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CreoUCLA

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  1. CreoUCLA
    Don't beat yourself up too much over this. It really is his loss, and now you know the kind of guy he truly is. You know how this makes you feel... Remember exactly how you feel, to keep you from ever doing that again. I have my ex's apartment keys still on my keychain, and I was almost tempted to swing by her place when I was in town the other week. But, I feared exactly what you experienced. That I would find the guy she has a "crush on" at her place. You're a wonderful human being. Don't let this guy drag you down, because he really doesn't seem worth it! You're on Day 1... Make the most of you from here on out. -Mike-
  2. CreoUCLA
    They were actually courses offered in my MBA program (at the University of San Francisco), so you have to be a student to take it. The last course was a weekend seminar, in which we did a lot of experiential exercises and other activities relating to individual growth. If you're in the mood for a little reading, one of the books was "Reflections on the Art of Living: A Joseph Campbell Companion" by Diane Osbon. Definitely a good read... -Mike-
  3. CreoUCLA
    I love leadership courses! I've taken two through my MBA program, and ironically the second one was the weekend where my ex and I split up (about 4 weeks ago). This last class was all about personal leadership development, and it has helped me find myself post break-up and realize what I want/deserve. I found that it really helped me get through things by being self-aware, recognizing my strengths/weaknesses, etc. -Mike-
  4. CreoUCLA
    Day 12 In a strange twist of fate, one of my close friends is going through issues with her boyfriend that mimic those of me and my ex. While I know it's not exactly the same, talking to her has really allowed me to gain perspective on my break-up. I realized last night that we did have an unhealthy relationship. My ex was always such a different person to her friends, than she was to me. I'm not sure if she thought that since I was her boyfriend, she could just take out everything on me... But that's what I noticed. This girl would do anything for her friends, and it was pulling teeth to try to get her to come out with my friends/family. I always put her dreams/goals ahead of my own happiness, and I know I can't/shouldn't do that. I feel like perhaps all I ever wanted/deserved, was for her to actually treat me like I was a best "friend." So, I have completely let go... I'll miss what we shared, but I know in my heart that I would not want to go back to how our relationship was. I don't even feel like I would want to get back together with her anymore, a thought I had recurring over the past several weeks. We'll see what the future holds, but for now, I'm making myself happy. "Being in a couple is hard... And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, it should be the easiest thing in the world... And if it's not like that, then she's not the one." -Mike-
  5. CreoUCLA
    Day 11 Dinner was fun last night! Good food, and great company. I didn't end up going to the club while the others went, because I just didn't feel like dancing. Instead, I came home and watched the last disc of the How I Met Your Mother season 1 DVDs... The one where Lily leaves Marshall, to fulfill her dreams/find her independence/find herself. How ironic. I'm still going through the ebbs and flows of missing the ex and wondering what the future holds for us... But, I know deep down that this really is for the best. And it's not because Lily and Marshall get back together ~6 months later, but because I am learning/growing. I'm working (slowly) on getting my life in order. I have been reflecting, exercising more, and spending time with friends. I'm working on finishing school at the end of the year, and I have been applying for jobs so that I can move back to Los Angeles sometime in January. For the first time in nearly 6 years, I'm planning for me and not her. Today I have to work on my master's project (basically a 40-60 page lit. review), so I'll be at home... And I'll most likely be browsing eNA every so often. -Mike-
  6. CreoUCLA
    Who knows what he's thinking? Only him. You can only control your own thoughts/feelings, so don't waste time wracking your brain over his. One thing I've learned, is not to read into anything the ex says... Remember, "actions speak louder than words." -Mike-
  7. CreoUCLA
    Sorry to hear that... The only thing you can do is just stick with NC. Try to force yourself not to check her blog. Moving on is so much easier said than done, as I'm finding out... Just keep working on you and know that there is someone out there for you that's even better. -Mike-
  8. CreoUCLA
    Day 10 I had an interesting dream last night about her, and I woke up a bit sad this morning. But I spent a good amount of time with friends so far today, so that has helped. I just have to keep reminding myself that she broke up with me. This morning I woke up at 6am (on a Saturday) to join the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in Golden Gate Park. image removed My MBA program also had a lunch BBQ in the park, which I just got home from. It still feels odd referring to her as "my ex" in conversations, but I have to move on... Now I'm going to watch the UCLA vs. Cal football game and try to squeeze a nap in. Later tonight, I'm going with friends to eat (Southern food), and then we're possibly going to a club. -Mike-
