dnozzle Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 I thought you met a new lady dude? So did I. Turned out to be the same one in a different skin. Link to comment
illnvrluvher Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 today was a pretty tough day for me. so was yesterday. the good news is that i have not contacted my ex...i wish it were october 31 at least i would have one month down and i am hoping things will be a lot easier by then. this taking it one day at a time is killing me...literally. Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 I am having a tough time today as well. This is the time we would normally talk or play a game online and we can't do that. I am trying to find other ways to occupy my mind, but I keep drifting back to thinking about her. Link to comment
Infrared Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Today is day 41 of NC. Even if I wanted to, I'm too scared for how I'll physically feel if I tried to contact her. I use to have a problem with drunk dialing (long time ago), and while I erased her phone number, two weekends ago I got hammered and sincerely hope I didn't remember her number. If someone wanted to answer these quetions for me on this thread I would be much obliged. I've changed my phone number and blocked her on myspace. Not thats effective because it means if she tried to communicate to me through those mediums she can't. But all I can do with gmail is filter her mail to another folder (trash). That means she could send me a message and think that I got it and ignored it, when in reality I never saw it. I guess I should take the chance I might get a e-mail (birthday is soon), but I would prefer if it was difficult (but not impossible) for her to contact me. What do you think? should I just say screw anything and put the filter on? Also I had to make my myspace public for a friend to see some pics. I'm the Dumpee. Would it be better to go back to private? Any dumpers out there still check their exs myspace and prefer to see it private or public. Does it make you more over them? Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Infrared, You are worrying way too much about this. The fact that you are still thinking about her reaction to things like your myspace page being public just prove that you have not let her go yet. Go back and read the original post of this thread. It specifically mentions not looking at their myspace pages. No good can ever come from that. The best thing you will find is heartache when you see a new boyfriend being talked about there. Instead, use this time to work on you and get back to feeling good about yourself. Hope this helps. Link to comment
Infrared Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Thanks, yeah your right. Link to comment
flying Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Infrafred, I am sorry to hear youre still afraid about your own reaction if you talk or hear from her. It is probably a sign for you that youre not ready yet. With my gmail I have started a new account to which his emails (if any) are redirected. Of course for him it would be that I just ignored him. If I wanted him to know that I dont even read them I would put in an autoreply, saying "your message could not be delivered". Or something. The way youve actively worked on NC for 41 days is impressive! 41 days is so good! How did you manage 41 days of NC? /Flying Link to comment
Infrared Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Thanks. Both you and Dnozzle are right and I realize I'm still scared to hear from her. I had been thinking about it because my birthday is coming up, which if she is going to make any contact it's going to be then. And thank you for the gmail advice, I may do that myself. It's just that I don't want her to be able to drop me a line easily. I want it to be where if she really needs to talk to me, then she has to dig me up. 41 days was difficult (42 today). I had my ups and downs. Today was a down, sundays always are. I was able to do it because of my friends who really came out in spaids for me. Also, this site has been a god send. Infrafred, I am sorry to hear youre still afraid about your own reaction if you talk or hear from her. It is probably a sign for you that youre not ready yet. With my gmail I have started a new account to which his emails (if any) are redirected. Of course for him it would be that I just ignored him. If I wanted him to know that I dont even read them I would put in an autoreply, saying "your message could not be delivered". Or something. The way youve actively worked on NC for 41 days is impressive! 41 days is so good! How did you manage 41 days of NC? /Flying Link to comment
flying Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Thinking that for me it would be equally hurting realizing the person I love didnt write for my birthday as receiving some thing and going throuhg all the emotions again. Its like choosing between two bad things. I think your doing the right thing by not letting her to near you right now. I hope I will ba able to keep NC as long as you! /Flying Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 I didn't do well at all today. She sent me a message in a game we play relating some info about the game. I responded and asked when she thought she would be ready to talk. She said maybe later this week. I realize that I have given her all the power here. She knows that I will continue to want to talk to her, and that everytime she sends me game info it makes me want to talk even more. She is playing with me. So I blocked her. I do feel terrible for responding. I realize I was only asking for a timeframe to put my own mind at ease, and instead, I got an answer I did not like at all. I went looking for comfort and found only coldness. Link to comment
dqueen Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Gosh, I'm losing count now which is probably a very good sign lol. But yeah, today is 6 weeks now since the breakup...I broke NC 11 days into it...then a long pause...then he broke NC 5 weeks into it. Ahahaha! I have no intention of breaking NC until he can tell me he has removed his toxic ex from his life. But she is worth more than me right now so *shrugs*...NC will continue. Link to comment
flying Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Dnozzle, I really dont think that there is any reason for you to feel terrible about breaking NC. You feel terrible because the relationship is over, and contact with her made you remind that. But you didnt cause the damage in the first place. You found coldness, and you wanted comfort. Now you know that she will not offer you comfort, and that you dont feel better, actuallay even worse, after contacting her. I think that you hace have taught me some thing important here, thanks. I hope you can stop blaming your self and look upon this as if you have learnt some thing important about your self. I also feel it is hard. I miss him so much. And I feel terrible for having sent that email yesterday about not wanting to invest in friendship with him. Am afraid he might have replied some thing angry and awful and by not answering he will never forgive me. But Im still trying. 2nd day. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 I'm really hoping that posting here will give me a focus, and kind of help me to break the cycle that I have going on. I just feel so...down, thinking about doing this. Oh well. Day 1.. Link to comment
