JynX

It's interesting to read everyone's thoughts and opinions on this article Even though I think, like many of you have said, the article is a stereotype that hardly applies to every breathing male on this planet, there is one part of it I agree with. Most of us women don't understand the male attitude to sex at times...I know I don't. My boyfriend and I had a conversation about this some time back, and it was instantly clear to me how differently the two of us view the concept of sex. In some ways I think I was a little hurt by some of his opinions...like how easy it seemed he would accept sex, even if it was from a woman he barely. I know he's done that in the past before I came into the picture, and to be honest, at first I didn't understand where he was coming from. But hey, you live and you learn. I'm working on engraving the male/female differences into my mind I have a question for the men. When you are in a commited relationship with a girl you love, and you see another attractive female somewhere, do you ever fantasize? Or do you just glance her way, admit she's attractive, and that's the end of it? Female curiosity.

Since you don't do things like that often, it will be that much more of a surprise for your boyfriend. I think that's a good idea, actually. From my experience, guys like random and spontaneous things like that...I think your guy would love it!

I don't agree with that...sure there's those who cheat continuously, but every situation comes under different circumstances. A cliche saying shouldn't condem a person for a mistake (of course, if it was one to begin with). I believe some people just make mistakes for whatever reason and that doesn't mean they'll do it again. For them, it could have very well been just a mistake and nothing they'll care to repeat again.

The past is the past...you shouldn't judge a person by it. You have been with your girlfriend for almost a year, and from a guess things have been good during that time. Then you start hearing about her past, and it gets rocky. She is still the same person you were with for a year, that hasn't changed. What has, is your perseption of her. Knowing her past, if you look at it objectively, she is still the same girl. Now the question isnt if she is a s.l.u.t. or not. People come from various backgrounds and make mistakes, but from what you've written, she's been in actual relationships. In my opinion, 's.l.u.t.s.' don't have relationships, so I dont see her as one. The question is whether or not you can live with her past. If you can, then you accept and deal with it, but if not, I'm afraid I don't see this relationship going much further.

So it's nearing that time of year again...and I want to make something special for my boyfriend. I can go out and buy him something along the lines of a cutesy teddy bear, chocolate, somehow incorporate his favorite football team in there, etc...but that seems too cliche ](*,) I've been brainstorming various ideas that are creative, something I can make myself to show how much I love him that will mean a lot more to him than a teddy bear. My question is this, in the past, what creative things did you do for your valentine? If you guys could, please share some stories & creative gift ideas

I can relate to this. I don't come from a close-knit family, either. While growing up, I'd go over to friends' houses and see how their family dynamics worked, how close they were, and I'd feel a pang of jealousy. It made me question why couldn't I have that? I have my low esteem moments, as well. Some days I just want to curl up in bed, cry, and feel sorry for myself about a deprived childhood and family. I can't say there is a way to get over it...atleast I haven't found it. Most of the time I just try to not think about the negative feelings and block them out and only concentrate on the good in my life...but at times it catches up to me. The best you can do is try to live one day at a time and try to make the best out of it. As for worrying that no guys will want you, don't. I'm sure you have a lot to offer...there will be someone who sees you for who you are and appreciates you. I wish I could be more help...

I had a friend who tried to get his girlfriend back with this approach. While she was out he decorated her room with dozens of flowers and stuffed animals, wrote her a romantic letter asking for a second chance. It was a good idea, however, it didn't work. I suppose this would be different for every person and their relationship. It could just open up more hurt, or it could, in fact, make them realize what they are missing. It's definetely a double-edged sword, in my opinion.

Well said

I really wish I had her approval...it seems I've been striving for it all my life, but I never have seemed to get it. Honestly, that is the realization I'm having the hardest time dealing with...that I don't have her approval in my life. But I suppose I have a couple of months to accept it. It doesn't help that she doesn't approve of my boyfriend, either. Go figure He's in Chicago until Christmas with his dad, and my parents think he's up there for good. He was going to be, until he realized he wanted to be back home with me...so he's coming back. I can't tell my parents that he's coming back, because they're so happy that he's gone, and if they knew he was back, they'd never let me see him. So I suppose I'll just wait until I turn 18 and move. Her disapproval in him hurts me, too, because she's never met him, or made an effort to, yet she judges him very harshly. She doesn't know what kind of person he is, and worse, she doesnt trust my judgement in people to know if they posess good qualities or not.

