3 some advise

[blondebecca22]

So me and my boyfriend were talking about having a three some. We have been dating for 2 years and we love each other to death. The reason I want to do this is to please him not so much for me. I mean what guy wouldn’t want to have a three some with two girls? The only thing I need a little bit of help with is just getting reassured that everything is going to be okay.

Okay so lets start this out from the beginning. The way that we started up the conversation was we occasionally watch Porno before we proceed to fool around. It just so happened that there was a three some Porno on and he seemed to get really turned on. So I was thinking about it and I was like I bet he would really like that. So I mentioned it to him and he knows that I am a very self-conscious person and because of my insecurities he was very hesitant to be like "Hell Yeah" or anything of that sort. So basically he told me he would never want to do it unless I was totally comfortable with it. He reassured me that I am the only one for him and that he would feel towards my friend in a sexual way. He said he would look at the three some in a way of fun and a new experience. He has told me many times before I even mentioned the three some to him that he finds me more attractive than my friend. But I guess the main thing I need help about is just getting some advice about the whole situation. So I am going to list a few things that I have been thinking about and if you could give me any advise on any of it, it would help me out a lot J

Okay so…

1. I will make a rule that them 2 cannot have sex with each other, they can do everything else but just not that. Do you think there will be problems with having that rule?
   
2. I am scarred that when he sees us 2 naked he might find her more attractive than me…

• Me: I am skinny, with long blonde hair, blue eyes, have smaller boobs, and have a good butt.
  
• My friend: Is thicker, short brown hair, brown eyes, huge but, and big boobs.

He is a huge butt man (He tells me that he likes round butts like mine and tells me he doesn’t like fat ones-my friends-) Then he also says he doesn’t care about boobs, but when girls have big boobies I know he enjoys looking.

1. I should be but I am scarred about the story with relationships and three somes that every one hears…2 people that are in a relationship decide to have a three some and the guy ends up falling in love with the other girl.
   
2. I was wondering if any one has done this before I wanted some advice and recommendations…Guys and Girls.
   
3. I am also scarred that if we do this once he is going to want to do this all the time or he will think its not a big deal to be touchy touchy wit other girls.
   
4. Guys that have been in a relationship and have done this, what was going through your head??

I know I sound like in a way I don’t really want to do this, but I really do want to do this for my boyfriend. I just need help getting rid of my insecurities and all my worries about having this three some…Please give any advise you can. Thanks

[Slacker]

With the number of insecurities you're expressing before the act, I would strongly advise against it. Nothing can prepare you for the way you're going to feel when the three of you are in bed, been there, I've even seen those sitations turn violent.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I agree with Slacker, with the problems you are already having with it I would say not even do it. It can only work out one of two ways, you're either going ot enjoy it or you're going to get hurt by it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Some fantasies are better left as fantasies. Just because you see something in a porno flick, doesn't mean you have to do it. You are clearly not comfortable with this so don't do it. If you are insecure now, that insecurity will be magnified after the fact. You can make all the rules you want beforehand, but when things actually happen, rules may just go out the window and you will end up feeling devastated. It is all fine to please your partner, but not at the expense of your own self-esteem. If he cares about you he should understand that and drop the matter.

[Biffy]

Bad idea.

 

If something like a threesome floats your boat, participate if you're single or in a very casual relationship. But ask yourself if you'd want someone else fooling around with the guy you love? The thought of someone else with the girl I love would have me wanting to throw up.

 

It's ok for this to be a fantasy of your b/f's but unless you're 100% in favour of it then DO NOT go there, it will ruin your relationship for sure.

 

I get the feeling that you're too insecure in the relationship to stand up for yourself.

[Day_Walker]

Like everyone else is saying just from the way you are mentioning the rules and observations if you do this then it will have dire consequences on your relationship. You are not secure enough to engage in a threesome and have it just be a threesome. You can tell this by the rules that you wnt to implement.

[chai714]

A 3 some with the guy you care about - witnessing him kiss another woman or worse, "get off" by another girls doings will traumatize you.

 

You can't psychologically prepare yourself for something like this. Your insecurities will magnify 10 fold. This won't be good for your relationship.

[BornToResist]

I agree with everyone else. It really doesn't sound like a good idea for you.

 

I have a personal experience...I was in one once, it was my friend, her bf and me...things seemed fine, lots of alcohol involved, but I woke up to her crying to him that she didn't think she was good enough for him anymore. I didn't have sex with him or really do anything with him, but it still screwed her up pretty bad.

 

Not to say it has anything to do with it, but they're no longer together (they were married). I just saw that even though she was the one who initiated it pretty much completely and he and I barely touched each other, it tore her up. She wasn't prepared for all the feelings that came with it.

 

My advice is to keep it a fantasy.

[HellFrost666]

I read through your post pretty fast, but no, I don't think everything will be OK. You are not in the right place mentally to be doing this.

[CluelessGuy321]

If you're serious about him in a relationship, this would be dangerous to do with your insecurities.

[agent1607307371]

A threesome is not something you should ever ever do for the other person.

 

 

Also, have you raised this with your friend? Because I have to say if a friend asked me to be in a 3some I would be so completely insulted and angry with them...

[blondebecca22]

I think that everyone misunderstood me a little but that's okay...

 

but yes I have asked my friend and she is totally up for it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Ohh.. NOOOO.

 

You are only doing it to please him?

 

You seriously believe all guys want a 3some with two girls? My BF is upset at the idea, its not something all men want OR are entitled to OR should be something you do to make him happy.

