he falls in and out of love several times, and it's never easy to tell what's going to happen next (just like in real life!).

It was really and truly a fantastic post breakup movie! I would really recommend taking an evening and treating yourself. I really think that a lot of people would benefit from seeing it, but that's just my $0.02.

 

I'm glad to hear everyone is doing well

[honeyspur]

That sounds like my kind of movie - the more realism - the better it is for me!!

 

Fox glad to see you joined us - hope we can work together to get through 30 days

 

Here's a post that could use some advice from the pros - the NC Challenger pros that is! Take a moment (if you have one) and help -

[LilBear]

Day 47. Well he didn't even bother to IM me anymore after I ignored the previous 5 times he tried last week.

[Mock Chop]

Day something or another (of not strict NC but LC where I only respond when he initiates).

 

I am bursting to tell him something. I will not tell him this something. I'm going ahead with fostering another dog - he will arrive here on Tuesday.

 

I am doing it for no one but myself. This is hugely liberating for me. Growing up with a narcissistic mother had made me feel doing things for 'me' was bad. But hey, I'm alllll growed up now and I make my own decisions - and I've decided to do this and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks (whoa, major step for me). I don't want or need external validation or approval (whoa, another major step).

 

I still wanna tell him though lol

[Tinnes]

I must start from the day 1.

After 20 days of NC I feel great.

I need that.

Last two days I feel lonely somehow. I have to find myself again. And the happyness in myself.

[honeyspur]

Tinnes - you can do it!

 

Sometimes NC ends up being like a band-aid. Some people pull it sloooooooowly off, wincing and hesitating - others just yank it off and deal with the pain more.

Everyone ask yourself - what type are you?

 

NC works most effectively if you just stick to it - finding no excuse other than hospitilization of the ex. I know that sounds drastic - believe me! But when you think about it - isn't that the most serious reason to contact them? All the other reasons - the ex initiating contact with sweetness and openess, returning of belongings, anger, spite, tears, begging - it can wait for 30 days if it's that serious.

 

The idea that you could be "forgotten" is ridiculous. You haven't forgotten them, right? Even the ex being mad at us - it's temporary - they can't hate you forever - it's not human nature. Processing feelings - that's the real fear people have. Feelings that overwhelm us - not knowing when they will end - why is not knowing something so awful? Why is surrendering to the full NC so scary?

 

Those who "wonder" why they are struggling - why they keep breaking - have you set things up so you can't fail? Did you take their number out of your phone? Did you take them off messenger - not block - ERASE. You're not going to forget their username in a month, silly!!

 

Give yourselves a chance, anyone reading who feels they can't stick to it for 30 days straight, it's what you deserve - a chance to succeed. A feeling of pride. I know everyone would be proud of their ability to finish something flawlessly - who wouldn't?

 

You're all working hard - of that, there's no doubt. But success instills confidence and leads to better decision making when dealing with the ex. Remember every mistake is chance to learn, so no reason to punish yourself for slipping - but there's a difference between learning from a mistake and creating a pattern. If you've broken NC more than once - think about it - are you learning or are you trying to make up your own rules and create a habit? Food for thought people!!

 

The choice is yours!

 

Congrats Mock for resisting - you are doing great! ^_^

[SamT]

Part of me wants to join again honeyspur.. lol sorry for messing around :S

 

I just dont know how to tell her anymore, after trying twice already..

It might just worsen things..

[Mock Chop]

I've told him - in an email saved in my draft folder! I've no intention of sending it.

 

There's good stuff in that folder. When he contacts me, or fails to contact me, I write an email to him telling him exactly how I feel at that moment in time. Once upon a time, I would have whacked that send button the second I'd finished with the final full stop. Gone with the moment, not stopped to question the (often flawed) instinctive response. I'd have gone with my initial interpretation of what he said - and because of my past, my interpretation was, more often than not, negative.

 

Now I pause.

 

I go back to it hours or days later - and am invariably glad I didn't send it because I realise that it may NOT have been what he meant or intended. I could rattle on for ages about the how growing up with a narcissist can skew your judgement and behaviours, how the addition of clinical depression can lead you into a sickening spiral of negativity and fear - but I won't.