Thank you for the quick replies That is what I am afraid of. My mother is the type of person who shuts you out of her life when you go against her wishes. She's already told me this. The only thing I can expect from her after I move is nothing. She won't speak to me because she disapproves of my decision. She wont see me as her daughter anymore, just someone who disobeyed her. She told me the other day that she feels like she doesn't have a daughter...so what's to stop her from pretending she doesn't have one once I leave? It hurts me to hear her say that, and to know that is what will happen. It hurts more to know now, a couple of months before all this happens, that I will be leaving on very bad terms with both her and her boyfriend. But I don't feel like I can stay here and play house just to keep peace between us...I would be depriving myself and living a lie.

Everyone comes to a point in their life when they are ready to leave the protective cocoon of childhood, go after what they want in their life, make the decisions they've previously been afraid to, and go out into the world. I'm realizing that while this occurs at different stages and times for everyone, for various reasons, I've come to that point myself. I also realize that change is sometimes a scary thing. Very soon I will be turning 18, and at that point I'm moving away from my mother and her boyfriend. I know many of the older members will look at this as teenage rebellion and think it is foolish, but I have my reasons for wanting to leave. I won't go too much in depth, but my home life hasn't been very happy or fullfilling. I'm a straight A student in school, yet nothing I do satisfies my mother. She always expects more. She and I have never been close. She often says things that degrade me and make me feel worthless. I've gone through two divorces in the past seven years, and can't say that was the easiest thing. There's been abuse, both physical and emotional, from my mother. I never did anything about it or told anyone outside of the family, and maybe I should have. I suppose it makes little difference now. I don't like that I have to put up with her temper tantrums everytime she has a bad day, and I don't like suffering for them. I've reached the conclusion that I am not happy here...I would be better off away. ](*,) Coming to that conclusion was the easy part. The hard part is the follow-through. My plans are to live with my boyfriend and his parents...I have talked to them about this, and they said I was more than welcome. I will have a good roof over my head and be taken care of. I've mentioned my intentions to both my mother and her boyfriend, and I can't say they are very satisfied with my decision. They think I will drop out of school and become a failure, which is far from the truth. I'm a driven, motivated, and responsible person and I have goals I plan to reach...after all, I didn't make straight A's through highschool to chunk it all away at a whim Anyway, they keep saying how dissappointed they are in me, etc. How do you deal with that? Are all parents really that reluctant to watch their kids leave the nest and go out on their own? I don't know the point of this post, I'm just very intimidated by them. I'm dreading the day when I come and tell them that I am leaving. I'm excited that I am. This is the first big decision I'll be making, and I suppose that is intimidating and scary on its own. Whoever said growing up was easy, though, right? I think I needed to vent all of that out. I guess what I'm wondering is, if anyone out here has anything helpful to say...words of encouragement, opinions, etc. What was it like stepping out into the real world for the first time for you? Were you scared, excited, intimidated? Any words of advice?

Blink_Guy, I'm nearly 18 and still dealing with those arguments with my parents. It all depends on your parents and their rules. There's really not much you can do about it, because, until you're 18, what they say is law...believe me, I've tried fighting the system; it doesn't work Wait until you get a little older, then try negotiating with them.

I noticed almost the same thing with my boyfriend. Sex used to be just sex...up until when I fell deeply in love with him. Then everything changed for the both of us. A simple touch means so much more now, it gives shivers, etc. Sex wasn't just sex anymore...we were making love. I noticed the change right away. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It sounds like your previous sexual relationships were casual without love being involved...but now it's different with this girl. Love makes a very big difference. Since you've never experienced this before, it's new. I went through it last year, I know it can be a strange feeling sometimes to have everything change on you within a short period of time. Congratulations, though. I hope the two of you are happy together

From my experience with it, it is true. I listen to my guy friends talk sometimes and realize just how different men and women are.

