bummedout4

Day 23 for me and although I haven't made it to 30 days, I will be calling her tonight. Tomorrow is her birthday and I will be leaving out of the country early so I am calling tonight to say happy birthday and maybe just to catch up. I don't know how I will feel after I talk to her but I know I still miss her. I hate not talking to her and acting like strangers after over 4 years being togethher and best friends. I am not fooling myself that she will suddenly want to talk to me more and change her feelings but I know if I don't call, I will feel bad and it will bother me. I hope this may open up some lc and maybe we can go from there. She is still seeing that new guy so I am not going to be her comfort zone but some lc here and there won't hurt, I don't think. With the holidays coming up, I dread not having her in my life. I hope that as I move on and she takes time to evaluate what she really wants, that I will be in her mind and in her heart. I love her with everything I have and want nothing more than to see her happy. As much as I say I am moving on, I have that faith and hope that our love bond was strong and in the end she will see that. Well wish me luck, I don't know how I will feel tonight but I know that no matter what I will be ok, and that's thanks to everyone on this forum. Thank you all! Without you I don't know where I would be.

Well today is day 16 of total NC and yes I do feel better now than when I started. However, I keep having these moments where I feel that I want to talk to my ex and just talk like we use to, catch up and see how things are. Sometimes I feel like I want to meet up and catch up, and also just talk to her like a normal person, it seems the longer this goes on we become strangers and not people who have been best friends and lovers for over 4 years. If this is truly the end, which for now it is, I don't want to leave it on a bad note or with any confusion. I just want to know straight up what is going through her head and what she is really thinking about. I know I want to do this but part of me thinks they know better and I shouldn't. I also get that impression from what I read on this forum. Next week is her birthday and I was going to wait until then to break NC and send her a card and maybe call her. Do I wait for that, see if there is any response and the possibly talk to her? I don't want to lose all contact with her because she is important to me, I just want to know how important I am to her, because she has been claiming I am but I just want the truth. Well I am just thinking out loud, any comments would be appreciated.

Day 7 here. I think i am really at a turning point. I still miss my my ex and would love to make it work but I just think about what she has done to me, the way she has done it and how right now she is a different person. The urge to talk to her is diminishing every day, and I hope to keep on this path. Whether she will contact me in the future, I don't know, I guess when that happens I'll deal with it then. For now I am feeling stong b/c I think of all the pain I am going through and the disregard for my feelings she has, after 4 years. Whether she is hurting or not, I don't know, I think she is distracting herself from it, sooner or later, it will hit her. Hope to be on the way to being healed by then.

Hey guys, dont know if you guys read my post but I was on a "break" well thuoght i was, it was really a break-up, ex has jumped into a rebound after saying she didnt want a relationship. She is unhappy with her life, school and family and our relationship of 4 yrs, kinda scared her i think, so maybe she feels this will make her happy for now. She is always saying she misses the beginning, the anxious exciting feeling you get with someone new, so i think she is falling into that "illusion" with this guy. Don't see it going very far, but she works with the guy so i guess they made a connection. Long story short, she didnt tell me , i found out after asking her Sunday night, she said she didnt want to hurt my feelings. So she says she still loves me, not "in love" with me and still cares about me and wants me in her life as friends for now. So i told her i can't right now, so as of Sunday night, i am trying to go NC. Today is day 2, i dont have the urge so much to call her, but i do think of her all day and wonder if she is thinking of me. I hope she realizes that this guy won't do what i did for her, and she is making a mistake, but thats out of my control. I am trying to take my life back to make myself better for the next one that comes around. If she ever comes back around, ill see where i am at, but i dont expect it anytime soon. SO wish me luck , Day 2 and counting........