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CreoUCLA

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Everything posted by CreoUCLA

  1. CreoUCLA
    We're allowed to be selfish right now. I am doing awesome! ~3 months NC does wonders. I stopped analyzing so much and just started forgetting about her and moving on with my life. -Mike-
  2. CreoUCLA
    He doesn't matter. Hope you're doing well... It's been a while since we've talked. -Mike-
  3. CreoUCLA
    I was going to take my ex to Boston for our 6th year anniversary (1/10). So I know how you feel... But, fortunately in my case, I hadn't booked anything. Stay strong! -Mike-
  4. CreoUCLA
    You're learning so quickly! -Mike-
  5. CreoUCLA
    Day 6 I flew back to S.F. today, after having spent time with family in L.A. I actually woke up in a very good mood, and it only got better from there. A very good friend of mine picked me up, we went to lunch, split a cupcake/brownie, and then dropped me off. I have dinner plans with her on Thurs. As they say, as soon as you're really starting to move on, the ex will do something to reel you back in... I got home and there was a box from Amazon sitting on my doorstep. I'm thinking, "What did I order?" I open it, and it's a birthday present from my ex... It was sent to the address that she told me on the phone last week that she didn't have. *snicker* The present is a John Wooden audio book... It's funny how she hated me going to UCLA bball games with my father or watching them, but now it's all gravy. Here's what her card says; "Dear Mike, Happy Birthday! I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I still wanted to send you something to hopefully help you through this time. I'm truly sorry for everything. Maybe someday we can be friends. till then, mel" More dangling bait in front of me... I won't bite. I felt numb for a couple seconds, and then I quickly got over it. I know she sent it to assuage her guilt for breaking up with me and for me to be guilted into keeping in contact with her (so she can tell me all about her "oh-so-wonderful" new guy). She's on her own now, and I'm truthfully moving on... -Mike-
  6. CreoUCLA
    Day 4 I finished the book Tuesdays with Morrie last night, and I broke down and cried towards the end when Morrie and Mitch were saying their final good-bye's and I love you's (Morrie was dying of ALS - Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis is a fatal neuromuscular disease). It was the first time I've cried over her, where it was truly over the loss and not just a reaction based on the fear of losing her. One of my favorite quotes from the book; "Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, 'All right, it's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is.'" -Mitch Albom I realized that I do love this girl, but she let me go to pursue "feelings" with another guy after we both took each other for granted... So I have to do the same. I have to move on. -Mike-
  7. CreoUCLA
    Day 3 No big changes. I'm still trying to put her out of my mind more and more, but it has been difficult. I've been reading a lot more, exercising, and really trying to better myself from the inside out. I know that this whole experience will pay off in the end, no matter what happens. -Mike-
  8. CreoUCLA
    Day 2 It's time to start thinking about me more than her. One step at a time... -Mike-
  9. CreoUCLA
    Day 1 Okay, this time I'll really stick with it, because I realized that I don't want her back anymore. I sent her a final e-mail yesterday saying that I can't be friends, and that I prefer that she didn't contact me anymore so we can both move on with "class" and "dignity." I am done! I feel great! I finally realized that the woman I loved is dead. In her place is some immature, selfish, and irrational being... She has a lot of growing up to do. And you know what? Someday I'm gonna run accross your mind Don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishing I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life -You'll Think of Me (Keith Urban) -Mike-
  10. CreoUCLA
    Day 10 I broke NC today. I finally realized that what was missing from my old relationship was my love. Sure there are/were problems aside from that, but this is the most significant. I took her for granted. We took each other for granted. I have learned to be happy with and to love myself. She told me back when we split up, "I can't give you the love you deserve." It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I realized, "No, she can't... Only I can give that to me!" Continuing with NC, at this point, will only further reinforce to her that I didn't love her. So I have opened the doors of communication (I replied to her last e-mail). Can I be just friends with her? Yes. I thought in the car today, "Would I be okay if she told me that she was seeing someone/engaged?" I smiled and thought, "Yes, because she would be happy." I want her to be happy with or without me. While I never completed the "30 day NC challenge," I know that I have myself back... What does the future hold for me and my ex? I don't know, but I will look forward to it either way! -Mike-
