camilla67 Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Ok - so I met this friend of a friend of a friend about 2 months ago in a town 2 hours away from where I currently live (but I'm moving to that town in about 6 months permanently). He asks for my number and calls me two days later but I have to go home. So we talk briefly and he says we should hang out next time I'm in town. Next day, he asks for my email and we start emailing back and forth for a week. Then it progresses to IM, but the conversations on IM were never that long or meaningful. Finally, after a month, we end up having dinner, which lasted for three hours (I'm thinking he could have ended it sooner if he wanted to -- not order dessert, remind me that i need to get going to my concert). Anyways, after I get home, we start IMing alot more, and it becomes more fun and casual... So I went back to visit some friends in his town last week...He even asked when I was coming back and I told him but he didn't ask me out. I thought he was sorta shy at dinner...so I texted him to have a quick drink after he gets off work. He texts back that he didnt get it until he was already home and that we should meet up sometime when I am free. I never texted or called him back b/c I expected him to do so if he was really interested. So is he giving me the friends vibe? Just wants to be IM buddies? Weird! Link to comment
puff.tm.dragon Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 No, too many guys have problems making the first move. If you like you ask him out. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Well, I guess I don't see the mixed signals... he has been attempting to talking to you, I assume the dinner went well... you guys talked for awhile... he missed one of your text's and wanted to have plans next time you were availible...... and you haven't talked to him since... hinting that YOU weren't interested.... Is there more that is making you feel like you guys are just friends? Link to comment
camilla67 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Share Posted December 23, 2006 well, i gave him hints about me being in town...i just figured he should make the move and the ball's in his court...especially since I sent him the text to initiate...IMs are only slightly flirtatious...but maybe b/c I'm not a very flirty person...haha... Link to comment
Bethany Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 He texts back that he didnt get it until he was already home and that we should meet up sometime when I am free. I never texted or called him back b/c I expected him to do so if he was really interested. I see no mixed signals, just a guy who is taking things slowly which can only be a good thing for both of you. Text him back and do it today! Link to comment
camilla67 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Share Posted December 23, 2006 well, actually, i had replied to his text with a simple, "ok." that was me telling him to make the next move...and he didn't. that was a week ago too. so can't text him now. and haven't seen him on IM. figured i'd just go about the IM chatting like normal...see where it goes from there.... Link to comment
froufrou Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 He's scoping you out...he is definitely attracted to you, but is not sure. It seems like something is holding him back - maybe he already has a love interest/complicated love life, and IS interested but doesn't want to hurt you. The best thing to do would be to come clean - ask him out on a date! AND ... if he's overjoyed and says yes immediately, chances are he's shy and/or intimidated by you. IF he hesitates or seems unsure, keep on guard, he might not be as straight-forward as he appears Link to comment
puff.tm.dragon Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 com'on we're men. we can't read signals. give him a break Link to comment
valenski Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Seems he's just being cautious, not putting too much in because you are so far away, he's probably thinking hey you might have a boyfriend elsewhere or you're just being nice. When you go to visit again just let him know when you have some free time and you can go out. Link to comment
need2bme Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 com'on we're men. we can't read signals. give him a break ...and when we try, we are usually wrong. So, OP, it is TAG and you are it! Call him and lay it out. It sounds like he likes you. Link to comment
camilla67 Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 so odd that all my friends think that he should have called...and everyone online thinks that he's interested but shy...i'm confused. anyway to minimize the risk of looking too interested? he's been MIA from IM..haven't communicated in over a week now! Happy Holidays everyone! Link to comment
DN Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 Beware advice from friends. They have a vested interest in your well-being and that can skew the thinking. Link to comment
Siriana Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Stop torturing yourself. How about asking him out? Or sending him e-mail? Anything that will give him an idea you're interested. Than whatever comes out of it it's o.k. At least you will have a better idea what's on his mind. Initiate the contact again and see what happens. Right now you are only guessing. And you could have the same result if you decided to consult the cristal ball. So don't play games, be honest. Good luck Link to comment
camilla67 Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 ok, so i woke up xmas morning and got a text from him...something cute. i texted back something flirty and haven't heard back! what's wrong with this guy??? Link to comment
Siriana Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Call him! Ask him out! Link to comment
camilla67 Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 honestly, the more i think about this, the more i think that he's interested but he's not interested enough to step up and make a move in the right direction. he's a grown man! almost 30 -- he should know by this age how to approach and date a girl...and by not expressing his interest, he's just expressing what he truly feels. Link to comment