  9. CreoUCLA
    I was thinking of possibly contacting my ex at the end of the challenge, but then I remembered what I told her last, "I really hope you find what you're looking for. If you do, you know how to contact me. Bye..." She needs to find herself/love herself/be single/etc. so it is all on her. In her eyes, we're on a "break." But, to me, we're broken up and I'm moving on. I won't wait around, and I don't want to talk to her until she has something to say to me... -Mike-
  10. CreoUCLA
    Day 9 Still trudging forward... Last night was good! I went to eat Peruvian food for dinner with some friends, and then we stopped by Mitchell's Ice Cream (a must-try if you're ever in S.F.) after. I can't even begin to express how appreciative I am for my friends/family right now! I checked my e-mail this morning, and a mutual friend (well, more my ex's friend since it's her brother's best friend) sent a bunch of us, including the ex, a coupon for "Steak & Seafood for two." I know it means nothing, but I'm wondering why he ever sent it to me. It's more than likely he knows the situation, because they have a very small group of friends. Oh well, it doesn't matter... I only know what I know. On a more positive note, a close friend of mine wants to set me up with a "cute" girl from his work. I told him that I'm not ready to date anyone anytime soon, but I did say that I wouldn't mind meeting new people... Today is going to be "alone" time, because I need to finish up quite a bit. But, that's all right with me, because I love/am happy with myself. -Mike-
  11. CreoUCLA
    Day 8 I still wish I could just wake up without thinking about "her," but I know that will come in time... For now, I'm just living my life. -Mike-
  12. CreoUCLA
    I got a "honey" in a vm early last week. I learned that means nothing because of what happened a couple days later, so don't read too much into what he says. In my case, it was probably just habit. Over-analyzing will just be a waste of time, because you only know what you know. Move on, work on yourself, and everything else will fall into place for you. Whenever you feel weak, just post here. That's why it looks like I'm online all the time - I leave this thread open in another browser window, in case I feel like I want to text/e-mail/call her. -Mike-
  13. CreoUCLA
    Thanks. Let yourself feel/embrace everything at the beginning... You can't shut off your emotions like a faucet. It takes time. I still think about my ex pretty frequently, but I'm also keeping busy with other things. Honestly, at almost 8 days in, I'm really starting to see that this break is for the best - for both of us. This doesn't mean that I don't have my ups and downs, but you will learn so much about yourself and what you want if you make the effort. You're #1 right now, don't forget that. -Mike-
  14. CreoUCLA
    Anytime. I actually feel really good tonight. I went to play volleyball with some friends (league), and we won all 3 games. -Mike-
  15. CreoUCLA
    Sorry to hear that, but now you can find someone who truly does... -Mike-
  16. CreoUCLA
    There was always a glimmer of hope... My ex went from wanting a break and telling me that we could talk to each other, but not very often, to saying "we need to break up because you're not giving me time to think." In the past few weeks, she was always talking about the "future" and if we'll be together later on. But, like dnozzle said, it's all b.s. If she really loves me and misses me like she claims, she wouldn't have left me. And honestly, today, I don't feel like I would want to get back together with her. It really wasn't a healthy relationship. I want someone to love me equally, and she isn't capable of doing that. So, I want to find someone who will. I deserve it... We all deserve it. -Mike-
  17. CreoUCLA
    Day 7 Woohoo! It's been a whole week. Why am I so excited? Because a couple weeks ago, I didn't think I could even go more than a couple days without hearing from her. At first, my ex just wanted to try a break for 5 days, and I was so dependent/clingy that I couldn't even let her have her space to sort things out. So, things escalated and got to the point where we both needed significant time apart. "If only" I knew then, what I know now... Bah, no regrets! I'm learning here, and that's what matters most! Today I feel excited for the future. I realized more things last night, especially in terms of the type of relationship I want to be in. I'm doing things for me now. I still have that "thing" where she (or the relationship) is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, but at least I'm getting back to regular sleeping patterns. Accepting all of the uncertainty and letting go is one of the most difficult things I've had to deal with in recent memory (I was in a car accident back in 1995 and broke my leg completely in half, but that's another story...). But now that I am coming to terms with things and I'm telling myself, "It's okay, everything happens for the best... I can do this!" and actually believing it... I'm believing in myself again. -Mike-
  18. CreoUCLA
    True, but it was much quicker walking back... Less time taking photos! I'm actually going to go back and bike accross it once the weather clears up. I've gotta fit all of these things in before I move back to Los Angeles at the beginning of the year. image removed In terms of the solo movie, I got the same reaction from my father. "Why do you want to go to a movie by yourself? That's so... depressing." But, he's the kind of person that always needs someone around... I think it will definitely be liberating, and that I (hopefully) will enjoy it! -Mike-