 

To give you some idea of how little I think of him and how bad I think this idea is....I couldn't get past halfway without crying, PLEASE don't do this, and seriously question your BF's committment to you. If he loved you, he wouldnt want anyone else in bed with you, i can almost PROMISE you as much.

[BornToResist]

I think that everyone misunderstood me a little but that's okay...

 

but yes I have asked my friend and she is totally up for it.

 

How did we misunderstand?

[Siriana]

So me and my boyfriend were talking about having a three some. We have been dating for 2 years and we love each other to death. The reason I want to do this is to please him not so much for me. I mean what guy wouldn’t want to have a three some with two girls?

 

heh.

You know when you are not sure if you want to do something in sex for the person you love there is a great way to discover whether you should do it or not. Wanna know how?

Here's the trick, imagine the following scenario: He brakes up with you in a future because he found someone new, he cheated you with that person. Would you feel bad because of the 3some than, thinking why you done it, after together forever never happened?

 

I am not beeing mean. I am just telling you a way to see if this is a good idea. Think about a brake up and the things you've done in bed with your bf. Those things you wouldn't feel bad about after a brake up were those things you would do not because of him only but because of you too.

[kristipher]

I have to agree with everyone else. I have had many friends participate in said events and have had a great time but these were ALL people that were in it 100% and I think that's the key. You have to be doing it as much for yourself as for him and I think with all your insecurities you would feel regret later. Stick with what's best for you BOTH.

[prtygrl1973]

The first time will be kind of scary - you should do it for yourself though, i mean for both of you --- if you aren't into it, there may be a lot of jealousy on your part in the morning.

 

You can lay the ground rules that he is not to have sex with the other girl, but be prepared for anything else.....

 

It really doens't matter what the other girl is like, he likes what he likes and he likes you.....

 

be careful and don't get caught up in it...... you can read my story .. we did it for about 4 years - i would still be doing it - but he decided to go outside the relationship......................not with someone that we were doing it with, then he blamed it all on "our lifestyle" --- but things are better now that we aren't doing it.

 

NOT THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IT!! LOL but it is better now!

[prtygrl1973]

A 3 some with the guy you care about - witnessing him kiss another woman or worse, "get off" by another girls doings will traumatize you.

 

You can't psychologically prepare yourself for something like this. Your insecurities will magnify 10 fold. This won't be good for your relationship.

 

i disagree if you are in to it 100% -- if you aren't into it 100% then yes, i agree - it would make you sick.....

[blender]

Bringing a third party into your relationship, might be a curiosity/fantasy, but ACTUALLY MAKING A CHOICE TO ACT ON THIS, is NOT a good idea. You will not only lose the cherished and respectful intamcy you share with your partner, you will also lose something even more important, and that is your "sense of self".

 

Once you do something like this, you will laugh less, you will cry less, you will feel less, and lose the respectful cherished intamcy in the relationship.

 

All that loss for some physical experiment or gratification of some fantasy??? Instead of "wondering if you should do this", try asking yourself "why you are okay being with someone who desires a juggling act in the bedroom".

 

You are so much better off being with someone who can share his fantasies of a threesome and talk about them, but who would never ever make the disrespecting choice to ask you to help him actually act them out..

 

once you do this, He will want to raise the stakes even more to get his "kicks".. where does it end?

 

It doesn't end, and AFTER THE ACT, you will be left feeling you've compromised your values/standards only to feel so empty afterwards...

 

STAY AWAY from this "temptation to fulfill" HIS fantasy... because the "reality" of the aftermath may be a dark emotional place for you.. is that worth it?

 

NO.

 

And as far as you describing your "insecurities" well that is the WRONG LABEL, those are your, "SELF RESPECTING INSTINCTS", yelling from inside your heart, so listen to them, don't list them as a set of "rules"... the only thing on that list of rules should be:

 

"I have too much self respect to engage in compromising myself, my heart, my soul, my body for a few moments of indulging your fantasy, so out of love for our precious intamcy, I have to decline any consideration of a "threesome"."

[flower99]

PERFECTLY SAID!!!!! every word of this speaks truth!

[blahblah2006]

I am just going to say Love = 2 not 3. And there is always room for the word "No" in Love.

[CluelessGuy321]

I think that everyone misunderstood me a little but that's okay...

 

but yes I have asked my friend and she is totally up for it.

 

 

Yeah.....WE'RE the confused ones... ;-)

[shadow34]

My friend

 

My advice is DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!!

 

I tried it early on in my relationship with my ex and omg i thought id be ok, wanting to please him and everything, and I thought ok maybe try it but it was absolutely awful and I burst out crying........the girl hugged me and told him to stop...........just horrible.......

 

ever since then he hasnt shut up about wanting a 3 some...he didnt count that........

 

The good thing is that girl is one of my good friends LOL nothing sexual in it we laughed at it now.........

 

But for goodness sake, I havent heard of anyone it working out for unless you a damn damn damn 150% secure in your relationship without a doubt or care in the world...

 

Actually seeing them touch the women the way the do u, kiss the way they kiss you......as for the rules forget it, when it comes time the guys dont give a rats about the rules they are out for themselves..........

[chance]

I would not do it. Most couples have a hard time moving forward from this. I won't say that it never works, but it is a hard thing to deal with. Most people who "share" in the bedroom will tell you that they are no longer together or it put a huge strain on their relationship and had to work very hard to keep the relationship together. I don't believe it is worth the risk.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.