Siriana Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Well if he's almost 30 that's bad. I was thinking how you're both around 20-22. This way who cares - he is old enough to go for it. And if he's not capable doing that...well his loss. It is so important to write your age. people usually skip that in their profile...and that 67 - didn't notice. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 well, i gave him hints about me being in town...i just figured he should make the move and the ball's in his court...especially since I sent him the text to initiate...IMs are only slightly flirtatious...but maybe b/c I'm not a very flirty person...haha... I think the mistake here is in IMing with someone you do not know very well and are not dating regularly - you have no idea if IMing or flirty texting means anything more to him than typing to someone when he has nothing better to do and he might see you as too available - he can chat whenever he feels like it and does not have to put in the effort of asking you out in advance for a date he plans. He is likely not shy because he had dinner with you, IMs you, and tells you he wants to see you - he just is not "that" into you yet to put in the extra effort. In my 19 years of (adult) dating experience if a man is sincerely interested in you he will make sure to make specific plans with you in advance so that he gets to see you. What I used to do when a man seemed to just want to IM but not officially ask me out is tell him very nicely "I enjoy speaking with you but I already have a lot of friends and friends who I IM with - if you would like to continue this conversation, I'd love to get together again in person (as I mentioned the last time we tried to meet up). I often make plans at least a few days in advance so I look forward to hearing from you when you're free." And, I would not ask him out - I agree the ball is in his court - and I would refrain from texting other than to confirm a plan that is already set. You're making it way too easy for him to text and IM you when he happens to be around. You want someone who sees you as worthy of his time enough to make a plan in advance, just like you were willing to make plans in advance with him. I have been on many long dinner and drink dates - which the man extended - where the man was not interested in seeing me again - my one sure sign that a new man is interested in dating me (rather than just typing to me) is when he asks me out on a date he plans in advance. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 so odd that all my friends think that he should have called...and everyone online thinks that he's interested but shy...i'm confused. anyway to minimize the risk of looking too interested? he's been MIA from IM..haven't communicated in over a week now! Happy Holidays everyone! I don't think he's too shy to ask you out. Was he able to carry on a conversation in person? I doubt he is shy at all - and if he is shy, he is certainly not "that" shy that it can't be overcome to ask out a woman he kows is interested at least in having a drink with him (since you asked to see him again) - little risk of rejection on his part, right? Link to comment
camilla67 Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 the 67 is just a moniker..I'm 29. Thanks for all the responses...I think I get the picture now... Link to comment
Lily04 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 what are you thinking now, camilla? Link to comment
camilla67 Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Lily04 -- So I've looked back on my past relationships and realize that I've been friends with all of them before becoming a couple. And since my last bad breakup (2 years ago), I've also noticed a new pattern of wanting that intimacy and commitment right away and they have all ended disastrously. Since I actually sorta like this guy for who he is (and not for what he can be for me), I think I'm okay with continuing with this friendship for now. I also think he is nursing a heartache so I don't want to date anyone on the rebound...and think this may also be a factor in why he's being flaky. Either that or he really just wants to be friends...and since he makes me laugh, that's cool... Link to comment
Altruist Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Lily04 -- So I've looked back on my past relationships and realize that I've been friends with all of them before becoming a couple. And since my last bad breakup (2 years ago), I've also noticed a new pattern of wanting that intimacy and commitment right away and they have all ended disastrously. Since I actually sorta like this guy for who he is (and not for what he can be for me), I think I'm okay with continuing with this friendship for now. I also think he is nursing a heartache so I don't want to date anyone on the rebound...and think this may also be a factor in why he's being flaky. Either that or he really just wants to be friends...and since he makes me laugh, that's cool... Hey, Camilla67, just pour out your feelings to him. That way, you'll find out exactly how he feels about you instead of torturing yourself with worrying. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 I don't agree with that approach - he is not worthy of her being vulnerable to him since he has not behaved as if he is sincerely interested in her. I would sau the same if this was a friendship situation as opposed to a dating situation. Sometimes being good to/loving oneself requires self-protection and being selective about who you "pour out your feelings" to. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 I agree with Batya. I don't understand why people would want to start a dating relationship off with text messages and IM's, especially at his age. I would expect that from my 15 year old brother. Link to comment
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