N.C. or K.O.?

[arch1tekt85]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm was wondering if there are any instances where NC didn't work, but something completely opposite did. I'm talking about a huge, grand, romantic gesture that essentially knocks some sense back into the one you love making them realize why you are the only one for them. Something like recreating your first date, serenading them outside their window, buying them a new puppy for the one they lost, I mean, something!

 

I know this wouldn't for everyone. Definitely not for those whose break-ups involved betrayal or abuse or some other form of deal breaker action. More for those ones that happened because of fear or doubt or uncertainty, that they're so close to realizing happiness, but don't trust themselves enough to let it be okay.

 

Is doing something like this just opening a new avenue of hurt or is there some small chance it'll succeed? Looking for opinions or experiences, thanks.

[JynX]

I had a friend who tried to get his girlfriend back with this approach. While she was out he decorated her room with dozens of flowers and stuffed animals, wrote her a romantic letter asking for a second chance. It was a good idea, however, it didn't work.

 

I suppose this would be different for every person and their relationship. It could just open up more hurt, or it could, in fact, make them realize what they are missing. It's definetely a double-edged sword, in my opinion.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I think that stuff only works in movies. Seriously if someone did that for me I'd see right through it.

[cordelia]

If he was trying to get back with me after being a * * * *, I would see through it for sure. I would see it as him trying to act like the perfect b/f just so that I'll take him back, but then what's going to happen in a couple of months once we are back into "relationship mode" ?

[pinkelephant]

it does work.

 

i did it with my ex. BUT i went on NC first. for like a week (to make him miss me) then i gave him something nice that i knew would make him REALLY want me back. i didnt do a full KO though, just a nice stroke to his ego (his weakness) and that was it. i think it took him like 3 days & he took me back.

 

(and before you say anything about him being an ex now - we broke up again for other reasons).

 

My advice is to take at least a week to think things over, figure out their weakness and go for it. don't go overboard or cheesy though, if they really care for you, they only need a clear path and a gentle push to get over what ever it was that kept them from you.

[Firedancer03]

That kind of thing rarely, if ever, works to get the ex back. They seem like great romantic ideas, but to a person who has already decided to end the relationship, it looks selfish and to be honest, kinda desperate and creepy. If someone did that to me after I'd broken up with him, I would probably start to pity him. It is also showing the person that you do not respect their choice to end the relationship and that you are only thinking of your own wants to get them back.

 

If the ex does come back after some over-the-top romantic gesture, it is most likely out of guilt and pity for ending the relationship and causing the other person so much pain, and not a real and true desire to be with the person again. A relationship based on a foundation of pity and guilt will not last. Just my 2 cents; I do not recommend. Preserve your self-respect and respect the ex's desire to end the relationship.

 

Edit: Also, keep in mind that there is no way to "knock some sense" into an ex or "make them realize" anything. Chances are likely that if someone has chosen to end a relationship, they are not going to change their minds, at least not right away. If they come back, they will come back because they want to work on a mature and loving relationship with you again, not because of anything you may have done for them to try and "convince them" to come back.

[settinuplife]

So is it best to go NC if you have a loved one who won't get back together cause of fear, doubt or uncertainity?

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

So is it best to go NC if you have a loved one who won't get back together cause of fear, doubt or uncertainity?

 

Its best to go NC if you are hurting from a breakup and need some time to sort yourself out.

[Firedancer03]

I agree with Reluctant, NC is to help you heal and move on from a breakup in order to get you back to a good place emotionally. A side effect of NC COULD be that your ex will get a chance to discover his/her feelings for you during the period of NC. It may help him/her figure out what they want if they are uncertain. If this happens, you will have built a solid emotional foundation for a reconcilliation with him/her. If you are still hurting from the breakup, you will not be able to have a lasting relationship be it with an ex or anyone else.

[blender]

doing sweeping romantic gestures, MIGHT work for a bit, but then what??? the truth will reveal itself again, so it's best to go "no contact" and to have the self respect to understand that people do what they WANT in life, and if the ex wants you back, in time they will let you know, until then no contact allows you to heal, and grow beyond the ex... and if in time they come back, then you are so much more ready to re-start the relationship on real, honest, level, respectful conditions, no guilt, no games, no grand gestures to manipulate thier love, but just good old fashioned, respectful sexy committed choice....

[heloladies21]

I'm sorry my man. I know you're looking for something proactive to do here, but there simply is no gesture you could make which would get the desired effect. This method has been beaten into the ground and it has been proven to be 100% ineffective for guys like you in your situation.

 

You need a period of NC so you can get over this overemotional feelings that you're having at the moment. Nothing you're doing is helping you get her back and you need to start the healing asap. Then once you've reached the point where you can make decisions more with your head, then we'll address things from there.

[spikespiegel]

I can't see a grand, sweeping, romantic gesture working ever really. Not that we all haven't done it or at least thought about doing it, but what everyone else has already said is true. Even if they do appreciate the gesture, the feelings are still there.