She doesn't want anything...

[05evo]

The other night I was trying to get my girl in the mood and she said no.. she didn't want to get "all riled up before bed" so I didn't do anything, and then last night I tried to get her in the mood again and she told me not tonight again, just so you know its not sex just playing around like fingering its kind of aggravating but I can deal with it i'm just trying to find out the reason why... is she not physically attracted to me anymore?

[robowarrior]

For girls a relationship is more about being together, and for a guy the sex plays a far bigger role in terms of intimacy, you need to explain to her that you have needs that need to be forfilled and that you feel rejected if she doesn't accept your intimacy with you, if she keeps on rejecting you i would break it up with her and find another gf that does forfill your needs.

[Ash]

My ex was like that in the evening. She couldn't get to sleep afterward so she preferred morning sessions. Full on sex that included her having an orgasm would likely be better than just fooling around as there's a better chance she'd be settled afterwards.

 

That's just one possibility though. Doesn't preclude something else being up.

[Mythical_Suicide]

if she keeps on rejecting you i would break it up with her and find another gf that does forfill your needs.

 

 

 

If you're going to break it off with a girl just because she rejects you sexually every now and then you have far more serious issues. A relationship isn't just about sex there are far more important things.

 

To the Original Poster, are you doing your part in the relationship? I know it got to a point with my bf where he just wasn't doing anything else but when it came to having sex he was all riled up and ready to go and that made it hard for to get "into the mood" with him, I felt he was all about the sex and nothing more. Maybe that's how your gf is feeling, take her out for a nice night on the town or to a nice dinner show her you appreciate her for more than being just a sexual object. Because even though you may think its about rejection it may be more deeper for her.

[Day_Walker]

Well I would take note of this and realize that this issue is probably only going to get bigger. If she continues down this road then realize that your sexual compatibility is just not there.

[Considerate Empath]

Talk to her.

 

Listen to her.

 

Respect her feelings.

 

 

//C.E.

[Beec]

If you're going to break it off with a girl just because she rejects you sexually every now and then you have far more serious issues. A relationship isn't just about sex there are far more important things.

 

A relationship is not all about sex, I agree. But a relationship is and needs to be in part about sex, or why bother calling it a relationship. If there is no sex, why not just be friends? At least that would let the person who sex have it with someone else?

 

We all have sexual needs, and if she refuses to meet yours, then you need to end it sooner, rather than later. I have a good friend for whom sex is very important. He picked the wrong wife. After 17 years of marriage, he had never seen her naked, as she still changed in the bathroom. Their sex life was almost non-existent, and he refers to himself as "physically alone." there is some blame for both in that marriage. DON"T GET INTO A MARRAIGE like that.

 

But, I think before you decide to do that, think abotu what does it for your woman. Yes, you sliding into bed and making a couple overtures for sex after not having warmed her up for a while may be an issue. It may also be an issue that you always want it, and so that lessons her desire. It could be a number of things. Try different things, see what works.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Beec, I couldnt agree more with you that sex is important in a relationship the point I was trying to make by my statement was there are other things that need to be focused on in a relationship as well and if you are going to break up just because you aren't getting sex then maybe you should look at the other parts of a relationship as well.

Everyone is so quick to jump to conclusions and be like "break up with her, blah blah blah" But not many of yall questions well maybe he hasn't done his part in the relationship? maybe he needs to step up and be a better partner and maybe she would fill his needs for him. I know if my bf is being a complete jerk, he is going to get shunned away as well.

[05evo]

Well like I said... not sex heh she's a virgin and she wants to wait. So its not an option, and NO WAY I will absolutely not break up with her because she won't hook up with me I enjoy spending time with her and talking to her much more. To me there IS much more to a relationship than the sexual side and like I said I can deal. The way I figure it is maybe just maybe she wants to take that part a little slow because it might rush us into sex and she doesn't want that yet. Plus we've been dating for 4 months on friday and the "love" isn't there yet as far as shes concerned even though i've done everything for her and taken her out and treated her like a queen so many times. She says im the best boyfriend shes ever had but she sure doesn't prove it in that way but its not a big deal. Like I said I can deal until shes ready but... I guess this question goes more for the women on this forum but would you like it if your man spoke to you about this? just to see what your feelings are? or would you be offended and second guess the relationship?