  11. CreoUCLA
    That's really what allows me to keep going with NC... -Mike-
  12. CreoUCLA
    Day 9 I am still working on myself... and I have made improvements in my life! One of the issues that my ex and others see, is that I come off as a know-it-all. I always have an answer to everything... Why? Well, I realized that my father is always asking me questions... When I don't have the answer he tells me, "Why don't you have the answer?" or "You never have the answer/know anything." That is just his way of teasing. So, I have been conditioned to always try to come up with an answer for whatever question(s) I'm asked. To this end, I have been saying "I don't know" a lot more lately to him (when I really don't). He made a comment last night saying, "It seems like 9 out of 10 times lately you 'don't have the answer.'" And I'm fine with that. I'm not an encyclopedia, and I know I don't have the answers to everything... I'm not perfect. Now I have to tell him one of these days that I don't appreciate his comments when I don't know the answer... But baby steps. -Mike-
  13. CreoUCLA
    I would hope so, but I can only speak from my experiences. In my case it was a break that turned into a break-up. Aside from being emotional in the early parts, I think both sides are pretty amicable... Well, until I told her we both need to move on, because she told me about a guy she likes. -Mike-
  14. CreoUCLA
    That's something we all face during the initial stages of a break-up. We try to seek answers from the other person, but often times they are confused and don't really know either. By accepting and starting to let go, the picture becomes much clearer. As I got over the initial emotions of my break-up, I began to think things through and revelation after revelation occurred. So, give it some time, be reflective, and soon you will start to find answers within yourself. To help me achieve this, I talked about my situation with close friends. Once I began analyzing my role in the relationship, I would almost always figure out the answers to my questions, before I finished telling them. -Mike-
  15. CreoUCLA
    Day 8 "What we really need to let go of is the behavior that is the cause of our bad relationships. And then move on to a better way of thinking and acting." -Who Moved My Cheese? Not much new to report. I'm still trying to stop thinking about her, but that will come in time. I still feel that this break-up is for the best. Through working on myself and intense reflection, I am starting to really see changes. I will be a better person, no matter what happens. I have a pre-Thanksgiving get-together with my family today, and then I plan on having dinner with some friends. Gotta keep busy... -Mike-
  16. CreoUCLA
    I know those feelings all too well... You're not alone. -Mike-
  17. CreoUCLA
    Of course everyone's situation is different. There is no "one size fits all" to recovering from a break-up or improving your chances for reconciliation. But, the majority of the advice will apply to a large percentage of break-ups. I didn't believe many things that I read here at eNA at first either. I thought, "oh, my situation is different... I'll just keep doing what I think is best." Wrong! That just pushed my ex further away. While everyone's situation is different, there are a lot of recurring themes whether you acknowledge that or not. It's human psychology. So what has most of the advice like majord23's guide given? Accept, let go, and move on... No matter what the situation, you have to truly let go and work on yourself. And, I think, that applies to all break-ups... -Mike-
  18. CreoUCLA
    It's okay, don't beat yourself up over it. You're not completely over him, and letting go is hard... Honestly, if it wasn't for my breaking NC a few times, I wouldn't have realized how pathetic, irrational, and confused my ex was. Finding out in an e-mail that she had feelings for another guy was the best thing that happened to me, because it really gave me the kick in the pants I needed to move on. I really began to see her for who she was - selfish. You'll still have up and down days, but keep going... Keep living your life and being happy. Take it one day at a time. -Mike-
  19. CreoUCLA