Physical looks are what people look at first...it's what the first impression is of a person you meet. That doesn't mean that it's the deciding factor, though. Personality runs deeper than what a person looks like, even if looks are what you notice first. I wouldn't want a drop-dead gorgeous guy who looks like a model, but can't hold a conversation and is as exciting to talk to as a carton of milk. To me, yes, looks matter, but there has to be personality too. Looks aren't the most important decisive factor.

Long distance relationships are never easy...but they can work if both of you are willing to put in the effort. From what you've written, it's hard to say whether or not you should keep trying or not. Why does it bother you that she is hanging out with your old friends if you say you aren't jealous? You said that she never used to like them much, and is now all of the sudden spending time with them. I think that is because she used to have you around to be with, but now that you've moved away, who does she have left if not them? Have you talked to her about how you've been feeling? If you haven't, you should. Ask her what she wants. Does she want to continue the relationship or does she want to take a break? What will make her happy? Would she be willing to move to where you are? If you're both unhappy, you need to talk things out.. communication is key, after all.

Hi everyone...it's been a long time since I've made a post on here. I'm finding myself in a bind I've never been before Last week I found out that my boyfriend will be moving up north within the next couple of months because all of his family is...there are better job opportunities there. We've been through a lot in the past that brought us closer, and we have a wonderful relationship. We click well together, we are deeply in love, and make each other very happy. He is my best friend, my lover, my partner in everything...he very much is a big part of me. When he told me, all I could do was break down crying. I don't see myself being happy without him here. When he moves, it'll crush me. I'll lose a part of myself. The distance will make it hard on both of us. Just picturing my everyday life here without him tears me up. I have been in a foul mood this whole weekend, not being able to put this out of my mind. As upset as I am, over the past couple of days I've had time to logically think about it. There are options that the two of us have. 1) He moves, I stay here and we try to work things out from there with seeing each other every couple of months, holidays, breaks, etc. 2) He finds a way to stay down here. 3) I move there with him. At 18, I'm legally allowed to. It'll be a big change, I'll leave everything here behind...but I'd do it to stay with him. Those are the options I see. There is still a lot of time before any decision has to be finalized and set in stone...but I'm the type who likes to know all of my options before the deadline and have them thought over. We very much want to stay together...we're willing to try our hardest to make things work. I would like some opinions from everyone here...what do you all think about this? Any other ideas, comments? -JyNx

I don't see anything wrong with drinking every now and then with friends. I've done my experimenting with alcohol not too long ago, and had many of the same questions occur to me. The best advice I can offer is know when to drink and when to stay away from it, know when to relax and loosen up or when to stay focused on other tasks that are more important. Basically; be careful with it.

Beautiful.

Beautiful post! I needed to read that...thank you. I wish I could tell you what to do in your situation, but I can't. Only time will tell what will happen. You seem to have the right idea...so stay strong and true to yourself. Because at the end of the day, good or bad, yourself is what you'll always have.

I'm in a similar situation...and this question has passed through my head as well. I'll have to agree with the other posters, the boyfriend/girlfriend status starts when you both agree on it. Sometimes I miss how dating was like in middle school...you see a boy you think is cute, you come up with enough guts to walk up to him and say "Will you go out with me?" and BAM you're known as an official couple. Those were the days...

Often I tend to do the same thing...my friends now say I'm a dreamer For me it happens at any given time during the day, frequently when I have something that's a problem on my mind and I keep visualizing different possible ways to fix it by either talking it out or something else; depends on the issue. I actually find this helpful in my case, because by going into my own little world I have the time to think of ways to do or say certain things. I wish I could come up with a way to get rid of this "habbit" as you called it, but I really don't see it as a problem. Maybe you won't act on these things because you're shy? If you're not, then I don't see why you won't just go and make whatever you see in your mind happen. Try The first step is always the hardest. Plus, it's a whole lot easier to see something happen in your mind than to actually go and act on it, because we can never be sure that people will react the way we pictured them. But hey, you only live once...I say give it a try one of these days, maybe it'll get easier from there.

Thank you for this post...it's something I needed to read.

I do agree that sometimes a little space is good, but I don't think you should just back away out of the blue. Talk to him. Ask him what's been going on. Tell him how you feel. Communication is the glue that holds a relationship together.

Beautifully written...it makes us think. Wonderful job!