[arwen]

MS is totally right. And apart from the reason you mention, there are OTHER reasons why she could not want sex. We are talking about two times in a row. She could be on her period, experiencing some vaginal irritation she doesn't want to scare you with, just not feel too great about herself because of god-knows-what reason, be tired or stressed... etc.

 

Ilse

 

Edit: if she wants to wait, it might be that she holds back because she is scared that fooling around will suddenly lead to more before she knows it. When I had my first bf I was still influenced a lot by my parents and being raised religiously I thought I should stay virgin until marriage. I found it very difficult to see the line between fooling around and doing stuff that was really borderline. My ex was respectful and we waited a year (I decided the love was there, and we were very committed to each other, it was the right time). You say that the love is not there, so I think it's good to wait. Maybe she wants a clearer boundary.

 

Talk to her. That's all I am saying.

[Beec]

Well, her being a virgin and you dating only four months would change a lot about how and why things are going between the two of you.

 

I think that as far as having sex goes, when you are ready for it, let her know that your are ready and want it, but that you will wait until she feels she is.

 

But I also think you might consider other options.

 

And when you do have sex, take your time AND BE CAREFUL.

[Honey Pumpkin]

As a woman, I find that I respond well to not being pressurised - something about letting me explore my partner's body and gaining confidence that way, rather than feeling a bit rushed into things. Hard to explain, but I agree with Ilse, that it could be a lot of issues - and it could well be something as simple as having her period.

 

Also the bit about getting worked up and not being able to sleep - I do understand that feeling, of being twitchy and turned on and all that. I think you sound very caring and kind. I'm a bit concerned that you say she doesn't return your feelings though - is this something that is growing for her, or is there a part of her which find you to be her best friend rather than boyfriend? Sorry if I've picked you up wrongly there!

[Mythical_Suicide]

How old are you two? that could also play a big role in the situation.

[05evo]

no, the relationship is great but I think she is just afriad of love. Her longest relationship was 10 months and she's never fallen in love which is fine im willing to wait and work for her and yes I do feel as if im falling fast but im not going to tell her because I don't want her to be freaked out so i'll let her come to me. Thanks for all the advice everyone it seems very clear now. By the way I am 20 and she is 19.

[heartbaby14]

I wouldn't be worried about two days of no interest, as someone else mentioned it could just be her period or another issue holding her back. Since you haven't had sex yet, though, I don't think it's that strange. Talking to her might be a good idea, but I would recommend that you not bring it up too often. I wasn't feeling well for a while and my last ex-boyfriend started positively badgering me about fooling around and it totally put me off doing anything even if I'd been in the mood before he brought it up.

[Considerate Empath]

no, the relationship is great but I think she is just afriad of love. Her longest relationship was 10 months and she's never fallen in love which is fine im willing to wait and work for her and yes I do feel as if im falling fast but im not going to tell her because I don't want her to be freaked out so i'll let her come to me. Thanks for all the advice everyone it seems very clear now. By the way I am 20 and she is 19.

 

Maybe she's thinking the same way about freaking YOU out. If telling her you're falling for her during (just an example) a fancy dinner while having the best conversation, being in the right mood and all, it could be the most romantic thing ever. She might find it very manly and sexy of you to confess your true feelings for her too, and thus you two are one step closer to solving your current "problem".

[05evo]

thanks, and good idea.

[05evo]

Okay so i've talked to her and i've figured it out... she doesn't want to fool around all the time because it is too leading for her into sex and she doesn't want that until shes married. She even said she would never move in with a guy (im talking in the future) because it would be too tempting... but I told her I was fine with that and I would never pressure her into it.

[gift from the gods]

sometimes were just not in the mood, i can speak from personal experiance about guys getting all worked up beacuse i didnt want it. To be honest im not that into people pleasuring me as much as me pleasuring them, i would wait for her to start touching you ect and concentrate on kissing her gently and holding her

[05evo]

sometimes were just not in the mood, i can speak from personal experiance about guys getting all worked up beacuse i didnt want it. To be honest im not that into people pleasuring me as much as me pleasuring them, i would wait for her to start touching you ect and concentrate on kissing her gently and holding her

 

right but its not that shes not in the mood I just need to back off and wait for her...