THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[CreoUCLA]

This morning I sent her an email telling her the things I had figured out and what I realize I had done wrong. She has not responded and I feel 10 times worse than I did before sending it.

 

It was a huge mistake to contact her again.

 

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it, and try not to do it again... Remember how you feel now, and use that to keep you from contacting her. That's what I've been doing.

 

It's Saturday, so go out and do something fun for yourself.

 

-Mike-

[WaterIsLife]

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it, and try not to do it again... Remember how you feel now, and use that to keep you from contacting her. That's what I've been doing.

 

It's Saturday, so go out and do something fun for yourself.

 

-Mike-

 

Yeah, don't sweat it. Making mistakes is ok as long as we learn from them.

 

Do it again and Mike and I will come to your house and duct-tape you to a chair with your arms behind your back.

[CreoUCLA]

"If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes." -John Wooden

 

Do it again and Mike and I will come to your house and duct-tape you to a chair with your arms behind your back.

 

 

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

Just got an e-mail evite from a mutual friend about a Halloween party she's throwing... I don't think I should even bother opening it/replying to the evite.

 

-Mike-

[dnozzle]

Well I heard back from her. She is not mad. She is out of town for the weekend with her dad. I am thinking that she will probably be ready to talk when she gets back early next week, but I am not holding out hope for that either.

 

I do feel better that she responded and actually told me what was going on.

[selkie]

I am calm in my continued no contact. I know he wants to get back together but I can not attempt it until I live in same city.

Which will be a little under 3 months from now.

I am calm because I know him well enough to know how he reacted to past serious break ups.

He let me know he tried to move on and would become preoccupied with girls who ignored him cold.

So I know this is the very best course of action.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 4

 

I woke up this morning... a bit hungover. After drinking too much with friends last night, I realized that it (drinking) didn't help one bit. In fact, the more I drank, the more I started to think about her. When I got home at 2am I wanted to text her, "I hate you." But, a cooler head prevailed... I just changed, brushed my teeth, and went to bed.

 

Yesterday, I finally started to see that this break-up really is for the best. I'm finally beginning to take off my rose-colored glasses, and see that there were a lot of negatives in her behavior (she's off that pedestal). I asked myself, "Why am I holding on to someone that has already let me go?" Truth is, I don't know right now... But I do know that I don't want to hold on anymore.

 

I have a lot to do today, but I feel so out of it. I think I'm just going to veg in front of the tv for a bit, and just take it easy...

 

-Mike-

[Coyote9]

6 months out...NC other than one phone message to her when her brother died in July...short text thanking me for my best wishes...that's it....she's so far in the rear view mirror I can't even see her now....except she's in my thoughts and in my heart still. The only way out of this is to go to the bottom and out the other side.

[selkie]

fck fck fck fck gave in and let him IM him me.........ARGHGHRHGHRGHG

He had a great excuse . his sister is back from Iraq.

Dammit....

But again I know how much he cares and misses me at least.

Alright I have to sign offline.

[dreamguy]

Hey Selkie, don't beat yourself up over something like that. We ALL do/did it so it's normal. Besides, he had a great excuse as you said.

 

You're a strong woman (it shows in your posts) so I'm sure you won't do it again

[dnozzle]

Day 3

 

Last night I got mad. Mad at myself. I have been giving in to my need for control by attempting to contact her. Then I got mad at her. She knows that this is hard for me, and she told me for the past 5 months that she loved me, yet now she has tossed me aside for god knows what. I am better than that. I deserve and demand better than that.

 

Once I realized this, and I don't mean I just thought the words but that I actually FELT the words, I immediately felt better. I was able to release her from my heart and stop holding on to false hopes. If she really loved me, she would be with me. She said she is confused, and she is right. She is the one that is confused. I know exactly what I want and have never waivered in that at all. If her idea of love is this fickle, then she is obviously not the one for me.

[Frangipani]

I texted 'Hey. How ru?' tonight. He replied. I feel so lame. He invited me to come see his new place on Wednesday. I really don't know what to do

[CreoUCLA]

Day 5

 

I'm still thinking about her, in that I'm reminiscing about past events. At this point, I'm trying to think about other things when she comes into my head... I'm also still finding it difficult to concentrate on other things. I do most of my work alone, and my mind just wanders too easily. Oh well... Gotta push on through.

 

I feel the "emptiness" inside, and I still can't completely let her go. I guess I'm still holding on to quite a bit of hope that everything will work out between us. I struggle with telling myself that she really hurt me and I wouldn't take her back, that this is for the best, etc. However, deep down, I want the one thing I can't have right now - her. But, I have to learn to let go of outcomes, and this is all about me (for now)...

 

I keep reading this poem over and over;

 

Letting Go Takes Love

 

To let go does not mean to stop caring,

it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,

it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,

but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means

the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,

it's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,

but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,

but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,

it's to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,

but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,

but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,

but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

 

To let go is to fear less and love more

Remember: The time to love is short

 

*author unknown

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

Day 6

 

I woke up feeling a little bit better today, and I feel like I have more energy. I think I'm starting to believe that this break is "happening for the best" right now. I'm learning so much about how I am in relationships, and about myself and what I want. There are definitely things I will do differently next time, be it with my ex or someone new. One of the most important of which is;

 

"Learn to love what you have, WHEN you have it."

 

I pretty much have a free day today, although I need to prepare for a presentation I have tomorrow. So, I'm going to seclude myself in the library for a few hours with a friend, to keep productive/busy.

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

I texted 'Hey. How ru?' tonight. He replied. I feel so lame.

 

Don't feel bad, as a lot of us have done the same... Just learn from it. Realize how it makes you feel after, to prevent you from doing it again.