  19. CreoUCLA
    I got the same types of responses from my ex, and I'm sure a lot of us have. The last time we spoke she asked me, "do you think we'll get back together in the future?" Of course, at the time, I said "yes!" She has also given me the "I need to be single right now" or "I'm confused" or the "can we just be friends" line. But you know what? I realized that I want more than what my ex can give me (now), and I can't sit around and wait for her! You can't control the future. You can't control her. You can, however, control yourself. So, use this time constructively. Go NC, and make the most of yourself. It is easier said than done, but really be reflective about yourself and your role in the relationship, and then do things you enjoy. Take it one step at a time. I have really learned so much about myself since the break started, but it's mostly been in the past week and a half. I finally see that I did lose a part of myself in my 5.5 year relationship with my ex. Now I'm trying to find the confident/out-going/independent person I once was, while working on who I want to become. Good luck! -Mike-
  20. CreoUCLA
    I'm taking this challenge pretty seriously (for myself), so I'll be around for at least 23 more days. I know how you're feeling, as those thoughts were in my head about 3 weeks ago. But, you'll slowly learn to accept things for the way they are, and learn to let go. What really motivates me to move on is this thought; "If she really loves me, she wouldn't have broken my heart/left." That doesn't mean I don't still love/miss her (I do), but it's the realization that I can't make her feel/think the same. In the future, who knows what will happen? But for right now, remember that this is about you. Go do something that you've always wanted to do! For me, I decided to walk accross the Golden Gate Bridge, and I've started playing volleyball with friends. I plan on going to a movie sometime this week by myself (something I've never tried and wanted to experience). It's your life - take back control of it. -Mike-
  21. CreoUCLA
    Take some time to read the threads that SuperDave71 has posted. That's what I did. Getting your life back starts with you. Honestly, I don't have all the answers (I mean, it's only my 6th day of NC)... But, I feel much better today than I did when me and the ex were still talking last week and all I ever got was a, "I'm confused" or "I need to be single right now." It's time to find yourself, and make yourself happy. It isn't a quick/easy process, but in time you will see the light... And we're all here to help. -Mike-
  22. CreoUCLA
    It is difficult, but just take it one step... one day at a time. There is always hope for the future, but for right now, just concentrate on you and keep yourself busy. Go out with friends/family, and become the better person you've always wanted to become. I know all about wanting the "quick fix" (we all do), but this is a time for patience and reflection. You can do it, and we're all here to help. -Mike-
  23. CreoUCLA
    Don't feel bad, as a lot of us have done the same... Just learn from it. Realize how it makes you feel after, to prevent you from doing it again. Every time I want to text/e-mail/call my ex I ask myself, "Will this really accomplish anything?" or "Am I going to hear what I want to hear?" or "Can I say something that she hasn't heard me say already?" The answer has always been an unequivocal "No!" -Mike-
  24. CreoUCLA
    Day 6 I woke up feeling a little bit better today, and I feel like I have more energy. I think I'm starting to believe that this break is "happening for the best" right now. I'm learning so much about how I am in relationships, and about myself and what I want. There are definitely things I will do differently next time, be it with my ex or someone new. One of the most important of which is; "Learn to love what you have, WHEN you have it." I pretty much have a free day today, although I need to prepare for a presentation I have tomorrow. So, I'm going to seclude myself in the library for a few hours with a friend, to keep productive/busy. -Mike-
  25. CreoUCLA
    Day 5 I'm still thinking about her, in that I'm reminiscing about past events. At this point, I'm trying to think about other things when she comes into my head... I'm also still finding it difficult to concentrate on other things. I do most of my work alone, and my mind just wanders too easily. Oh well... Gotta push on through. I feel the "emptiness" inside, and I still can't completely let her go. I guess I'm still holding on to quite a bit of hope that everything will work out between us. I struggle with telling myself that she really hurt me and I wouldn't take her back, that this is for the best, etc. However, deep down, I want the one thing I can't have right now - her. But, I have to learn to let go of outcomes, and this is all about me (for now)... I keep reading this poem over and over; Letting Go Takes Love To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another. To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies. To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it. To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more Remember: The time to love is short *author unknown -Mike-
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