 

Suffice to say now I pause and reflect. Get it out but get it out only for me. It works.

[GetMeBack]

Thanks for this honeyspur

 

Nearly the end of day 19 for me..

 

Wow as of tomorrow I WILL be in the twenties!

 

That is a good feeling..

 

I do feel that I will need longer than the 30 days..

 

I dont feel like I am going to want to make any contact. I just want to save myself any possible rejection..

 

He will stay blocked on my msn until I am ready...

 

For all that are tempted to break NC, dont!. I did it countless times and

 

It just hurts so bad each time. It slowly comes back to you that they still

 

dont want to be with you. And then your left analysing there every word

 

and when they are going to contact you next e.t.c e.t.c Its hell!

 

DONT DO IT.

 

Day 20NC here I come...

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hi mock chop

 

what a great idea the email thing is. wish i'd thought of it!

 

Im going to write one now but not send it, and see if i still feel the same in a couple of days or if i feel differently, coz right now im so upset and i dont want him to know he an still affect me.

 

When i went into work yesterday he was outside (on legitimate business) but it threw me totally as I didnt expect it. He seems angry with me and is blaming me for the break up as I left him, but it was his behaviour that made me leave so I blame him.

 

Either way, I only work in that office 1 day a week. He knows this so, and didnt have to be there that day, or he could have gone in earlier as I dont start till 10. So I feel he was there just trying to see me or if I spoke to him or whatever, I dont know.

 

I did say hello, but he was angry and blaming me etc so I just walked on past.

 

Texts flew between us each blaming the other, and to end them I told him never to contact me ever again. It felt good at the time, and I was putting a brave face on, but now I feel broken.

 

I hope writing an email helps

 

i was doing really well on NC, and now im back to square one

[AngryHeart]

Day 5 Soon to be day 6!

 

There really is something empowering about NC, it's taking control of a situation you thought you had no control of. Not getting them back -- but just getting you back and keeping your dignity, etc.

 

With that said I'm having a rough few hours. I just really miss him right now, and wish I was with him. And I just feel like "why wasn't I good enough" you know It hurts and it sucks. He said I was the best thing to happen to him, and in my eyes I was. So what happened?

[GetMeBack]

Angry Heart sometimes we have to accept that we wont have answers for those burning questions.

 

Bottomline is you deserve someone in the " now " to love and cherish you unconditionally.

 

Any man who couldnt see the great in you more "fool" him.

 

Anyhow. I have just posted a thread in dating!. Please check it out guys need some advice. xx

[gee]

Day 19

 

Today I felt between the lines of feeling good and feeling sad..good thing, right? I hope so because yesterday..not so good. I played tug of war with myself today, ugh. I have friends at work who are pulling for me saying, watch she is bound to call since she has broken every NC you have inititated. They say, expect her to call so be ready. You know what I don't expect her to call and if she does call or whatever she can talk to my voicemail. Text, emails will be ignored! I know I have been feeling down and would jump at any opportunity to get back with her, but I am going to control myself this time..you don't believe me? Watch! Honestly guys I understand the moments of feeling great and then BAM you feel lke you haven't been working hard to improve yourself to feel better. I think those emotions you can't run from and it is only natural to feel when your ex resurfaces in your thoughts. It happened to me at work today, but I am relaxed right now and just want to move on. I am dead serious! I have so much going for myself and I have to sit here and wait for her to see if she changes her mind? NO WAY! I have improved so much these 2 months that it is HER loss! I feel great that I am working on myself and will continue to. I feel great today but who knows what tomorrow will be bring. People wake up! I think it is time to go NC and walk away...if it is meant to be they will catch up to you! Go NC immediately and be solid about it which is something I should've done at 1st maybe things would have been different. I can't deny it though beind all this positive thinking...I miss her and love her very much!

 

God bless everyone here! Pray about it and He will answer your prayers!

 

Hope everyone is well!

[GetMeBack]

WOOHOO DAY 20 NC

 

FEEL SO GOOD CANT BELIEVE I HAVE GOT THIS FAR...