    Day 7 I dropped of my ex's stuff (clothes, slippers, and apartment keys) yesterday at UPS to ship to her parent's place. I really didn't feel any emotion either way, and I most certainly do not expect anything from her in return. Last night was a bit rough, however. I really had this intense feeling of missing her (or the "idea" of her), but I think it is because I'm stressed out about a project that I have coming due. Not that I really believe in this stuff, but my horoscope today was just so fitting; "It might not be what you want to hear, but you and a romantic partner may be more comfortable as friends. Don't try to continue a relationship if you are getting nothing out of it." I wasn't getting an equal share out of my old relationship (call her the "taker"), and I don't even want a friendship unless she drastically changes! Today I'm going to lunch with some friends, and then working on said project. -Mike-
  20. CreoUCLA
    Day 6 I had fun visiting my friend yesterday, and the long drive really let me clear my head. While there were no revelations, or even anything new for that matter, I really saw why this is all happening for the best! I'm taking back my life, and it feels great! Today, I'm dropping off a box at UPS with her stuff in it (I'm sending it to her parent's house). I have dinner plans with my parents. I can't wait until Thanksgiving when I'm off for vacation in another country! -Mike-
  21. CreoUCLA
    Day 5 I feel like I've finally let go, and I am working nicely at moving on... It feels pretty good! Today I'm driving down to L.A. from S.F. I'll be taking the 101 down, making a stop in San Luis Obispo to hang out with a friend. I've never driven this way down to L.A. before, so it should be a nice change of scenery (okay, so there really isn't any scenery on the 5). I wish I had a little more sleep from last night, but hopefully I can take a nap at my friend's place later. Be well everyone! -Mike-
  22. CreoUCLA
    Most likely your ex hasn't. It took mine almost 2.5 weeks before she first contacted me (via e-mail), and we had talked to each other almost every day for nearly 6 years. I still haven't received a phone call from her since we officially broke up (~6 weeks ago). But, I don't expect/care to. -Mike-
  23. CreoUCLA
    Day 4 Yesterday was interesting... Well, I guess I should call it more "amusing." I checked another e-mail account (I deleted the one my ex normally contacts me at, because I really am moving on), and low-n-behold, an e-mail from her. "i don't know what you mean 'move on.' i still want us to be friends. and, there's no new relationship, just hanging out again. still working on myself. sincerely, xxx" I got a good chuckle out of it, because I am pretty much over her. She doesn't deserve me, nor do I even want to get back together with her anymore. I will show her what moving on is (which is why I'm doing the NC challenge still). I will show her that you can't break someone's heart after a ~6 year relationship to go chase another guy, and expect "friendship." She can't always get what she wants. She is so deluded and self-absorbed that it's sadly comical. I now view her as selfish and pathetic. This is a far cry from the begging/pleading that I did in the beginning, which is what she's choosing to still hold on to. She's thinking that I will be/wait around for her. I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way... I'm done giving to someone who only knows how to take. Tomorrow I'm driving from S.F. to L.A. for the Thanksgiving holiday. I will be stopping along the way in SLO to visit a female friend that my ex didn't like and was always jealous of. No, I'm not doing it out of spite. I'm doing it to regain the true friends that I lost while I was in a highly dysfunctional (codependent) relationship. I'm doing it for me. While actions speak louder than words, my silence will be deafening. Go me!
  24. CreoUCLA
    You're not an idiot... And I'm glad I could help show you another method. -Mike-
  25. CreoUCLA
    Day 3 I had the usual "wake up early in the morning and think about the ex" routine. However, when I fell back asleep for another hour, I had a dream where I met/dated a completely wonderful woman. So, needless to say, I woke up with an energy I don't think I've had in a while. After reading another thread, I realized the real reason she broke up with me was to go see if the "grass is greener." Our relationship got a bit stale, heading into our 6th year together, and the new guy she met gave her attention and excitement. Honestly, I hope the grass is greener... Because I won't be letting her back onto my lawn. Tonight I'm going out to dinner with friends, and I plan on having a great time! Have faith everyone... Brighter days lie ahead! -Mike-
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