lily07 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 i am so ready to do this......30 days...also joined the no checking facebook, myspace etc. challenge. which will be harder for me since his work is displayed online everyday. i ready to move ahead and not look back, even though i know theres a possibility of setbacks. just a day at a time. good luck to everyone, will post daily. keep strong!! Link to comment
hopeless_dreamer Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 I am doing this as well as the rest of you, heres the back story my ex[?] and i have been together for about 1.7 months or is it 8?? anyways within the past 2-4 months things have gone hayward.. weve been on and off, this last time [last tuesday] i saw him and asked him if we could talk bc we needed to..i needed to.. he said he can he was busy... to tell you the truth he was playing Magik [the card game] and then i asked him again i he said do we really have to i am busy and i told him yes. then I told him we need to break up. he some how got me to agree to just going on break but this time i laid some ground rules of this is going to be break then this is the last chance but next time we are for sure to break up. well thursday i broke down and asked him whats it going to be his exact words was 'i dont know if i want to be with you, i love you i miss you but i dont know' thing is i know i am better off w/o him, he never pays attention to me and he rather play freakin video games and ditch me for his friend who practically lives next door to me and we hardly see each other and they spend every waking moment together. at times i think i am too needy but all my friends..including his say i am not that i am better off w/o him and that he doesnt care much... so yea... today is day 1 [officially] 30 days left Link to comment
bairesgal Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 4 days today...it gets easier, then harder...I guess I'm looking I want it to be quick and painless, there is no such thing. We were very close (saw each other every night and talked on the phone a lot) so it's going to take more than 1 week to get over this I don't loose hope... Have a great night...remember concentrate on being good today, on NC today, tonight...don't worry about tomorrow, then tomorrow start all over again... Link to comment
flying Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 disappointed by myself. Failed allready at 2nd day. I had redirected he emails to another address, so I was completely unprepared to see that he in fact had replied. Seems that gmail by some reason didnt redirect hes email, I dont know why, trying to find out now. Any way, saw the first line- open and read the rest. He wasnt angry as I had feared, just saying I respect your decision in not wanting my friendship. Of course I replied, of course I wrote something about its not your friendship I am denouncing, but the conflicts that comes with. I also wrote something about that I didnt think that we really had a friendship to build on, that its an illusion. I still miss him, and I would love to seem him. It hurts me to write this to him. Back. So what have I learnt? That right now I cant control myself, I act on impulse, in emotional state. I will try again to fix that filter, I know now that just seeing his mail is to hard for me. Starting again as of now. 30 Days. Link to comment
heartbrokengal Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 day 9 felt a lot better over the weekend but had a wee moment this morning when i woke up and it was like i forgot we were split so that was tough, felt a bit lost and a bit like "where is my life going" kinda knew where it was going when i was with him so its all a bit scary now trying to stay positive but i miss him today and just want to say hello Link to comment
surfjon Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Hey Flying, you didn't fail, just a little setback. It's hard to fight those impulses to contact, you start feeling like it's what you should do. I only email my wife as it relates to our kids schedules and needs. I keep it strictly business and don't discuss us and what is and will not be. Sticking to business, I don't give her the opportunity to not respond, or to respond coldly to the contacts made. That way, I don't feel bad for what she does or does not say to me. I've used this as my shield since about 3 days after she left, (when I discovered enotalone, by the way), that was July 20 or so. Wow, soon it will be 3 months of not begging, pleading, reasoning, expressing my love to her and for her. Had I not used this extreme L/C, I would not be as far along in my healing as I am, and would have lost more self-respect as well. Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Bad day today. I fluctuate between not thinking about it and obsessing over it. I am trying to stay occupied to keep myself distracted, but as soon as I am done with what I am doing, my mind immediately goes back where it shouldn't be. I've got to let this go. Link to comment
surfjon Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 dnozzle, I feel it too, I was so up for a couple weeks, feeling pretty strong, sticking to my workout routine, writing some songs......... then last Friday I sort of fell in a cave and I can't think of a real trigger why this happened. I guess it's just the way the mind deals with the loss. I'm definitely in the "recovery/acceptance" stage of this now, mainly due to the N/C and L/C. some days I just can't accept it. I also have noticed how in my "up" times, I don't come here as much. On my down days I'm here on ena off and on all day, I guess I just feel better being e-around others in the same boat. hoping you have a high-tide cycle soon, me too!! jon Link to comment
hopeless_dreamer Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Day two Well so far I am holding up; 8:24 am. Thing is will I be able to still stay strong later on today? Right now Im in the student lounge and this is the place were my friends and I hang out, and its also where he hangs out. He has class today two infact and usually around 9 its his class break time. And normally he comes down to the lounge. I still want tot be with him, idk why though. But one thing I know is that on the 30th day I might have to break the challenge and I know I am going to be so disappointed with myself but that day is his birthday and I already got his gift. I got it before we broke up. Gee don’t I have great timing for everything most likely this is going to be a two parter ...so if thats the case. this is part 1 for day 2 Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 hoping you have a high-tide cycle soon, me too!! Oh I do. I decided not to wallow too much. I happen to have a very good female friend who I have known for many years. She is not interested in relationships, but is always available for "comfort" and companionship. I decided to head this one off real fast and called her up the other night. We are getting together on Friday for some movies, drinks, and the rest. I know it is just a bandaid, but it helps. It helps to know there are still others out there and it helps to feel them next to you. I am still feeling like this was the only one real person I was meant to be with, so I am trying real hard to kill those feelings and get back to having fun again. I just hope it works. Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 I have to start over after day 6. I saw him at a club and things went to heck.......So here we are...again Day 2. I know that i have to be stronger this time. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 Become the SPONGE! ( KIDDING!!!) Just trying to make you smile!!! You guys can do it!!!! Keep it up!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Recommended Posts