 

Every time I want to text/e-mail/call my ex I ask myself, "Will this really accomplish anything?" or "Am I going to hear what I want to hear?" or "Can I say something that she hasn't heard me say already?" The answer has always been an unequivocal "No!"

 

-Mike-

[dnozzle]

Day 4

 

She contacted me yesterday and we exchanged a couple emails. It was not good. At first she was very short and cold. Then she started pouring out these diatribes about what I did wrong and that she will give me another chance even though she doesn't want to.

 

I've realized she is setting me up for failure. She is going through the motions of getting back together in the hopes that it will be too difficult and I will give up and leave her alone. You know what? I don't need to go through a fake makeup/breakup to leaver her alone. She can have that right now.

[SuperDave71]

dnozzle!!!

 

 

DON'T YOU DARE!!!!

 

 

-SuperDave71

[dnozzle]

Don't I dare what? Leave her alone? I thought that was the whole point. I am not going to contact her if that is what you mean. Every time I do it just makes me feel worse. I don't need another lesson in that.

 

Coping with it is another story though...

[bummedout4]

Hey guys, dont know if you guys read my post but I was on a "break" well thuoght i was, it was really a break-up, ex has jumped into a rebound after saying she didnt want a relationship. She is unhappy with her life, school and family and our relationship of 4 yrs, kinda scared her i think, so maybe she feels this will make her happy for now. She is always saying she misses the beginning, the anxious exciting feeling you get with someone new, so i think she is falling into that "illusion" with this guy. Don't see it going very far, but she works with the guy so i guess they made a connection. Long story short, she didnt tell me , i found out after asking her Sunday night, she said she didnt want to hurt my feelings. So she says she still loves me, not "in love" with me and still cares about me and wants me in her life as friends for now. So i told her i can't right now, so as of Sunday night, i am trying to go NC. Today is day 2, i dont have the urge so much to call her, but i do think of her all day and wonder if she is thinking of me. I hope she realizes that this guy won't do what i did for her, and she is making a mistake, but thats out of my control. I am trying to take my life back to make myself better for the next one that comes around. If she ever comes back around, ill see where i am at, but i dont expect it anytime soon. SO wish me luck , Day 2 and counting........

[WaterIsLife]

[There are definitely things I will do differently next time, be it with my ex or someone new. One of the most important of which is;

 

"Learn to love what you have, WHEN you have it."

 

 

Tell me about it!

[qwerty1239]

Today is day 1 for me.

 

it feels almost impossible for me to stop thinking about her and all the times we spent today. all these memories keep popping into my head. all these things that I wish I could've done better. But I know that this is for the best. It's so silly but I guess I'm sitting here wishing for a miracle..

[CreoUCLA]

it feels almost impossible for me to stop thinking about her and all the times we spent today. all these memories keep popping into my head. all these things that I wish I could've done better. But I know that this is for the best.

 

It is difficult, but just take it one step... one day at a time. There is always hope for the future, but for right now, just concentrate on you and keep yourself busy. Go out with friends/family, and become the better person you've always wanted to become.

 

It's so silly but I guess I'm sitting here wishing for a miracle..

 

I know all about wanting the "quick fix" (we all do), but this is a time for patience and reflection. You can do it, and we're all here to help.

 

-Mike-

[narudahija]

hi. this is day 0 for me. but i will start the no contact challenge tomorrow, i promise.

[narudahija]

savini, please count me in. i have been desperately trying to get back my bf of two years who dumped me 3 months ago. He dumped me because I was overly jealous and that he was confused with many life concerns- his family and his job. But during those tree months we had maintained communication, tried to revive the love gone sour. He said before that he loves me still.. he was saying “let me come to you” everytime I insist the we get back together again. But during this period I made a big mistake and I really blew it big time. I checked his cellphone and took the number of the girl who he has been texting and calling from time to time, and I called the number. I dint say anything to the girl, I just asked to confirm her name. This happened more than a month ago. I told him what I did with much fear that he might find out. Then he was totally pissed off I did it. He said there was nothing going on between them.. that he was just asking about something related to his work. Then he got really mad. I pleaded and begged not to get mad, and that he forgives me. I dropped by his house after a week to ask for forgiveness, he said he forgives me and asked of me not to do it again, leave the girl behind and assures me that nothing is going on between them.,.. that it was just purely business. I was overly stressed because of what happened and I got confined in the hospital. Sadly, many sickness were diagnosed in me. During my recovery, I dint contact him. He called me several times, I wouldn’t answer. Then after a couple of weeks we met again, I was so cool. But sadly because of hormonal imbalance (red flag is up) I again asked him if we can get back together. He said no. He has no plans as of now. He said he is afraid of what I would do, and what I can do.

 

But everytime I would ask him if there is still love left, he would say yes… it just isn’t his priority now. He said he is not seeing anyone else. But he doesn’t want me back, not now. I am so devastated and sad. I told him if that is the case, then let me go. He said we should be friends since we are trying to see still if things will work out for us. This morning I dropped by his house for closure. Then I said to him, Im considering having a new boyfriend since there is nothing left for us anymore. Then he was so affected by it, he said I should concentrate on my recovery and that having a new bf would be the biggest mistake I would make.

 

I want to move on already. I want him to realize that he has lost me, because he choose to lose me. I did everything for us to get back together but still to no avail. So I decide to sign up now. I want to forget. I want to move on. I want to let go. I don’t want to cry anymore. Please help me move on guys.

[narudahija]

i would very much appreciate encouraging words from you guys, advice or anything to keep me going. i want to take my power back. i want get hold of myself once again. i want my life back.